There are none. Once your results change your limiting mind set will also. Ive seen improvement in your posts keep at it man.

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aiden k. baker

I am happier, feel more attractive, I've gotten comfortable at giving women hugs, and I can dance anywhere there is music. I was at an Irish Bar today, dancing by myself (only guy at the bar dancing), and this drunk blonde woman started dancing with me, we danced several songs, and she said it was nice to dance with me because "some guys try to rub up on you and you feel like eww, but you are good you give a lot of space" and she gave me a hug at the end. a hug from a woman after dance usually means she enjoyed it.

That girl I saw twice, I called her expecting to pick up right away as always, but it went to answering machine. I left an upbeat positve sounding message "Hey Jillian, I was thinking a couple fun things we could do this week. I want to go this awesome lounge, and we can dowtown to a Latin night club, it has nice salsa dancing on Fridays. Give me a call." but she has not called me back. last time she said our hanging out "was low key, but still nice" she sounded disapointed I did not kiss her. she is the one who throws herself at me and wants me to have sex with her I assume. i feel disapointed and irritated, but i am not going to call her again unless she calls me back. i am going to see her at the next monthly dance, and i plan to tell her that i am pissed and disapointed she did not pick up. i am just going to verbalize my feelings with a smile and hopefully give her a chancce to verbalize hers, but i'm not going to demand anything or offer any more hanging out unless she initiates it. hopefully we will not feel awkward when see each other next, or we want after i tell her how i feel and move on to talking to other women, talking to her without feeling awkward or planning to hang out again. she might not show up at the monthly dance too. oh well, wont try to predict the future, going to try to meditate more, do yoga, cook for myself, and study.

No dude just keep being nice and friendly dont act pissed just vibe with her I can tell she wants u. Be positive about it and keep going out see as many girls as possible! Gj.

-Aiden

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aiden k. baker

the girl i number closed at a dance, and then i kept calling her asking "do you want to meet later today?" and then hearing "no sorry i can't" but i would not schedule for a day that was good for her, i would just say i call you next time and hang up. it was probably a bad strategy, cause last time i called her for another last minute day and left her a message. she did not call me back for three weeks! but now she called me back and apologized for not returning my call for so long, i said wanna meet today? she said she cannot. i said what day is good for you? and she said Fri-Sun and she invited me to go to a dance with her and her female friend. I said i don't want to and so we set up a date before the dance at 5pm. i am taking her to a coffeeshop, although, the last coffeeshop date I had ended with a girl being pissed and walking out on me and giving me the run around afterward. my positive psychology therapist told me it's better to take a girl dancing or doing something else that is physical, like walking, so that I can burn off my anxiety. i think talking to a strange girl one on one makes me anxious and restrained.

also i have been feeling disheartened as is normal and thinking negatively. i was supposed to be studying this month, but i have been feeling anxious when i study and very tempted to be idle and sit on the couch staring at a wall or go to a coffeeshop or a dance. i have only studied for less than an hour a couple of times this month. this has been a problem since middle school and now i am in college.

the good news is that i have cooked potatoes and sausages for myself yesterday and ate well all day (i have become thin due to poor diet and no exercise) and i did yoga for 15 minutes twice and then again for a little longer!

sat next to a girl at starbucks with a laptop. she had a tea, and no book or computer, just staring out the window. i said "how are you?" and looked at her. She asked me about my computer and then we talked and had a lot in common. Turns out she is looking for a job. She gave me her email at the end, she seemed uneasy, like she wanted to email close me but did not wanna come on too strong. I emailed her. When she left I asked her "what do you wanna do?" and she just said "oh i dunno. i just thought since we both live in the area." oh well. i feel like she might not reply to email, but then, who cares? i had a good conversation. non-pick-up-ish!

which brings me to my main point - sarge STARBUCKS MONDAY NOON TIME to 3pm, that's when the girls who don't have jobs and who are not in class might be there.

Oh and I had a date with a girl I met at a salsa dance. I took her to a coffeeshop. Sat her down, pulled a chair out for her, brought her the teapots from the cash register, and she poured my tea into my cup. And she took her hair band out to show me how big her hair is. We shared one slice of cake with two spoons, funny thing was the cake made her nauseaus, haha. but it's fine. it just gave me an opportunity to care for her more - i got her a salad, cause she said eating something spicy would make her less nauseas. i only spent less than $10 on her, too. She said she wants me to take her to a nightclub. She wanted me to pick her up, but she does not know I don't have a car yet. But I don't want to be apologetic about it. It'd be easier if I could pick her up, I'd feel like more like a man. Also, I walked her back to her car and opened the door for her and then asked if i could give her a hug and she said of course. she seemed like a happy girl when i did that.

