This journal is for myself; I don't care who reads it or if they read it once and decide to never look in this thread again. I'm hoping one day this journal will turn into inspiration for others in this forum and hopefully I will be able to give back to this place, as it has already given me so much hope for the future.

A LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME...
Just so you know a little bit about who I am. I am currently 22 years old[turning 23 in March]. I would consider myself a decent looking guy, but I have never had a girlfriend or any type of sexual experience of any kind[including kissing]. This has shaped my life in a major way. The major reason I have held back is because I have keloids all over my chest and shoulders that were triggered by severe acne when I was 15/16. They are ugly looking scars that can begin to grow above the surface of the skin into disgusting shapes(do a google image search mine are not like these they have been treated and for the most part are flat but are still very visible and especially visible in certain lighting). Because of this I am afraid to let a girl close to me for fear she will reject me due to this, and I don't talk to girls well.

Because of this problem, I have vastly improved other aspects of my life, however. I have created a clothing style that is my own(maybe once I become successful I'll post pictures of myself on here; until then it'll remain a secret) and everyone digs it(girls and guys included). I also have learned to dance well and can tear it up at clubs and raves. I actually love going to these places now because I know how to dance. However, my inner issues are still at large and despite my dancing ability, I have only grinded with a girl once and that was when I was extremely drunk.

*****GOALS I HOPE TO ACCOMPLISH(These aren't New Years Resolutions; these are goals I have set for myself for awhile and goals I plan on obtaining in the future. Some I might not get to this year, but I plan on doing a major overhaul in my life so we'll see..MAJOR OVERHAUL!!)
--VISIT THIS SITE ONCE A DAY - I feel this is probably the most important, because I have done journals on this site before and eventually stop coming to this site for months at a time. I feel if I can visit this site every day it'll help keep me on track. I'm really trying this time and I hope I can follow through for the sake of my future.
--Focus on reading good FR/LRs - I notice I've spent a lot of time here in the past looking through topics that interest me and I tend to waste a lot of time finding bits of advice that sound good but I forget quickly. I've been reading advice for too long; I already know what I need to do. What I really need is to get in a great mindset, and reading all these incredible stories of how guys have gotten laid in hours of meeting a girl are incredible and always pump me up. This is really where I need to focus my time on PU.
--Limit drinking - In the past year and a half I've developed alcoholic tendencies. I've drank alcohol every few nights, and find it hard to go a week without alcohol. I'm going to be real with myself and not try to quit cold turkey, because I know this will lead to me relapsing twice as hard, especially with me devoting my energy to all these other goals as well. Instead, I plan on first limiting it to once every 5 days/once a week, and going from there.
--Lose weight - I'm not obese, but I used to be 145 and now I weigh 170. I've cut my portions significantly in the past and it's worked for a few days, but my drinking screwed it all up. I've been eating less for 3 days as I type this, and I'm hoping to go down to 160/155 and work from there. I'm not ready to give up the good tasting foods, so instead I'm eating less.
--Focus on dance - Dance is where I hope to get known with and make it big eventually. I was motivated to start dancing a year ago after watching "pumped up kicks dubstep", and in this time I have gotten better than most at dancing(I always have guys want to shake my hands at raves/clubs because they respect the way I dance; New Years had a couple) but not good enough in my eyes to make a youtube video of my own. It needs to have replay value. So I expect to dedicate a lot more of my free time towards perfecting my dance.
--Ditch videogames - I have spent way too much time on videogames, which are completely pointless. This goes hand in hand with my dance goals.
--Go out to local clubs and dance with girls - I always go with friends to clubs in a bigger city, but there are plenty of hot spots around where I live. I'm hoping to (1) start going out alone and just experiencing different venues and whatnot and (2) start my sexual experience by getting the balls to dance with random girls on the dancefloor. Because I have so little experience with girls in any area, if I become comfortable with this it will be a huge victory and progression for me.
--Start going out as much as possible - If I want a new identity I need to start getting on this
--Gain a more asshole personality - I notice it is so easy to talk to girls when I am an asshole[being mean to them, but not serious]. However, I cannot do this with most women so I am going to try and correct this.
--Gain first kiss/get a gf/lose virginity - All important goals I have. If I get a gf it will be for the purpose of gaining sexual experience. I will not buy her shit like an AFC and I will maintain control of the relationship and not let her turn me into a submissive guy.
--Caveman the shit out of girls - I'm not even talking about sex; just do whatever I want and say whatever I want to any female without fear that she'll think I'm weird or creepy.
--Meditate - I've heard this is a GREAT tool for changing your life. Hopefully I will start doing this.

In any event, that is all I can think of at this point and it's 11:30 at night. Hopefully when I wake up I will feel the same way and begin implementing these changes IMMEDIATELY.

****also noteworthy, I start college in 2 days. I have really odd times but I will make the best of it. At the same time I will be focusing on college FIRST, so I don't expect to go out every night and do all this wild shit. We'll see what happens though. I'm trying to keep it as real as possible so I don't lose the will to change my life ASAP as I have done before.(I tend to put it off thinking of how I'll change later)

Just one point:

I dated so many beautiful girls through videogames, and they let me do everything.

It's been a long time since I've posted, but I'm going to update my goals list. My life has changed a lot since January.

