Entry 1

So, this is most definitely the weirdest/lowest thing i've ever done. To share with so many people (different yes, and most propably the ones i'll never meet in real life so maybe why the heck not). Nevertheless i guess it's a step i need to take in order to improve myself and become a better person. Seeing how well some "stickied" journals are doing i figured it's a perfect place to get answers to some of my questions and concernes.

Hawke 91: I am 20y old, a dancer, a waiter and a college student. I also have major self-esteem problems and AA (not so much as approaching but just escalating from there on). As you can see from my profile box, i got started about a year ago and well, sarging and awareness of the PUA commynity has indeed helped me, but all i've managed to get is a lousy lay and a couple of NCs. Time to change that.

Problem areas:
1) AA, as stated before. I just can't bring myself to go and just start a conversation from thin air. I need a plan. Thinking of plans, they suck. All they do is just mess up my mind and i get nervous. Solution would be to just go and talk. People won't bite, if i mess a set up, just move on to a next one.
2)Escalating: Yes, when i'm a bit dizzy or in a good mood i do get a grip of myself and go open a set. I even manage to DHV and kino. But there it ends. I don't create enought ST and it results in no action.
3)AMOGs. As pointed out before to say that i have low self-esteem would be an understatement. I'm 5'5 and slim, i have massive acne problems and when i do use the acne-remover my skin tends to dry and get white. I'm not a guy girls giggle about in bars or see as an alpha (which, again is all about how i present myself).
4)ST. I DON'T CREATE ENOUGH!!! Yes, as Chief's guide states there are a bunch of ways to create tension and control frame but i kinda don't do it. Time to change it.
5) This is the BIGGEST problem for me. I have never dedicated myself to anything thoroughly and emotionally. Be it sports, dancing, school, university, i am a lazy unmotivated guy. So i desperately need some motivation. Maybe getting really good at one thing leads to better self-esteem but i still need something to wake me up (and i don't mean cold showers that i take daily).

Goals for now:
1)Get all the problem areas sorted out. A longshot yes, and desperately needs narrowing down/detailing.
2)Get a six-pack. Won't do no harm to feel fit and healthy. Also getting stronger is a must for dancing.
3)Move out of my parents house. For that i need a much larger income because 300 euros a month won't pay bills to live separately. Maybe get an extra part time job (teaching english, i have the necessary papers done, but it defo won't happen before autumn).

So yes, maybe a bit more about myself. Being a waiter definitely helps with AA because i interact with people and learn to present myself in a better way.
Style: i like formal style, especially suits and ties. Someone once posted in this forum about Pure Evil tumblr blog, which has such a great style and i know where to get motivation for style and looks now.

I don't know how often i will update this thread as i go out maybe once-twice a week. I will focus on problem areas not details or conversations of my interactions. Any responding or help means a world to me. Thank you for reading and i hope this journal helps me to improve as a PUA and as a person.

Hawke91

Entry 2

Yesterday was a really good day. I got so much inspiration and motivation.

A battle

Yes, there was a dance battle. I hadn't done any training or danced properly for almost a month because i was so busy with university stuff and mostly work. So for me to just go in and see how i did was pretty ominous. Nevertheless i made it through the pre-selections (where you just have to show what you've got and judges decide who they like most and who moves on). This doesn't happen for me often and so i got loads of confidence. Lost in next round (1/4 finals) to later winner. Think i did decent enough and now have massive will to carry on dancing. Summer promises to be interesting from that part.

Evening out

Went to see a football match to a friends place, then moved on to a bar later that night. Saw two really pretty girls (i hate this HB numbering thing, won't do it here). One was a sister of a friend so i didn't sarge her, went instead for her friend. They were a few years younger than me and attend the same high school i graduated from. DHVd with loads of "in my time there was this awesome incident" stories. Got a number of that girl in the end. Think i did nice enough (actually tried this compliance ladder thing by Chief, f.e. kino escalation, hold my drink while i go out for a minute etc). Still did not create enough ST as i should have, but hey, baby steps. Something to think about when i arrange a date with that girl.

Goals for next week/2 and forth

1) Finish all my university stuff. I have literally no discipline but i hope to change that. Currently finishing one subject.
2) Call that girl. I usually never call anyone after i get a number or wait too long and just leave it like that. Not this time.
3) Work out. Maybe go for a jog or a couple.
4) Drink less. When i usually go out, i go out to drink with friends. I don't get sick from alco but still drinking less wouldn't do harm.
5) After finishing all the university stuff this year go mad with training. Lots and lots of training.

