| just a quick recap from previous posts: J is a girl I met on OkC. we have been dating for about a month now. slept together since first date. awesome chemistry, great feeling. too sexually open and non-committal to be girlfriend material. I also met S on OkC. about 3 weeks into our dating. slept together since third date. very comfortable and safe to be around, would make a good girlfriend, but chemistry is much lower.
this is the report from Saturday. I went with J to the Makers Faire (a cool event in San Mateo - it was her suggestion, she had told me she wanted to go for like 2 weeks - we did go)
We hang around, kissed, ... and then we went for lunch and sat on the grass. It was fun. We lied on the grass, hugged and whispered very dirty things to one another. Got both of us in the mood. When we got up, I got a text from S, and replied to it.
J: "are you texting your other women?"
Me: "yes"
She stops talking and starts looking me right into the eyes. I know she is looking for confirmation. The question implied in her look is "are you kidding me?". I keep silent and return her look. I feel if I return the gaze long enough the fact that I was actually texting another woman will register with her. And it does.
J: "My friend told me I should not ask questions I do not want to know the answer to"
She seems disappointed.. we briefly talk about how we are non-exclusive, neither of us is ready for it, so all is nice and fancy.
We then went into this dark room where there were all sort of light effects. She start kissing me and dancing in front of me. I take my phone off my pocket and reply to another text from S. She is like "oh, I thought you were making a video of me:
Me: "Not really"
J: "I know what you were doing - you were texting someone"
Me: "Yes I was - how do you know?"
J: "I looked at the reflection on your glasses"
I was a bit freaked out and laughed about it
J: "I know this is weird. I guess I am different from who I thought I was. I am sorry"
Me: "What do you mean?"
J: "I am more jealous than I thought I was"
Me: "When did you start realizing you are jealous?"
J: "in the last couple of days"
Again, some more random chatting about jealousy and non-exclusivity and we laugh it off. She seems to be hugging me tighter than usual. Just an impression.
We hang out. Nothing much happens. We go back home. Some heavy make out on my bed. Then we go for dinner at a nice restaurant downtown. I pay the dinner (she had paid the tickets to the Faire, so it seemed fair to split the expenses)
We are meant to sleepover at my place. So we go back. And have sex. Great sex.
Problem: the condom wears off while switching positions. I end up coming inside of her. We only realize it when I try to pull out of her and feel my pussy-wet skin instead of the condom. I freaked out a bit (in my country, Plan B is not legal - she reassures me we can easily go get one at CVS the next day - that makes me feel better - we still have a convo about how I would not abandon my child and all that stuff) I realized something was going on, it felt much better. I attributed that to the roleplaying making me hotter.I am surprised she didn't realize I was dropping my load inside of her instead of inside a rubber container.
We wake up the next morning. The conversation falls on her jealousy and the fact that I am indeed sleeping with another woman. I feel if I play it right, I can increase my value and power-position. I play it cool, like "yeah I am sleeping with this other girl - so what?"
She admits that she is dating another guy, but says she has not had sex with him, only making out, and she is not even sure she likes him.
I act totally cool and uninterested. She, on the other hand, starts to act (was she sincere? good question) as planned for a girl:
J: "Are you the same way with her that you are with me?"
Me: I tell her about an Italian novel that shows how people are never exactly the same person in their different interactions
J: "At times you feel like something is genuine and then you start doubting that genuineness" and she starts softly crying
Me: I tell her about how she is not ready for commitment and so she has no say in me seeing other people. How I let her see whomever she wants and don't feel jealous about it
J: she complains that she is actually jealous. She knows I am right but she is jealous. She feels me sleeping with S hurts her. And that it is worse than her seeing the other dude because she doesn't get him laid. But she knows I am right and will not stop me from dating the other girl. She just wished I was jealous too.
Me: I don't fall for it. I am not jealous. I am cool. We have a good time, that's all that matters.
I decide I can actually push my sword deeper into her flesh. I show her a present that my other date gave me. I tell her how it shows that S truly feels something for me, truly cares, is actually normally clingy for a girl who's had sex with me and values that connection. I tell her how she never did anything sweet for me.
J: "I fucking brought you on a date to Sonoma with my best friends". She is crying and her voice is broken with a mix of fury and pain. If she was acting that, it is the best acting ever. I think I will never forget that moment.
She goes showering. I stay in bed. I can hear her sobbing in the shower.
We have breakfast later. She starts crying again and talking about how we should not see each other again, how she will get hurt, how I should stick with the other girl since she is awesome and stuff.
I tell her I want to keep seeing her (J), I will not give up the other girl (S), but we should keep seeing each other, because I like her and to be around her, and we should just keep going one day at a time. We hug. She stops crying.
I drive her to CVS. On our way there we talk about how it would never work between us (her reasons: I am not Jewish ; my reasons: you are not a clingy ready-to-commit girl and that is what I want). We get the Plan B pill. She swallows the pill in my car. I felt somewhat sorry for the child that could have been, but I definitely am not ready for parenting, and even if I were, not with J, not this way.
I take her to Caltrain and we agree we should see each other. We plan to go to a museum in my town next weekend. We kiss goodbye. She has stopped crying. She boards the train. I drive back home. S is coming home in like 30 minutes.. better hurry up!
She has given me the silent SPAM since. Advice? Feedback?
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nice guys don't get laid
"It's disrespectful not to bang them when they sleepover." (Hellhound)
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