@Hobbit.

Hey Hobs,
I've been addressing that issue lately actually. You are right, it is important to be sure that you are following desires that match who you are, and not what other people want. We are creature of desire. but we are not born with a set of desires for us to satisfy. The only "natural" desire we have is to live and preserve our existence. As we live our daily life, we are confronted to several influences that will shape our desires. The environment shapes our desires and we can't really do anything about it, it's basically how we work. We want to get laid when we are stimulated by the vision of a hot girl or porn. We want Coca-Cola when we hear some soda being poured in a cup with ice cubes. If most of your friends smoke, chances are you'll end up being a smoker too. Our desires are not natural at all, they are shaped by our environment. How to sort this out? Which desires are really good for us? Which desires are just delusional?

Well that's why I've been withdrawing myself from some influences. The idea is always to see if I'm doing something rationally or just giving way to external influences? All our desires come from the outside, but some of them are rational, some aren't. Those for example are just bullshit:
This is the typical "desires" that a are created on frustration and only create frustration. I can clearly see it now and that's huge improvement! Every desire that is based on impressing others is just wrong and only lead to frustration. So what kind of desires are good for me? That's the question.

Well a first answer to that is the desires that rationally improve myself and allow me to (better) live. Eating, drinking, sleeping... obviously but also working out, educating myself, having a good hygiene, getting a job... Those are the basics.

Then if I wanna know what more is good for me I need to try things out... that's the "try new things" part of my weekly plan.

Now when it comes to PUA related topics, I want to improve my ability to get girls when I want it. This is a good thing for me... it's improving myself in so many ways (socially for example). I'm not into PUA to impress anyone, but to improve myself. That's why I'm still here, but it's not my main focus for now. Getting a life is my focus.

The former post was really about analyzing what is wrong about my social circle. I'm so disconnected from my friends, it's amazing. Two things are at play here: 1) I've withdrawn myself from the group after the break up. 2) They put me in this awkward situation where I have the feeling that I'm being considered as a "poor loser", being compared to my ex. They whisper things about her so I don't get hurt while I don't really care at all. I know I shouldn't care though, but I didn't appreciate it.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

@Tweeby.

Hi Tweebs,
In this Facebook era we are all very well equipped to project our perfect lives and rub it in to a conquered audience (friends) but I don't blame anyone here, we're all in the same boat, trying to figure it out with our own means.
I guess my decision to get into the Game was all about taking my revenge you know, not being the loser in the story. I'm speaking in past tense. I realized that was stupid a long time ago. I'm not in this perspective anymore.
You are right. It's in my head. That night was an accident but it shows how disconnected from my friends I am. I shouldn't let any of them define what aspect I should be judged upon. I was just really disappointed by that night because I ended up having this etiquette (yes it might be in my head).
Exactly. My point is while I'm with those friends I have the feeling I'm judged on their criteria of being in a relationship, having a job, getting married... and I got tired of that yesterday night. I don't have any of that in common with them.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Quick Update.

Here's an update on the last days.

Seeing friends.
I went out Thursday night to see some friends. I invited a buddy of mine I've not seen in a long time. Everything went extremely well, I was vibing and was the center of attention. I was joking around, leading the conversation... This was a really good night for me.

Remember the two friends from Wednesday? I saw them again today. I don't really know what happened that day, I ended up pissed off... today was better, I was cooler but a bit bored nonetheless... I ended up being in my head again on my was home... I think those two friends remind me too much of my old self, especially old post break-up self, maybe I feel to much pressure being with them since they talk a lot about marriage and stuff like that... Anyways, I'm going to stop trying to understand what's wrong here: it's taking me nowhere and thinking about those things are a poison for me... I try to think myself out something that I can't understand. Let's focus on the positive, not the negative.

Blushing Girl.
I'm not in a good situation here. I've not connected enough with her, she is not enough invested. I've asked her out but she was available... I'm afraid she might flake... I'm thinking about re-opening her with a text convo and ask her out again.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

That's great advice! I think this is a HUGE part of the developing pua community. Everybody wants to be somebody but nobody wants to be themselves.

