Cognitive Dissonance Reduction

Your assessment is actually somewhat correct. Women are irritating and immature. Actually . . .they are quite stupid. Given enough time, I could probably (and have) get any one of them to arf like a seal and hop on one foot while giving me a blow job at the same time.

Understanding ^this, and using it to your advantage and understanding ^this and sitting on your ass at home and wasting your life away playing video games are two different things.

The reality is that women are NOT EVERYTHING. Kids who haven't figured it out or don't figure it out seem to think that women are some mysterious prizes; it is the only thing that they dream of. . .

On the other hand, the guys who are sick of the game think women are NOTHING . . pieces of low iq'd shallow shit flesh that surrounds a moist hole for us to stick our dicks into (if we're lucky). . .

What's the deal with the drama? What you're doing is what women do. . . all into everything or all into nothing. I hate this, I love this. I am doing this, I am quitting that. Come on. . . really?. . . Has chatting with some idiotic human beings with a vagina become that difficult? The whole thing is just one silly game. Don't you have a little brother or sister? You do one thing and they go, "I hate you!" You tell him/her that you will buy an ice cream cone and they go, "I love you!" - This is how absolutely STUPID women are. . . you dial up the correct channel and they suck your cock. You change frequencies and they make like a 5 year old and go, "I hate you!"

Taking ^this personally is absolutely idiotic. Allowing ^this to influence your life is idiotic X2.

You're right about this I understand it from a distance, and sometimes get annoyed about my inaction - actually I do probably everyday, I wish and want a lot but never do. But instead of playing videos games it's actually worse, I did a lot of reading today on www.psychologytoday.com and have basically realised I'm addicted to porn. In danger of paraphrasing I kind of use it as escapism, although I'm not on it hours a day it varies from 2-4 times a week, but after all the research on it, I definitely don't need it in my life and I'm cutting it out completely. I think this sums up exactly how I use it:

http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/inde ... 5#msg86535
Mistake #1: Using Porn to Stop Feeling Bad

People who are unaware of this mistake are going to have a very difficult time quitting porn.

This is what usually happens:

You're very stressed about work or school. You spent all your day working your ass under pressure and you know that the upcoming days are going to be the same. There's pain in your body. You're mentally exhausted. You want to relax and feel good. So what do you do? Watch porn.

You go out to have fun one night. There's one girl you really like, so you try to talk to her, but she keeps ignoring you. One of your more outgoing friends keeps making her laugh with his jokes. You're jealous. You say to yourself "Fuck this shit" and start approaching other women right there. They all reject you. Even one of them said to you "Get away from me!". You go back home feeling incredibly frustrated. Your mood is very down. You start to wonder if you'll ever be able to get a beautiful girlfriend. You get temporarily depressed. It's painful. You want to escape these feelings. So what do you do? Watch porn.

You went out drinking last night. You had a lot of fun, but now you're left with a terrible hangover. You have a headache, nausea, stomach pain. You can't concentrate or do anything. You're just lying there drinking some Gatorade. Obviously, being hungover sucks. You want to stop feeling bad, at least for a few moments. So what do you do? Watch porn.

You're bored as fuck in your house. You and laziness become one. You're not in the mood for anything, not even watching a movie. Boredom, boredom, and more boredom. Who wants to feel bored? Nobody. Time runs slowly. Nothing is fun. You go to Facebook and there are no interesting updates. You refresh your favorite forums and there are no new replies to your posts. There's nothing to do. You start becoming anxious and restless. So what do you do? Watch porn.

Please, stop this.

You need to stop medicating yourself with porn every time you feel pain and discomfort.

This is ignorance to the reality of life.

Stress, depression, frustration, hangovers, boredom, injuries, physical pain, anxiety, embarassment. You know what they are? You know what they're called?

They're called LIFE.

Do not run away from life. Do not run away from reality.

