Hey Daniel,

If it's only a break for a couple of days because you are going to relax on a tropical island near Sao Paulo I give you the right to do so. Don't take a longer break man, you are on the right track, you improve a lot and you will get yourself to the situation where you want yourself to be. It might take a while, but as you know, you're not the only one. There's plenty of guys here in similar situations. Some of them were there before and already got to the point where they wanted to be, others, like you and me are still in the early phase. There's a lot of people in here that take your journal as an example. It would be a shame if you would take a break right now. Look at you, you were on a date with your Colombian HB8. Yes, it was a date, you made an appointment to meet her and you spent time with her together, just her (doesn't matter there were others included for a while as well). Take this to the next step. Maybe she will LJBF you, but seriously, would that be a big problem right now? Don't you think it's great to have some HB8's that you can consider your best friends and who at some point will introduce you to their other HB friends? Think about that... Whether you fuck her in the end, or she becomes your best friend... It's gonna be good!! I have to write my report of the last two days. I have been with my best friend, just before I left, and this will not harm our friendship for the future at all, I know that already.

Peace out!

Daniel, you wouldn't believe how much in common we have.

I moved from Italy to Canada in September for a new job, but also for a girl.

We started our relationship 6 months ago. I literaly covered her with gifts and attentions, and availability, I compromised myself a lot, I spend huge amount of time and energy for her, and all the others super-AFC behaviours.

On her side, she never gave me a gift in 4 months, she barely called me, she cheated on me, then she called for an open-relationship, then she called for a 15 days break because she "had to study".

Then she dumped me on New Year Day. 1st of January 2011.

I mean, seriously, who get dumped on New Year???

And you know the funny part? I was planning to win her back, on our date of 1st January 2011. I am not proud of what I've done, and I am a little bit ashamed speaking about that, but I'm going to tell you exactly how I was going to win her back, to give you an idea of the lowest point I ever reached in my life...

I completely shaved myself, not only the pubic hairs, but everywhere! Legs, armpit, chest, ass, etc. Still now, my body hair look weird because of that.
I booked a nice hotel room for 150$ a day.
I bought candels to light up in the room.
I bought a 70$ bottle of Italian wine, and since the hotel had not wine glasses, I bought two wine glasses.

It's not over. Lock up your belt.

I bought her several gifts for her.
A collection of Jhon Grisham books, total of 5 books, paid 40$ for them.
Two pairs of 100% wool socks, price 20$ a pair.
Five old american silver coins, price 15$ each.
One fur hat, 100% Coyote, price 350$.
A 18K gold necklace 20g, price 950$.

It's not over. The worse is yet to come. Ready?

I gave up coming back in Italy to see my parents for Christmas JUST for meeting her.
I spend my New Year's Eve ALONE, in the streets of her city, trying to find something to do and ending up seeing a movie that started 11pm. And I can tell you, it was not even a good movie! It was some stupid not-funny comedy I don't even remember the title right now.
Meanwhile, she was partying with her firends (she clearly stated I couldn't come to her party), and she didn't even send me a message at midnight for "Happy New Year".
I didn't have fun at New Year's Eve, because all I was all thinking about was the date of the next day.

I don't think you want to hear how she dumped me, or how the date of 1st January 2011 went. Let's just say, she ambushed me at a coffee shop, she didn't come to the hotel room, and she was speaking to me like I was the worse thing that happened in her life.

That was, honestly, the lowest point of my life. I was destroyed. It took one week for me to recover (I didn't know any PUA back then). And I never spoke about it with anyone, until now.

But now, if I think about it, it look so ridiculous!

So I will leave you with this: in life we can go out even from the most desperate and sad situations. And when we look back at them we'll laugh about how stupid we acted and how ridiculous those thoughts were!

Life is beautiful, and full of surprises. And the more we work towards the right direction, the more luck we get!

Have an happy break!

P.S. Don't do this break JUST because of her, that would be a huge mistake! If you want to go to the island to have fun, and SARGE the locals, that's a good call! But don't let her bog you down!

Daniel,

I feel compelled to respond to your latest "decision" if that's what you want to call it. As I sat in the computer lab reading what you wrote I've already decided what I've wanted to say.

