Still getting back into the field after a winter depression-induced absence.

This FR is a companion to <a href="here-vp245203.html#245203">this posting</a> which asks how you guys deal with your own feelings of jealousy.

We started off in my local pub where a local college sports team was having dinner. I helped to start that team and get the sport going in their school and other schools, so they hold me in high esteem. They usually go back to their campus and party afterwards, but they hadn't invited me to that part before even though I wanted them to. (The other college team did about a month ago and I had a great time hanging out with them, but I want to work my way into this group because A they're local to me, and B I'm in the market for a younger chick right now. I'm 34.) So I asked a little question about where they were going after dinner, they told me about it, and ended up saying I was welcome to come along. I didn't jump for joy, just said I might take them up on it.

I came back to the house and cleaned myself up, then had to play a little mental game with myself to motivate myself to go out and take them up on their offer no matter how tempting it would be to stay in. I won that little mind game by picturing myself having a good time with the other college kids the previous month, summoning a recollection of those feelings, then imposing them on a mental picture of hanging with this team on their campus. That worked.

So I met the guys on campus, got introduced to some HBs in the dorms, and we got the party underway at a venue on the campus that required some driving from the dorms. I had my convertible and was able to take a handful of the guys, so of course I had the roof down and they loved the 'badass' look of it.

At the party was the HB9 who I'd met earlier and helped convince to come along. She was dressed to kill. With her was her HB8 friend, and another HB8 with a terrific rack.

So I worked on HB9 with a twin track neg/dhv approach and got her to the point where she was trying to win me over. I alternated my attention between her, HB8, HB8Rack, and the guys. In a small group like that where you're not in a club, I think it's important not to be seen to be focusing all of your attention on the target, because neediness would be very noticeable.

I was able to throw in some great salsa dance moves with HB8, in fact I would even say I was on fire and I had some of the AFC guys clapping and cheering.

After a few hours we decamped back to the dorm where we got a lounge to ourselves. Things started going south a little bit here. I joined in with some photographic goofing around, taking photos and uploading them right away to FaceBook so I could show them and the fact that they had been posted. I nice little trick, but involves a fair amount of giving attention to your phone.

Music and singing ensued, and since I was one of the most sober people there I found it hard to get into that part of things. (HB9 was sober too as it happens, she was also driving.)

HB got talking to one of my buddies about some Irish music he had on CD, she wanted some copies of it. He disappeared from the lounge and so did she. The guys were all aware that he was in her room sorting out music.

I did a bit of yawning at this point, it was approaching 1:30am and I was starting to fade, even if some of the others were getting their second wind and were still partying away, including HB8 and HB8Rack and some of the other guys who were still playing beer pong.

My game disintegrated here. I got jealous of HB9 being in the room with my buddy, couldn't focus on turning attention to HB8 who was now in a beer pong team with one of the guys, and I decided to call it a day. Sent a text to one of my other buddies asking where he was since I was prolly going to leave and asking where he was. He came back to the lounge and that was when I took my leave of the group, now at about 2am.

I went upstairs to HB9's room to say goodnight to her, and sure enough my buddy was still there. He was sitting on her chair, she was standing by her bunk facing him. I chatted a little bit, and I think my body language might have leaked some jealousy because I shook hands with him while looking at and talking to her. (He was wasted and may not have noticed, but she would surely have picked up on it.) So we were in like a triangular formation and I was talking about how I had to get home and do some preparations for a bike race I have coming up on Monday morning (DHV), shook hands with my buddy again, gave HB9 a hug, and said we'd hang again for salsa. (I'd planted that into the conversation earlier and kinda struck a deal with her that we were going to go dancing on Tuesday night.)

That's when I left. Her door was propped open.

See the other thread for the jealousy angle.

What I could have done better here:

1 - Done better homework before leaving the house. I had a cheat sheet of stories and routines all connected by ways of transitioning from one to the other, but I'd misplaced it and didn't get to review it before setting off. I didn't get to run half of my routines and a lot of my conversation was AFC style since I was making it up on the fly while being a little out of practice.

2 - Should have been more engaged back at the lounge. I was in good form at the original party venue and I was mingling like crazy, but the lounge was a bit more oppressive for some reason. I just wasn't mingling as much. If I'd picked one of the girls out and run some routines on her I could have taken centre stage, instead I was being a bit of a wall flower.

3 - Should have engaged HB8 at the later stages during the beer pong game. She was in a team with one of the guys, and I let that combine with my jealousy and the tiredness excuse to distract me. I could have engaged the guy in conversation and worked my way back to HB8 - I think there was a little bit of the jealousy thing going there too. I saw him and her having a good time, and subconsciously I thought 'fuck it, I'll leave them to it.' In hindsight, she was no more attentive to him than any other guy there that night.

4 - In HB9's room I could have stayed longer. Could have stood beside her facing the guy, with both of us leaning on the bed. I was the sober one, he was wasted. If I had any material ready then I could have taken control of the conversation (which I actually did briefly, but I was so set on leaving that I didn't settle in the room). If I'd taken control of the conversation, I might have been able to drag it out to the point where he would have left before me, I wouldn't have this jealousy complex, and I might even have gotten a more solid close with HB9.

5 - My closing was rushed because of my jealousy complex. I just told HB9 I'd find her on Facebook and we'd do the salsa thing, but I didn't specify when even though I might have been able to. Might have been better to go for a number close and make a more solid arrangement for meeting again, just to get the time bridge set up properly.

Conclusion - this <a href="here-vp245203.html#245203">jealousy complex</a> is killing my game. It's making me needy and I think that is leaking out in my body language. Drunken girls won't notice it, but sober ones are bound to be able to smell it. It also makes me give up on sets that I might actually still be in with a chance of converting to a good close. Bottom line: keep reading the NLP book and learn to handle this jealousy thing.

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.