This is what I need the most help with but I also understand it needs to be my own journey. How do you change your personality, how do you change your character? Life must change it, through pain and suffering. You won't change without pain exposing the disorder. You have to let grief do it's work.
I am reading articles on being a badboy. One article I read talks about how badboys like to have FUN. I guess this is not something I focus on in my life. I see myself as an old fashioned man and I don't want to be responsible for making my life fun, but I wonder if this puts me at a disadvantage. I can make fun by flirting and so on but I don't want to dissipate my energy through hobbies. I don't want to be stubborn either, I want to get a girl. Most importantly I want my life to have purpose and meaning- even if I didn't get a girl, that's what I want, but I want a wife and kids. I want my meaning to come through marriage and children.
Again I over-estimated mind and thoughts, in trying to get engaged to a woman, and underestimated emotions and especially attraction, challenge, etc.
Also trust and attraction must go hand in hand. I feel when I could get attraction I don't get any trust and they want to avoid me for that reason alone. When I get trust I don't get attraction. The two have to come together, and that is a sticking point. Most of my problems seem to be problems of timing, or getting to a sweet spot, not too much of one thing, nor too little. I would say it seems I have bad luck but I don't believe in that, I must take responsibility.
I think of myself a bit as Beethoven, eccentric and hard headed, and focused but on his own path. I am listening to him now, but I also like Mettalica. James Hetfield is great. They are both great men of european descent. We must be proud as white Europeans. God knows the world wants to shame us and press us down. I am proud of my race, my heritage, my history.
So to be bad, "bad". I truly don#t want to put my needs first, which is what one blog said. I guess that is because I have a need to serve, so I am putting my need first but I have to serve up some fun probably.
But let us look at the qualities they find attractive and compelling- yes compelling, in badboys. If I can make things compelling- well then I win, don't I? I want you also to know I'm not far from going insane- but insanity is close to genius, is it not? I winn so I can gewinn- in the old english, I struggle so I can win. Run your races people. My prize is pussy from a wife, who serves me and I her. That is my top prize and goal, and what I seek to attain and why I am here.
They like mystery? Why? They like authority? I know why they would like that. They like strength- I know what they would like that- they want protection and security and geborgenheit. They want passion- I can understand that- and excitement. They want someone to be a leader, to lead them into sexuality, because they as women are risk-adverse, so they seek out the sexual leaders (think esp of Howard Stern for this) so I can understand why this person would compel them- certain of them. If you exude sexuality and they are women who want to express their sexuality, well then, guess what will happen? Will they not be attracted (drawn) to you? Badboys also know what they want more clearly I would assume, and I know this is something women want, crave, need and desire (to the point of it being painful if their mates don't have this quality). Why? Maybe because they want to follow and how can they follow a rudderless person? They want to admire and respect you.
All this so far doesn't sound so "bad" at all. Why do we disparage bad boys so much then? There may be other traits I'm missing but perhaps one of the reasons is envy, and jealousy a second. A third might be different morals- if the badboy sleeps around and conservative people want to live in a traditional society. I expect most people here don't believe in the traditional Christian God. When I was on these forums years ago I was going strongly agnostic. I dunno! Now I have more faith in God the father, who is hyper-masculine and I don't want to offend him. I also think his way is right. Anyway I believe I'll be held accountable for what I do and don't do.
Feelings! Women want feelings but we must be careful to over-generalize. Some women are more mental but of course all are human! If you make someone, anyone feel excited, do you not also draw them?
Hooks- I need to find ways to hook women better and more easily, so they don't get away, so I can slowly lead them to love me. I didn't hook this woman enough and she slipped off the line to my great surprise and disappointment, but I can maybe get her back. I hate to give up, it offends my pride and that's why I'm here. It started out as a quest to get her back and in love and then it became something bigger. I want to be free in the mind.
In some ways Stalin was the ultimate Bad boy. Uncle Joe, he did what he wanted. History has a lot of Bad boys, and not all get punished in their lifetimes either, but man "nice guys" do. That's just history.