Over the course of 25 pages and 49 days you've basically transformed your life from boring/hopeless and instilled purpose. People search for purpose their entire life and your giving up the opportunity to find and succeed your purpose.

I can't say that I'm speaking from similar experiences, I'm not. But as a bystander I want to encourage you to keep going. I learned game for months before I saw results - results in any form at all. I would approach girls at random, strike up conversations and focus on various sticking points. You've surpassed the results that I've achieved in a year over the meager timespan of 49 days.

You've dated a girl that you didn't love for the course of 2 years and you feel betrayed? Roissy put it brilliantly in one of his posts - (paraphrasing here) "It is crazy for a man to believe that he is above a woman's ability to date up in the sexual marketplace."

Your emotions have been clearly bottled up for the breaking point. This is just a simple hurdle that you have to overcome to achieve greatness. Don't make the mistake of "taking a break" and regressing to old behavior. I came to the conclusion about a year ago that PUA isn't about what you do or what you say, but the life that you lead. It's about transformation and achieving inner happiness. You reap what you sow.

_________________
Hobbit: Manwhore.inc: So good, it got FatalKill125 laid.
Co-Founder of Manwhore.inc

Its good you made a decision to take a break, for however long, and if you miss it you'll come back and carry on.

You like your inner game, so this link is some food for thought on your situation right now this-is-how-you-cultivate-inner-game-vt80880.html



I think most people have been inspired by this journal.

_________________
"You don't want girls to think you suck dick at fucking pussy"
-Seth (Superbad)

I guess this guy was right long along, damn I wish I was you right now haha...well all I can say is there are a lot of fish in the sea blah blah blah..but in the end of the day you just gotta man up and either get this girl or move on.

_________________

"We Go Truly Hard, Styles Like Julia"-Hoodie Allen

To Daniel and Fucking Italian:

Both of you have summed up what i feel.
My relationship was also a classic example of how i turned from a the man to the wussy. And how she left me. Its been a couple of months.

Not cribbing over the fact. The truth us it Hurts, Every-day i think about her.
Surprisingly , all i think is if i become a PUA maybe ill win her back.
Hahahahaha...


Something that i learnt from the relationship:

1) Accept this is reality, Shit happens.

2) Only invest as much as other person is investing in the relationship.

3) Always remember the CAT STRING theory , it always works,
Give them enough to play,but not all of you.
Hold on, and you'll always be attractive to them.

4) Be the Guy who doesn need anyone to be happy. You should be happy and at peace with yourself.Love yourself the most.

5) Love the people who'll be there for you. Your Parents.



We are not BAD people to be with, we were just WUSSIEEESSS.


BTW a PREDICTION :
I bet you both like me were not happy in the relationship.

Reason: I bet you used to be always the one who were trying to please her. And Expecting her to respond to you and she wasnt so you were SAD most of the time.
Think about it.


Life is not easy.
BE THE MAN.

@Daniel,

I still relate to your feeling. Cause the thing is happening in my life.
If you need a friend , I am always there listening.
PM Me.

I understand we need people to went out sometime.
But Word of advice. Dont get used to it.





As BHAGWAT GITA(Our holy book) says:
Do your work but dont expect results.

Its the expectation that hurts a lot.
Its the expectation of how she should have reacted that is hurting you the most.
You did your best.

PM me , if you need a friend to cry and vent out in privacy. I am there for ya.

Daniel!

I have been very busy lately with life, and logged on today to find 6 pages of progress, one page of martini fueled defeat and almost two pages of fellow PUA's pouring their hearts out for the sake of mutual empathy.

No man is an Island,(apt metaphor considering the locale of your haidas) no one is impervious to the un-zen-like nature of being a Human. If you could possibly achieve the ability to never feel an unhelpful emotion, or to never take a step backwards in any of your life's journey's, well, you would no longer have a need for things like a WOMAN TO SHARE YOUR LIFE WITH. Is this what we are striving for? Where does the needyness NEED to give way to shared emotional state? When CAN you be Human and be OK with it? Embrace your pain.

Your ex fed her selfishness because of just that, selfishness, we are all selfish.

Internally speaking, I can tell you WANT to be happy for her, I can tell you ARE jealous of her. You seem confused about which emotion is closer to your heart. Which emotion better suits your actual internal image RIGHT NOW, not the one you are projecting?

