Day 11
Topics: Trouble with disqualification

Today is the first day that I attempted the StyleLife challenge and was not able to do it. I was supposed to disqualify myself from 3 girls. I opened a bunch of sets, but I never felt like I got to a point where I could have disqualified.

I'm trying to figure out why I am having trouble with this. I think my conversations are just nice...there is no edge to them. I think I am smiling a bit too much, so we just say nice things to each other for a minute or so and then the conversation is over. Here is an example set I had today:
Me: "Hey let me ask you something, would you date a guy that spoke very little English?"
HB8: "Well, I speak Spanish."
Me: "So you wouldn't mind if a guy had trouble speaking English?"
HB8: "Well, I'm married so I don't care anyway."
Me: "I just needed a female opinion on this because my roommate is Saudi Arabian and he asked me last night if he would ever be able to get an American girlfriend."
HB8: "I don't really know, I never thought about it."

I don't think there was a good place in there to disqualify. Maybe when she said "I'm married" I could've said something like "That's okay I'm not hitting on you, I just need your opinion." But that's not really a playful thing to say, and my understanding is that disqualifications are supposed to be playful. I think this is a very important tool to have and to understand, so I will be looking for more examples of disqualifying and trying again tomorrow.

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"Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen."

Keep it going man, mad props,

-Sil3nt

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~California Love~!

Day/Evening 12
Topics: Disqualification

My troubles with disqualifying continued today. Taking a step back from that though, I identified another problem that I am still having: I still feel that it's awkward to talk to strangers. I guess I still have a bit of approach anxiety. My AA has gotten much better since 12 days ago, but I am still only opening about 60% of sets that I should be opening. On the other 40%, I am just about to approach, but then that dangerous little voice comes into my head and says "She's a stranger, she has her own agenda right now, she probably doesn't want to be bothered" and then BOOM! she's gone. And the little bastard of a voice got to me again.

Now, as I said before, for over 23 years of my life, up until 13 days ago, I was opening 0% of possible sets. So for that to go up to 60% is good. But not great.

Back to disqualification. I failed StyleLife Day 10 again today, and I did not feel like I got to a point where I could have disqualified in any of them. Looking back, maybe I could have. I'll elaborate below:

Set 1
Walking down the street past HB7.5, texting and wearing giant sunglasses:
Me: "Hey let me ask you something..." (deliver my usual opinion opener)
Her: (she has a pissed off look on her face the whole time I am talking) "Ew, I would tell him not to do it." She said this like a complete snob and then walked away.

Clearly there was no chance in there to disqualify

Set 2
Waiting to cross the street, I open an HB6.5
Me: "Do you sneeze when you see bright lights?"
Her: "Haha, what?"
Me: "I'm just noticing that every time I walk out into sunlight I have a sneeze attack. Have you ever heard of that before?"
Her: "No." (chuckling)
Me: "So are you here for orientation?"
Her: (gets offended) "No, I go to school here."
Me: "Oh cool. I just moved here and I really like it so far, except the heat. How do you like Austin?"
Her: "It's awesome. I'm from Houston and it's even hotter there."
Me: "So where are you headed this afternoon?"
Her: "To CVS." (walks into the CVS that we were walking past)
Me: "Have fun."

Again, I couldn't think of a place to disqualify. Except I kind of disqualified myself when I pissed her off by asking her if she was here for orientation. Maybe after I asked that I could've said "It's good to look young. You can be my little sister that I never had!"

Set 3
HB7.5 is counting a group of younger people, then starts walking right next to me.
Me: "So are you their chaperone?"
Her: "Yes."
Me: "What's it for?"
Her: "Dive camp."
Me: "Cool. There are a ton of camps here. I just saw a tennis camp today, and a football camp last week."
Her: "Yeah, we have blah blah blah" (names all of the camps)
Me: "That's cool."
*I turn down a different street*

Couldn't find a place to disqualify. After looking at how the conversation went, I still can't

Set 4
In a clothing store
HB8.5 worker, right when I walk in: "Wow, I LOVE your shirt!"
Me: "Thanks, but your sales pitch won't work on me." (smile)
HB8.5: "No, I really like it, I haven't seen that in white before blah blah."
Me: "Thanks."
I ask her to help me find something, then she lets me in the fitting room
HB8.5: "You don't want to try on jeans? Is that all you wear are Levi's?"
I'm thinking "Did I just get negged" lol
Me: "No, I'm good on jeans thanks."
We exchanged niceties as I left the store.

When I was in the conversation I couldn't think of a place to disqualify, but looking back, when she asked if that's all I wear were Levi's, I could've said something like "Watch it missy, or I'm gonna switch helpers to that better worker over there" (and pointed to the other worker)

So I realize this was long, but I wanted to get some details from some of my sets today so that I could analyze where I could have worked in a disqualification. And on 2 of the 4 sets, it looks like I easily could have. I just need to have a quicker wit and come up with them on the spot, instead of in an online forum later that night

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"Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen."