danced with 3 different girls at night club! the social swing and salsa and waltz dancing I did the past few months has made it easier to draw girls towards me. Last time I was as the same night club, I was just dancing by myself. I was good. Girls told me I was a good dancer, but they did not dance with me. Now, yesterday, I danced by myself for an hour or two, saw three girls dancing together and they let me dance in their circle. But they pretended like they did not see me? Then after maybe half an hour I gave one of them my hand, spun her around, and then gave her my two hands to dance together. I did not rape them or force myself on them like all the other guys and I let them decide how close we dance. The perplexing thing is that the girls don't make eye contact and if they want to dance with you they pretend like they don't. This girl danced with me then went back to her friends. Then I left them. And then I saw them go and start dancing in front of me and her dancing with her back towards me. I touched her elbow and she turned around and said, "oh it's you again!" with a smile. I told her "you look cute in this shirt, i like the straps." as soon as we were done dancing, i thought hanging out around her just in case she might come back, but then did the right thing and started dancing next to other girls. I danced by myself next to a girl in a circle, then gave her my hand and spun her around and then gave her my two hands. As soon as she saw that I can dance she started partner dancing with me. One thing is I did not force myself into her personal space. I we were both half turned toward each other. If she was totally with whole back away from me, I would not force myself in front of her face, and would dance on my own or approach a girl who is standing more open towards me. One thing I try to do is not feel desperate. If all I see is guys around me or if no girls seem open to dancing, I try to enjoy dancing by myself as much as I can. After that girl was done dancing, I gave her space and did not force dancing past the point that she wanted. I turned to another girl in the circle, gave he my hand, she did not take my hand, so I turned to the next girl and she did not take my hand either. But the third girl took my hand, I spun her and danced with her. I caressed her arm on my shoulder while we danced. Usually, if one girl in the circle rejects your dance request, then all the other girls will reject you too. One time, I asked a girl in a two set if she was single and she said no, then i asked her friend and the friend said, "oh, am i your second best choice?" so i guess maybe girl want you to like them and not the other girls so they feel like they are prettier than their friends and special? the girls i danced with tried to talk to me but i thought i had bad breath and also i was just too shy to talk, thinking they won't like how i talk. the last girl was on her way out and then came back and found and started saying something, i touched her on the shoulder and back and thought about whipping out my phone and asking for her number, but then i thought if she wanted to go on a date, she would stick around and continue dancing or taling with me rather than leave with her friends. i asked her if she wanted to dance again and she said sure. but whatever. i like the idea of not number closing and just dancing with girls and having them wonder "why didn't he ask me for my number?"

for all of you i would recommend from my experience to #1 learn to dance solo and have rythm and #2 to go social dancing in your area (but not try any pua stuff on the girls in the social dancing, you will just drive the girls away.) #3 not to go to night clubs or bars because it is so hard to sicalize there

also i think that dating coaches are a scam almost universally.

The girl I number closed at a salsa dance and went on a coffee shop date, she told me she wanted me to take her to a night club. We were supposed to go out on Saturday for a second date. Friday I called her and she said we are still on for Saturday and that we should get in touch on that day, I called her on Saturday and no - reply. Left her a message and she did not call me back. So I just went to the same salsa dance on my own, just to entertain myself, I knew I might run into her there, and I did. She was there alone and I waved to her and asked her for a dance later on. We danced and talked a little, but not about her not calling me back, but she seemed tense and did not seem to enjoy the dance. I feel mildly disappointed and hurt that she did not go on a date with me and did not call me back, but then, I don't like to hear rejection or have her make up an excuse, so I would not have preferred her calling me back and saying that she changed her mind and does not feel like going out with me. To me now, she seems more like a loser now. I've got to figure out a different of thinking, so I don't falsely blame myself when girls skip out on me. Also, I am trying to figure out what is in my best interest, what I want, and not worry so much about pleasing or disappointing women. In the night club, now, I approach girls I find attractive, and not the girls who seem to be more friendly to me (and unattractive.) But nightclubs suck for meeting women. If you come up to a girl and politely ask her to dance at a night club, she will get scared and refuse. But if you grind up on her ass from behind she might grind you and smile and look like she is having fun. I am not sure what to make of it, other than girls are full of contradictions.