In terms of your nature, you are angry, this is what is bound to happen given this situation, look at everyone's "empathy" posts, if this was a 10 000 years ago, you'd club one or both of them on the back of the head and be satisfied. In terms of your emotions, you feel like the right thing to do is to be happy for her, you KNOW the proper emotion to feel, the chivalrious thing to do is to be OK with it.

How to rectify the internal conflict between the two feelings? Step outside your SELF, outside your situation and assess what is more advatagious, then start acting accordingly. If you strive for the proper behaviour, eventually, the proper mental state will arise, this you know. Don't let the sadness feedback into your brain and make you misrable. Rationalize and dtermine that you CAN be happy for her, given a state of mind in which you are contented for yourself. You are comparing your state and the state you THINK she is in, and feeling like she is better off. If you achieve the state you WANT to be in, her state will magically disappear from your imagination. You can only achieve your success through effort, and the effort needs to be fueled from a strong, positive internal state. So go back to the beginning of your transisition, and start feeding your internal state, not demoralizing it.

HER BEING ENGAGED IS NO DIFFERENT THAN HER BEING WITH SOMEONE ELSE AND NOT WITH YOU, NOTHING HAS CHANGED OTHER THAN YOUR RELAPSE IN STATE!

Yes, you can look at the game as ridiculous, but no more ridiculous than any other facet in life. A lot of the things we do or derive pleasure from are ridiculous in comparision to our desires, our final outcomes. Why do you feel that playing the game, getting numbers, struggling to not bore your dates and the like is a ridiculous endevour? Is it because your ex didn't have to? Is it because YOU didn't have to in order to find your ex in the first place? Is it you're subconcious belief that by stepping so far outside your standard behaviour in 50 short days, you are doing something you don't agree with internally? Is it going to help you to view your endeavours as ridiculous? Do you think the community is ridiculous? Should we all stop trying to find women? If you stop, will you achieve your desired outcome?

Is your meditation ridiculous? Is the smile on your face generated by longing txts from women and the thrill of approach ridiculous? Is a kiss on the cheek, or a kino on the arm producing sexual tension ridiculous? Is it a fabricated feeling or a genuine one? If it is genuine, what logical basis do you have for calling the behaviour that elicits the emotion as ridiculous? In my opinion, the feelings you/ woman get from the game should be proof enough that it is anything but ridiculous. In fact, it is necessary.

Seems to me, the rationalization you are making is that you are ridiculous because you feel like you're doing all this because of your ex, she doesn't need to partake, and if she could see you now, she would laugh, or someone is laughing?

In fact, you are doing all this because you want a woman, internal strength and some sort of validation in life. You have realized that without changing your behaviour, you won't achieve the relationship you dream of with the woman you dream of being with.

Your ex and you are DONE, FOREVER, it wasn't a failure it was a learning expierence. You are now left with a choice. To BE [a pua] or not be [a pua]. Do I need to ask the question?

P.S. Perhaps, after you return, and have a fresh perspective, this will all be pointless, because you have already figured it out. In the hope of making light of the situation, has the fact that your time in Brazil being temporary factored into your perception of what it is you are trying to achieve? The love of your life living in Brazil while you follow your dreams in Paris, well, perhaps your time is brazil can be more fun and less serious in regards to women? Perhaps the game being ridiculous is good for you, less emotional investment, and lots of oppurtunity to become a bettered man.

I really hope he reads this post when he gets back.

Daniel,

Good job so far man. But you have to change up your game a little. If you keep doing the same thing over and over again, you get the same results. I suggest to stop using situational openers "where is X" "how is that Y." You're making it a situation where she's forced to just answer the question and move on. Even if she likes to talk more and get to know you. Opinion openers is more open ended. She can go on and on about it.

I think you ask too many questions. One of my rules is - no questions until the comfort building phase. Just like no buying drinks until later. You are lowering your value by just badgering the girls with questions. I know its hard but it should feel like how it is with you and your friends at home. No one asks question after question. Start learning the canned materials - cold reading, palm reading, astrology. You know the ring gambit Style came up with? Each finger represent some god? You have to start doing stuff like that on girls. No more lame boring questions that not even you care to know the answer to. Every guy on the planet asked her those questions. Why would she hook up with you.