Good point, thanks!

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"Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen."

This is a nice little PUA diary. Kudos to you and hope it helps. This was my plan as well, but I've stumbled on my social phobia on talking to strangers and am slowly grinding that particular mental barnacle out of my life. Once I get that under wraps, I'll move back to pickup.

Keep it up!

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You: (cocky/funny) What, my Levi's aren't good enough for you? Tell ya what, next time I go jeans shopping I'll let you come with me to give me a female insight. Who knows, afterwards maybe I'll splurge and reward you with a cheeseburger off the dollar menu. I take care of my women.

Cocky/funny, flirting, giving her a reason to go out with you (give you a female opinion on buying jeans).

After you say the jeans bit, she'll probably try to qualify herself ( no no, it's just that our jeans are better/on sale/look nicer (trying to qualify what she said).

hobbit makes some excellent suggestions for how you might work some material into the conversations. but i think you nailed it, chopper, when you said that its HARD to come up with good, conversationally relevant disqualification on the spot. you're right. it takes time and comfort and practice and quick improvisational skills (have you thought about maybe enrolling in an amateur acting/improv comedy class?)

i'd memorize some stock lines (see Mystery Method), continue trying for situational negs, and be willing to crash and burn a little bit in the process =)

for me, i always draw on some stock "negs" just in case i falter. for example, having a girl's hair color (no matter what it is) be a deal breaker has always gained me good results. ex: "well, she makes an excellent point...but you can only trust redheads so much [smile.]" the exception, of course, would be blondes b/c of the negative "ditzy/low intelligence" stereotypes. in that case, i've found success with lines like, "you blondes think you can do almost anything and expect that most men will bow before you." of course, as you read in "Rules," the line needs to be doled out playfully and not seriously. i think a line paired with a good smile/light kino makes it effective. afterall, you dont want to come off as a psychopath. i have definitely made some bad impressions when not taking that into consideration. its risky, but in my mind, ultimately worth it. As Neil says, disqualification is the "bedrock of flirting." SO true.

one more quick question: are you actively using non-verbal false time constraints (such as talking over your shoulder or body rocking)? I've found that shifting weight as if you have to leave, delivering another opener, then shifting back can really disarm a target's expectations about your intentions.

Peace, friend.
-Shaman

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-SHM

Wow, that's awesome advice Hobbit. I didn't really realize that I was really hanging on to one conversational topic, but you hit it right on the head. I will pay much more attention to this now

_________________
"Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen."

Shaman, thanks a ton for your input. I will definitely have some stock ones at-the-ready (which I did today, as you will see once I write up my field report). As far as non-verbal ftc's, I have not been using them. I tried them in the beginning (during daygame) and found that people were walking away from me as soon as I started to body rock. They thought the interaction was over. This leads me to believe two possibilities:
1. Body rocking is not helpful in the daytime
2. I body rocked a bit too far away, and led them to believe the interaction was over.
The second one is probably true, but in either case I haven't really done it for the past 8 days or so. Do you find it helpful in the daytime?

Edit: I just read this part more closely: .
And I will definitely be trying this out.

_________________
"Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen."

Day 13
Topics: Disqualification, Number closes

So I woke up around 11am today (3 hrs earlier than yesterday!) so that I could try some early afternoon daygame. I walked around campus from Noon-1p, completely dead, didn't open anyone. Walked around again from 1:45-2:45p, and again it was almost completely empty. I think I opened one or two sets that time, but I don't even remember them.

So I ran some errands and then stopped by the mall to see if I could find more people there. Opened a one-set right at the mall entrance:

Set 1
Me: "Hey, I really need your opinion on something..."
HB7.5: "Okay" (she smiles/laughs a bit)
Me: "My sister is in the last trimester of her pregnancy, and it's getting really tough for her. They say the last trimester is always the hardest. So I wanted to send her something to cheer her up. Should I get something for her, or for the baby?"
HB7.5: "For her. Definitely."
Me: "Okay cool. What would you suggest?"
HB7.5: "Blah blah spa SPAM."
Me: "That's a good idea, but I'm from Michigan so I can't buy her a gift certificate to a spa for down here!"
HB7.5: "Ah, I should've known...you have an accent!"
Me: "Really? No...so what's another gift idea?"
HB7.5: "How about lotion and stuff from Bath/Body Works?"
Me: "Perfect! She loves that kind of stuff. You are hired as my assistant."
(she chuckles)
Me: "So let me tell you this hilarious text I got from my friend today. He is a personal trainer in NYC, and one of his gay clients offered him $500 for a picture of his naked ass. I'm trying to talk him into it, but he won't do it."
HB7.5: (laughing) "I wouldn't do it either!"
Me: (smiling) "You're fired as my assistant...you're boring." (she DEFINITELY knew I was kidding)
a bit more fluff talk blah blah blah
Me: "So what was your name?"
HB: "HBBrunette."
Me: "HBBrunette, you seem like a fun girl to hang out with." (take out my phone, pull up number pad, hand it to her)
HB: "But I don't live around here!" (as she puts her number in)
Me: "Well where are you from?"
HB: "College station, like an hour and a half away."
Me: "Well I'll text you anyway."
HB: "This is so random!" (smiling)
I walk away