Quick update

Called that girl and agreed we'll go out next Tuesday since she's out of town this weekend and i still have some stuff and papers to finish with university. Now it's in my hands not to mess up.

I am thinking about hitting different places f.e. coffee shop and later a loud venue or bar for kino escalation. But, i am very much open to all kind of suggestions as, well, i haven't got much of a genuine dating exp.

Entry 3

Well, that didn't go well. Arranged a date with that girl and she wanted to reschedule. Then a day or two later she told me that she could not do it again. So whatever, i am definitely not going to wait and reschedule again and again like a lost puppy, i am deleting her number and going out this weekend again. Lots of pretty people around no point waiting around too long.

And, a lesson learned. As i look at this journal, last post was ten days ago. Sticking with and trying to get one shieldy girl out is not good for progress. Escalate and move on faster is the lesson for me here.

An inevitable pause

This weekend is kind of tricky as it is the great weekend of barbeque again in my country and pretty much everyone is out of town. Including me for the most part but Sunday i still have a plan to go out. The plan, if i might even call it like that is to open and engage as many sets as possible and have very few drinks (only to give something to do for my hands, e.g. hold a drink as it's weird to just talk to someone without a drink while they have one).

Another great find, if i might even call it that

I also found out that Chief's compliance ladder is not only for sarging. It can applied to everything (yes, a major invention indeed a lot of you probably knew that already). Compliance ladder is awesome and i have used it in a lot of different conversations lately. Have left a better impression of myself and also whilst using the ladder anything i have asked or wanted does not come forward as too demanding or strong (just one example, long story short, kind of messed up at work as the cash machine is a total pain to use and well i could just kind of tune down bosses anger with the help of the ladder as of not throwing all at him at once but over a period of time).

Goals

1) Just one thing to finish with uni and then it's all summer and time to go out and sarge.
2) Go out on Sunday or even at the midnight of Saturday (not many people in town in Sunday yes but i need to upper my game) and engage with people. Doesn't matter how far i get with those engagements but it's something i need to do in order not to get rusty.
3) Work out and go jogging.


Get back at you soon.

Quick update

Going out tonight. Most of my friends are at home tonight so it's possibly the best solution. Go out, engage with people, leave a good impression and see what the night brings. Certainly not shy away from interactions. No plans, just flow. On the downside it's hot as hell so i have to change my style (outfit) a bit but hopefully it won't matter as much. I'm still gonna feel as good as it gets. Flow-flow-flow.

Pretty much finished all my university stuff this year too so i'm on a verge of getting really trashed tonight but i don't want it as much as some almost sober conversations and healthy sarging. I will have the control. I am the alpha. That's the vibe i need to flow with.

Will post updates on tonight sometime tomorrow. Vibe is definitely on and i feel good. Make it count, Hawke91.

Entry 4

Long time no post. Well here's one now then. Went out yesterday, got to town about midnight. Saw a bunch of friends and we went to a bar. In there got a great vibe, had a great time which really set me up with much needed momentum.

First set

I was standing in a line and a girl came up behind me. Blonde and pretty hot. A simple "Are you waiting in the line?" from her part and i was all in. Quick two sentences or so and i parted. Afterwards, in maybe 15 min time, went around the bar and saw her with a friend and a guy leaning over their table. Went there, "Hey how have you been?" (Gambler's influence). They were good, the guy though was just some dude trying to game, apparently with no game. Another amog with a shirt too tight. First real test of the night (i'm not good in dealing with amogs).

First thing i did was introduce myself to that girl's friend and then to the amog (he was blocking my way too). Then said to the amog "excuse me" and squeezed through next to the girls and thus blocking him. The girls weren't happy with the amog and told me that he was annoying. So i did the only thing i knew to do: ignored him. I literally did not even make any notice of his presence, turned my back on him and talked to the girls. They were from my former school (interesting, almost everyone seems to be). Talked with them for about 10-15 min, all the while the amog was standing there doing nothing. Then the girls wanted move to a next place (themselves) and i did not want to mess up the set (and i wanted to find my friends), so i took the girl's number i was sarging and we parted.