We will never become happy if we keep doing this.
I think what is really the problem is the lack of results I've been getting, so this journal is 6 pages now, and really there's only a page worth of approaches and maybe a handful of kiss closes on there. The rest is just probably me moaning on the internet. Obviously this is my fault, and I can accept that. It's time for a change, but where to start I don't know. I know I have the ability to do it, but I don't why I'm not doing it for example I'm in the process of mastering my career with the right education and work prospects, I'm achieving my fitness goals with the right workouts and the right diet/eating plan, I'm now in the process of mastering my finances and I've really looked into getting the best out of my appearence with reading a lot of style and grooming blogs (http://www.fashionbeans.com if anyones interested). For some reason I just can't do this with girls, although I know I can do it, as I proved with other aspects within my life.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

You seem a bit down and God knows we`ve all been there, so here are my two cents:

You claim to be more process oriented but still look for results, you say you focus on learning but can`t keep your eye away from counting how many kiss closes you`ve got since you started this journal and how few they are.

Here is a tip: stop claiming things. Same goes for porn like you stated; simply be aware that in this there is no starting nor stopping, there is only doing.

Let me tell you: by repeating things you do in life you become good at it, that`s natural. Nothing you can do to change that, the ONE thing you can do here is actually DOING.

When you make a decision about going down a route or not, your mind begins to fill with mental masturbation about wheter is worth doing it or not. Remember, there is no starting, there is no stopping, only doing. Throw away the future, throw even further the past. Use those moments as tools, but pay full atention to the only moment that matters: this moment. Right now. Right here.

Where are you at pick up? "Oh, I`m stucked man. I can`t get my dream results." Where are you with work? "Oh fuck, I can`t get that raise I`ve been wanting for so long, it`s killing me. The frustration is too much."

You are not there at those points in your life, your brain thinks you are there, but your brain sometimes is wrong. Why don`t you try and prove it wrong? I find that to be a nice practice.

I want you to go over one answer kasabi gave me in my thread about going out with girls, a particular one that might have skipped your attention. At some point we forgot to actually have fun with all these.

Kasabi recommends me to go out on dates, chat to girls, try new fun things and actually be present by doing so. Actually make the effort of being aware of what`s important, what`s happening in front of you, and play along like everything else in life. Read those words, let em sink in for a while. Think about em once again, and make a full commitement of having fun next time you go out with a girl or you engage her on a venue.

Artful I can`t stress this enough: I believe that the thing you and I share in common mostly is stress. Stress about simple things in life, prepare yourself to embrace the idea that the whole pick up art might be EASY, and don`t get scared by it.

We can do this, less whining and more work on it motherfucka!

Sat, Aug 3rd

I was at a friends birthday from 2pm, and was having a few drinks all day and meeting chatting to new people. I met this french chick, she was 32 not the best looking but I liked her personality I got talking we connected on psychology, she was a psychologist already so we talked a lot about current issues, and things going on there, it was nice to be able to use my scientific language and talk about things that I see so common and someone else just got it. Anyway she drank way too much and ended up throwing up and being in a pretty bad way in the toilet.

After that I left with some friends and we headed into central London to meet my SPAM and have a dance and some drinks at this club/bar. At first I was just enjoying myself, drinking dancing with friends, joking around etc, but then I saw a girl dancing on her own. I went over held out my hand she grabbed it I span her around, we danced together had a lot of fun, I joined their group and she was a bit of a 3rd wheel, so really appreciated the attention from me that she wasn't alone. We kissed on the dance floor, and we ended up kissing a lot through out the whole night, I managed to make the social groups merge and they hung out with us for a bit.
The only time we spoke was outside in the smokers area, before that it was all physical, the dancing, kissing, it was all minimal speak on the dance floor; In fact we didn't exchange names until about an hour later. Anyway once we got talking I guess I passed her screening method because she asked for my number, she text me later on at 4.30am once she got home to say how long it took and that she had a good night and liked my SPAM.

She was very close to going home with me, but her friend talked her out of it which was a little annoying. But to be honest I was happy with the night, looking back (maybe a little bit of liquid courage) but I was very dominant, lead well, and I managed to turn her on (but maybe not enough to go home with me).

I'll text her tomorrow, and see where it goes. She's very smart, a PHD doctor in medicine, she's 28 and I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm a similar age. Hopefully she doesn't look down on me once she finds out my age and looks at me as 'just a student.'

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

Seems like you had a fun night. . . keep the vibe going.

