| Plenty of Fish Field report
ME:
After a rigorously brief overview of your profile I wanted to let
you know I have already married and divorced you in my mind.
Thanks for all the wonderful imaginary memories... you will always
have a special place in my heart.
your ex-hubby,
Darryl
P.S.
You can keep the dog and I will keep the house in Hawaii =)
Her:
Ok.. You and the kids enjoy the Hawaii house, I'll stay with the dog
in the Bahamas.. We'll visit
ME:
Make sure you remember to feed the dog. We know you couldnt remember to feed the kids and that is why they wanted to live with me. Also, try and give me at least a weeks notice before you show up because I wouldnt want you to get jealous of the new nanny (who I am sleeping with btw). And your stay in the bahamas might end shortly as im getting our joint bank account swithced back to me. I payed for everything anyways, why should you get a bonus?
Her:
No wonder I divorced you, you lying,cheating dog-abusing cheepo..
I guess this means war.. And the fact that you don't even know
my name,will work well for me in court.. You're going DOWN
buddy, and not in a good way..
ME:
Uh-oh, someone is back on the bottle. If you werent out gambling and drinking our childrens futures away in the Bahamas we wouldnt be in this mess. As for me lying? I always tell the truth, its not like I lied about sleeping with the new nanny. Your name? Exactly your name.... You know mine and you hid yours from me all those years... I think I have a good case in court so im not too worried. By the way... have you seen my lucky shirt around? Id like that back whenever you got time.
And one more thing.... Next Tuesday I was thinking about robboing a bank and gettting into a high speed chase in a van with no windows then crashing it into the lake. You down?
Her:
Wow, you're a piece of work.. I'm NOT bailing you out this time
OR gonna be the getaway driver so you can blame me for everything
when we get pinched, like the last time..
And yes, I am on the bottle, better then smoking crack with
whores,like you, while your kids are in the car hungry...
Your shirt is now serving as a wipe rag for our dogs ass to remove
will-nots..
BTW... I MADE myself forget your name..
Her:
pssst... you got any blow
ME:
Awe. MMMUFFIN. You are gonna have to bail me out because if you dont theyll seize my bank account which means youll be broke. I just thought maybe a nice romantic car chase might patch things up (I was thinking of the children). Plus, you got it wrong babe, Smoking cigars with beautiful women around me while our kids are in the limo on their way to school isnt quite the same thing as what you described in the above message.
As for my shirt...inappropriate. But, at least I know his ass is clean. Why are you wiping a dogs ass anyway????
So, lets say a magician came along right now and POOF!! you could be anything you want with no chance of failure. What would you be??? Dont say princess
LOL! Woouldnt you lke to know if I got any blow
Her:
I would be your wife again, which is sort of like a princess...
*sigh* .. Still love ya babe..
What the hell, I'll drive.. Which bank you want to hit up first?
ME:
Awe. That is sweet. but, youre gonna have to tell me 3 interesting things about yourself because...your pictures show a very pretty girl, but, beauty is common... So , tell 3 interesting things about you apart from your looks and I guess we can start to try and work things out.
I wont switch the bank account, what the hell, money is nothing to me anyways. Its nice to know you are being taken care of.
As for the bank...I say we Bonnie and Clyde the CIBC downtown!!!
Her:
Hmmm.. So many things , so little time..
1. I used to be a cat person until I had to spend 2 nights in a
hospital because of a cat bite.
2. In the last 6 months I've been to Miami once and Cuba 4 times
3.My nickname is Polka-Roo (the always disappearing and appearing
in most unusual ways Barney's friend)
Your turn..
ME:
1. holy shit! the same thing happened to my step-dad
2. Cuba!!! My 2 brothers and their girlfriends almost got kidnapped in Cuba, crazy
3. Cute nickname
A friend of mine can tell the difference between cat and dog people, so if I ever do meet you in real life. Ill try and see if it works on you. How did you like Cuba and Miami? I was in L.A. in November.
As for the 3 things...I look for 3 things in a woman.
1. A good energy (So far So good)
2. A good personality (You got that nailed down)
3. A good outlook on life
you got 2 out of 3 of those things... JOKIN
Me, Im an adventurous person who is always trying to find ways to havbe fun in any situation.
My energy is always up beat, I have been known to usually be the life of the party and the leader of the group.
My personality always has people smiling and in a good mood.
I have 8 brothers a 1 sister, im the leader and protector of them. I would do anything for them.
Its my sisters up coming sweet 16 birhtday and we are all throwing in tto buy her a car. My mother told her this and she said she wants fake boobs instead. What is your take on that?
Her:
Don’t let her do it. She’s too young. And that is a huge family! Where abouts in Toronto do you live?
ME:
Easy breezy sweetie. If I tell you that ill be waking up in the middle of the night to you outside my window fogging up the glass with your breath. If you were a stalker would you be good at it?
Here, I just got a new phone so no matter how much you call my old number, I wont answer. My new number is ###-###-####. Text me your name and ill have my assistant set up a wine and cheese for us
Her:
LOL! I don’t have your old number. And I would be an AWESOME stalker. I sent you a text with my name.
ME:
Kewl. Ok. Im gonna start using my phone to talk to you, I gotta get going now anyways.
Her:
Do it!!!
_________________
Looking for Toronto wingmen
|
CHAT