_________________
Bite of more then you can chew
Then chew like hell

My Journey:viewtopic.php?f=22&t=192265

When will you forgive your ex-girlfriend? When you're 60 years old? You're only making yourself miserable . . . why so much self-punishment? Not saying something is sometimes louder than saying something. "Not doing something" (Not hanging out with your friends) can be just as mean-spirited as "doing something" (Like punching them in the face.)

You're punishing your friends for simply being caught in the cross-fire of some silly teenage crush gone bad but in the end, you're punishing yourself. For all the things that you are doing now, you probably already demonstrated while your you were together with your ex. This is why she left . . . you already demonstrated that there are things that cannot be forgiven. You already demonstrated that you cannot behave in ways that you know to be right or that you really desire simply because you're too busy thinking about your pride or the lack of. Do you think your friends are behaving in the ways you describe because it makes them happy?

Do you really want to date girl(s) who find ^this to be attractive?

"Forgiveness" has nothing to do do with the act that requires it. The act already occurred and it's out of your hands. "Forgiveness" has nothing to do with the people who deserve it. You can't control what they do. Forgiveness has everything to do with you. You can continue to dig for excuses, justifications, and reasons, through all the psychological jibber-jabber, (By the way, I do like reading and discussing those things myself) but face it, it's been way too long already. Forgive your girlfriend and others who need to be forgiven. Ask for forgiveness from your friends for behaving like a 12 year old who just learned that his English teacher won't marry him. Let's start living . . .

Approach #3.

Hey guys, long story short, I didn't get the position I was to get since the agency was not selected by the company we were supposed to work for... After receiving the news, I went in a job rampage. I won't be publishing anything close to a plan in this journal until I get a job.

Context.
I didn't get out at all this week. I stayed home applying to dozens of companies and re-activating some relationships I have. I decided to do a small break yesterday night to get a drink and take some pictures with a friend. At some point we spotted a group of three girls having fun... My friend started to take some pictures of them. I had a window, I went for it.

Report.
I opened them in English since they were obviously tourists. One of them was a BRUNETTE, the other one a BLOND and the last one, close to a RED HAIRED.
ME - Hey guys, do you speak English? (I wanted to be sure about that, they seemed Russian)
BRUNETTE - yes! (they were already smiling like crazy)
ME - my friend took a picture of you, the least we can do is send it to you... let me get your email or something.
BRUNETTE - hmmm okay I'll give you my email... (she was a bit hesitating at the beginning)
I gave her my cellphone so she could enter her email. The other girls went to see the pictures on my friend's camera... but the picture sucked... I saw them laughing
ME - What? The picture suck?! haha
RED HAIRED - yeah it's bad...
ME - oh come on... so let's take another one right now!
BRUNETTE - okay but come with us!
I was surprised, they wanted me to be in the picture with them... So here I was with three Ukrainian girls under my arms. One of them was extremely close to me and had her hand on my stomach. We all move closer to my friend to see the pic.
ME - okay we'll send it to you! Where are you guys from by the way?
BRUNETTE - Ukraine and you? (seems like she was the one speaking English the best)
ME - oh we're French...
At this point their attitude got even warmer.
ME- how long are you guys staying here?
BRUNETTE - two days, today and tomorrow...
ME - Oh that's great (I was looking at my phone, I realize I didn't save her email address)
There was a small blank moment there, but one of them break the silent with a nice IOI.
BLOND - what's your name?
ME - oh my name is Daniel (the question actually made me smile, that was cute) you?
They all said their names: Anya, Tanya and... well I don't remember. I've kidded the third one since her name was different... she laughed.

I wasn't interested in them, it was just a small practice, I needed to have fun. I needed a way out: I thanked and walked away with my friends.

Result.
I had fun, met three funny girls and realized this kind of scene could happen often since Paris is one of the most visited city in the world... but I need a wing. I couldn't have open this set without my friend... He didn't do much in terms of game but being here was enough .

Areas for improvement.
- Speak statements, ask less questions.
- Shake their hands while introducing yourself, go for a classic kiss on the hand if they are fun.
- Introduce a little play while posing for the picture with them.
- Use a time-constraint to leave a set.
- Go for an instant date in this kind of situation

I can't wait to get a job, get an apartment and move on... I'll be back when I'll get my life in order.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Right on top. You're basically living in the past man. The past is gone, it doesn't exist anymore. The only thing that exists is the here and now. The more you fight against what happened or what is, the more negativity and pain will arise in your body. Surrender once and for all. Stop FIGHTING what is real. What is real is today, this moment. Past and future are created by your own mind because you're way too much identified with it.

