Wednesday May 1st 2013
The previous night I asked to borrow money from my dad for food. I only asked him to wire me $20. He gave me $70. It's a bit excessive, but I never feel bad for taking money from a guy who gave me two black eyes when I was 15 and kicked me out of a house I payed halfway off because his new girlfriend didn't like me and my siblings [whom she didn't really talk to much]. But, that's here nor there [Okay, I despise both of my parents for the fucked up shit they do and feel absolutely no guilt using them for money since I feel they owe it to me in the first place for various reasons. Psychological damage, physical damage, black eyes, attacking me when I have a sprained ankle, trying to stab me, getting me arrested after trying to stab me, you know, the usual thing parents do to their kids.]

So I leave the house around 6 or some shit. I don't fucking remember. I decided to go to drum circle. It starts at 8pm [it would only take me about 50min to get there if I biked. less time if I road the bus]. First I make my way to some place I can buy cigs and a snickers ice cream bar [I fucking love ice cream. It's the greatest fucking thing ever. There should be a noble prize for awesomeness and it should be awarded to the mofo who came up with ice cream].

Then I go to grand trunk bar and I'm talking to Amy on the phone for a bit... just chattin'. Apparently she was drinking... whatever.

Then I grab a beer or two [I'm pretty sure it was 5]. *pause for a moment to compress my diaphram and get rid of the hiccups... fucking hiccups, I win this time*. So I'm riding on the bus towards 7-mile... well it's actually Sunset dr [maybe blvd... I don't know. it's a street called sunset whatever].

And I arrive at the bonfire/drumcircle/hobo squatters who live done the street trying to get drunk, party, and hook up with other hobo squatters who're at the drum circle. I run into a friend who's let me crash at his "house" [Well, technically it IS a house, however he's a squatter living in an abandoned house, like everyone else at drum circle, down the street. See some of these people bought abandoned houses and fixed them up. Some just moved into abandoned houses and fixed them up. But for the most part these houses aren't actually owned by the inhabitants who live in them and they usually have broken up walls and shit. Some have no running water, blah blah blah, They're fucking squatters].

He's the most chill laid back guy I had met at drum circle. I offer him a cig. He offers me Rum. We're up in the tree house chillin'. I tell him to pour the rum into my strawberry lemonaid [arizona iced teas....]. Then I say I'm gonna make a run to the liquor store and ask if he wants to come with, he says yeah. I ended up leaving the tree house and going inside and playing the piano. Then I see shit tons of sheet music that I WANT!! Nightmare before christmas sheets! FUCK YEAH!!! So I inquire about whom the owner of said sheets is and go and find this guy.

He says I can borrow one if I'd like. I grab up the nightmare before christmas book [currently at my house, gonna start learning that shit tomorrow when I wake up... too late to play piano in the house at the moment... neighbors and all. I could say fuck'em since they can't really do shit but complain and my dad owns the place and can't get evicted... but I'm not that mean].

Me and him are walking to the liquor store and chatting and shit. He's telling me he'll introduce me to some girls and such [awesome]. We get green jack daniels and cream soda. Then we make our way back to drum circle and I'm sharing the wealth and talking to people. I meet some hula hooping shit and I tried first asking her to hold my cream soda while I light my sig.... but then I was too drunk to think of more shit to ask her to do in smaller steps up and, well, it didn't really work out. We just chatted and I wandered off and talked to other chicks with no game plan and nothing worked out really.

I ran into this girl Mary [probably 35 or so] that I fucked a few months ago at drum circle. I busted inside her over and over and over [cause I was kinda being a jackass at the time. seriously I did it with the intention of giving her misfortune and all that. Totally a dick move.]. She was obviously NOT pregnant [good... however I do hate when an evil plan doesn't work] nor was she really all that pissed I busted in her so often [well, she never mentioned it]. I didn't remember who she was at first. So she reminded me that we fucked before and I was like "OH!!!! MARY!!! what's up. Wanna go for a walk?" and she smiled and was like "sure." We walked behind this building [I'm thinking I'm gonna get to tap that ass again...] and she says she has a boyfriend now who she lives with. I say "He doesn't have to know. and besides you're just having some fun." and she stop and thinks for a bit and I grab her on her hips and kiss her and she's still thinking and says she's not so sure. And we're making out for a bit and she says she'll feel bad and I tell her it's fine and not to worry, but she says no and then we make out some more and she walks back to the bonfire and i"m thinking . o O (fuck... that was time wasted....)

At this point most of the girls were cleared out and I was way too drunk to ride my back 7 fucking miles [and then some, probably 9] back home. And dude who lent me the sheets said I could crash with him, but I couldn't find him... and I found chill guy and crashed at his place instead.


While there I was talking to this girl and trying to, I guess, be more appealing than the guy she was with. Mostly just played it cool and chatted and talked to her and acted "normal". Well normal for me anyway. I didn't really go out of my way to do anything crazy or whatever.... but she ended up going off with the other guy and fuckign him, not me. Oh well. At least I didn't piss anyone off.

I went to bed shortly after. While sleeping on a futon or whatever I was texting meagan. And I was convinced I was sober [though I was pretty fucking trashed.] And that wasn't such a great idea. Oh well, she's not fucking me anyway. Not anymore anyway, fuck it.


I passed out and that was the end of Wednesday.


If my hands weren't so fuckign cramped from typing I'd talk about Thursday... But I feel I need to give it a rest at the current moment. Maybe tomorrow. Thursday was pretty awesome though.