Second set

I did not find my friends in the bar so i went outside. Two steps and some girl (also blonde) started to talk with me. Apparently we had met some time ago. She was with her brother and his friend. I instantly hugged her (i always hug when i see a girl i know). And left my hand over her. Pretty quick escalation. Talked with them for a while and then ejected. And forgot to ask the number. I saw the girl later on a couple of times but did not ask then too. Some mental block, guess i liked the first girl more and that's why i did not go for this one.

Third set, kind of

Saw a friend i like in the next bar i went to. The problem is i've known her for a while and the time when i should have escalated has long passed. Friend zone so i was just being polite and as awesome as possible and had a great time. Afterwards came home.

Overview

A number close is not bad since i had not sarged in a while. Have to call her some time next week and arrange a date. Going out tonight as well, party and sarge. Keep a cool head and not overanalyze.

Goals

1)Call that girl.
2)Create more ST, that's one of my biggest concerns. Eye contact, slow talk, pauses. Sounds easy but i never do that. Tonight i will.
3)Escalate faster. More kino. A handshake or a hug at the beginning should set up more kino.
4)More amog fighting. This time it wasn't that much of a challenge because the guy in the first set did not put up a fight. Should think a way to outamog someone who gets in my face and does not take well my presence. Guess that comes with practice in field.

Next entry should come after tonight.

Turning point: a one year review

I am frustrated with myself. And here's why:

I started learning PUArtistry about a year ago because i was (and still am) not good enough when it comes to the matters of seduction. This has to change. In this year i had my only ever FC. I have also NC'd a couple of girls, again, thanks to some escalation learned from PUA. So as i would consider it some improvement of my absolute zero awareness of before, it is still not nearly good enough. Because i do not make it count.

I need to vastly change my approach. I get lots of free time at work so i learn about 90% of readable material there, but knowing theoretics means nothing without field experience. And this turning point comes because in past month or so i've been going out a lot, about half the days of even more. In this time i have not committed myself to pick up, mostly it has been going out with friends. I DO NOT NEED TO GET DRUNK. There, i needed caps lock in order to find this sentence for motivation and clarity later on.

The most important thing: i need to go out with the single goal of sarging. And go out a lot. I do not need alcohol for it, just a drink to give my hands something to do and not be the weird one who is sober in a large crowd. I need to wake up. If i want to get better, i need to put on some practice. And by some i mean a lot. Reading some FR's of this section, i really get motivation because i see how people have changed thanks to going out and learning to sarge.

My goals

1) Go out with the single purpose of improving my sarging. Interact and communicate with people.
2) Stop getting drunk. Game won't benefit if i can't control myself. A drink or two, no more. I go out to sarge not drink. Sarging is priority.
3) Write more field reports. Write hell of a lot more field reports. Write field reports every time i sarge. Can't see progress if i don't document my learning process.

Actually these three are the most important goals i can set myself. And as i want to look back at this field report in a year's time, i really need to desperately change my attitude towards going out and what really is impotrant to me. I can do this. I just need to increase my field experience and set my priorities straight.

Square one

So, i guess this post is a FR/revelation to myself. I still do not sarge a lot. And when i do, i forget to write field reports so i can't learn anything from it. Last night i went out again and kind of didn't open a single set because i came with friends and did not want to stray away from them. Hence, i need to go out ALONE more. Alone, because then there'll be noone holding me back.

Couple of thing i have learned from past month:

1) Eye contact is gold. I need to apply it as much as possible, at the moment i feel comfortable with it so it should work.

2) Speak slower, use pauses = More ST. Explains itself.

I hope to go out every weekend now, with no plans other than sarge and go out alone. That way if i meet a set (of friends) i don't have an obligation to be in that set and can have more freedom, if a target is in that set, i'll stay longer, if not then move on.

SPAM i feel like i have lost a lot of ground in my pua skills and that is awfully bad because at the start of the summer i really felt that i was getting a stronger person, a more confident one. Now, thanks to (in a large part) drinking i think i have declined in social skills. And when i look back at my last post here (almost 2 months ago) i see my goals and i realize that i am nowhere i need or want to be in achieving these goals.

The goals stay the same.

And i need to develop a stronger sense of will and go out alone to sarge. So, at least one FR covering sets i opened and the progress i make a week is what i feel i need to start with.

Entry 5

Went out last night. Hadn't sarged in a long time so i was kind of not boasting with confidence. A necessary going out nevertheless, as i intend to do it again this weekend so it set the base for it. Not to start from scratch.