Bond you're spot on I claim things and think I have a problem, e.g. A man says he gets drunk once very two weeks upon which he behaves in an intimidating and threatening manner to his spouse. He concludes he has an alcohol problem and seeks out counseling and books so he can stop drinking.

from this blog http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/is- ... ng-us-sick

You're totally right about doing = results, I just need to make a habit of approaching and it will be natural; after all 28 days=a habit. I need this to be a habit now.

I think you're right about us sharing stress, but I also think we're both very logical people as well. I particularly relate to your post about wanting to know the hows/whys in this thread. 2-common-pu-mistakes-vt166911.html

I think we're looking for the proper way to do things, rather than just doing it and correcting our failures accordingly (with self reflection in our journals). I also agree that this can't be as hard as we imagined, I believe it's because we see how other people do it on here believe that is the way to it, rather than just figuring out our own way. For me personally I like Kasabi's advice of: 1. remove fear, 2. get her excited. I think it's simple enough to do and really is the way to do it.

From my own point of view I feel like I'm so close now to getting results and day 2's, ONS etc. that there should just be a minor correction in my method, like what happened below:

I texted her on Monday, and a follow up today just to make sure she wasn't playing 'aloof.' I made references to the night and jokes about what we got up to, even as you suggested to keep the vibe going but she hasn't text back.

I have a slight idea why she didn't text me back, I don't think I managed to remove all her fears, (like you put on the last page of my journal). I guess the excitement was there in the form of dancing and kissing, well just generally having the fun we did, we essentially created the excitement right there.

Maybe I'm just looking into this too much, I'm trying not to take it personally, but she was a girl I would have liked to have seen again.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

Ok a little update on the girl from last week before my next entry. She's in portugal on holiday, which is why she took a while to reply, we've been sending stuff back and forth a little, she responds well to teasing so that's my style of texting right now. Hopefully the interest remains and she'll send something when she's back and we can meet up.

Sat 10th Aug

I was out with a friend that I've spoken about before, "Turt" as I called him. We had a few drinks with a girl he is seeing and had a meal out with them too. It was a nice evening before we went back to mine for a few drinks and then hitting the town.

I thought meeting with them would be a good way to get a bit of social momentum for opening and meeting girls, how wrong I was, because we went out and the first bar we were in I had approach anxiety like hell. There were 2 girls I wanted to approach sitting on a sofa, I just couldn't go up and meet them. Even just to be social. The next in the same place, there were 2 girls dancing one absolutely stunning, we danced next to them but I couldn't do my usual routine of hold my hand out, spin them round and start dancing with them.

So we changed venues, this place was dead and expensive, lasted there 30 mins. No sets to invade.

Moved on to a new place, now this was pretty bad as well but we had a table upstairs and Turt was feeling a bit crazy so he bought a bottle of champagne, (hilarious thinking about it now) anyway we couldn't finish it so I mad myself approach. I grabbed a 4 set, 3 girls and 1 guy who turned out to be gay. Anyway the gay guy made the 2 single girls go over with us and they were up for drinking some so it was just us 4 at the moment. At this point it was just chatting, and getting on. The girl I spoke to (we'll call her Oxford-S) I got her to tell me about her travelling, she's been all over the world, and I got her to walk me through some experiences, I could tell she enjoyed telling the stories because I saw her face light up on certain stories, like in thailand about absailing down a waterfall. She asked me about my desires to travel and I shared my plan for next year.

There's a bit more fluff going on after this, like changing venues and other conversations with the other members of the group that I'll leave out. But to give you an idea of the situation all of them were staying at the guys, and they were visiting from Oxford, so in town for the weekend.

Anyway we got into this mega club at like 3am and we got some drinks in, and headed up to the top dance floor. It was a great laugh, some guy tried to "AMOG" me for Oxford-S but, I wasn't having it really, he was trying to freeload on our new group with the entry fee and drinks. I called him out on this, he got really defensive then left us be, which was fine. After we ended up mixing with a few others in there where we dancing and fooling around, this was the point we properly started pairing off, me and Oxford-S, Turt and the other friend. Anyway, we ended up kissing a lot and she was so into it, she was intiating a lot of kissing after that, and they were so up for coming to mine for "another drink" but then decided at the very last minute to just go back to the friends, flaked out right at the last second...

