DAY 0: I'm sick of leading an AFC life

I'm Jester:

I'm Jester, I'm 18, and I'm as AFC as they come. Yesterday, I had a very long discussion with AFC Daniel where he gave me a lot of valuable coaching on how to get started. Following his lead, I've started this journal, and hopefully I can keep it going as long as he did. Any and all comments/suggestions will help me a lot in my journey.

I've had enormous inner game issues my entire life, primarily stemming from a childhood that was deprived of both female and family affection. As a result, I became really needy and insecure. If I could sum up my current state of inner game, it would be this:

- I am VERY insecure about my physical appearance, and have trouble often looking in the mirror
- I don't believe in myself at all
- I've struggled with anxiety and depression as a result
- I haven't had any girlfriends or really any physical/emotional contact with women in the past
- I have anger/resentment towards a lot of women in my past who have screwed me over
- I'm fearful, because I don't know if I have the potential to change my life

Short term goals:

- Take steps to improve physical appearance, i.e. start a gym routine and establish a healthy diet
- Consider purchasing a new wardrobe soon
- Stop masterbation, it's been linked to insecurity in a lot of studies and it just makes me feel like shit afterwards
- Start approaching. Try to follow the Adam Lyons model of meeting one new person a day, and take it slowly/incrementally

Long term goals:

- Learn the skills, mechanisms and routines used to become a PUA
- Gain a deep confidence in myself so that I'm unphased but what others say
- Love and respect myself
- Be happy with what I have and who I am
- Develop a large social circle
- Be attractive to women

That's all I got for now. This week, I'll be focusing on approaching as well as getting together a gym routine. If you've got any tips/suggestions, I'm all ears.

And again, many thanks to AFC Daniel for getting me started.

Thanks, Hobbit. I've started working on the eye-contact bits.

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Day 1

So, a lot has happened since I first made my commitment to start changing. Using AFC Daniel's advice has been really helpful. As well, I've been reading Carlos Xuma's "How to be an alpha male" religiously and it's helped me out a LOT. I've started to fight through this insecurity, and the difference has been night and day so far. For one thing, I can actually look myself in the mirror without grimacing for the first time in years. It's a great feeling.

I've started doing two exercises when I'm out: a) hold eye-contact with people I converse with (while keeping an emotionless face, as suggested by 60yoc) and b) try opening as many people as I can. Yesterday I was at the bus stop and I had a nice chat with the guy selling the tickets using a sentence I find pretty comfortable with saying in corporate venues ("Busy day, huh?"). They start chatting, and I got to know his name and it was pretty cool. It was obvious he had a bad day and was grumpy, but he seemed really glad that I took the time to talk to him unlike most customers.

Next, I had a nice chat with the cafeteria lady when I went for lunch. I "negged" (not in a flirtatious way, just for fun) her about her inability to key me in on the first try, and she laughed pretty hard. On my way out she said goodbye in a really ecstatic way, and it's obvious she loved talking to me. That felt really good as well (though she's generally polite/happy)

So, so far it's been baby steps since I've opened only a few people, and they're all people I'm compelled to speak to anyway because I need something from then. My goals now are to try to open people I don't have to talk with, like people standing in line for something for instance. I still have a lot of AA, but I'm working through it.

Through all of these interactions, I've tried to maintain full eye contact. It's been hard, but I've surprised myself (especially since they predictably turn away).

Points to work on for this week:

- Approach strangers, probably in line or something and try chatting with them
- Lock eye contact with girls you see outside and try to hold it, see how they react
- Smile, be positive, and walk around with a purpose. I've noticed that I slouch, walk slowly and generally look morose. I watched Ocean's 11, one of my favourite movies all time, today for the purpose of analyzing body language, and the one thing that struck me about Brad Pitt and Clooney was their posture, and the slight smirk they always had on their face

Questions:

- What are some tips for opening strangers?
- Are there any openers out there which can be useful for a beginner like me to start off with?
- What are your opinions on smiling? Does it look too contrived? Should I have an emotionless face? Or is walking around with a slight grin a good thing?

All comments/critiques appreciated.

Also, I've been thinking a great way to open women would be to point out that I like an interesting accessory they're wearing, like a belt or new shoes or something, since most guys don't see that kinda stuff (I've been trying to hone myself to notice these things). Is this a good idea, or is complimenting them so early in the game a bad idea?

Hey Jester!

Day 0.
Good to see you're starting your journey!
First of all, no need to thanks me man! I'm just giving back a bit of what the community gave me! Actually, this dreams/blocking points/solutions pattern comes from Kasabi, a member you should definitely follow. He was the one that really helped me to get organized. On another note, I can only help you with the beginning of your journey since you might have the same questions/issues than I had. I hope more experimented members will help you.

Hobbit gave you a great link about Inner Game issues. Read it and get some SOLUTIONS out of it! Journaling is a great solution to improve yourself... It will help you to tackle the INSECURITY, FEAR, ... and many other blocking points by making you think about your journey. Why not trying to find a hobby if you have some time? Have you thought about meditation? ... the forum is full of solutions to tackle the blocking points you have spotted. (by the way, follow Hobbit's advice too)

Day 1.
I'm not really familiar with 60yoc challenge, even though I've read some of his material... As far as I understood, it's a lot about night game... and not really for rookies... I mean, one of the thing that actually really helped me to open people at the beginning was my smile. Smiling made/makes me - and the people I approached - comfortable... Don't over think the all "emotionless face". I would just smile and enjoy the interaction! On another note, AFC Adam recommends some laughters when you open a girl.

Nice interactions. I like the "busy day" opener... lol. You've met an angry guy and made him happier... Then you joked a bit with the lady... really nice. Have you noticed how good it feels? Good for the eye-contact... Next time, right after an interaction, try to remember the color of their eyes to be sure you're doing it. Maintaining eye-contact was something I used to forget at the beginning. The opener? Just say what comes to your mind! "Nice shoes!", "Busy day"... But if you really struggle with that, I'll post a link of a nice post from Kasabi about openers.

Ocean's 11! Yes, Rusty (aka Brad Pitt) has a good body language in that movie!
Good idea of opener. I've been wondering the same thing about complimenting... result: I've never complimented a girl since I'm in the Game... Don't follow me on that. Compliment them on their accessories if you want to, but not on their physical attributes (general rule).

You are doing great. Keep up and don't forget the other SOLUTIONS you need to apply.

AFC Daniel.

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On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)