And I feel like I should write out a method to this ladder thing. The getting people to do small things for you and working your way up. More or less a guideline so I can have a reference point when I draw a blank, am drunk, and so I can have it committed so well to memory I don't have to think about it anymore and I just do it.

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

Thursday dose de mayo
I awake early upstairs in a house I'm not sure is abandoned or not. And this black chick I don't really care for so much comes walking past me. "cookie" is what they call her. I'm not sure if that's actually her name of what.

However when I first met her I thought she was pretty cool and at some point asked for her number so we could hang out and she Lied and said she only used her phone for business. I called her out on it and said 'I don't believe you. I am not interested in you the way you seem to think I am. I get it, you think every guy in the world wants to fuck you, which is somewhere understandable considering the walk back from the liquor store. I am not one of those guys. Anyhow, you aren't off to a very good start with me if you're going to lie about petty things like this so early on." She then tried to explain how she really was just using her phone for business only when she got a call from someone and was laughing and joking while on the phone and never once mentioned anything about her salon business she claimed to have. Meanwhile I was drinking my beer and chatting with some other girl. After she get's off the phone she's back to trying to convince me it's really just for business, I'm not listening. I'm talking to this other girl instead.

But she keeps going on and I turn and say "Yeah, that last call certainly had a professional tone to it." And now she's going on and blah blah blah and I say "Look, I don't fucking care. I get it. You think I wanna get in your pants. I'm not into black chicks, I don't find you attractive. You want to tell a white lie so you don't have to say you aren't interested and just don't want my number. Or maybe you don't care to be friends. I don't really care. I'm annoyed you felt like lying. Just stop talking to me, go talk to one of those many guys that wants to get in your pants or your "business contacts" in your phone." And then I go back to ignoring her and chatting with other people. And eventually she wanders off [which I was hoping she'd do eventually].

Well, wednesday I met her boyfriend [That flashback was from before this journal even started]. And This thursday I wake up and she apparently lives in the house I spent the night in. I remember last time I saw her she'd be interested in the whole squatting life and wanted to see what it was all about. I guess I thought that was retarded and stupid, though I never voiced my opinion. I just felt the idea that someone would WANT to be in this situation when they've got an alternative is really fucking stupid. At that time I had a place to live [as I do now]. However I've been homeless before. I've been in a squatting situation before. I've been in situations where I'm crashing indefinitely at someone's house before. I would never choose to be in those situations, they suck. I guess it's like "snow". In both a Psychology and Sociology book I read it mentioned snow and said that studies show the only people who actually enjoy snow and like the winter are people who have protection against it. It isn't so much that they like snow as it is they feel comforted that it's not an issue to them because they've got cars that drive well in snow, warm houses, and warm clothes. It's comforting to be prepared for something that's been a threat and extreme discomfort to mankind for a while.

Also people from warmer climates tend to like snow more also for the same reasons and because they've never seen it before sorta shit. According to the Psych. and Soc. Books I read. I think with her and her wanting to live in the Squatters life it's pretty much the same shit. She can leave at anytime or ask her parents for money at anytime. I still feel it's really silly and stupid.


So I wake up and she's walking around. She's someone I really don't care too much for, for many reasons. But I just didn't say much to her. I guess she doesn't really seem to know I despise her. I never talk about her to other people or even to her. Come to think of it, other than when I called her out for lying, this is the only time I've ever spoke negatively of her.


I get up and go outside and smoke a cig when the guy who lent me his sheets asks me for one. I ask if he feels like walking to the liquor store. I remember last time i was here people would wake up and get to drinking and just chill for a bit. When we get back from the store Cookies upstairs and yells out the window "no drinking in the house, this is a sober house." and I'm wondering . o O (what the fuck happened in this house to make it that way? last time it wasn't a sober house.). We're chillin' ont he porch drinkin and two girls are tanning, topless, on the roof of the house across the street. I figure it'd be nice to go drink up there and that's the house the guy who let me borrow the sheets lives in so he's like "yeah, let's just go chill up there." We go up there and one of the girls says it's also a sober house, but if I put the booze in a cup and pretended it's something else that's cool.

I can't find a cup. So I go back to the porch and we finish the booze. But the topless chicks are done tanning at this point... oh well, I still felt like going up there.

While up there some guy comes over and apologizes for his black eye. I look at him puzzled and say "did you really just apologize for having a black eye?" and I laugh a little bit and say "Never apologize for getting hit in the face. that's fucked up on so many levels dude." And he says "Well, it looks hideous and..." I cut him off "Stop. You never asked to have a black eye. Someone hit you or you fell or something. I don't fucking care, I'm pretty sure you didn't want it. Don't worry about it dude and certainly don't fucking apologize for that shit."

And.... my hands are tired. I'll talk more of Thursday later. A lot happened on that day.

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

Neo-Me is fucking shit up for megatron. Seriously.
And Retro-Me was a chick magnet who didn't know what the fuck he was doing.

This concept sure as hell isn't new. I've tried it before and fucked up before. Trying to be whatever the hell it was in the past that got chicks flocking to me and wanting to talk, then at the moment using what I know now to seize the opportunity.

Granted Each installment of the same plan I just work at a different aspect of myself from the past [back when girls talked to me a lot more]. Here's a random story just for the hell of it.

