Another psychological milestone.

It seemed that despite not having jobs, I still have to push myself to do some routines and think of the future to keep my mind positive, so I decide to relive my Swedish learning, which I've abandoned, granted because I was too preoccupied with PUA stuffs.

In addition to that, I need to keep my minds open. Again probably due to PUA materials, I realised that I've closed my mind to almost everything around me, making me too negative-minded on almost everything.

Worth noting as well is I'd better keep my minds shut from women as if no girls like me. I know the PUA tricks already so if my instinct says a woman does like me and I like her as well, I know how to get from there. Looks like this has turned some ladies on. I've noted that some girls checked me out like many times today. But again, I don't care; I have to think as if no girls like me and behave as such, it somehow makes me lighter when it comes to interacting with ladies; I 'know' they don't like me, so I have nothing to lose. To some people it seems to make things lighter when they behave as if all ladies love them, but due to my past I find the exact opposite more comfortable.

Every time I think of something romantic, my mind also tells me that it's a bad thought, so as not to get overwhelmed with romantic shits associated with interaction with ladies. I'd better save that for my relationship! (If I'm gonna have one, of course)

Bottom line, I just wanna live my life, free from the pressure of getting laid and stuffs, which will probably bring a paradox results. Of course, I'll write the results here...

_________________
Stop masturbating and watching porn for the sake of your game.

Have I hit the psychological jackpot?

After some more thoughts, I realised that the core of my discontentness was probably due to me feeling negative about everything, which has closed my eyes. So it like discarded all I've discovered so far. From then on, I start thinking like "I'm gonna get or lay with a girl" rather than "It's hard to close this girl", or "This girl is arrogant, no" rather than "there's no way I can get into this girl". And this also applies to every single walk of my life. Armed with this feeling, I found an unbelieveable number of ladies actually staring at me, not to mention those who actually look to other directions only to be able to see me in hindsight, well I'm not stupid. Those who bite their lips upon seeing me, well, could be removed out of the equation.

This same mentality also helped me talk to this girl in my class after we finished. So I simply thought of a good opening, which was "Hey will there actually be a test at the end of the semester?" From then on we struck talk with an unbelieveable level of conversational fluency from my part and it turned out I've actually known her before, oops. Well the game must be on and I kept on walking with her, and she surprisingly came along, with nearly no fear from my side and then we split at some point. Should've asked for her number but I wasn't sure with that so I decided to say goodbye to her and wish that we could meet the next week at the same class.

Now I'm feeling really good! We'll see!

_________________
Stop masturbating and watching porn for the sake of your game.

Yeah, I got somebody to accompany during sarging. My attempt to create social contact finally yields something sarge-wise, as a guy who happened to have read these PUA stuffs and has a brother who's also active in that decided that we could do stuffs together. But I also told him that I'd rather watch him in action rather than hunting myself as I don't think my vibe has been whole. Then off to the hunt.

Went on street game. Met this four-set, one of which I've smiled at in the bar. My wing did the whole convo as I felt a bit sleepy. I've deployed negs pretty well but there's a moment where one of the ladies (not my target though) decided to shake my hands but then pulled her hand off. Should've commented on that. I didn't fall to her conversation-wise and negs were still flowing but the damage had been done, I reckon. Oh, they talked to us first.

Then off to bus-waiting, two-set, they said hi at us too. Negs well done by me but like before, my wing did most of the talk. At some point when we boarded in the bus, I overheard the ladies saying that my eyesight is intense though haha.

The next day, we decided to go to a nearby city called Saarbrücken. Not well planned; he hasn't showered and brushed his teeth and we came as it was afternoon, Sunday, and rainy. Didn't earn any result apart from my wing talking to a two-set. Then we took off to go home. 5 mins left till the train came and my wing decided to go for a hunt alone. I didn't wanna come along as my legs hurt already. As the train came, I noticed my wing came along, this time with a big smile. Asked him what's up, he told me that he came across a lady saying brazenly that he found her cute/nice and wanted to get to know her and she let him know her number. I thought it could've been a false number that she gave to him but then he said that he had ringed the number so there's no chance it was a false number. What? The? Fuck? Should've learned something here.

Oh, and I notice that not getting sleepy is crucial. If you do, do whatever you can to ward it off; stretch your arms, wash your face, drink coffee, whatever. I did notice the difference, was on toilet trip when I was sleepy, little noticed me. On the second one after I had stretched my body, however, I spotted that the very same girl stared at me, even smiled even as she had seen me before sleepy. A tall blonde HB-9 even starred at me outright. And that also helps with the concentration during the day, of course.

