| I should have seen it coming.
Instead my jaw was left hanging on the ground, my mind scrambled, people gawking.
They say hindsight is 20/20, but looking back I think even Stevie Wonder would have seen the inevitable cockblock that had me running in embarassment.
PRELUDE TO THE HEAVENLY COCKBLOCK
Me and my wing, A, had not been feeling the night. However, we noticed ONE girl - who we nicknamed Voluptuous. Voluptuous had a beautiful face, short skirt, and despite her size, carried herself well.
"I have to talk to her" I told him.
But I chickened out. So did he.
We had a pretty Spanish girl around us - but she was intent on getting attention from EVERY guy in the vicinity, so we ended up abandoning her to the other guys.
Meanwhile, I kept an eye on Voluptuous, and her friend, Cockblock's Heavenly Messenger (HB CHM)
Even though HB CHM was dancing with a guy, she did a better job blocking than the Seahawks did on Tom Brady.
One guy came and started dancing with Voluptuous, but HB CHM was having none of it, physically pushing him away until he had no choice but to eject.
Then, the miracle of miracles occured: HB CHM went with her guy to the bar, leaving Voluptuous alone, on the dance floor, with two glasses of wine in her hand, visibly bored.
With the mother gazelle finally distracted, I pounced.
As usual, I opened on the fly
"Let me hold the drink for you, your hand looks tired already"!
For danceflloor game, it doesn't matter WHAT you say, but the energy you possess.
She gave me the drink.
We were both wearing red, so I said
"I can't believe you peeked in my closet! At least we're matching though!"
She laughed, head back, hitting my forearm.
Can you say IOI?
"I love your hair"
"Thank you!"
"I was going for the same style myself, but it just didn't turn out quite right" I said, running my hand through my freshly shaven head.
Another laugh. Another hit on the forearm.
Suddenly, the mother gazelle HB CHM came charging back, nostrils flaring, antlers straight for me.
"Is that my drink?" She asked accusingly, pulling it from my hands. Before I could say another word, she was pulling Voluptous away from me, disappearing into the recesses of the club.
I waited. I bided my time. The club closed, and I positioned my self quickly outside to intercept Voluptuous when she exited.
I should have employed my wing. I should have told him to keep HB CHM away at all costs, KNOWING that she would screw up the set.
I didn't.
HEAVENLY COCKBLOCK'S DEADLY STRIKE
HB Voluptuous came out. Alone. It was too good to be true. I approached..
"I love your shoes. We're totally exchanging them, I think they'd look awesome on me"
Another belly laugh. Another hit on the forearm.
I whipped out my phone.
"How do you spell your name?" I asked
"Bo..."
"HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING????????" HB CHM screamed at the top of her lungs. This was no bluff - she decided to finish me off, then and there.
"SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU????"
Heads turned, suddenly transfixed on me, Voluptuous, and HB CHM.
"LEAVE US ALONE! GO AWAY" Screaming at the top of her lungs for the hundred or so people gathered on the street, she pulled her Voluptuous away and steamed off into the night.
I stood for a second, jaw agape. Should I go after her? Should I tuck tail and run?
In the split second I turned. Walked to my wing.
"Lets go"
And walked off
|
CHAT