Lived in North Olmsted, blah blah blah. Liked roller blading, blah blah blah. And play lots of video games and blah blah blah blah blah One day I was doing this thing I liked to do where I'd wake up, put on roller blades and go the entire day without taking them off. Just skating everywhere I went and randomly wandering around.

During the day I'm talking about I went to the skate park and skated and then at some point I left, by myself, and wandered off without any specific aim and no real direction. Just wandering around and exploring [something else I fucking love to do]. While doing so these two chicks say hello to me and I say hi back.

they ask me why I'm wearing rollerblades and I respond "I like to skate." in a slightly confused and naive tone [I really didn't know why the fuck they'd ask such a question]. And they ask if I can do any tricks and if I can skate backwards. I say yeah and did a 540 [1.5 spins] mute grab and landed backwards and was skating backwards. The one said she could never do that and asked how long I'd been skating. I scratched my head and said "Um... I think I learned when I was 4, maybe 5. Back then me and my older brother were terrified of skating and held each others hand while we went around the rink. Then some other kid, who was like 6 or 7, pointed out we're doing good cause we're not holding the wall." One of them laughed and said "Aw... that's so cute. You don't need a wall now obviously. Hey, your skates have no breaks, how do you stop?"

I slowed to a stop and then said "Well the wheels only roll forward or backwards, so if you put one of your skates sideways like this" I put my feet in the "T" stop position [You make a capital T with your feet, the bottom of the T is the toe of your front foot, the top of the T is your back foot turned sideways for breaking] "you can use it as a break, but it wears down the wheels a lot. So I usually just spin in a circle to get all the momentum wasted on the spin, like this" I sped up a bit and then spun in a circle to waste the momentum on the spin.

One of the girls says "The spinning is rather fancy and sounds hard." I said "I guess... I just do it cause it's easier on the wheels." Then they asked if I'd ever been to cleveland. I said no. They asked if I wanted to come and I said "Are you driving out there? I don't have a car right now." They laughed and said "No, we're riding the bus." and said "Um.... actually I just feel like skating today." And I heard them whispering and the one was talking about how she was going to fuck me and her friend laughed and said she wasn't sure I was into chicks. I kinda didn't care, I just wanted to skate.

The one girl asked if I was a virgin and I said "Yeah. I'm waiting till I get married to have sex." [which wasn't a lie]. They looked shocked and asked why. I said it was cause of church and they said "But you're a guy, guys in church don't even do that." I said "I do."

And then they got on their bus and the one winked at me and said she hopes she sees me again.



That whole time.... all I really cared about was skating. I wasn't trying to get with those girls I was just out having fun.

So... Well I'm going to still read about how to talk to girls and all that shit, but I'm going to focus more on doing the shit I like to do than hooking up. I mean it's win win. If I don't get laid I'm out roller blading and having a blast. If I do get laid I went rollerblading first and then got laid while I was having fun.

Today I'm going to the bon fire and just having fun. I'm gonna go a little early and see who's around though and hang out with the hobo squatters.

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

The rest of that thursday.
And guy just doesn't seem to get it, that apologizing for a black eye isn't something anyone should do.
I offered to teach him how to fight and he said he was scared to fight and scared to learn how. I asked why and got no real answer... just a lot of beating around the bush.

He constantly asks to borrow my sun glasses. I had let him use them once. The 2nd time he asks I say no, it's bright outside and that's why I've got them on. and he says he wants them cause of his black eye. I try not to laugh [and succeed]. The third time he asked me and every time after that I simply ignored him. It wasn't something worth acknowledging in my book.

The guy who let me borrow nightmare before christmas is sparring with me. But he doesn't really know how to fight as much as he just knows specific attacks and tosses them out there. I ask if he's ever been in a fight before and he feeds me a line that feels a lot like bullshit about how he's been in countless fights and won a lot of them. I sigh, and say "Surely you know of sticky hands, then." And mention that he may know it under a different name. He says "Most likely I do, show me." I tell him to throw punches in slow motion at me so I can give him the general concept of it.

He does and I keep pushing and redirecting his hand so that they end up crossing his body and he's folding his arms. I show him that a whole lot of skill isn't actually needed for it as much as you just place your hand [open hand] on the outsides of the attacking hand and push it inside and keep doing it when people come in close. Then I show him the follow ups. Such as pushing someone at their hips to push them away [since that's the center of balance] or jumping back quickly to create a distance between you two. And this move to pass the person and end up behind them and create a distance. He asks why would you want such a distance. I say I'm not too great with my hands and punches compared to most people but my feet are a lot better than average and I generally don't want to fight anyway. So distance puts you in a position to escape.

Or to position yourself to grab something useful. Like a baseball bat, plank of wood, giant stick, etc..
Then me and him spar and I get bored and sit down to smoke. and [sigh] he wants to spar more. I tell him I don't feel like it [but don't mention it's cause he does ineffective bullshit and it defeats the purpose of sparring if I'm A. not learning shit B. not being challenged ].

So eventually I go back to the cafe where I'm playing the piano for a bit and he keeps trying to play a duet, but well, I'm not into that idea. Not to mention he doesn't follow direction too well and I don't exactly play by ear so it's not really working out.

I get on my bike and head home.


I stopped at my aunts and we went to home depot and... okay, it was kinda interested and if so much other shit hadn't happened I might be incline to write about it. But I'll save it.