That's all about it today. A very good day for my standard.

_________________
Stop masturbating and watching porn for the sake of your game.

Can't be more right. More and more ladies stared at me. Too bad I didn't take breaks these days, which resulted in me getting a bit more blues later during the day. Need to repractice that 30-minutes doing nothing a day.

I tried to close a girl but failed since I was a bit hesitant in my approach, and I've found why: should've done less confirmative expressions like "ah okay", "aha", "alright", or whatsoever. If I didn't find a good reaction, I'd rather pause a bit and think about it, and I found out it worked wonder in the 2-set talking afterwards, as my previous hesitation of the talk leading nowhere suddenly went out of the window and I actually had the most lively talk during my, ahhh, career? Lol. By the time we split, I noticed one of them even looking at me, which just indicated something. Oh, and some girls whom I had tried to close long before but failed due to my AFC-ness also started looking at me. Good sign good sign.

Gonna try to number close this East European girl in my class tomorrow. We struck a good talk last week but I didn't manage to number close her given the lack of attention ladies have shown me those days. Will retry this time. Otherwise I'll stick to my daily target of one close a day. Can't be better days to practice.

_________________
Stop masturbating and watching porn for the sake of your game.

During the last week I've been feeling pretty much down because I found myself very hard to sleep enough, which simply translated to a zombie-ish aura, so there's no point to sarge I reckon since I couldn't build enough comfort like I did last time, really.

Apart from that, I find something new inner game-wise: I should behave like I select the girls I wanna talk to, not them selecting me.

Three days ago my SPAM came home with a dance partner, which is pretty much an open guy, very curious about my personality, which is, frankly, rarely a trait among the Germans. We talked a lot and found some stuffs in common, but not as common until at some point I realised that he had been in a PUA training and was actually planning to make a lady approaching course. He's also pretty much an engaged personality; apart from the dance course where he got to know my SPAM, he's also active in volunteering, to name some.

Long story made short, we finally agreed to spend the weekend together in a nearby city where I explicitly agreed to become his wing and see how he's doing all his tricks. I didn't talk a lot during his approaches other than raising some questions on the girl to keep the talk flowing if I noticed some stalling. All in all he approached at least 5 girls, all in groups, secured 2 NC and from one of them even a KC. And dancing was pretty much his weapon. He complimented my dancing on the dance floor though, and it seemed like some of the girls who were with us were either impressed or found me a freak, since I noticed them like laughing to each other some of the time. Best of all, he also managed to get us into a club where the entry was supposed to be done through the club website, which he hadn't done; a risk taker. Of course, in each of the approaches he described the process especially when I got lost in between the talks, since some of them spoke in the local dialect. It's pretty much win-win: he got companion and I got observation.

Learned things:
-Having a wingman is an advantage
-I should learn dancing
-I should be more open
-I need to recover my sleeping pattern
-I should get a life, if you get my drift

_________________
Stop masturbating and watching porn for the sake of your game.

The discussion with the PUA I winged on Sat led me to some more refreshing thoughts.

Above everything, you should define what you wanna be, not girls' opinion. The latter was, sadly, how I've been unhappy these last few months. Now I'm really asking myself what I wanna be in life, rather than what girls want to see out of my life. A similar thought also applies to sarging: I shouldn't restrict myself to how girls are gonna see me. Instead, I should ask myself if I wanna date a girl and behave accordingly. Of course, techniques are important, but once you know them, you have to behave like what you want.

What I've noticed is also that for the sake of coolness, I've learned to look away from ladies no matter how gorgeous they are. Now with this new mentality I have to unlearn it. I've got a better confidence and ladies look more and more at me, hence looking away from them simply makes no sense.

Looking back at my past posts, what I can conclude is that the way to PUA has no end; it's just about behavioral correction over time and it keeps on evolving, and to be honest I feel myself more confident than I've ever been in my 25 years of life. I wish it could've come earlier but of course late is better than never.

