I have been friends w/ this girl for abotu six months. We run into each other about twice a week at college for a few minutes in between classes. We have spent a lot of time talking in a group and had talked by ourselves a few times for about fifteen minutes or so. Anyways, I was with her in her car the other day cuz she was giving me a ride home from school and I asked her out in an indirect sort of way by asking her if she was seeing anyone. She said she was seeing someone off and on, but it wasnt anything serious. I asked her if she wanted to go hang out some time and she said no because she said that she wasnt relationship material because she said that people tell her that she doesnt care about them when she actually does and that she just doesnt show it very openly. I said that that was their problem and that I liked her just the way she was. Then she said she doesnt want to get married antytme soon and that shes happy being single and Im like where did that come from? So I said something like 'yeah, me too' or 'I know what you mean.' Then she started talking about this other guy who she called her 'best friend' because he calls her when he;s bored and has nothing to do and basically keeps bothering her. I foundhtis interesting because I give her attention and call every now and then, but I am not that needy of a person to have to call someone constantly. Plus, I didnt think that our relationship had progressed to that level yet. Heel, we havent even been on a date. Anyways, so shes talking about this best friend guy and how he knows all her demons and all that and Im ljust listening eing polite and saying that he seems like a nice guy. Then she starts talking about how shes always there for other people and no one is there for her. I told her that it is awesome that she is such a giving person, and that if she ever wanted to talk she could call me whenever. Then she started saying that if she ever had to marry someone it would probable be that guy she called her best friend, but then she said that he was just 'her buddy.' We arrived at my house then and I smiled, said good bye and left. I dont get it. I am terribly confused. What did I do wrong here? Should I have gotten more physical with her earlier on? I didnt want to push it really, since we hadnt been on a date. All I did was just the usual flirting stuff. Very confused, please help!

Don't beat yourself up, she has some relationships issues. I think you just asking if she was seeing anyone might of triggered the fact that you might want her to be a future girlfriend or something. So next time try just asking a girl to come hang out with her. That way she sees it like a hang out.

I think she's being protective to herself because she might of have had some pretty serious issues in the past so she doesn't want to go down that path with you. Probably because she sees you as cool guy. Those are all assumption. A girl like that though I think has both trust issues and horrible past relationship.

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If you hesitate, you masturbate!

Youre right. She does have all of those issues. She is very protective of herself and tries to avoid conflict at all costs. For example, the other day we were trying to plan a graduation party with some friends. Some of our freinds wanted to drink, but she really didnt even though she said she did when we were all talking. Later that day I was telling her that drinking may not be such a good idea because folks would have to drive a long way home. I got this long message back about how she was really trying to stop drinking and how she had "talked to her bf about it andhe didnt care" and that she probable wouldnt go to the party anyway. If she just told she didnt want to drink in the first place things would have been alot easier. I can take or leave the booze and mostly I am leaving it. In so many instances she has made it eveident that she is trying to avoid conflict and that she is kind of afraid. She does have major trust issues and a busted up past. However, I think she knows that I would not think any less of her if she just told me what she felt. But I think she is afraid to. I think she uses being aloof and noncomittal as a form of protection. Is there a way I can help this person see that I am not an enemy and that she can trust me?

What books have you read and what method do you run because you just seem to be doing everything wrong.

Yeah, okay so I f*cked it up. Would someone please tell me what I should have done instead? Im very new at this.

Basically you should have built attraction since the first day you met her. If you havnt you really need to read Magic Bullets and Double your Dating.