Set

Honestly, yesterday was a really off night. Noone, and i mean noone was out. Went to a bunch of different places with a wing and nowhere were any potential targets. Finally stuck with a bar and appproached a set of three girls. Well, there were a couple of obstacles. First off, one girl was really tall so she was an instant no-go and one was pretty from afar but not so much closer. And one was the most passive human being i've ever met, nothing got her talking. So we just sat there and chatted with the group and later left. And that was just about the only sargeable set of the night as noone was out. Disappointed.

At least it gives me some ground for the weekend and i know that approaching (which needs absolutely no overthinking, or thinking as such at all) and talking is easy. Building rapport is more important and complicated.

Other

I'm about to quit my job next week and move on to something better as the boss clearly does not respect me and it becomes more and more frustrating to be there. I'd refer to him as amog but he is not, more like one who messes/stirs up trouble just for the sake of it. So i move on. At least waitering has given me more certainty and got me used to eye contact and speaking out loud. Learn from or whichever ways one can, yes? But i certainly feel it's a kind of job which has helped me develop into a stronger character.

Anyways, this weekend i go out and sarge. Lone wolf style. I kind of do not know how to work with wings yet as i haven't done it a lot but it's more fun i guess. For now i stick with my own mindset. A weird thought i got was maybe crashing a mixed set is easier alone as it does not come off so aggressive as two pua's, it's smoother alone. Or i feel this way for some reason. Got a date planned with a former one-itis (she's in a relationship and i'm not crushing it) as well, now she's just a friend, but going out more and more gives me ground and confidence to help becoming alpha. One step at a time.

Til next time.

If u want results you gotta be more consistent bro!

Thanks for the reply. I've had this thought for a while now, i constantly keep getting low motivation or self-esteem problems, but i'm working on it and i guess that the way to get better is really only by practice. So that's what i'm going for.

Quick update

Tonight is Halloween and there are going to be lots of people in town. Think i should roll as well though i'm feeling kind of ill. Still got a few hours to sort it out. As i'm working this weekend i won't get another time to go out before next week so i really should take advantage of this opportunity. Learn from everything and often as possible.

Review on this should be posted anytime soon then.

Entry 6

About the 31. of October, the Halloween night.

Went to one bar (no sets at first) and met with a wing. Not sure he's aware of the PUA community as such but i'd call him a natural as he's got great flow and is a classic alpha/take charge kind of guy. If i roll with a wing, it's him.

First opportunity was a three girl set but i felt intimidated cause i knew the barmen and everyone else in the bar (like five people in total). As my wing went for a smoke, i thought i'd head in. That's right, thought. And chickened out. Froze like an idiot for ten minutes until the bar got crowded. Then saw some people i knew who came in with the rest.

First set

Saw a set of girls from whom i knew one and went over. Just "Hey...", didn't need an opener as i already knew one of them. They were waiting for friends and were going to party later on. Invited me too but i wanted to stay in town and sarge in the bars because that's what my game is about at the moment. I took one girl's nr (the one i knew, she's a friends ex). Not that i'm going to sarge her, just a nr for the party in case i failed remarkably later on. So i don't know if it's right to call it a set but now i have a nr and can set up to crash a party for potential sets in the future and game there. And a nr early on didn't hurt the night.

Second set

The same bar, saw two girls i knew but was not on a thorough friends basis, i just knew who they were and i had talked to them a couple times in the past. One is pretty cool, i nr closed her a few months ago but never got to call (yup, my self-esteem problems, lost the nr as well), the other was her friend. They were hanging in the town. At this time my wing was pushing for a move and i didn't want to stall. Anyways, NC'd the cool girl ("I'll call you in case i lose you and want to find again" type of line) and moved out to another bar. I should really set up a date with this girl.

Third set

Now this second bar is kind of lounge type, it's got lots of tables but is dark and has this bar vibe going. A really good place to improve my game. So i hit up my usual routine in there, go to the bar and just start with a "Are you in the line?" opener on girls waiting to buy a drink. That way i will be recognized later on (my favorite Gambler line "Hey, how have you been?") and entering a set is as simple as that later.

Bought a drink and went over to the table of the line-girl, thankfully they were isolated in a corner and more important, no guys, no amogs, just three girls. Good. Just smoothed in, a kino introduction (handshake) and i was in. Sat next to the target who was pretty good looking, she was in the very corner so i got real close with her right away. My wing came over then (to escape the other guy) and i introduced everyone. He kept the other girls occupied and i worked my magic. Or the one i am practicing.