went to nightclubs again. i danced by myself then went around coming up to girls with a smile and at a distance of 2-3 steps stretching out my hands in front of them and asking them "do you wanna dance?" they mostly say no, but one out of five will take my hands and let me spin her. sometimes they go right back to their friends and someitmes theycontinue to dance. i let the girl decide how close we dance and look at her to see what she wants to do, i dont force myself on her or go in direct. i am the exact opposite of Badboy's direct "more risk = more potential reward" theory. i went up to a girl at a bar and offered her to dance politely and she walked to toward me and danced near me and she talked in my ear and put her hand on my chest and soulder and i put my hand on her shoulder blade and on her elbows gently when she leaned in, but i did not lean in toward her. now it is more intuitive, i dont think about it, but i am better at non verbal flirting than a year ago! she said dumb things about the music and i agreed with most of what she said.i offered to dance together, to have her put her hand on mychest and me dance in front of her, and to walk her home, but she refused each time. i told her i play pool and she said she likes to play pool too and she would beat me and seemed excited that there is a bar with a pool table nearby. she hinted that she wanted to meet me to play pool so i asked her if she wanted to play pool together and she said sure. i asked her when and she said she did not know, maybe in twoo days, maybe in a week. i said i need a specific day and time and she said sunday at 7pm. she also invtied me to a festival that she is going to with a girl she met on a bus stop and she said i should meet her on saturday and ride in her friend's car with them, but i have to tell her more about myself first. i said i understand she might not feel comfortable having me in the car because techinically i am still a stranger and she said she will tell her friend that i am her friend. i asked her how to get in touch with her and she said she will give me her number and i said i will remember it, but it was a hard number so i put it into my cellphone and then later in the night i called her and she got it, so it was her real number! the girl showed me text messages from a gorgbeous, rich guy she dated who was apologizing to her for his behavior and wanted to be serious with her (she showed me her phone) but she said that she is tough. i got the idea that she is leading him on but does not want to date him? i did not like that she was going to lie to her female friend that she knows me well enough to have in their car, and i did not like that she showed me a guy's private text messaages to her. if a girl sent me a text message thinking it was just me who is going to see it, i would be betraying her trust and actin like an asshole by showeing it to another girl. i don't trust this girl and i don't htink i want to date her. the conversation was dull and she did not flirt with me verbally, just physically. she is pretty though and she ahs a nice rack! she is a little odd and the way she is dressed is a little odd. but i am hoping to still go on a date with her and get to know her and maybe she can introduce me to her friends. also, that night at the night club i told her i will come back in a few minutes and went around the night club asking girls to dance, complimenting girls on how they dance, and also i was lucky that some girls did dnace with me. i started with outstretched hands, if they did not like we just both danced solo in front of each other far apart, i was plaful, i kept my distance when putting my hand on their shoulder blade, and i was hoping the girl would lean into me rather and did not want to push her toward me as in not to make her feel uncomfortable. i did this several times and this did not offend the girl is was talking to! it just made her more interested in me i think! she even came back and found me once!

i got no call from her on saturday and did not call her myself. since we did sort of agree to meet today at 7, maybe i will call her know. one thing is that i have not been shaving or getting haricuts, i kind of let myself go. so i am not confident about my appearnace. ths just shows how important it is to get your life togehter first so that you look good and dressed up before looking for girls.

the next night i went to the same nigth club and did the same thing - went around politely asking girls to dance with outstretched hands. mot girls said no. a couple danced with me. a cute girl grinded me but i felt embarassed and did not enjoy it, she went back to her friends and danced with nerdy guys a few times, i asked her if i could introduce her to my friend and agian asked her if she wanted to dance again and both times she said no. also i asked a girl to dance who was with friends with her back to people she did not reply but she seemed to back up into me like she wanted to grind me (but keep pretending like she is not interesed in the grinding) and i did not grind her, but i gave her a shoulder massage. she kept pretending she does not see me, and made some eye contact with her friends like she is not happy so i left her alone. the way i see it, there are girls who will grind you, but they feel guilty or ashamed about it, so they want to pretend like you are grinding on to them and they are not interested to save their face. but this puts a burden on me because technically i did not obtain her consent and i do not know whether she is interested in dancing with me. in this situation she can blame me for being a jerk who grinds on to her and she hates it. so if she does not say she wants to dance with me, i dont dance with her. even if she sort of grinds on to me. i want clear consent from her that she wants to dance or grind, i think her acting aloof and subtlely grinding on to me, but making me take the initiating and her acting aloof puts me in a unfair situation.

also i have a fellow who is not attractive to women that i meet at the nigth club. i sort of know him and we are kind of frieendly. but i have feelings of pity, and domination and guilt because i think that i am a big attractive guy and some women are interested in me and he is also wanting to catch female interest but he won't because he is so much less attrative than i am. this is an obstacle in me having a normal friendship with other men who are not as atractive as i am and like me want to meet women. i feel uneasy around them. i am going to bring this up in groupd therapy. hope it will help because i really want to feel independent and not feel like it is my job to help or sympathize with guys who are less attractive. also i feel needy with these male friends! as gou can see i am an emtional mess. haha!