I'm a but gutted to be honest I thought that was a guaranteed lay. She was into me, we had a great time and I got on with her friends. I guess because she was staying at a friends may have influenced her decision unsocial pressure of being judge for a one night stand. I got her number and sent her a text today, just incase she ever in London again - I doubt I'll get a reply to be honest.

On reflection
- I approached the group well
- I made friends with all of them
- My confidence was right up and I lead the whole group to the a new venue and showed everyone a great time
- My physical escalation was good, I had no problem going for a kiss close or anything, it took a while to build up I had to do a lot of leaning in but got their in the end.


Ok so that's 2 weeks in a row I've been so close to getting them back to mine, but they've flaked last minute. I think I need to work on a closing routine that guarantees that it's a great idea to come with me.

Also I want to point out these are girls that I actually like, personality, looks and what they've got going on in their lives. It's not like I'm trying to bring some trashy bimbo home that will ultimately piss me off and I'll want to kick out the door the next day.

Hopefully 3rd time lucky, although I won't be going out for a while now.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

You might be asking yourself the same question. . . WHY NOT? Even if it's awkward, even if it doesn't make sense, and if you slip and fall . . . why not? . . . it's just another memory. . .
Hey, virtual high fives for this field report. What more do you want? I mean . . . you made out with a hot traveling chick who was with a bunch of people in a nightclub. Every one of her friends knew and saw what was going on. Isolating a traveling chick for a fuck fuck can be a tall order if she's with a bunch of people who are not up to partying. You fuck her once (or several times) but she needs to continue to see her friends. I have no other advice here other than that this type of situation is in fact the RIGHT TIME to verbalize a contract. (Have you seen that thread I created? It's pretty wild. . . and pretty much the reason I don't post too much any more)

Any how. . . this is the perfect opportunity to tell her EXACTLY what you plan to do (fuck her brains out. . . and there are a thousand different ways to express this.). . . you create a team between YOU AND HER. You and her become a team with a 'mission' to have fun on your own. When you do this, she will work with the team (you and her) to carry on with your mission. She will tell others off . . . with her own language.
Isolate. Create a bond between you and her. You guys are the 'team' and others get in the way. . . You lead with this and she will follow.

Thanks, yeah I understand the angle you're coming from, but the reason I'm disappointed is because it felt like it was on, it was the next natural progression, so with her umming and ahhing about coming back to mine she suddenly just grabbed her friends saying "I need to go."

I really like the idea of making "us" a team, that really sounds like an us vs. them (the intruding friends) situation, something that I will definitely have to work on and incorporate into my routines.

Also with the closing routine of the "verbalising a contract" I don't quite understand why it would have worked in this situation, if you could elaborate a little more on what you mean.
From a personal note I don't like to verbalise my intent, it just feels a little awkward for me. I tend to assume what I want to happen will happen with the right escalation and isolation techniques - which I'm still learning I should add.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

Of course it feels awkward, you aren't used to doing it. That means you are embarrassed or self-conscious about it. Verbalizing intent is part of escalation. You are missing out until you get it right. You can push a girl into a wall and put your tongue in her ear to great effect. But you can also push a girl into a wall, put your tongue in her ear, and then tell her that you are going to make her cum until she begs for mercy to incredible effect.

Believe me, I know where you are coming from. I felt weird about it as well. Just another wall to kick down.

And intent doesn't have to be dirty talk as it was in my example. It can be a lot more along the lines of "I really like you, we should get out of here."

I'm not sure if this is an update or more of a rant.

I went out tonight and just got back (2am), I'm not drunk - I didn't drink as I'm on a strict no drinking policy until my exam is over next Friday and also it aids with my health goals. What also aligns badly is the lack of carbs I have when I'm not training at the gym, this comes simply from the desire of having the body I'm so on the edge of having. But with this lack of carbs, I feel so emotional all over the place it's closest I can think of what PMS feels like, the mood swings are crazy and to mention the lack of energy and concentration.

Now I'm not blaming this on my faults tonight, that would be rather evasive. But I really didn't do well, and I think that's simply because I didn't have fun - I think that's solely because I went out to approach rather than have a good time, there was immediately a lot of pressure on me before I even stepped foot out the door. My 2 greatest almost pulls of my last journal entries came from just having fun with friends while out.