Eventually I go to Open Hack to fix my roller blades. No chicks around worth talking to, but fuck it. When I'm asking to use tools to do so this drunk guys seems to think I don't know what I'm talking about. He doesn't know anything about aggressive skates and he's asking me questions as if what I'm doing isn't going to work and I have no idea what I'm talking about... sigh. I tell him I know what I need down, I just need to use tools to do it. Then someone else comes along who's not such a flaming bag of shit and let's me use a machine to cut my frames off my soul plates so that I can modify my skates to be UFS and put new frames on them [which are now being shipped to my house... now as in as I'm writing this].

I go upstairs where I'm learning to pick locks. I'm not doing to well at it. I'm kinda half assing it too. Maybe those two things are connected? Eitherway I'm mostly just chatting with the people who are picking locks. Eventually I head home and go to sleep for work.

Next week was pretty different... more girls involved.

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

I gotta update these field reports....
So, where'd I leave off?
Thursday... two weeks ago.

The following friday... didn't matter, nor did saturday really. I stayed in and played videogames. I think that's when I got the idea of becoming a "chick magnet" again. And put some serious thought into what made me one in the first place. http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/ChickMagnet

That's the source I'm using for the phrase "chick magnet".
A long story short: I used to be naive and cutely innocent and girls would flock to me for whatever reason [probably cause I was really nice all the time, to everyone and too oblivious to insults to react to them]. I didn't understand girls actually liked me or why the ones who were open about it did. And I was way too shy to approach any girl I liked.

Then I read PUG's. After reading more and more about Psychology, body language, and pretty much insight into what people are thinking and feeling I started to slowly become more and more cynical and resentful towards everyone. I just couldn't see the good in people anymore like I used to. I started to hate everyone and everything more and more. I felt people were horribly selfish. I didn't want to talk to anyone for a while and stopped with the PUA thing. But the damage was done.

I could still pull chicks once in a while. And when I met someone truely genuinely kind hearted I fell head over heels. And I fell fast cause I knew just how rare people with that sorta kindness were. I struggled to regain my kindness towards all and life just kept showing me people suck. Friends stabbing me in the back, family doing shit to me, etc. etc..

Now I'm a broken little mess and I'm trying to put myself together again. I know more about women than I did back then but I can't get them anymore cause I've got this horrible hatred and resentment.


and my privacy is being invaded... type to stop writing.... sigh.

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

So the following friday up till tuesday I didn't really go out much at all. I stayed in for the most part.
Then Wednesday I went to the bonfire. I wasn't trying to talk to anyone as much as just enjoy the bonfire. I did end up talking to a few girls... but nothing came of it and there wasn't much effort going on.

I spent the night at James house. The one who let me borrow nightmare before christmas sheet music..
In the morning I went to the house where the two girls had been tanning topless the week before. I was hanging out on the roof getting a tan. Then eventually went downstairs. I had a beer with me and there was no drinking in the house... so I just didn't drink it.

We were chatting for a while about philosophy. Two guys, the two tanning girls [sara and kara]. Oh... before I went in there some girl who'd heard about the place on the net was checking it out. Some guy was showing her around and spouting out a bit of bullshit [trying to hype up the idea of the place a bit] and talking some hipster garbage. But he was also telling her legit info as well. I didn't really care for him cause he was too bullshitty.

She was in the room when we were talking about philosophy as well. Hipster bullshit guy wasn't really making sense and had extreme reactions to jokes I told. e.g. we were talking about halloween costumes and I mentioned I saw one of a preacher that had an alter boy attached to the crotch. He said "wow, I can't imagine how bad that's gotta be for someone who's been through that to see someone wearing that costume." It's a fucking joke....

Later I'm talking to the girl who was checking the place out while outside. I went outside to finish my beer. When I'm talking to her we're talking about spirituality and our disbelief's in it. Me and her agreed that we understand that the psychological aspect of a lot of "spiritual" things does have a positive effect on the mind but we don't believe in the supernatural aspects of it. e.g. Meditating we both felt is something good for clearing the mind, relaxing, and finding peace and all that, however we don't believe people actually have souls.

Sara joins the conversation and asks how can one feel so strongly about science and says that it's actually a believe system. I counter by saying that it's an anti-belief system since science [or the scientific method] revolves around testing things and seeing the reaction and acknowledging that this is what happened this time when these were the conditions. However even if you put something through the same conditions and run the test 1,000 times and get the same result you haven't proven this will always happen under these conditions. You've just seen that it's very likely to happen and there's little reason to think anything else will.

She starts talking about how scientist believe in the big bang. I mention that they don't actually say that it happened as much as they observe the data they have and based on that they make an educated guess that this is what happened. Based on what they do know, but they acknowledge that this is just something that likely happened, not that it 100% DID happen. That science is about taking what you know and what you see and making an educated guess based on all the evidence present.

Someone else joins in and starts with the "Science is a believe system and they think this for sure happened, so how's it different from religion..." nonsense again. I grow bored of the conversation. I listened to their reasons for why a soul exists... then realized that they're going off emotional experience for their beliefs and view points. I'm going off of logic and reasoning for mine. So they'll base their view about mine based on how they feel about it. Not logic and reasoning. I'll base mine of theirs based on logic and reasoning, not how I feel about it. Thus, this will just go around in circles. I don't like circles... not those kinda anyway.