Set 2
I went into the lotion store, and asked the worker some suggestions. I told her my sister's favorite scent, then asked for one similar. When she handed me one, I said: "No, I don't like this one...you're fired." (while smiling of course)
Her: "You can't fire me, honey." (she might've been a bit mad)
The rest of the interaction was normal...she was old and I was not interested at all...but at least I disqualified her!

Set 3
I open a two set once I left the store with the same opener about my pregnant sister. They were both really shy, and kind of cold to me. I think they were just taken off guard that I started talking to them, so I guess I should've tried to make them more comfortable (maybe by being a bit lower energy). Anyway, one girl did all of the talking while the other one just stared at me. So a little bit into the interaction I looked at her and said (playfully) "You can talk too, quiet one." She laughed and started talking a bit.

All three sets happened in 10 minutes. So after struggling with StyleLife day 10 for 3 days, it was over and done in 10 minutes, including a number close. Disqualifying is not easy for me yet, but I do see how important that it is, and I now realize that it IS possible to work it into my interactions!

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"Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen."

Real nice NC on that first set! i would make sure to follow up with it as soon as possible too.
I tend to think the longer the interaction the longer you can go without interaction, this would also go for the shorter the interaction...
Great thread, keep it going

Thanks man! I actually texted her about an hour later and said:
"Thanks for the tip...my sis will love this stuff! My name is [Chopper] by the way "

She hasn't responded yet, but I'm thinking with her living so far away, this one is probably gonna flake

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"Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen."

Evening 13
Topics: Is she married or not?

So I just had an interaction at a coffee shop that kinda pissed me off, but I definitely learned from it. There was a super cute HB7.5 working on her laptop in front of me. I was filling out med school applications, and I noticed at some point that she was on a website for medical school students. So as I was about to leave, I approached her.

Me: "Let me ask you something...I noticed you on [website] and I was wondering if you were a med school student?"
Her: "Unfortunately!" (she meant because she was so busy with stuff right now)
Me: "Well, I have to leave in like two minutes, but do you mind if I pick your brain? I'm applying to med schools right now" (I point to where I'm sitting)
Her: "Sure!" she walks over and joins me

We have a great 10 minute conversation about the application process, she answers my questions about it, she tells me about her experiences, blah blah blah. I even disqualified her at some point in there. She is just finishing up her third year of med school, and I was legitimately attracted to this girl...BUT I noticed about halfway through our conversation that she had a wedding ring on. At least I think it was a wedding ring, it was a diamond ring on the correct finger. So I decided not to go for the number close. Giant mistake. Not only did I really dig this girl, but after looking back on our conversation the IOI's were blatant. Here are the ones I can think of now:
- She kept really good eye contact the whole time, with lots of smiling and laughing at my sense of humor
- A few times there was a lull in the conversation...she immediately brought up a new conversational topic
- The first thing she said was how busy she was, but she had no problem sitting down and chatting with me for 10 mins
- At one point she asked "So why did you come to Austin? Do you have a girlfriend here or something?"
- At the end she said "I don't think I was very helpful to you...(pause)..." then she came up with even more advice to give me about the application process.

Unfortunately, I saw the ring and figured "Nah, there's no way she'll give me her number." Hobbit, I'll say it for you: STOP MAKING ASSUMPTIONS .

So yeah, I was a bit mad when I went over the conversation again in my head, but at least I know for next time to pay attention to IOI's, and don't pay attention to rings because they don't necessarily tell you anything.

_________________
"Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen."

Lesson learned. You could always get the number and if you find out she's married just say oh thats great, I'm happy for you, but now that I have to erase you from my black book, tell me which of your friends I can put in your place (cocky funny and a variation could work). If she's not, go for it.

Spur of the moment thought here.....

While she's talking, look down at her ring as if you're just noticing it, lightly pick up her hand to admire the ring and say oh wow this is gorgeous! Don't ask where she got it/what it's from; if it's important, she'll tell you in one way or another (grandmother's ring, mom's favorite ring, engagement ring, etc etc). Or you could say "tell me the story behind this..." (forgot where I heard it from).

Happy hunting!

Man I am hooked! Im reading this everyday.. I like the way you have naturally started using time constraints, well done. But even more important, I dont know if it's me or not but the last few challenges, you have sounded like a legitimate PUA, you arent coming across as a AFC at all. Maybe its the repetition? Keep it up Chopper