You want to know what's going wrong with your game? you're being a beta-male. whenever you approach women you ask them "how are you" in an unconfident manner (this doesn't display anything about you besides that you conform to other people's wants, which is a major DLV) while it is true that you are making progress (what with the number closes) but you're making progress in the wrong direction, only setting up a comfort frame, and not an attraction frame. look into other forum posts and free ebooks on being a PUA and listen to the advice. Always ask, if you can, the psychological aspects on why what works, works. While playing the Day game, have an opener that shows that your life is interesting, it entertains them, and engages them into a conversation that doesn't end abruptly with a yes or a no. Get used to using a disqualifier like ('this'll only take a moment', 'I need to get back to my friends here in a sec, but...') to quickly establish comfort, deliver your opener, and engage the whole group. after a while of engaging the whole group start building an attraction from with one of the girls, you don't want to wait too long though, if you are in the friend zone, you were meant to be there. Lastly, and most importantly, WORK ON YOUR INNER GAME! if you are confident, you'll show confident body language, if you are uneasy, it will show in your body language, and women will pick it out easily.

My dad and I both tend to try to conform to other people's wants which turns women off and makes people at work pick on us. But the other side of the coin is to be pushy and overbearing. I was thinking of taking an assertiveness day class at a local adult education. That might help.

unlike the PUAs I've met, all the numbers I've gotten except one (5) in the past few months have been real numbers. other guys get numbers but they often turn out to be fake. i'd say 1/3 of the women do not call me back but i've gotten a few first dates.
i think i have a fear of being the object of woman's attraction. i'm going to use positve psychology to try to change this negative self image. that'd be a good goal.
i think a lot of PUA advice sounds like it works but does not translate to real life well. the evidence for this is that even the PUA gurus do not seem to be surrounded by admiring women and don't seem to have good relationships with women. there is a fantasy floating around about a guy at a bar who is surrounded by hot women, but anyone who has been to a bar knows that the even in college it is not the cute, fun, sexy, fun having crowd that it seems to be from the outside. a guy who has female friends and dates different women and whom women love is not going to be Mr Popular at a bar because he won't be hanging out there that much. i think it is lame to tell guys to go to bars and approach women, especially when shy/awkward guys are making first attempts at talking to women and flirting. women dress up, and while for a woman it is much easier to meet a guy at a bar, for a guy, it is not worth the time and effort.
you can use your imagination and find out with a reason why anything works. that is what Freud did - he imagined explanations about things like "fear of castration" and "guilt over masturbation" and blamed schizophrenia on bad mothers, and people believed him. but he just used his imagination and his theories were very removed from reality. the only legit psychology i think is CBT and Positive Psychology and also Relationships Therapy/Group Therapy. That's the only psychology i know that has some evidence behind it from people's experiences using it and also from results in groups of patients treated and changes in their lives.
that sounds desperate for approval to me, but it might work, i never tried it.
yes but a conversation can go on after an abrupt end. i dunno.
that sounds kind of like trying to please everyone in the crowd but it might work too, who knows

i would not worry about the friend zone because if the woman is not flirting or acting interested in you and if she is not interesting, just dress up better and go find another woman. they are all different.
inner game + experiences (taking myself out to different places) has made it easier to talk to women and the conversations more successful. i used to be mad uneasy about talking to women and could not give them hugs, now i give hugs easily and i learned to dance too. i am not very comfortable with kissing yet (still a fear of stds lol and that they will think that i am an inexperienced/awkward kisser) but i will work on that with future dates (but not drunk nightclub girls who make out with strangers, that's rape imho lol)

yes, but as my Positive Psychology therapist said, you should still talk to women even if you feel uneasy and awkward, you are new at talking to women, so the more you do it, the better you get at it. while women will pick it out easily, being open and accepting that you are uneasy and not ashamed of it relieves the uneasiness effectively. i've turned women off by saying what i feel embarassed about, but it was a worthwhile experiment telling them that. also if you are acting shy, just admit it verbally, it will help you feel better and put other people at easy i think

All good points, about the ebook thing, at best, they are good basic knowledge. I've learned more from reading Field Reports like AFC Daniel's and Chopper Sixx's, because it shows their journey's from the very beginning of Approach anxiety, to their first full close, and AFC Daniel makes multiple posts on inner game. about the being dominant aspect. You can still be a nice guy and be dominant, just experiment with it until you get the right balance, I'm a nice guy, but I manage to be Dominant. If you have a lot of friend girls, you can practice routines on them to make them more natural, or test them out to see if they'd work, a lot of setting up the attraction frame is slowly pushing the envelope inch by inch. Also a good thing to consider doing is organizing your FRs, set it up as

1. Brief intro
2. Sticking points
3. How you'll fix them
4. Summary (make note of your conversation with them, their body language, your body language, and their IOIs)
5. Analyze (list off what did you do right, what did you do wrong, and redesign your game based on your Analysis)

people are more likely to read a neat, organized spreadsheet, as opposed to a giant paragraph. Also it's good to keep in mind why you want to improve yourself in the first place.