I wander off and see this hot chick sitting with her friend. I sit next to her and start chatting.
She seems pretty cool and she's drawing in my sketch book and so is her friend. I buy a beer off them and James comes over and tries to grab my beer I tell him no. I tell him I bought it and to get his own. He says some nonsense about how everything is everyones. I tell him to fuck off and that I worked at a job that I fucking hate and earned money that I used to by the beer and he has no right to it and should go fuck off. He stands closer to me and his crotch is in my face. I debate on punching him int he balls, grabbing the back of his foot and tripping him, other violent means to let him know it's not cool to do this, or non violent means. And I go with tripping him and as I'm reaching to grab his foot some guy tells james to fuck off and walks over and tells him to go away. And James leaves. I continue talking to the girls.

Dolly was the hot one. She gave me her phone number. I ended up drawing a kirby with spider-man's powers on her leg. She was touching us her tattoos with a sharpie and I was too. Then she and her friend left.

I went tot he bathroom before I left and ran into Sara who said she was sorry if she offended me and that she thinks I'm really cool. She gave me this really intense hug. I was thinking how I wanted to fuck her brains out.... but just said "It's alright. I'm about to head out, I'll see you next week." And I got on my bike and made it as far as the cafe.

I saw the new chick there and some redheaded chick in the tree house talking to this guy Mars.
I walked to the store with new chick to buy cigs and then she eventually left. I was chatting with the redhead and she was rather distant. So I didn't really chat so much with her, she didn't seem like she was open to getting to know new people. Fuck her. Later I'm playing the piano and some kid wants me to teach him.... sigh.... sure. I teach him for a bit and James pops up and starts being irritating. He takes my sharpies and I tell him to give them back and stop being a douche. He doesn't get it. The concept of working to have something and it's pissing me the fuck off. He's the worst kind of hippie, the one who's all about communism because they're too lazy to do any fucking work and just wanna mooch off others.

I eventually end up by the red head again. I ask if she has facebook and she says to just ask Mars for hers. I respond "I just met mars, same time I met you." and she doesn't say anything. I think she's a dumb bitch, but I hold my tongue. It wont help me to tell her what a dumb bitch I think she is.


Not sure which day it was. But sometime inbetween that day and next wednesday I met some girl at a bar and we talked and chatted and blah blah blah. She drew a picture in my sketch book. and I got her facebook.

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

The next drum circle...
aka last wednesday.

I figured if I saw sara I would fuck her brains out. and if I saw dollie I should talk to her and try to screw her too.
Well that didn't happen. Essentially I end up gaming a bunch of taken chicks and find out they're not single when it's too late. Then I slept on the roof of the house where people chill on the roof.

I didn't see much of sara. and in the morning I ended up doing some work for the shop where the bonfires are held. Made $20.

Then Payday came....
Friday 17th.
I get paid and I don't go out. I go home instead.

Saturday the 18th of may 2013.
This is one of the most ridiculously stupid days of my life.
After work I go to City club figuring it's gotta have some shit going on. I don't really meet any girls I'm interested in. None that're available anyway. I'm talking to this couple and they're rolling on molly. We're sitting at a table drinking beers and I go to the bathroom and leave my beer at the table [DO NOT EVER DO THIS!!! ALWAYS TAKE YOUR DRINKS WITH YOU. KEEP A CLOSE WATCH OF YOUR DRINK.].

I come back and drink the rest of my drink and we're still chatting. The one girl says she's in an open relationship when she wants it to be. I'm like okay, cool. I go downstairs to the cafe and I start to feel a little funny. I figure it's just the booze. I get some food. and I'm talking to the girl behind the counter, who isn't very attractive by the way. I ask for her number and text her "hey cutie." and eat my food. I feel a strong desire for water.... I'm usually not this thirsty... whatever. I get a water too. Then I get on my bike and ride around [instead of just going home]. While I'm riding around I run into some lady.

And I'm really fucking horny at this point. She asks what I'm doing and I say "Um... I don't know. I'm kinda horny though." and she says "come here baby I'll take care of ya." and I say "Oh, that's nice of you." and start to follow her. She says "What're you working with?" and I'm confused and say "What do you mean?" and she says "How much money do you have?" and I say "I don't know, why do you ask. That's..." Then everything everywhere get's really fuzzy and I feel really good and really weird and I say "I gotta go. Bye" in a robotic monotone and I get on my bike and ride off. I think she said something else but I wasn't paying attention.

It's weird riding my bike and I'm really horny. I call up the girl from the restaurant and ask when she gets off. She says around 7. and I say "hey I need to fuck really bad. Can I show up when you get off and fuck your brains out? WHOAAAA, THE GRASS LOOKS WEIR... FOCUS!!! FO.....CUS! I. Need. To. Fuck your brains out." She says "No, not tonight I'm busy after work." and I say "Oh.... Okay.... later." and ride my bike around and end up in front of Tiger Stadium somehow.

There's a giant glowing D. it's white and there's grass everywhere that's very very green. I'm saying "look at the grass.... WHOA!!!! THE D!!! LOOK AT THE D. THE GRASS. WHOAA, WHOA! WHOA! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAH! FOCUS!!!! Where am I. Where am I. Focus!!!!!! My phone. Call... um... FOCUS!!!! Call.... anyone."

I went through my phone trying to find someone to call, but the lights were vibrating and I couldn't read what was on my phone. I was yelling at my phone to stop that and let me call someone. Apparently I called every girl in my phone and asked for sex.