My wing approached a girl straight off, we got into the group and began chatting. It went fairly well they were pleasant, didn't speak the best English and the venue was fucking loud so it made communication even harder. So I was playing wing distracting the 3, I engaged in conversation with a girl (cutting the story short was in a relationship and lived with her boyfriend) but she was ok we spoke about everything in general, and she left after about an hour. The peak of this conversation was when my wing took his target outside/upstairs and I was left with the 3, I felt a little like a sore thumb but I ploughed through. It was exhausting, this guys were boring as hell to be honest, but I was trying to be a good wingman, and not let them go find her.

Anyway after around 30-45 minutes they came back and I stayed in the group, at this point I should have been approaching and using them as my safety net if it went badly, but I just couldn't get out my head, I wasn't enjoying the moment and I was thinking too much - also I think forcing the others into conversation and that intensive listening didn't help for any cognitive ability or breaking down any personal barriers, as I barely had the power to think of anything new to say.

Also whilst I was trapped in my head, I noticed this pub in central London is like a PUA school/playground, I would say 40-50% of the guys there are actively looking at and approaching women - which just angers me I don't want to be like them at all. I did a bit of watching and they were incredibly bad, I knew how to do better but didn't...at least they were making the effort. Their bad efforts even gave me openers, "That guy just hit on you didn't he, and you shot him right down" - followed by high five etc. or the guy that was trying to pull the women out the door straight after his opener, literally pulling her by the arm against her will "I'd like to apologise on behalf of my gender, I can't believe he just done that." But yeah nothing came out my mouth, or even putting one foot in front of the other to get there. Maybe next time...

The only bonus I can think of tonight is I didn't ruin my diet, or spend any money.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

Right so I have a couple of journal entries to update

Saturday 31st Aug

I went out again with my wing, I allowed myself 3 drinks this night as the night before I didn't drink anything. One thing I do know about drinking and learned from my profession and the reason it helps you approach is because it turns off major cognitive processing from the neocortex essentially taking ability to perceive social pressure off you, by removing anxiety and fear.

My wing made an approach so I was on my own so I just made a polite approach to 2 girls next to me, I just asked them "how's it going?" then if they were enjoying the band. I found out that they had just been to the theatre to watch Dirty Dancing, I made fun of how much they loved 'the lift.' One was from Wales on holiday and visiting her friend who lived in south London, so we joked about the River separating us, and we had a joking rivalry (her from the south, me north) I was keen to play a Romeo and Juliet theme but unfortunately the conversation just died and we moved on to other sets.

On reflection I wish I stuck this out a little more, I felt the girl I was teasing could have the potential to go somewhere. What I wish I did was introduce my wing to the holidaying one and paired off with the blond girl I was talking to, instead I just left, it wasn't hard to reignite the conversation.

The rest aren't really worth noting, because I was winging at the time and I didn't really find anyone I liked while doing it, I had a few pleasant conversations.

I got slightly 'AMOGed' I went to make an approach as this girl kept looking at me while I was the bar, so I as I came away from the bar I had to wait around a little for her to finish getting her drink. As she was walking past, I tapped her on the shoulder, saying "Hey, I wanted to come over and introduce myself" as I was doing this one of the practicing PUA guys in this pub grabbed her hand and pulled her off to the the dance floor. A little annoying I knew it wouldn't last as he gave this vibe of this is what I should be doing, rather than what I want to be doing. 10 minutes later I came back he was no longer there, but for some reason I had massive approach anxiety and just couldn't do it.

That's all about worth mentioning on this night out.

Wednesday 4th September

So a dating website (with an app) put on a night, so we went down to it. It was a shambles, no one younger than 25 at least (and that's being kind). So we headed down a little more central touristy area.
We went into a venue that was dead, but there were 3 girls at a table and my wing approached with out me even realising, after a quick conversation they invited us to sit down. Nothing happened with this set I don't think there was any interest from anyone anywhere, but we stayed for about 30-45 minutes just chatting. It was pleasant, and these girls were really smart - one was a doctor, one a PHD student for a museum. But they were classic British girls, a sense of self importance and defensiveness about talking to me. I mean I kept the conversation going with both of them, but they did this weird thing where they would talk to each other to talk to me about something like a them vs. I situation, but the point was to wing not to pull, I didn't really have any interest.