_________________
Stop masturbating and watching porn for the sake of your game.

Since today I apply this kind of looking at girl which communicates something like "I want you", which should be something natural that I had kept on containing, and honestly this worked. I was on the bus stop when I came across this tall HB-7. Looked at her eye, said nothing, and she said hello to me out of the blues, to which I of course helloed back. I looked at the bus schedule first before starting to talk about the situation of the streettill the bus came (there were sheep shits, lol), and we talked a bit further. She was a bit interested in me, I assumed, since she actually asked me where I was going as she was about to get out. However I wasn't confident enough to ask for the number since we were in for about 3 minutes and our talks didn't get anything beyond general stuffs, not to mention that she's a head taller than I am. Whatever, that talk gave me some boost anyway.

Then I hit the city to get some dinner, applied the same kind of looking at cute girls I could ever spot, and they seemed to be interested in it; we looked at each other for a while. Looking back, I should've followed that up with a smile.

Just too bad that I'm still struggling to regain my mood from lack of sleeping. Need to out-early-sleep my SPAM now so as to get the amount of sleep I want.

A bit info about my future: in a few days there should be a post coming with my German test result in that, with which I could only start sending in my uni applications. Until then I'm really confined to nothing since I'm not really allowed to work during these times. Probably that could lift my mood, which should add up to my vibe.

At the inner game front, I think whether one has a job or not, he still has to set some goals in his life and better yet with a timeframe, and as for me, I've defined mine as such:
1. Spending not more than 6 Euro in a day in average for a month.
2. Reaching B2 level of Swedish language (according to CEFR scale) in a year from now.
3. Getting a uni place for the winter semester.

_________________
Stop masturbating and watching porn for the sake of your game.

Got approached again, no kidding. This time the girl asked what time it was as I was playing with my cellphone. I had looked at her briefly before that but had no idea she's going to approach me since she actually looked away. But again, our bus trip went too short so I skipped on this one.

There was also a girl whom I passed by at the uni, who looked away as I looked at her. 3 minutes later, she passed by me as I was trying to find my seat and I could see spot face as if she's trying to hold her laugh, probably out of excitement. She then looked down first and looked at me shortly but I didn't say hi. As I finally sat down, I saw her looking at me briefly before looking away again. I was kind of disappointed with myself, to be honest.

Then on the bus stop home, I sat next to a blonde girl who was on a call with somebody, and it was visible that she liked me since she was playing with her hair and her nails.

Before that I met my wing by chance and he told me also that I got a better vibe. Told him probably that's because I tried to act what I wanna do instead of what the girls want me to do, and that may have done a big change.

Lesson learned: If you've got your vibe, just talk to her.

_________________
Stop masturbating and watching porn for the sake of your game.

Shortly after writing above post, I went to the town to prepare for my trip to Berlin. In my bus I came across a Danish girl I usually had come across but we rarely greeted each other, partly due to shyness from my part. This time I decided to say hi, from which we struck a small talk, during which there was a part where she looked away as I was telling my story, probably out of boredom. I should've suggested how boring my story was to make her feel guilty. I also should've patted her at the back, those are the lessons for today.

Looking back at my already 100 day+ history at this forum, I realised that I have passed up so many chances, I mean if I had approached, say, 3 a day, that would mean I would've approached 300 times, but I didn't and I made too many excuses. And what whipped me was also one of the newsletter e-mail from Brad about the story of some Arab guy who at one point was afraid he was gonna die old and alone he decided to quit his job and go sarging until he made his way to the top. Now that made me think, what if I am going to die old and alone too? Too scary, better get rejected. Honestly, as I was thinking about the possibility of that happening, tears literally came out of my eyes. Target: 3 approaches a day, or die old and alone and haven't tried. This time I also don't wanna deny myself any longer: getting laid here is my life goal.

Lessons learned:
-If a girl seems uninterested at your story, try to suggest that she feels that way to 'force' her to listen to you.
-Should utilise the punishing and rewarding tactic.
-If approach hesitation (no, this time no longer anxiety) comes up, tell myself how it would feel to die old and alone.

_________________
Stop masturbating and watching porn for the sake of your game.

Was in Berlin. Approached lots of people including groups, especially Swedish people using my Swedish. Now to ward off my approach anxiety, instead of thinking of the risk of failure, I'll think of the possibility of success.

I also find it helpful to ward off the thought of having a girl beside you. I mean, just think of your life. Where you wanna go, what you wanna be. Every time the girl-related stuffs come up, just stray away from it, including the things with vibe and so on, it's just downright depressing to think about. Right now I'm looking for a new laptop so that I could play some game again like I used to in the past, and also for new hobbies to fill up my time. Not that I pause from the sarging scene though.