Then Meagan got mad and asked if I was alright and I said I'd be okay and randomly rode my bike here and there. Eventually it stopped being so blurry and shit. And I wasn't so horny. Then i thought to call the girl who was going molly. She tells me her and her boyfriend spiked my drink when I went to the bathroom.

I'm still rolling to hard to be pissed about this...
I end up by this park thing talking to some girl and she's helping me out. I don't remember much of it. Then as I'm on my way home I run into some girl who's apparently a prostitute. I was talking to her for a bit and then she says she's trying to make $10. I say "oh, that's cool. What are you doing to get it?" and she says "What do you want me to do?" and I say "I gotta go.... bye." and get on my bike and ride off really fast away from her.

I get home and it's about 1pm.
I go to sleep till it's time for work.
I'm still rolling.... and I'm coming down and feeling more and more depressed.
Worst day of work I've ever had.

At some point last night [Sunday, the day I worked] I called molly up. She walked me through everything and helped me out. But the damage was still done.

However I do have a date on thursday now.

Moral of the story: Always watch your drinks.

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

So, that day I slept on the roof of the house I started thinking about something.
Angela, a girl I fucked the same day I met her.
Random girl from the hospital, Girls at parties, etc. etc..

I realized I just didn't really think too much. I met them, chatted, did a little kino not a whole lot. Then lead them away somewhere and made out and eventually fucked them. Well, Angela just gave me head.

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

"You've got a cute smile:)
I think you'd like my profile
-Nick"
The copy and paste message I send on my okcupid that seems to merit the most responses.

My profile essentially talks about how I'm not looking for a relationship at the very start.
Girls usually respond with a thank you and I just ask how their day is going and we chat for a bit. If they're cool I say "I'm not sure how to ask without being rude. Are you into casual sex?" Sometimes it's more indepth, like tonight I've been feeling kinda down about a date I just went on and have been saying "I'm not sure how to ask without being rude. Are you into casual sex? You seem pretty cool and you're cute And I'm not really into the pressures of dating or getting my heart broken again "

both lines I rarely get negative response from. Actually I have a 100% positive response ratio. They, 95% of the time, say they aren't into it but they're never offended or mean about it. The only mean responses are at the initial message, so I can weed out all the bitches. And those are also very very rare.

So, this date I went on.
I guess I don't really want to talk about it right now.
I felt pretty awkward and lonely and stupid afterwards. I really feel like shit right now...

I was nervous the whole time and there was an awkward moment at the end when I went to kiss her and she made a weird face so I stopped and she said "you aren't very confident are you?" I didn't know what to say so I left her car and said "It would be nice to see you again." and she said to text her. I did. I texted "No, I'm not very confident when it comes to girls. I still had fun though:)"

I don't remember what she responded... I don't know if I ever want to go on another date again. I still feel pretty down about that. I didn't even want to go on that one. She kinda pressured me into it. I told her I thought she was cute and interesting and kinda liked her but I was afraid of getting heart broken and she said I should still try anyway. So i did and now I feel shitty...

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

I just deleted my facebook.
I feel life will be significantly less depressing without that horrible rotten thing. I hated facebook.
It was just a reminder that no one cares to talk to me and no one likes me. Every time I logged on and tried chatting with people I was always reminded no one cared.

The only time people really talked to me was to say something negative. I'm done with it. I want to get rid of my phone as well, life is so much simpler and easier without one. Life back in highschool when I just had a house phone and social networking didn't exist.

I felt the same way last year.
Just before DEMF I didn't want to talk to anyone. I was done with people. I went there and enjoyed the music and met a girl and she ended up making me feel shitty. This year I don't want to talk to anyone, I just want to enjoy the music and forget people exist. I'm tired of people.

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

*sigh*....
DEMF was amazing. But... I feel really sad for this girl... *sigh*...

I'll talk about it later. She was soooo hot .... sigh...

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

So I deleted my OKC.
Now I have a new one. Which will most likely be inevitably deleted.
It's rather frustrating having one... Well girls are rather frustrating in general for me....

So... Lets start here with DEMF May 25-27.
Saturday May 25th
I... I guess I don't really want to talk about it anymore. It didn't work out. It was a horrible disaster. I'm really depressed about it all and girls just don't fucking want me...

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

stolen...
This will be tested over and over.

This song I listen to makes me think of this concept.

Anyhow, I have no intention of saying a word unless a girl speaks first with my tests. I remember a time when I was younger and less knowledgeable girls would approach me and talk to me all the time. I was happier then... I just didn't know that these girls were into me. I want to create that Aura again, whatever it was that got girls to come over and talk to me without me saying a word.

One time in particular... 9th grade actually. I had only been in school for about 2 weeks or so. Back then I was pretty weirded out when people touched me [today I still am to an extent I just ignore it a lot]. So I'm walking down the hall before school starts and this really hot chick walks up to me and grabs my arm and starts walking with me. If this was today, I'd just keep walking and say hello to her and smile . I mean, back then I knew her name. But back then I was freaked the fuck out, someone was touching me [keep in mind I'd been home schooled all my life before this]. I just kinda walked for a bit and then moved my arm away from her and she said "What's wrong?" and I said something along the lines of "Um... I'm sick. I just don't want you to catch a cold is all." Which she didn't buy. She looked upset and she walked away from me.