One thing I noticed I don't give myself much credit for is how smart I am, I could easily keep up with what they were saying about their professions and I wish I could have chipped in a bit more about some studies I know of, to either pose an argument or agree with their conversation.

Some other things happened but I mean most of it was searching for other girls, which was very difficult on a wednesday night!


Right now, I feel like I'm just waiting for the final click somewhere, to give a simile it's like I'm on stairs on the second from last step, that step before you're at the top, and there's a crowd of people in the way so I can't see what it is I want, but when I get up to the top I'll be able to see it really clearly and above the heads of the crowd. That sounds incredibly spiritual...but it's the closest to what I feel.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html

I`m gonna adress one topic from the entry before the last one: Not having fun when approaching.

By now you`ve done some many cold approaches you might have figured out it`s a fun activity to do.

Here is one short story: Last friday we were celebrating a friends birthday and having dinner, before entering Burger King a really hot girl passes by and we all see her ass. After that I look at one of my buddies who was looking at me with a smirk on his face and asked me: You wanted to approach her, didn`t you?

This automatically painted a smile on my face.

I go out to the venue with that guy, he knows me for who I am around hot girls. And he knows I have a blast by talking to em.

So here is the deal: The point of getting over approach anxiety is actually having fun while doing it. If you still don`t feel this, you need more experiences and good memories of practicing it. I know you had your fair share, and I`m sure as hell you did had a great time by initiating a convo with some strangers.

Girls can make you have an awesome night if you ask the right questions and engage in the right vibe, if you were to choose at some point between being an addict of approaching or feeling pressure of doing it even with your experience, I`d go with number one all the way.

You don't have to tell her, "I will fuck you." - in my opinion . . . never. You've seen the kids in this forum who are giddy over the fact that they can say, "fuck" in front of a girl and get real excited. Girls simply do not communicate at this level. They communicate with emotions. You could say, "You are such an idiot" - in an incredibly sincere and loving way and some girls might even agree with you. "Verbalizing" intent = "YOU and I are a team." So if you've been chatting with her this whole time, you've been talking about other bars and clubs, places in the World, your apartment, her apartment . . . verbalizing intent = "Let's you and I ditch your friends and my friends and go on an adventure." There are a thousand different ways to express this. All thousand ways means I will stick my cock up your vagina.

So I made a daytime approach about 2 weeks ago now, and I've been out twice with her now.

My approach was to a girl sitting on a window sill reading a book my opener was asking for directions to a bar I already knew about! Which she gave me and since she was reading a book I asked what it was (Hemmingway) which turned out to be one I've read. We discussed it a little then she invited me to sit down, so I did we talked a little more on other Hemmingway books and then got onto studying, turns out we go to the same place we made a few jokes about the uni and found a little in common. So I got her number and said I wanted to see her again.

The first meetup we just went for drinks in a bar, it was not a very good pua style day 2 but I just wanted to get to know her, and we had a good time chatting. She's actually really smart and interesting and she has some good views on some subjects which is why I like her. She lives in a part of London, I've never been so she offered to give me a tour of the area - so I took her offer.

We went out today for her "tour", all round an old part of London, we went to a museum and planetarium and ended with a coffee date, she actually bought me 2 coffee's although I was happy to pay for them myself but she insisted. We had some really good conversations and I got to know her quite well, when we left and went back to the tube station we kissed then. And I've left it with a reason to invite her round to mine next time - if I want to, I'm not sure if I like her that much, but I thinking I might do the PUA thing just have sex a few times then move on, it would actually be nice to get a lay (if I can).

Yesterday (Sat 21st Sept). I made an approach in a supermarket, I was standing next to a girl who was really cute so I made a remark about finding something, when there's so much choice, we made small talk quickly, then I introduced myself, then she gave me her name. After that she just said "nice to meet you, my name" and then walked off to do her shopping. It was quite nice to be social, and something I need to start doing more - small talk with girls.

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My Journal is thoughts on life game and approaches: artful-roger-journal-vt148980.html