Things learned:
-Think of the chance of scoring, not the likelihood of getting rejected
-Have a life (Yeah I know I probably have said, but I remind myself)

_________________
Stop masturbating and watching porn for the sake of your game.

In another attempt to break out of my depression, I deploy the tactic of breathing slowly in and out, everyday, like I used to do before I fell into this blue. After four days I feel better and some girls have managed to smile at me, so I think this upsurge in my mood is no longer fake, that is, just lasts a while. Of course that's coupled with getting rid of every negative thought that comes to mind. I also notice that everybody will pay attention to me as I'm speaking and even my SPAM who were usually a bit cold somehow get warmer to me, even as I'm still a bit depressed to make meaningful jokes

Meanwhile after I had talked to this HB9 I had known from an organisation meeting, I noticed afterwards that I employed too many negs sometimes, given my actually already relaxed posture, probably time to get a bit nicer; not as throwing praises though. She was actually open to me but somehow I apply some neg: at the end of the talk, I wished her, jokingly, to have fun with her jobs on the computer and she got a bit cold on me as I came back to her to say goodbye and this time literally good luck with the jobs (I managed to get away from her a bit for a while on the computer room in the library). And for now I've got two stable openings to use on girls: one being to adjust my cellphone clock to theirs and the other being what kind of restaurants they like in the town. We'll see.

_________________
Stop masturbating and watching porn for the sake of your game.

Last night I managed to sleep for about 6 hours and I feel hence a bit sleepy during the day, and I can see the difference in the number of gazing in my direction lol.

Nevertheless I talked to some girls today, and the opening was asking for a favour if they could take a pic out of me, which I needed for an event anyway. That's already the most brazen thing I've ever asked a girl in my life haha. Didn't feel any classic AA really, I just needed to see if my target wasn't quite busy and there it went. During the talk, probably due to my sleepiness, I felt like they're not captivated by my presence; my tone just felt like not as assertive as yesterday.

In any case, the feeling of hopelessness is almost gone and I think less and less about my vibe, which can actually have had a positive effect on it. I also don't feel insecure anymore when I see couples sharing their love, and if that feeling comes, I'll just tell myself "not yet" rather than "can I be like it?". A good indication would be my M-16 though (you know my drift); it has trouble standing up and I still feel too little excitement whenever I see hot girls even though my eyes are captivated by them. That should come in the weeks to come.

That's all about it for today.

_________________
Stop masturbating and watching porn for the sake of your game.

After getting across http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cup ... -goes-down, it seems like I can conclude that masturbating has been one core problems I have. As the writing points out, the more you look at porn and masturbate, the more desensitised to women you get, and sarging-wise that means she can't see the sexual part in you. I used to think that desensitising oneself to women would do good but my own experience says it's not the case. Oh shit, I have to admit here that I masturbate once daily or two and would spend at least 2 hours a day watching porn movies and looking at those gorgeous nude pics. Granted, there's an article posted here about masturbating but I didn't take it seriously until I suffer from it myself and got blown. Gotta wind down...

_________________
Stop masturbating and watching porn for the sake of your game.

Day 3 without porn and masturbation, admittedly the longest break in my life.

Background of the problem: I've been masturbating almost daily since I was like 16 (now I'm 25). Since a year or so, due to failures with women (due to unaddressed AA) I thought beating off every single day should be able to desensitise myself with girls. Now that I've achieved this goal, I'm actually wondering how come the girls don't check me as much as when my AA was mostly still there and I've been feeling more and more oblivious on everything? Something's wrong. Kept on masturbating daily until I came across the article that I posted in the post before this and decided to take a U-turn.

I'm expecting a withdrawal syndrome and for now this manifests in me being a bit anxious, even as I'm writing this. On the positive note, my speaking tone has got richer and I've felt very little bit more alive, but it'll seem to take a while, let's say one month or two, till I really recover, since my penis really still doesn't react even to the hottest of ladies, literally; that is, I haven't been horny for months. This all would be fine, if it didn't affect my life quality but sadly that's not the case so I need to turn the tide.

_________________
Stop masturbating and watching porn for the sake of your game.

Day Four. Still no reaction to the hottest of girls, but smelling something good would make me feel good again albeit slightly and somehow I also feel more adept at controlling my anger.

_________________
Stop masturbating and watching porn for the sake of your game.