I'll be 100% straight honest with you. All your journal means almost nothing (no offense). It's clear that you're writing this to get attention and have a "cool" journal. Instead of putting this much time in posting awesome images and make this thread look good, put this effort to work on yourself. It's not normal that you started in 2010 and you're inner game is still this weak. You come up with all of these goals and stuff that you need to do, but it seems to me that you're just not applying or working on any of it.
Are you serious? You haven't learned a lot since 2010...you see game as some kind of tactics, giving FTC's and stuff...when you're inner game is not solid at all. Primal reality is within. If the inside is good, the outcome will be good as well. It seems to me that you're ego is dictating your life. Thoughts like this are just really weak...start working on yourself mate, you're not progressing at all, straight up. What you're doing is not progress. You THINK you have progress...you have 62 pages of journal and you still think and act like a complete newbie at this. Wake up from this dream that you think you're living. Go get a job man, start to find a purpose in your life and stop wandering on this forum creating cool little posts, putting flowers and images all over the place so people follow your stuff. A lot of guys here gave you great advice, yet you keep doing the same thing over and over again.

Good luck

_________________
Greatness is never borned

So, here is my story from yesterday.

Me and five of my friends came to the night club and drink two 0,5 l beers to get to the working temperature .
After that I took one friend and aproached to two girls that not interested me, only to get some courage to another operations that night.
I got in with "Hey, what do you think who lies more, men or women..." and one of girls said that that is hard theme so we should talk something about how people are dressed when they go out. After that we talked about stupid things and I tried to talk more with one girl so that my friend can talk with other.
Atfer 20-30-40 minutes I took FB of one girl and get away. I was not interested in her but I thought that maybe I could help my AFC friend.

So, we then go a little around and I grabed another friend for next tour. We lost about half an hour talking to some girls from last saturday and after that I noticed one group of girls with one very special 9/10 or 10/10 girl. So I got to her with "jealousy girl" opening from "the game".
Then i talk her "the cube". At one point some of my friend started to talking with her but then she was nervous and she showed a little sign in turning that she is aware that I would go away. I asked her is she a girl that I would like to meet, and she said that she is. I said that I didn't mean physically and then she started to talk about that she is intelligent etc. I then used a "5 lies game" which I used like a NEG and said that she is not so intelligent .
I found out that she is from capital town, 200 km away from my town.
After that I started "hand reading" but got a little confused, didn't know how to perform it so then we got back to cube and she asked me about my cube.
She said few times that she likes this kind of psihological talking.
And after that she at one time just said to her friend that she want to go dancing inside. She said to me that she goes inside so I followed her.
We danced a little but I am not good in dancing so I said after one minute to her that I must go and asked her if she can give me Facebook, but she didn't want to. Then I give her a offer which I often use "You have only one chance in your life to meet someone with this kind of personality, give me your Facebook and I will impress you with only one message". But she didn't give me and then I left

Your opinion why she didn't? I am 175cm (5'8.5''), have very fit sport body and could said that I am round 6-8/10 phyisically, and she was like 9/10 or 10/10...

_________________
seduction, the way of life...

@kasabi.

Hi kasabi,

Again, this is not really about her but more about me... I just can't stand being confronted to my failures. I have hard time forgiving myself for stupid things in the past and when my friends start to hide to speak about some of these things, I just feel like a loser and my ego start to show his ugly head... And once I took this dirty road I end up wanting to act based on "mean-spirited" things as you said... Nothing new here, but I shouldn't have let this define the reality of things.
I couldn't agree more. I've done HUGE improvements in this bad pride-related behavior though and I'm still growing strong despite the previous post. I am eager to move on but it's harder that I thought.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

@FlaiR_pua

Hi man, thanks for your post.
This is an excellent advice and it's one of my goal actually. Embarrassing the reality instead of living in my head thinking about useless things. The closer I'll be to what is, the better. I put to much pressure on my shoulders and, ironically, that's what prevent me from doing what I want.
Thank you for you honesty, I feel the same way. I don't have the feeling that I've done much, especially since I'm back from Brazil. But again, I'm in a lame situation here, back at my parent's, having hard time finding a job, my friends won't go out and have fun in a bar... I have no single friends in that game thing. I'm just by myself here. I need to figure my life out, that's what I need. That's my priority right now, get a job and find a way to get some friends more incline to party.
Getting a job, moving forward, be more independent... that's exactly what I'm working on but it's been harder that I thought. As far as the journal is concerned, I don't post images to make it cool. Believe it or not I don't have any pleasure sharing my failures in here!

