Guys-
Let me know if I should've handled this with more tact but I was cracking myself up both times. Warning: this is not advice! First a little background, I'm not some bad ass but I've wrestled for about 8 years and I do crossfit (insane work out program, check it out!). I'm 5'9", 210lbs with not much fat. Back in my early 20s I ran with a rough crowd. Basically we were a bunch of AFCs that would wait for that one douche bag in the bar that would inevitably start talking shit to us because we were either hitting on his girl or being a smart ass. These guys were a bunch of dealers and bookies and shit like that so the crew had muscle. If one of us got into a fight there's no way we would get our ass kicked. Our boys would break it up if it looked like one of us was loosing. Needless to say, I've been in a fair share of fights and I'm no stranger to confrontation. I know, I know it was a shady time in my life and if you knew me now you would never think I would've just typed that.
Now to the point.
Situation #1
I was at a bar with some friends. The first place we stopped was at a table with a mixed set. One of the guys I was with new the people and made the usual introductions. At first glance I saw some couples (bf/gf) with a few singles. The best at the table was a HB6. I'm a fucking 6 magnet for some damn reason (any thoughts as to why this is are welcome but I don't want to get sidetracked). One of my goals of learning PU is to break that habit. So, when I see a 6 I usually move on. So, I begin to work the room. I'm having fun, I like to bounce from table to table meeting everyone and making friends. Basically uping my social proof before I really begin to start gaming. I found myself gaming a few girls that I knew from my gym and spending my whole night in the attraction phase with them (knowing a number close isn't important when I see them at least once a week).
Finally at about 1:30 my wing comes to me and says, "the HB6 has been talking about you. She says she wants you." Usually after 1am my standards get shakier than a dog shitting peach seeds so I decided to make a move.
I walk towards her and notice an AFC has been gaming her for the past hour. I leaned in to try and gain her attention, not much doing. I notice my buddies are at the bar 5 feet away with a shot lined up. I take the shot and return. This time the AFC steps up and turns AMOG out of nowhere (or so he thought
). If he ignored me I would've left (not really interested in the prize to begin with) but he decided to be a dick.
AMOG: Hey buddy the lady doesn't want to talk to you!
Me: Excuse me? Are you sure?
AMOG: Yeah, I'm sure.
Me: How can you be sure? Does her opinion not matter to you?
AMOG: Ummmm uhhhhh...
Me: (laughing) Buddy, for all you know I could be her brother.
AMOG: Well.....
Me: (serious face leaning in, away from "target") But I'm not, we're actually sleeping together
HB6: (rolls eyes with a little smile, not annoyed)
AMOG: I can just tell the lady doesn't want to talk to you.
Me: What are you, her fucking dad?
AMOG: (stepping in my face) I think you need to leave.
I'm wearing a carhart vest with kangaroo like pockets. I'm totally relaxed with my hands in my pockets knowing I would fuck this guy up if I have to but surely it won't come to that.
Me: (leaning into his ear so no one could hear me) I don't see it happening buddy. What do you weigh? Like a buck 20 (for you metric types thats about 55 kg)?
The AMOG shoves the shit out of me! I literally smiled and shook my head. My wing steps in and breaks it up. I waved bye bye to AMOG with a smile on my face as he grabbed his coat and headed for the door. Then I turned to target and said, "Damn, you think you know someone, right? You've got GREAT taste in men!" I took her home and k-closed/#-closed. Her parents were from out of town and staying with her. It should've been a f-close!
Situation #2
I'll make this quicker. Opened a 2 set at a college bar (I don't like gaming college bars, A-I'm 30 and Neil Strauss bald, B-young girls are fucking stupid!). I get the shit test from the target "buy me a drink!" I use Neil's 5 questions game and she buys me a drink (BTW if you don't know what this is I would suggest you learn it. I get a drink every fucking time, It's great! I use it just about every night).
I really wasn't into the target, I had to work the next day and she wasn't going for my game. She was eyeballing a guy across the bar that she recognized but didn't know. She wanted him, it was obvious, so I motioned him to come over. I'm all about helping people out in any way I can. He steps into the conversation and starts to block me with his body language. I give up but I would like to lean in so I can say goodbye and thanks for the drink. The mother fucker hip checks me....HARD! I couldn't believe it. I even called him over!
He was decent size with an athletic build. Now, I'm totally blocked. So what do I do? I decided to shove my thumb up his ass!!!! Seriously, I goosed him (Goosing someone is where you stick your thumb between their legs and push up). It's really not as bad as it sounds and I did it with the girls none the wiser. Of course he freaks out! He got in my ear where the girls couldn't hear him and said;
AMOG: if you touch my ass again I'll beat the shit out of you
Me: (loud so the girls can hear) You mean you didn't find that endearing?
AMOG: (leaning in again) you just shoved your thumb in my ass
Me: (loud) Dude, shit happens! We deal with it, don't worry you'll get over it. (patting him on the shoulder)
AMOG: I can't believe you did that!
Me: (Leaning in) I can't believe you fucknig hip checked me!
AMOG: (quitely leaning in) Don't shove shit up my ass!
Me: (loud) What?
AMOG: (a little too loud) DON'T SHOVE SHIT UP MY ASS!
Me: (looking at the girls with a really confused look) DUDE, why would I shove ANYTHING up your ass?
AMOG:
JUST DONT DO IT!
Me:
You won't have to worry about that, man!
AMOG:
(fleeing with embarrassment)
Me: What.... the..... FUCK.... was up with that guy!?
Girls: I have nooooo clue
Me: Where do you girls find these guys?
Later, I started talking to a guy that was smoking an electronic cigarette like mine (FYI- those things are great for peacocking! They open a whole slew of cootie negs when a girl wants to try it and some good kino when you share one). He started mentioning "opening sets" and other PUA lingo and I knew right away I found a friend. His wing was the AMOG! LOL!!! I told him I did to his wing and he laughed but was shocked (and a little put off) I goosed him. Me and the wing made up and man hugged. Everything was cool.
Did I cross the line? 90% will probably say yes. If you were there you would've been busting a gut laughing! It was some pretty funny and strategic shit!
-Engineer
CHAT