We (me and the target) just talked about a bunch of stuff, made her laugh a lot and held eye contect, incorporated lots of kino (pressed my leg against hers under the table). Didn't frame strong enough though and did not create unbearable ST for all the kino. But can't have all at once. About half an hour later my wing went for a smoke and the set wanted to go home. As i hadn't created nearly enough ST i knew there wasn't a strong enough case to pull the girl right away so instead i NCd her (the "i'd like to continue this conversation later, i'll call you"). And i ejected the group (with a long hug of the target).

Overview

Three NCs with the first one being for the party purpose and potential targets from her social circlem the second one being a girl i kind of know and who is pretty interesting and the third one an in the moment initiated close. Kind of escalation, when i think about it now.

I think i could have ended the thirs set better, left her a memory of me or ended the night on a higher note.

The problem i face with setting up day 2s or sarging overall is that i don't live by myself. That creates massive setbacks when it comes to full closing and bringing girls over. I need to find another way because moving out will definitely not happen anytime soon. Guess i have to hit the sticking point section for suggestions.

Goals and what comes next

Need to set up dates. With the girl from the second set, i am pretty sure that she will not flake but i have to create much ST and push harder otherwise i risk strolling too far away from the sarging point and too much near the LJBF.

The third set girl will be a more rapid escalation of sarge as i don't know her like that, next week the hang-out i guess.

Next post coming when i have something new to report, this weekend i am working and there will not be any sarging then.

Quick update

First of all, gotta get used to this new PUAF layout.

Anyways due to very weird circumstances i have not been able to update my journal properly. Going to fix this now.

Quit my job two weeks ago. Didn't like there anymore and definitely won't let myself be stuck on something that's not going to lead anywhere. Should apply the same mentality to sarging: if i see that the set is not working out, move on. Quickly, don't waste time and energy. Still got enough to survive on my social life until new year so one of the biggest goals for now is to find a new job.

Last weekend was a party at a friend's place. NCd a girl there. Could ask her out but sarging her would prove to be kind of tricky as we mostly hang out in the same circle of friends and therefore just a one time fling is going to be awkward afterwards. Maybe just go on a date for the sake of it, as i have not much exp in that field.

At the moment i am ill (caught a nasty cold/virus) and weekend sarge-out is not looking utmost likely. Hope i'll be better by that time. Meanwhile read a lot and get my head straight. Nobody ever got good sitting by and not taking initiative.

Hey dude,

It looks like your number one problem is your self esteem.
And I believe that everything falls together with self esteem.
So try to work on that.

High self esteem = girls get attracted to you.
Girls search for confident guys who have their shit together and dont give a fuck.

Try to read some books about improving your self esteem.

It is easy to bring it down to words: Just dont give a fuck. You ony live once and after that your dead. Everybody is thinking about what other people think about them, so knowing that fact, why should you care how people think about you? Silly isnt it?

Like I said, it is easy to say this but its a bit harder to bring this to practice. A good way to do this is read some good books about it + everytime you are in a situation you think: fuck, this is akward, think about the things I wrote above.

For example: for the first 10 minutes you enter a bar. Dont buy a drink to feel yourself comfortable.
Why do you want to have a drink in your hand? Fuck it. Just stand there in the bar and check it out for a sec. Just standing still. Comfortable with yourself standing there. You dont need that drink in your hand. You are the guy who dont give a fuck. Fuck what everybody is thinking in that bar. They are probably all thinking what you are thinking about them.

I'v read some cool books about it. If your intrested in the titles you can always shout me a message.

Cheers and goodluck, Vincent Vega

Quick update

So i finally beat that nasty virus i had hanging around my neck like a halter and now i'm ready to do something at last. Like go out to sarge tonight. Got a date planned with a long-time one-itis tomorrow but i am pretty much friend zoned with her and well, that one-itis thing i got over quite quickly some time ago. Now i can just show my great side and well, not care. Just be myself, no worries.

Right now, what matters is the process, the learning, the field experience. Weather it is a date, night out or just a random conversation with a total stranger somewhere in the town, i must learn and improve. Sarge as much as possible and jump out of my comfort zone.
Thanks for the reply. It's a great advice. I have to learn to think like an alpha, if i'm not confident, it will show. If i'm confident, it makes me more attractive and gives me a better mindset. High self esteem is something i've always lacked and i certainly need to work on that. I need to let go and start living for the moment.

Later on there will be next post.