But the point is, I'd seen her around and talked to her once here and there and then she walked up and grabed my arm. And back in those days I never spoke to people unless they spoke to me first.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fGryXdWP3oI

"Non-Verbal Game: How To Attract Women Without Saying A Single Word

Hey,

Having the ability to attract women without saying a word doesn’t mean you have any of the following:
• A wad of cash poking out of your top pocket
• A large rolex peaking above your cuff
• A face like David Beckham
• A body like Brad Pitt
• A natural jedi style raw magnetic aura (which doesn’t even exist)

Basically, you can be a “normal” guy of average height, looks and build... yet these techniques will still work to build attraction with women without saying anything.

Then once you’re 100% sure she’s into you, you can move onto verbal communication (building rapport, sexual escalation, etc).

So how do you do it exactly?

You need to master the 4 key areas of non-verbal game.

These areas are all tied into each other and once combined will create a magnetic gut level attraction that most women just won’t be able to resist.

They will sense you when you walk into a room, feel the urge to look over and grab a glimpse of you, maybe even send one of their friends over to talk to you because they’re too damn shy to do it themselves.

It’s no joke.

Once you pull this stuff off correctly, you can have your pick whilst other guys will just look at you in amazement, thinking to themselves... “Why is every girl in here looking at that guy??”.

So let’s get down and dirty with the techniques.
The First Impression

Whoever told you that first impressions don’t matter... are idiots. First impressions are everything, not just with women but with everything in life so you need to treat it with top priority.
• Have fun with your friends - When you’re in the moment and having fun with your mates, nothing else matters. You’re not seeking approval from anyone, you’re just having fun. This is VERY attractive to women, so do this more!
• Smile and banter casually - Most guys will stand at a bar and use fake smiles or talk about crap, just so they can look like they’re talking about something interesting. Never do this, you should always be genuine and banter about real things, smile and focus on your friends primarily. This is your reality and you’re inviting others to be a part of it if they wish, you’re not pandering to anyone elses.
• Creating a positive vibe - Let’s say you’re in a bar with one friend, you’re both laughing and joking, feeling great and just chillin... however to your right, there are two other guys just standing there, not saying a word to each other and looking all uncomfortable. Who do you think looks more attractive to a woman? Of course it’s you, because you’re creating an enticing energy that women want to be involved in.
Attractive Body Language

There is some terrible advice out there on body language, so avoid any of the over hyped stuff and just focus on the following:
• Alpha male stance - Remove your hands from your pockets and leave them by your sides, with your thumb and forefinger together so you don’t feel the need to move your hands. Then widen your feet so they are shoulder width apart, this is a very alpha stance.
• Don’t sway side to side - It’s natural to sway when you’re nervous and self-conscious. Fight the urge to do this, because it shows that you’re uncomfortable.
• Don’t fidget - Fidgeting is the number one way to scream to women that you’re not confident with yourself. You look like a lost child who needs his mummy.
• Don’t make jerky movements - Making any swift jerky movements just projects a nervous energy which is not attractive, so stop it!
Eye Contact

So important, I can’t stress this enough. Your eyes allow you to communicate everything you need to without saying a word, so use them to your advantage.
• Don’t break downwards - If you look at a girl and then look downwards you are saying sub-communicatively that you’re a bitch! So never look downwards, if you’re not interested in her always look to the side.
• Hold eye contact until she breaks it - When you see an attractive girl and you both lock eyes, hold it until she looks away first. This shows that you’re a dominant character and the alpha male.
• Stop looking around nervously - If you have shifty eyes it just says to others that you’re a shifty kind of person, so try your hardest to focus on your friend and slow down your eye movements in general.
Reading Subtle Signals

Women give off ridiculously subtle signals when they are interested in a guy... and they wonder why we never go over to them! It actually becomes a bit of an art after a while, so you need to make sure you ask yourself these three questions the next time you have your eye on a girl.
• Is she close to you? - The longer she stands close to you, the more interested she is in you. Say for example you’re in a bar and she’s been standing very close to you for well over 30 minutes, it means she’s attracted to you, so make a move.
• What does she do when you look at her? - The moment you look at her and she looks at you... see if she looks away instantly or gives you small smile, adjusts her hair, nudges her friend etc. These are all ways of her saying “I think you’re hot”.
• How did she react to a forced IOI? - If you know anything about forcing IOI’’s, you’ll know that you will either get a negative or positive reaction, which is what you want. If she gives you a positive one, then make a move because it’s obvious that she’s attracted to you... if it’s negative, who cares, move on.

So that’s pretty much exactly how to attract women without saying anything to them. Non-verbal game does take a few hours to master, so you must practice every time you’re out and stop yourself when you do something wrong.

Thanks,
-Brad"

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

Just got done watching the man of steel.
It's got me thinking about the difference between SPAM and Superman and why they're both awesome.

I literally finished watching this less than a minute before this writing and have a lot of thoughts about what superman means and why the character is so popular. SPAM and Superman both extreme forces of will. SPAM is a force of fear and terror for good. Superman is a force of hope and trust. I mean, I didn't always like superman... I have my moments where I'm not much of a fan and moments where I'm awestruck by the idea and concept.

Someone who's going to stand up for what they think is right no matter what's going on and take into consideration how others feel in a seemingly selfless manner. I guess I can't really put it into words.

Just the idea that you lend your trust out to others seems like it makes them feel better about themselves and you as well. I mean, remember the first time someone trusted you with a task that seemed important to you? Probably made you feel a little special that someone else felt you were capable of doing that and maybe even made you feel more capable of doing it since they believed in you.