How to make inner changes? I have many inner changes I need to make. I guess it takes pain and insight. You need to combine new insights and instructions with grief work and feeling the pains and unmet desires. That's what I think anyway. Life must change us or we stay ridiculous and can't see our own faults. I am only trying to grow in the mind, grow in wisdom and understanding. We have to be careful about beliefs also, as they govern behavior. Assumptions are the most dangerous- they are beliefs that didn't make it through a critical process of examination, and along with them are their opposites, incredulities- those ideas that did make it through but we still are not accepting them. Doubts, in other words, even when presented with evidence. Both are damaging to our functionality as people, as women-seekers. I work on clearing both out of my mind and subjecting everything to criticism but then accepting what passes muster.
I think our greatest, our only main power, is the power of desire, and that is why we must never repress it, even if it hurts. when we accept our feeling of desire, even when we lack, we turn the universe to our cause, we make the necessary changes in our personalities and characters and lives. It is great to desire, and even much greater in the face of failure. I know what I desire, but I'm trying to make it sharper.. I am currently pursuing one, committed in a total war situation. That will be my new M.O. until I get what I want. It focuses me, otherwise I become horribly unfocused, chasing multiple people and still trying to hold a life. I can go without sex and even masturbation. I can't live without focus, purpose. I never put my identity or self-esteem on the line or table--- why would I-- unless I get attached and believe something is happening. That is what happened- I was honestly deluded. I think she behaved scandalously without realizing it, but I'd been out of the game so long and am out of touch with modern culture so she was probably just being typical. Attachment and then loss ALWAYS hurts one deeply, but the same can be occasion for change, life change and growth, which is what I'm trying to make of it, but it is always painful. I think many PUAs don't get attached, and I think that is a mistake. Do they not want love? But at the same time, to get too easily attached is also a mistake.
My ultimate desire and purpose, besides having meaning and purpose in my life and love, is to see the world clearly and understand it. We don't fully see and understand it if we don't understand the role women and their emotions and expectations play in the world, in culture, in history, in male motivation. Women rule us by their expectations- even PUAs. Especially PUAs. We are really just conforming to their expectations, just admit it-- not that we can't also make them conform to ours- especially after they get attached or attracted. We can and should, which is what manhood academy is about, but let us not deny it. We are here to learn to be "bad" to conform to their romantic expectations or desires. People say I am so much mind. I am. If I talk to much like this around women (but on different subjects) I lose them. They say "I'm sorry, I don't understand". Especially the Asians, who are willing. I don't care about them, but they say "I'm sorry I don't understand". This, when done to a woman I care about, is a personality flaw. Otherwise I am a busy man. I need to understand my role and job as a man better, around women. I still can't believe they want me to be leader. Incredulity
but since it's true, I must figure out what it means in the details, and fulfill their expectations, otherwise I get punished, by disinterest or something. Life is constantly training and shaping us. We all have our paths. My path is aimed toward peace but also love- family love.. if God gives it to me. I'm here to learn how to be exciting, give emotion and attraction, to be discerning and improve my personality to be able to make better impressions on women and gain their trust better. These are things I don't usually give a f about, but I do give a F about getting a high quality woman. My path is in between pure seduction of quantity woman, and the normal slow boring path most men may take in finding their partners. I want to be heroic but most of all successful.
I want to destroy a lot of things. I've discovered that recently- I want to be a destroyer. There is a time for everything, a time to build and a time to destroy, and there is a lot that needs destroying. I am reading Carl von Clausewitz! He's my new teacher and inspiration! I believe what Gavroche said, "everyone's equal when your dead", so we should not focus on equality as an idol. Part of my mission or purpose is the destruction of a lot of things. I will make enemies, but they have wanted to destroy me first, my race and the values I hold dear, and my preferred institution and society, so I will be at work and at war setting about destruction of everything I see as degenerate or toxic, as well as destroying my rivals if I can, in pursuit of certain women. I want to surround them and route them and send them running away or make them defenseless. Our only certain weapon at the end of the day is our desire- and it will manifest if nothing else gets in the way.