Not much to post here.. I have been struggling with avoiding studying and not looking for a job. I spoke to a friend who said as soon as i graduate he will help me find a job, it's almost guaranteed. i was happy and did positive self talk for a whole day. i studied for an hour or two. then i went back to feeling disheartened and not studying or working at home. eating out, when my goal is to cook at home. i tried something else. i called my mom and told her that i graduated and found a job. and i told my family i'm going to be away for two months and wont pick up the phone (i live on my own). my family is pissed and keep calling me even though i explained that i work best when i am alone and that it's an experiment i want to do. one problem is that i go to sleep late and wake up late and feel down when i wake up so i go to a coffee shop and sit there until 4pm. and then my day starts. my goal is to keep my apt clean, buy groceries, cook for myself, and study many hours a day and graduate and get a job. also to dress up. one thing i was thinking is that many nerds (especially rich nerds who work as programmers and have lots of extra money, but cannot date), they should keep their place clean, and instead of eating out, save that money by eating at home and spend the money they save by not eating out on expensive, well fitting, coordinated fashionable sexy exciting clothing in different styles and also go out and say hi to women. i think they would get some positive responses from women really quick!

Hugs
This one girl at the weekly social dance is more approachable than other girls. I tried complimenting and teasing her and now she gives me a hug when she sees me, sometimes. I saw her friend in the hall and now her friend gave me a hug too. A year ago I was terrified of hugs, but now I can do them easily, but I still don't initiate them for fear of the girl not wanting it. But girls are competetive and if they see one girl on the dance floor giving me a hug, they start showing more interest in me.

Hinting
These three girls I've danced with many times at the weekly dance hint that they want me to invite them out. The first girl I've already invited her to go to a nightclub a long time ago and she said yes but then left without giving me her number. Then I invited her for coffee over email and she ignored it. But she still danced and was friendly and mildy flirty with me. She then invited me to go to a dance with her and her friends and told me to facebook her. I facebooked her and she invited me also to a party at her house before the dance. And then she never replied again, so obviously I had no idea whethere we were still meeting (it meant we were not meeting) or where or when to meet. She apologized for not replying to me but then did not reply after that still. I did not complain I just pretend kicked her and she pretend kicked me back. But then I've mentioned that I do salsa dancing and she said "Oh I've never done salsa dancing I'd love to do it" and I reply "Oh just go on Sunday to that place at that time.." and she looks disappointed and not interested in where to go on her own. I get the idea she wants me to invite her salsa dancing, not go there herself. Then I say I want to see her do solo hip hop dancing and she says "i would love to try it.." i tell her where is a good place for her to go on her own and she looks disappointed and not interested in going on her own, so i guess she is saying that cause she hinting that she wants me to invite her. but i dont because she has been so flakey in the past and there are many other girls i would rather ask out than her now.

This other girl who I've been flirting with and she smiles so much when I do it, she tried to flirt back too. It's a little embarassing and awkward, but Dr Burns says that's better than being serious. This girl said that now that school is over she has all this time that she does not know what to do with. I am taking that as a hint that she wants me to ask her out, but i won't because last time she told me that she will come to the dance next week (but it was finals week) and she did not come. it was not a date, but still. plus this girl is much talller than i am so that makes it awkward to date her.

This other girl who is nice but overweight invited me to a dance with her friends which was for real, but i did not show up. it's like when someone is asking me for something it's tempting to dump on them and not show up. in retrospect i should have showed up and got to hang out with her and her friends more.