I think this new approach will improve your game so much. Don't give up on it though. Even if you don't like my advice. Stick with what you have. You'll eventually realize what you are doing wrong and change it.

Wow so many advice...AFC Daniel probably can't take em all and use all of them, but I mean I understand the support but some advice are better suited for Daniel than others, all I'm saying that he's situation might get too complicated...keep it simple.

_________________

"We Go Truly Hard, Styles Like Julia"-Hoodie Allen

Hi everyone,

I've just came back from 3 wonderful days in Ilhabela http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ilhabela,_S%C3%A3o_Paulo and discovered your replies. First of all, I would like to thank you again for your support. This community is simply amazing.

As expected, this latest news has been in my head during this carnival break. Making me angry or sad sometimes. I'm really proud though since I'm handling it. I had so much fun and really enjoyed myself despite all the negative voices in my head. I really tried to step back and to stay rational about all this. As I told you, I really felt ridiculous about all this, but I was not crying all tears "why is this happening to me?!". That was not what happened. I just felt stupid because I saw myself struggling to have a girlfriend and being happy for small results while she was getting married. I felt, and still feel a bit ashamed of being single.

This episode is clearly a relapse in AFCness, but I could not help. She has too much power over me. It also made me realize that I've been focusing a lot on approaching and I've forgotten that this solution is not enough to strenghten my inner game. Attracting girls is a result of my primary goal: being a real man. Let's not forget about this.

@tweeby.
You might be right about the one-itis. I realized that it was a fight against myself in the end. She almost has nothing to do with what I feel, but she's still able to trigger this kind of things in me. Staying rational is the key here. Easy to say, hard to apply. I'm keeping the head up though and try to get rid of negative thinking.

@sliqx.
We can call that a burnout indeed. I needed some time away from my computer. I needed a break in goals and strategies to just enjoy myself. I prepared this trip before learning the news though. In the end, it came at the right time. You're right, even if I'm able to speak to girls and get some numbers, I must not forget about taking care of my inner game first of all. This is a reminder. Th

@LyricalDream.
I'm not taking a break from the Game. I'm taking a break from my journal, from goals, approaches... I wanted to take care of myself, to enjoy some good time with friends. I've still a lot of things to learn. No reason for me to quit. I know I should not wish bad things to her. I don't actually. I just felt like that, after what I've been through because of her, she did not deserve this happiness. I was being stupid. Things are just the way they are. Our breakup was not perfect, so what? I was not even in love, I did not even introduce her to my parents in two years, I was clearly not seeing myself founding a family with her... She did not say goodbye to me? I did not either. Yet, my ego is fucking my mind with this kind of bullshit. Hobbit reframed me quickly about her being the victim. I don't really know if there was a victim in our relationship. Just two people caring too much for each others to have the courage to breakup. Just a guy who discovered too lately (after the breakup?) that he has feelings for her. Just a girl getting tired of not receiving the love she wanted since the very beginning. All this is stuff is a story that my mind makes up... I don't really know why though. The way I felt about our breakup is nothing new. There is nothing new here. Just the same and good old AFC mind playing is part.

Let's get a better mindset indeed. Thanks LD.

@FR_1978.
As I wrote, this break was to relax a little indeed. I just wanted to stop journaling, setting up goals... and focus a bit on my inner game: enjoying myself, taking pictures... I gotta see the Colombian HB again. I want to escalate more even if she seems to have a boyfriend.

@TheFuckingItalian.
Grazie Italian. Thanks so much for sharing your story. Seems like we've been in the same wussy state... like many others. Yes, it is ridiculous. Yet, the fact that we're journaling in this forum shows that we learned a lot from it. Look at you, you're having a date with a hot Canadian girl that kiss closed you. Life is beautiful and full of surprises indeed! Let's just enjoy it.

@GuidosaurusWrecks.
I don't know who Roissy is but he was right! Don't worry, I'm not getting back to the old AFC me... I've just relapsed because of this news.

@Shahanshah.
It's all about inner game! Thanks for the link Sha.

@HappySlip.
Lots of fish in the sea but this one triggers really strange stuff in me unfortunately.

@The Illusionist.
You've summed up everything Illusionnist. And yes, I was not happy in the relationship. Thanks for your support but I'm not that devastated!