--Drinking I've recently started to become aware that my drinking has already started causing me health problems(feeling pain in heart and liver) so I've slowed down a ton. I do have alcoholic tendencies, so I'll have to work hard to ensure I keep this up. My current goal is to drink once every two weeks MAXIMUM and see how this works.

--Animation Dance the past 6 months I've learned so much in terms of dance. I lost my job, so I've been practicing every day and have been studying others and teaching myself new concepts and reinforcing old concepts. I've become in my eyes a world class dancer. I could probably make a YouTube video right now and get a million views and that's not bragging, I truly believe I'm already that good. I'm not trying for instant fame though, I want people to think I'm one of the best if not the best dancer ever so I'm going to wait another year or two. If you're reading this, make sure to keep an eye out for me on YouTube. I'll probably post something here too when I finally do start making videos. Anyways, I still have more to learn but my dance goals are getting completed. Some of my top dance goals are to be featured on the "Ellen" show and to meet a list of 10+ dancers I watch on YouTube.
****[master vibrations, bone breaking, pacman wave, 720 toespin, finish tutting combos 5 7 8 9 10 & 11]

--Battle rapping I've actually been into battle rapping since I was 13. I did a live battle rap the first time 2 years ago and forgot most of my shit cause I got social anxiety. I keep notepads full of rhymes I've created, and whenever I think of a good rhyme I write it down. I feel compared to 2 years ago my rhyming ability has gotten even better. I want to eventually have a few quality battles out on YouTube for the world to see. This isn't a main thing I want to do, but it's a nice little side skill to have on my resume.

--lose weight I still weigh around 170, but dancing has given me muscles in specific areas. Now most of my fat lies in my chest and ab area. I started doing ab exercises today, and hopefully I'll trim the fat in this area. My legs and arms are pretty decent in terms of muscle content and I don't lift weights anymore.

--Beatbox I've started thinking it would be really cool to teach myself how to beatbox, since I already dress really well and dance really good. Just adding depth to my value, making me that much more interesting. I haven't decided, but I'm leaning towards learning it.

--DJ/Make beats This is also another option I've considered. My friend wants to become a DJ, and a few of his friends that I've met are DJs. I've been contemplating asking one of his friends to teach me some basics, and in turn I'll dance for him at his shows because I literally raise the mood of any club when I dance. I think if I did this he would become a lot more popular.

--Learn French I might not get around to this one. I'll only seriously consider this if I learn beatboxing and DJing to the point where I feel it gets stale. It's one of those things that would be really cool to know, but I'm not sure if I'm willing to put in the work. We'll see how this one goes.

PICKUP RELATED GOALS
--Caveman the shit out of girls this is still a top priority for me. I've been noticing I'm finding it easier to talk to people in general though as my dance skills increase. Like, I recognize that I'm a special person and that gives me confidence to be more extroverted. I still have a long ways to go before I start doing extremely bold shit like I've read on these forums though.
--Start flirting with girls/being upfront about liking them This is probably my weakest area. I'm so afraid of rejection for some reason. Anyways, I feel even if a girl has a bf and nothing will happen between us it would be a huge confidence boost if I can at least let her know I like her. This will be a huge step for me.
--Get first girlfriend Since I don't have a job, and since I'm not looking for one as I'm spending most of my time practicing dance in preparation for hopefully my future, this one will be tricky. I realize that being 23 and never having a girlfriend is very abnormal, but I'm not even worried or ashamed of it. The past few years I've been building myself up to become a complete man, and the more skills I acquire the less actual pickup I'll have to do to get a girl (This isn't the reason I'm learning all these things, though. Just want to clarify that).
--Start dancing with girls Despite being a great dancer, I still have only danced with one girl at a club. It's pretty sad because since I dance so good girls will come out of nowhere and start dancing in my face, and I'll ignore them. The real reason is I'm afraid that they have all these high expectations for me since I'm such a good solo dancer, but I have such little experience dancing with girls I don't know what to do. I know grinding is simple, but it's more of a comfort zone issue. I'll just have to man up and do this. Now that I've started going back on this site I've noticed my social skills already getting better just from the mindset of this place. This will be the first step for me in terms of pickup goals.
--First kiss/become a good kisser I don't mind if my first kiss is a club makeout, I'm just eager to become a good kisser. Whether I learn from doing tons of club makeouts or from a girlfriend, this is one of my top pickup goals. I feel if a guy is a good kisser, that says a lot about him.
--Lose virginity Still up there. One thing that has given me more peace of mind about this is that I came to the realization I'm not naturally good at anything. When I first started watching NFL and UFC, I was terrible at the rules and fighters. Only through years of experience have I become a very educated fan. When I first started dressing myself and getting into fashion I wasn't good at it. It took me years to get to where I am now. Every new dance concept I learn I suck at really bad. The only reason I'm so good is because I put in so much time and effort to be creative and master concepts. Even rhyming I sucked at for years and years, and only recently I've started to get on another level with my rapping. So, I expect to suck at sex for awhile. I've humbled myself to accept this. But I'll get it eventually. I just have to get through all the bad experiences first before I start to skyrocket.


Anyways, that's all for now! If I have some important event happen like I start getting the balls to dance with girls I'll update it here. Again, if anybody likes this or is inspired or even has something negative to say or advice for me I appreciate all comments. This journal is for me, but it'd be really cool if somebody else gets something out of it as well.