So I met a girl at a dance. She had her friend introduce me to her, called my name a lot and was flirty. I invited her to a different dance. She was busy this week, but ok to go the next. She got my number and called my cell phone so I have hers. She called me the day of the dance to let me know her plans fell through and she wants to go. When we met, she acted like I am her boy friend - wanted to dance close and stood next to me all the time and cockblocked when I talked to a different girl. She let me hold her on our way back and we found a spot and kissed. That was my first kiss gentlemen. I met up with women before and went almost to sex but got away by saying I am not ready to kiss the women. I was worried about stds and just wasnt emotionally ready. This time I was ok with getting cold sores or mono because the girl is younger and very pretty and I have to kiss a girl some day. Sooner is better than later. There's signs of progress on this date for me - I am comfortable holding her and her hand while we walk, I invited her to my place saying honestly that we can just cuddle and kiss and dont have to do anything else. She said she has to go to work early and has to get home. I said I will take her at her word and if she says no, it's a no. This shows it's getting easier for me to talk about sex with women. Also, 2-3 years from now, I would be wondering whether this is a date and whether it is ok to hug her. Now I know its a date and it's ok to make moves on the girl if she does not withdraw. I felt tense and felt like an old man because sometimes when I tried to tease her I came off as tense and negative and mean. I kept trying to flirt with her and she kept trying to flirt back. I keep telling myself it's ok that I am awkward because I am new at this and need to practice. When we stopped to kiss, she kind of turned away from me. I told her hair needs to be fixed and started playing with her hair. I also started rocking our hips back and forth. Then she faced me and I kissed her neck. She started breathing heavily and wanted me to kiss her mouth. Once we started kissing, I then told ask her to teach me how to kiss. She said, "what? you've never kissed before?" I just said "I am shy." She told me to open my mouth and hold my chin up. I get stuck with issues in my own head and it's a major obstacle. On our way back I was not sure how to tell her I want to kiss her again, was shy about it. She was like "ok a quick one" and kissed me again. Also, she started walking far ahead of me, instead of running up to chase her I walked at my own pace and made her slow down for me. At the train, same thing happened, she walked away from me to the bench and I felt insecure about her leaving me. I just planted my feet where I was and made her come closer to me herself, rather than me coming to her. I think that was good. What bothered me most is that she flirted with everyone. She made a point to wave goodbye to every guy on her way out and say his name. She said "you look concerned" on our way out. I was concerned because I was feeling a little jealous and also not sure if I am an idiot to go out with a girl who is this easy. Things became a little sour I think at the end of the date on our way home. I think I may have made it that way because I was feeling tense and insecure. I was not sure how to flirt and I was trying, and I started teasing her a lot. She left me and walked up really close to a guy on the train and started talking to him on our way up the stairs. It looked like she was flirting with him. She said it was her room mate. I know she was probably trying to make me jealous on purpose by flirting with guys in front of me, but I've never seen a girl flirt with every guy so much. I was not sure what to make of it. I teased her about it, I said "you flirt with everyone. even the guy on the train." I think I should not have been so negative and should have teased her about silly things, not anything serious and real. Also, I tried to get her to talk about herself, but she would not talk much. My goal was also to tell her interesting and personal things about myself and I succeeded, she liked to listen to me. But I had trouble getting her to talk about herself. One thing I noticed at the dance I went to was that everyone started giving me a lot more respect than usual and women started looking at me with a twinkle in their eye and showing lots more interest in my, now that they see me with a cute date who acts like I am her bf.

I called the girl back the next day (I did not want to wait longer because I did not want her to be the one to call me again and I wanted to take a lead, I know calling too soon is bad) and I said "Hey, I have something you might like. Check it out.." and left a Barry White song on her voicemail. That's it. I did not call her again.

Now I started swimming and doing yoga. My shoulders look more shapely just after three days of swimming. I am also eating more to gain weight. I gotta figure out a way to look and dress my best. I want more dates with more girls!!

One good piece of advice I read on the forums lately is to give a girl a time, place, and date and activity when asking her out so she knows how to dress and how much money she needs and when she will be home.

Oh also, a girl I number closed at a night club two months ago, who was a flake (invited me to an event and never called back), called me and I hung up on her. I said I am busy and will call her back tomorrow and never called back. I am thinking next time I go to the same dance, I will call this girl back and invite her. It's good for me to be seen with a date in public - will send the message that I am dating and desirable.

Otherwise, no news in the dating arena. The last girl I had two dates with who said she wanted to be friends with benefits with me and we hugged and cuddled, I never got a third date with her. I saw her with what looked like a very nerdy boyfriend and they looked happy and I did not say hi and neither did she. I asked a few friends if they know any girl that wants me to take her out dancing, and they said no.

Also, at the end of a dance a girl I danced with came up to me when everyone was leaving and said "hey i never got your name" and i talked to her on our way out and in the parking lot a little. She seemed to watch me with a puzzled look on her face and I did not wanna overstay the convo and ejected quickly. I did take her coming to me to get my name as an IOI and a green light to get to know her. I invited her to another dance and said I will see her there jokingly, she said she did not know about this dance and she lives far away, i did not say we should go there together, but also meaning she can go there on her own, like she should show up there cause its cool. If she wanted to drop a hint that she was interested in me she could have offered to exchange numbers or faked so enthusiasm. I cannot ask a girl I talked to for two minutes for her number - too desperate. but in retrospect, why not? it can set me up with a bad reputation as a guy who tries to pick up every girl and fails, but maybe she wanted me to ask for her number and would have been ok with me asking he so soon in the conversation? i should have flirted with her and looked if she flirted back, then i'd know whether to ask for number or not.