This is essentially how I've always tried to motivate anyone to do anything. I just tell them I believe they can do it or that I trust them. Anyway, I'm gonna stop rambling on and go enjoy my day and see how life goes.

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12

man....
It's been pretty dry recently.
I deleted my facebooks [cause fuck facebook...]. That was a very good idea cause now I'm not going on there to see everyone else post statuses and leave comments and have conversations with each other and not with me. Or to say hello to someone only to never get a response. Or in other words I'm not wasting my time with meaningless bullshit anymore. Fuck face book.


But it's been pretty dry as far as meeting girls.
First there was the incident at the drum circle where bob [the owner of the shop that hosts the drum circle/bonfire every wednesday] said during an announcement "Beware of shady black guys, we've been having trouble with people spiking girls drinks blah blah blah I'm a racist piece of shit blah blah blah I don't even realize what I'm saying is fucked up blah blah blah I'm later going to make up really weak justifications for saying racist nonsense blah blah blah I like it up the ass with no lube blah blah blah..."


At the time I was talking to this white girl and it got really awkward after he said that. I felt very uncomfortable and singled out. Someone said to him that he's a hypocrite for claiming to be all about peace and love while saying horribly racist things like that.

Bob went on to spout out some horseshit about how it's okay because he was referring to the black guys who live down the street when I cut him off and said "Dude, what the fuck is this shit? You said something that singled out every black guy. Something that singled people out based on their RACE. If that isn't racist I don't know what is. You made a mistake, it happens."

Bob said "Well, it wasn't a mistake..." and was about to say something else. But I had no respect for him at this point and said "How in the fuck was that not a mistake. If it's not than you're just a racist piece of shit and I want nothing to do with you or you racist circle here where it's apparently accepted and encouraged to be a racist piece of shit."

He started babbling some nonsense about why what he said was okay, when I jumped down from the treehouse landing in front of his face and screamed as loud as I could in his face "FUCK YOU YOU RACIST PIECE OF SHIT! DO NOT SPEAK TO ME, I HAVE NO RESPECT FOR YOU AND YOUR ASS BACKWARDS MORALS OR YOUR RACISM! YOU AREN'T WORTH THE AIR YOU BREATH YOU PIECE OF SHIT! FUCK YOU!!!"

And I went to my bike and unlock it and leave. As I'm leaving he shouts out some more nonsense to me about how what he said was okay and I just drowned him out by screaming "FUCK RACIST CIRCLE!!!" and I got on my bike and left.

Eventually I went back to drop off a book of sheet music I borrowed from a kid who hangs out around there. When I went back 2 weeks later to drop off this sheet music I got off my bike and set it in the lawn and walked up to bob [cause I wasn't about to go look for said kid when I sure as hell didn't want to be there in the first place]. I reach inside my backpack to get the book out.

While I'm doing this bob says "What are you back here to stab me?" I ignore that. Someone next to him said "You aren't allowed in the office." I ignored that. Another said "You can't put your bike right there." I also ignored that. Bob keeps on speaking and at this point I have the book out. He's babbling on about how what he said was okay cause he also talked about naive white people and he's going on and on when I said "Shut the fuck up!!! I didn't come here to listen to feeble excuses and weak arguments to support racism. I came here to drop off this book, it belongs to James, he let me borrow it. I don't want to talk to you or have anything to do with you, just take the fucking book so I don't have to leave it on the ground."

He takes the book and says he'll make sure James gets it back and then continues to go on about how he talked about white people and black people. I respond and say "So, according to you I'm both Naive and Shady. Thanks for making that pre judgment based on my race.... OH YEAH! That's right!!! There's a word for that. Making pre judgments based on someone's race... What was it again... oh... um..." He start to say something and I blurt out "RACISM!!! That's the word I was looking for. It means making prejudgments about a person based on there race. Kinda like how you say I'm Naive cause I'm white or that I'm shady cause I'm black. Anyway, Fuck you bob. I don't want to talk to you or have shit to do with you. Go back to your racism filthy life you fucking piece of shit and don't ever speak to me again."

Then I walk to my bike and picked it up and road off. I have never returned since that day.


Unfortunately that means I'm missing out on a spot that had some decent women. Well some were complete bitches but there were a few nice ones there. I mean I already fucked 2 girls I met there.



So there's that. That's dead.
Then at work all I see are ghetto hood rats with attitudes who don't know how to fucking spell or use proper grammar. They come in the door and seem nice enough. Then they open their mouth and I'm all business with them cause I don't want anything to do with'em.

Right now I'm sitting at home and not leaving the house.
It's exhausting to try and talk to girls. The area I'm in is filled with ghetto hood rats that I want nothing to do with. To get to an area that isn't is a bit exhausting and physically taxing since my bike has a flat and I don't have money to fix it today and I do NOT want to walk that far right now. Fucking yesterday was the fireworks.

During the fireworks I walk down the street to talk to my friend Vince, from work, about something. And while I walked down there all I saw were these ghetto girls with no fucking class and I was irritated that this is my neighborhood. I tried being friendly to people and they usually said "You don't know me, who is you talking to me like we friends?" So, not only are they stupid and have shitty attitudes and can't spell or use proper grammar but they're not very friendly either. So, fuck this place. I really despise living here.



So I'm saving up to buy either a Car or a motor cycle and saving more and finding a new job so I can get the fuck out of Detroit. I really really really HATE living in this shithole.

_________________
I feel like the point of a community is to help where/when/however u can.
-Aceospades12