@Insert.
I've read several time your reply Insert since it's really enlightning to me: we're all selfish and angry by nature indeed. Your practical advice to fix the conflict between what I want to be and what I am is really helping. It goes without speaking that I'm comparing my situation to her's and that's silly. She still has a power over me. I should not think about her being happy with another man, or being sad, or being miserable... I should think about me, about my state. As you said, there's nothing new here. Yet it made me relapsed.

I don't think the Game is ridiculous, but I did feel ridiculous about my results for now... My point was: I'm struggling to have a girlfriend and she's getting married after what she did to me? STUPID. If you've read my answer to LD, we already know that's silly. As silly as comparing her situation to mine.
Touché. She would probably not laugh, but I would feel ashamed and ridiculous. A part of me wants her to know that I've no problem to date another woman, a beautiful and sexy one... AFC.
Touché, again.

@W0lf137.
Thanks for the advice. I've been thinking about it indeed. I need to get out of the classic conversation stuff and be more funny. Routines are gold for that. I'll learn some of them for my next dates.

Recovering from the relapse.
I've learned a lot of thing from this new development in my journey. She still has a huge power over me. She's able to trigger some really AFC thoughts in me. A part of me wants her to see pictures of me with beautiful Brazilian HBs... A part of me wants to write to her and to seek her attention... A part of me wants her to see how much I have changed and became a real man... Another part wants to make her pay for bailing on me.

I need to take action. I'm going to unfriend her on Facebook. As I write this, a part of me is affraid of receiving a mail from her about this decision. Truth is, I won't... Another part of me is affraid of doing it because it would show her that I'm not done with our story. Again, I have to accept things as they are. I have to think about me, about my journey. This burden is too heavy for me right now.I've also kept a stamp (long story) she gave me the last time we saw each other. I kept it in my wallet as a remembrance. I'm throwing it right now.

It's time to open a new chapter.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Quick Update.

Okay guys. It's 10.59pm here in São Paulo, Brazil. We are March 10th. I've just unfriended my ex-girlfriend on Facebook. It feels weird, I actually even feel guitly about it. Strange... but it's time to move on.

Coming next: a fresh look back on my journey with all my blocking points and solutions to apply. TheFuckingItalian and FR_1978 have been having nice results recently when it comes to inner game and dating girls. I want to follow their paths. A nice date could be a good result for me right now.

But before beginning a new chapter, I have a small gift for you guys. I've taken this video at Ilhabela's Carnaval. Enjoy.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMk5uu0Vzd8[/youtube]

(could not upload it in HD though)

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

welcome back Daniel, dont forget that pickup is more of personal development than f@cking girls...they are just benefits of being a real man. I was really hoping you woudnt quit PU coz of your ex. Shes not the problem, the issue is with you accepting that she didnt love you that much. Dont cry over spilt milk coz its already done. Accept it and move on. Dont make her a reference point of your happiness remember we PUA create our own reality. Goodluck man

_________________
I'm a predator I dont make pets out of my prey!

Hey, if you guys feel certain things due to certain events in your lives, then nobody can talk you out of it but guys . . . really? Seriously? You're playing the violin and offering emotional support for a guy who's down on himself because a girl he didn't love found a better guy to marry? This is retarded.

Most guys would give up an arm and a leg to travel the fucking World, study at a prestigious school, go to a 'holiday' on some tropical island, and be FREED of an anchor who's BLOCKING his potential for an International playboy lifestyle. If you guys want to offer emotional support, there are plenty brain-dead virgin losers on this forum who still live with momma in the trailer park. Go tell those guys to keep their chin up.

Daniel, obviously your ex was ready to be married. . . and I bet her fiance' was ready to be married. He's probably professionally, emotionally, socially ready. YOU ARE NOT. You still have things to figure out. You still have people to meet, mingle with, experience different emotions and situations with. You still need time to develop yourself professionally and personally . . . What that girl did for you is a gift and a blessing.

Grow up and congratulate her; PROGRESS and get on with life. All this unfriending, throwing away old pictures, shaving the head . . . leave that stuff for emotionally imbalanced women and wussies.

Like David D says "Don't Be a Wuss"

_________________

"We Go Truly Hard, Styles Like Julia"-Hoodie Allen