i read up on dance floor game on the forums. realized i'm getting lots of IOIs from girls and not approaching. with my solo dancing getting compliments from many people and girls giving me IOIs it's very likely that girls will dance with me if I approach. so i went to nightclub again cause i was bored and wanted to meet a girl for a date. i danced by myself from 10pm to midnight. a girl danced with me and then ran away. she teased me. she had a bf i think. but that was a good sign. there were groups of girls dancing together. i danced very well solo. girls got up who were sitting down and began dancing near me. i did not really approach them because nobody in the nightclub was grinding yet and girls were not drunk yet so chances of girls rejecting me were high. maybe it was all in my head and maybe if i danced in their circle it would have been fine. women tell me i dont give off a creepy vibe and when i approach a circle of girls i am careful and non aggressive and look at their reaction and if they dont give me IOIs i dont go in. i danced with creepy AFC guys who were up against the wall. i was even blocked from view by guys' backs at times. but i think that did not DHV me too much because of my sleak and sexy solo dancing. there was also more space for solo dancing near the wall and i think ppl can see that as a reason for me to dance there. i saw a lot of girls around me and sometimes everywhere around me and i danced around myself with my hands in the air. some guy with gf high fived me and said i am a great dancer and a star. i saw guys approach sets i considered approaching and the girls turned away and broke off into twos and threes with their backs to the guy. i did not want to get rejected because according to the forums and i see it real life - if you walk into girls' space or approach them and they turn away from you and don't accept you - all other girls will reject you for the rest of the night. aggressive guys who did not get that kept approaching different girls and getting rejected, although sometimes getting some ass (the good looking guys). i kept dancing by myself and at midnight two little asian girls started dancing to my left maybe two steps from me. they were walking and then stopped and started dancing there. one of them started twirling her hair toward me. i thought that was IOIs from them, but was not sure and was afraid to approach them. after 10 or more minutes they left. i was like "i gotta go approach them" so i found them dancing in the other of the night club surrounded by three big dudes trying to dance up to them. i waited till the guys gave up cause i did not wanna fight over a girl or piss anyone off. then i came up and hip bumped the girl that was closer to me originally and her friends said "lets do the sandwich" we did the sandwich although the girls did not grind me like i see girls grind other guys, they started and then gave up. i think i give off "an i dont want to dance too close" kind of vibe. i think the way i act pushes girls away. anyway her friend did a stripper dance in front of me facing me and her face touched my dick as she was going down or up. she smiled naughtily. haha that was entertaining. then she pointed that i should dance with her friend who was closer to me originally and who twirled her hair in front of me originally. i began dancing with her and she leaned against me and started rubbing her vagina on my leg which was in between hers and flexing her legs together during the circular motion we were doing. then the girls left me. i did not chase them. i danced with other girls. then i found them and they were still ok dancing with me. then they left me again. i did not chase them. on my way out they exited the night club at same time as me. coincidence? no. probably an IOI cause they wanted my number. i thought she did not want my number and did not want me sticking around talking to her. i repeated her name and she remembered mine. she told me she made her own necklace. i wanted to tease her but not about anything serious that might be offensive, so i said "you can make like 1$ an hour making your own jewelry. you can feed yourself that way." she just said "no" i said i am walking home and she said "aww then i wont see you again" i thought what she was saying wasnt for real but i went for the number close anyway. i said i go dancing on tuesdays it's fun, there is a free lesson, and beginner friendly and if she wanted to go. she said prob not but i should give her my number. i said can have her number so i will remember it and she said no. so i went along and gave her my number and just walked away abruptly. i did not think she heard my number or would call - just another "im an idiot who she is trying to get rid off" scenario. i did not wanna check my cell phone to see if she called or texted because i did not want to be needy like that. but next morning i checked my phone and saw her number - she called me right at the moment i gave her my number, so that i would have her number in my cell! all that negative thinking makes me delusional - i literally take a womans YES for a NO because of my pessimism and judging her by my internal feelings rather than by watching her reaction and nonverbal cues. instead of listening to what she is saying, i am just listening to my negative feelings which are wrong! so anyway i called her the next day it was a sunday evening. i talked to her for two and a half minutes and asked where she lives and what days she works. she said she is at a BBQ and what I did not like is that she said she has to get back to the BBQ and will call me back. i thought maybe she did not like the conversation. anyway. gonna wait for her to call back.

oh yeah. that night, after i danced with the asian girl, i front grinded with two girls. it was grinding time and everyone was drunk and i had established myself by dancing solo and not approaching or getting rejected until midnight. i grinded with a fat chick too - both front and back and it was pretty pleasant. i liked it. both her and the asian girl above gave me their neck to rub my nose and breath onto.the forums say if she gives you her neck it is a very good sign she likes you. the asian girl gave me compliments she said "you got moves" and something about me is "cute" i told the asian girl "that is a cute necklace you are wearing" also i told her "i want you Anna (her name)" while we were dancing.

it is encouraging that i have been able to sort of meet girls who are interested in me and sort of willing to date (although no dates lately) in the past months. i gotta keep dressing up and going out and smiling and talking to women and watching for IOIs.

one thing that is a problem is that i seem to loose girls once i start dancing with them or even once i get their interest and start talking to them. i have not gotten past the 2nd or 3rd date - ever! and also once i started dancing with a girl, she gets bored soon and wants to leave. this happens in grinding, in slow dancing, and in social dancing and when i take dance lessons. maybe its because i am depressed or shy or AFC or maybe its because i am not leading or maybe my sex drive is inhibited and i am not wanting the girl as much as some other guys. not sure. i asked some ppl on the forums and they say its because i act AFC and the girls get bored.