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

I wrote this same mumbo jumbo on the "monkey thread" but here it is:

1. You are you, your ex is your ex.
2. You are your ex, your ex is you.
3. You are you, your ex is your ex.

in ^this order . . . literally . . .

"About you, about me, about her . . . " You're separating the players to have free reign on whatever the hell you want to do. This is what everybody on that monkey thread continues to do. "I will kill! or I will not!" Either way, these actions affect and influence others.

Isn't it pretty remarkable that some girl you dated a while ago still continues to influence your life? And that dynamic, (the dating and the break-up) continues to influence many people's lives. And you might some day discover that what you do will continue to affect your ex as well. So this is about "you", but obviously, it's not ONLY about you. It's about YOU (Plural).

But then . . . if you know and can accept ^this, you'd have to do some things right? There's a better way to behave. There's a better way to speak. You can't think for other people and you can't speak for other people and you can't behave for other people. You've got to do that for yourself.

It's a good idea to make this decision now. It's a good idea to act upon that decision now. Every day you wait is one more day into a habit, making future decisions that much more difficult to make. You might not see or might not want to see the relationship between your current day thoughts/behavior and your past events but this:
wouldn't be a problem if you'd continue to work on the things we discussed previously. You'd be amazed at how it all comes together . . .

Hey Daniel, you say how you dont have friends to go out with. It was the same for me before I left for Europe. All it takes is that first step. Get dressed... Sit in my car start the engine and drive. Even if I didnt talk to anyone it has already been a stepping stone for me. Because I witnessed the life I was missing out on and it drived me to go out more and make the effort. I also live with my parents its no big deal. Ive tried not giving adivce in this post and Ive told you what it was like for me.. maybe you will relate to it and realise..if I can do it so can you.

_________________
My Journal here-vp590119.html#590119

Hey Daniel (great name btw! haha), I haven't read your entire journal, but what I have read has been a bit of inspiration. Its really well written, and its great to see you keeping up with what is obviously a pretty tough journey. Good on ya!

It's strange, I've been away for quite some time now, and yet - I always make time to read your journal, to see wether or not you've made some progress. And still, I find you stuck in the same position, in the same remarkable event that has been occuring for a longer time now - you, your ex and you.

Every little talk that you write down here, you do NOT enjoy.. a typical case of blindsidedness, it won't get you further in life - much likely - it will only decrease your attractive-,productive- and creative lifestyle.

Since your hobby is photography, I have a little job for you my friend, I see you taking a lot of pictures of buildings, static things and stuff. Try going outside and take pictures of people ENJOYING life. Those people are radiant, they glow, you see them smiling and laughing, talking, giggling, lurking and even be sexual because of it.

Attraction isn't a skill, it isn't a form of art, it's not even a lifestyle. Attraction is purely based on you being you, cause that's the most attractive attribute one person can have.

~LD

_________________
Founder & coach at Dance 2 Seduce -- contact me for more information.

FREE coaching advice on Fridays from 22PM to 23PM at the MPUA chatroom.

@LyricalDream.

Hi Lyrical,

Don't base your opinion on the last posts, I've been doing great lately... it was just an "accident" more related to peer pressure than my ex. I have no issue when it comes to her, I wished her a happy birthday and all. I have difficulty to deal with this society/friend pressure...

I've been doing great improvements when it comes to self-satisfaction! I'm happy and living a nice life. The only thing that makes me leave this road is the pressure I get to get a job, but I'm close to handle that!

When it comes to the Game, I've no real issue when it comes to open people in party environment... thing is I need a friend into "meeting girls and partying" to be really productive... and I've lately found a good wing in an old friend.
I like the idea

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)