| I was at the bar the other night, and I wasn't really looking to sarge. I was just haning out and talking football with a few guy sitting at the bar. I get up to use the restroom and when I come back my beer is gone. The bartender and one of the guys at the bar told me that a girl picked it up and pointed her out to me. Now, the girl that stole my beer was pretty much the hottest girl in the bar. She was sitting out on the patio with her guy, so I head out there.
I apporach them and said:
"which one of you stole my beer?"
The guy points to the girl instantly (I am a rather large fellow, I think he was intimidated)so I say:
"Wow, he gave you up pretty quick"
"I'm sorry, I thought it was my beer, very sorry"-her
"You thought my pint of Newcastle was your 24oz piss beer AND you're double fisting?"-Me
"Okay, I knew it wasn't mine"- Her
"What, are you broke?"-Me
I turn to the guy she's with and say:
"Is she always like this?"-me
"She does tend to steal lighters"-him
"I totally steal peoples lighters, all the time, I don't mean to"-her
"How do you hang out with this girl?- me to him
"She's goregous"-him
"She's a brat, you need to spank her more, I want you to work on that"-me
"Yes SIR!"-Him
"I expect you to be on your best behavior for the rest of the night, and I WILL check in on you"- me to her
I walk back in to the bar with my beer at this point and sit back down. The bartender and my friends were very surprised. The bartender noted how the girl I busted was looking at me while I was talking to the pair. About 15 minutes later, the girl and her guy are back inside sitting at a table with friends. The guy is talking to another guy, and I catch the girls eye, she waves at me and smiles.
I walk over to the table and say:
"Hey guys, is this little brat behaving?" while giving her a little bodybump and grabing her hand, she squeezes, good news. "She's supposed to be on her best behavior the rest of the night"
Her friends vouch for her and I say "That's good news, mind if I borrow her for a sec". Everybody is okay with it, even her guy friend, but he did give me a look. We go out to the patio and fluff talk for about ten minutes. I mention her shoes (I have a plan in mind) and how they show she is adventerous and a risk taker. I kino more, get kino in return, am about to pull a kiss close (was planning the "I'm trying so hard to not kiss you right now") and her boyfriend pops out on the patio and sits with us to smoke.
We shoot the shit a little bit and I finally say "Hey man, your girl has great taste in shoes, we're going shoe shopping next week". He got this look on his face that said "oh fuck". I look at the girl and say "he doesn't know, does he?". She plays along and says "I don't think he does". So I turn to the guy and say "man, don't worry, I'm the gayest guy in this place"
He relaxes a little and we hang out more, then it's time for me to eject and I say "I've got to get going, look forward to shoe shopping next week, oh, I'll need to get in touch with you". I take out my phone and hand it to the girl and the guy goes "wait a sec, no fucking way you are gay, fuck this". I try to play it off for a little bit, but I'm busted. I'm really hoping that the girl is putting her number in my phone while I'm trying to convince her boyfriend I'm gay. She ends up giving me my phone back with only the area code and the first three numbers of her phone number in it. I wish them a good night and head back to the bar.
SO CLOSE.
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CHAT