I need to get a resolution to approach more and try to flirt more.

So after first date and kiss with the 20 year old girl, I left her a voicemail with a barry white song. She did not call back. I called her again a week and a half later saying "i am going to this event in two days, do you want to go? if you do call me today so I can make plans" and no call back. I wasn't going to call her again after she did not return my first phone call after the date, but some friends of mine, older guys, insisted that women want to be pursued, so I gave it a try. I did not want to seem needy and something like "oh i enjoyed the date with you and want to see you again". but now i see that if she does not call back, she is not interested, probably. this is a good article about signs a woman is not interested unlike many articles this one seems to be true to what i have experienced http://www.askmen.com/top_10/dating_150 ... _list.html

i like this part:

Number 1

She Doesn’t Return Your Calls
Please, for your sake, take this as one of the major signs she’s not interested and not as an amusing game of cat and mouse. Don’t assume that she lost your number, that she tried to call but the line was busy or any other delusional rubbish like that. There’s nothing sadder than a guy who refuses to take a hint; don’t be him. Sure, you’re thinking: Some girls like persistent men. True, but they won’t really respect these men in the end. Don’t get played like this.

So I tried a new type of dance today. There were very few young women in the lesson and not much time to talk to them. I just kept practicing the basic step of the dance, and I got into it, and really enjoyed doing the basic step to the music. I think I will learn this dance for the fun of it! Taking a four week beginner series of dance classes seems like a really good idea, because after the lesson there is two hours of free dance practice too. I think once I learn to lead a woman well in a dance I will attract a lot more chicks and feel more attractive myself.

One thing is that I have not been enjoying dancing with women because of social anxiety and negative thinking - I worry that she is getting bored and not enjoying dancing with me and thinking badly about me. I gotta do some CBT and Positive Psychology to get out of that mindset. But it's gonna be hard, because thinking the woman does not like me and feeling uneasy and embarassed and apologetic with a woman comes so naturally to me!

The asian woman who was eager to get my number at the night club (she left the same time as I did so I would talk to her before leaving) has not called me back after I called her sunday and she said she has to get back to her bbq and will call me later. I'm thinking women just get a negative and boring vibe when verbally talking to me and they run away. So my plan now is to practice telling jokes and singing songs when I get together with friends and family so I can get into a positive vibe and have fun talking to people, instead of the usual pessimistic analystic babble I do when I talk to people. Also, I think I will take a stand up comedy class and learn to tell jokes on stage. There are places that you pay money and they help you learn to tell jokes and let you go on stage and perform in a cheap theater, you dont have to be very good.

Also, mentally, I've been struggling with depression and passivity. Not doing anything all day, procrastinating on studying and applying for jobs or working. The one thing I have been doing is going to group therapy, and going out dancing to dance lessons, social dancing, and night clubs. I have been dressing up a little to go dance, but not much when I go out during the day. Also, I've found Starbucks and coffeeshops to be a time waster when trying to talk to women, nobody talks there and if the woman next to you does not wanna talk, you cannot stand up and go to talk to another woman.

Also, I think I might really dress up for the next dance I go to - get a slim fit shirt and slim fit tie! Even though I know I should dress up whenever I go out, I still dont have good fitting matching clothes and shoes and I am afraid of getting the wrong clothes and wasting money if I go out shopping. I did go shopping, but just went around trying things on in the fitting room and in front of the mirror at the clothing stores, trying things I would never ever wear as an experiment, to explore different images of myself.

TIP: go to different clothing stores and pick out clothing totally out of your style, things you would never wear, clothes you don't feel comfortable in, clothes that make you look like a fool. Try them on and look in the mirror and ask the people who work at the store how you look! Don't by the clothes, but by trying different things on, you will discover that you look good in clothes you have not thought before. People are afraid of looking very good and reluctant to try new clothes. Then after a week, you can come back and try the same or similar clothes and decide if you wanna by them. But your repertoire of clothing will be widened and you will become more interesting and appealing to women and people who know you and you will feel sexier once you are dressed differently and once you are dressed up.

One thing I did well on the date that I kissed with the girl and she did not call me back was that I told myself that it is just going to be one date and I dont have to worry about seeing this girl again and that I should just enjoy this one date because that is all I usually get. I think I was more relaxed and adventurous and less needy/clingy and did not pressure her about meeting again while we were together at the date.