Wow thanks for the replies!
School is over now, and i have 2 months of vacation. The next 2 months, i won't feel any tireness, stress and frustration about school results. I have some time to rest now, i no longer have to socialise or work with people i don't realy like, and i can take distance from some things, which is good.
i just came from vacation with friends from london. The plan was that i would do nooby mission there, since i became less comfortable around pick up, and that i would sarge in a large club.
i didn't do the nooby mission. maybe i was too afc. But as overPlay said, maybe i don't have to put on such high standards on myself. everyone has done it before me, and it only got me more frustrated.
i'm adopting a kind of new belief: sarging is important, but i'm still 18: i still have years before me to do pick up and get comfortable.
right now, i'm thinking about myself instead of putting the emphasize too much on girls and sarging. i want to buy a digital dj controller, so i can start mixing music and work with something i'm quite passionate about: house music. secondly, i started working out at the gym. i'm going every two days now.
i can meet friends with whom i'm completely comfortable now and on whom i can depend and of which i know what i can expect. friends that both help me when i have problems or tell me to pull myself together.
i had to do test for my ADHD lately, and i got the results of it today. my intelligence is high, but my concentration is very low. basicly, this means that i'm a very intelligent person, but i'm not very able to get the best out of myself.
i once used medecins for it, to improve my concentration, but it made me depressed and i felt like a zomby. i had to take them for years; 4 years of my life a waste.
now i'm gonna take new medecins, medecins which do not affect my emotions and mood. the only effect will be that my concentration improves.
Do you guys think that this new concentration will help me sarging? i hope so. often i find myself distracted or aloof in a conversation. now i hope that, with the new medecins and concentration, i will be more involved in conversation, and that i will be a more sociable guy.
For the rest, i'm going to college next year. i'm going to study in my own country again where i'm with my own people and where i can speak my own language. i'm moving in a house with four roommates. i've met 2 of them and they seem to me like very chill and outgoing guys. i friend of mine who lived there but who's moving next year told met that they are very relaxed, chill and that they almost never fight or have arguments. beside, i made a quite good impression on them when i met them.
thus, i will be in a new environment. i will no longer have parents to shit on me and who tolerate nothing. my family made me very depressed: they didn't understand my ADHD and that there is life beyond studying, and so i got frustrated and depressed a lot. after years, relations between me and them became that worse that i never realy speak with them.
being in a new, better environment will probably help me a lot, and will get me step by step rid of those bad feelings.
i know understand that, that having good and warm relations with your parents is one of the biggest gifts you can get. it helps you to be a more stable, likeable, sociable, confident and warm man. i see it with a very good friend of mine: he used to be a clueless and afc guy, but he had a damn good relationship with his parents: they never shitted on him and he never argued with them, and yet he isn't absolutely a spoiled kid, but rather intelligent and modest. when i learned him about the game, he impressed me by his approaches and his fast progress. this was because he didn't give a fuck and was quite confident. this for a great part thanks to the relationship between him and his parents: he became a warm person himself.
when i'm in college, i won't have to wake up each morning at 7 o'clock so i can rest more, i will be more free, i can make my own decisions, learns me to be responsable, etc.
i will meet completely new people, will have classes with 80% girls :p, i'll be in my own country again, i can leave all the stupid people from my school behind me and start a new life!
sounds good huh
i think it's better that i feel good about myself and that i get rid of problems, and then move on so i can focus more on sarging and gaming again.
about what tundra says:
i was lately in this huge club in london. i'm 18 and all the people surrounding me were like 25 or maybe older. i could have been putting pressure on myself and getting frustrated, but at that moment, i tought "fuck it! i don't have to do thousanths of approaches if i feel shit about it! i'm just going to make fun with the people i know there and i'm going to dance a lot!"
result: i made the best of it, and i had fun! i didn't approached and talked as much as my friend (who just discovered the game and who'se motivation (and thus succes) is quite high), but eventualy, because of having fun, and being not too hyper because of my frame "i'm gonna make the best of it", i still talked a few people, danced with some, i stand on a lot of pictures, i opened a 25 years old hb9 (wich failed eventualy, but i still talked to her for 2 minutes and i didn't felt rejected).