| I want to share with you one of the biggest breakthroughs I had in my development...
When we get into pickup, the language helps break down the entire process into a bite size structure. This is beneficial to begin with.
However lets look at the terminology;
Approach, Target, Open, Close, Sets, Disarm, Field Report, Wing-man...etc
We position ourselves in a metaphysical battlefield where the woman becomes the opposition; - we then adopt a command and conquer mentality, where we must DEFEAT her in order to WIN her.
You may argue that these words are simply semantics, but that's not the case - the labels we put on things changes the meaning and our behaviour changes.
Let me explain, when we were young we would fall over and get up again. Each time we fell, we experienced a mini failure which we took as ‘positive’ feedback and we calibrated until eventually we were up on two feet. As we grew up we the word failure became a bad thing, and we were conditioned to believe failure must be avoided. Therefore, the meaning of words is everything.
It may seem innocuous to use even the word 'Approach' - however when we use it, we are reinforcing at an unconscious level there is some form of risk or danger. We inherit a Success/Fail frame on every interaction, and the girl can feel that you want to defeat her by acquiring something from her.
To suggest a girl needs to be ‘Opened’, is reinforcing the fact that she is presently closed off to you and you are not currently worthy of her attention, and you have to to take calculated steps to break through her armour. Think about the sorts of things you open, a door, a present, a treasure chest. It suggests they are the prize and we must work to gain something from them.
If we want to become successful with women, it is essential we lose this detrimental language and we start viewing women as women, not as objects.
We PLAY with them not WORK against them.
The pua lingo also exacerbates simple unconscious processes into difficult conscious processes.
For e.g I asked one of my clients to get me a beer from behind the bar.
as he was walking off I said "Ive changed my mind, can you approach the bar, work around the obstacles, lock in, wait till you get a IOA (an indicator of availability from the barman), open him with a statement of intent to buy, then transition into the order, and close. As he started to panic i said 'OR you can just get me a beer!'
Now think about your interactions with women, you can either take these strategic steps, or you can ‘just get chatting’.
Think about this with everything we do comfortably without thinking; driving a car, doing up our shoe laces, locking the front door. Now imagine trying to do these things broken down into meticulous, sequential, conscious steps.
To reach a point of mastery, you must be detached from the outcome and must lose this strategic mindset. When I go into an interaction, I see all women as already open and I invite her into my energy. I work on being the brightest most present, empathetic man i can be, which takes me out of my head and into the moment.
I refrain from using the PUA lingo as much as possible and as you get better, hopefully you will too, and notice the difference in your results.
"These thoughts did not come in any verbal formulation. I rarely think in words at all. A thought comes, and I may try to express it in words afterward." - Einstein
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My Blog: thejohncooper.com
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