So I need to keep identifying the positive traits of badboys and incorporate them into my being naturally, and keep myself from the negative, and I need to assimilate also the positive traits of the gallant man. In general I need to improve my personality and be more in touch with the object I seek. Pain is my chief guide. Pain teaches me more than anything. Pain shows me the disorder, either in myself or in society, and since I am a man, up and coming, I must take the responsibility on myself- they put it on my shoulders anyway, for to improve the society for my children and children's children.
I saw a man, eh took my girl from me when I was slowly getting to know her- years and years ago. I had known her longer. I had just started seeing her after the summer on this college trip. I hardly had a chance even to fail or be a loser, be a wuss, which perhaps I may have been but I had not even that chance before he touched her here and there, talked up a storm, to her and to all of us as well. I can't compete against that, even now, but I could maybe short circuit it, by leaning back and tossing rocks into their conversation that derails it and biding my time. I am much stronger now but I wonder, if I had to do it over again, how it would be with my present knowledge. Anyway he kept talking and touching. talking and touching together, in the manner he did, is a real combination. I'm sure she felt flattered, feminine, desire and turned on and opened up by all of this. From her point of view she was not expecting it because she did not expect to meet him. We were all incoming freshmen on a canoe trip up north. So she got swept off her feet- but then dumped. I wonder what became of her. Maybe she suffered as much as I did. I didn't do enough to seek her out in college. I regret that but I did what I could in those days. That experience made me bitter, confused, perplexed and set me on a course, that influenced me coming here. That made a strong impression on me. Maybe I shouldn't have so soon tried turning to tactics like these. Maybe I should have just written that off as bad luck, but it stuck I guess, and the rest is history. But I think I may need to be better at talking and touching. I really believe I know how to do everything, and do it right, and lead to passionate relationships- my main three problems are the window of time I have with modern women combined with competition. Things are not like they used to be. I don't care about what impression I make on people--but perhaps I should care more. Is wearing a little cologne a bad thing, submissive, or is it something that would make her happy, for example, like her wearing a dress on Sunday would make me happy? I don't even want to go fast, because I think it is superficial, but I also don't want to lose. That's where the idea of "hooks" come in- jut get them emotionally hooked somehow and reel them in slowly but one thing is sure- I don't want to lose the girls again and again. They always get impressions. They are most attracted to man's minds, they have told me, and personality, and yet them don't even get to know me, because they get certain impressions. Well again all this has been online because I'm not in my home country, and I want a native girl. I am very angry that this woman did this to me, string me along, broadside me, get me attached, and be so beautiful, and now she wants this other guy whose not even from the same country, and also throw away her nordic genes to a latin and the blond race is decreasing at a rapid pace as it is, and she was prejudice about me not having a wild side. I really feel I can't lose. I can't let this go anyway. but I will use that anger for a purpose of growth and self-mastery if that is possible. Everyone preaches love but I find it ok to hate. If it is bad to hate, let me be bad! Surely the world has hated me. I don't care! But then I will love again. Now that I'm older, I understand Metallica's music a lot better now. I want above all to make a good husband and lover after being man of God. this include being a good lover, and exciting, and I believe I have been and can be and will be but I have to take this side out of me sooner before they grow restless. They can be unforgiving. Yes women can be the most unforgiving, if they are not attached to you. We men, we have honor, we believe in debts and duties. Women will begrudge the littlest thing if they don't want to talk to you anymore, but if they are attached (well sexed and given hormones) they'll forgive lies, cheating, racism, so much- hoping you'll change. Women don't love in the same way men do, at least not generally. What they call "love" is either infatuation or else attachment. My way is hard because I don't sell out to the system of political correctness, nor do I sell out to the other system of Go Fu-k 10 other women and just chase pussy like an object. Does this mean I shall judge? No, but I know what my purpose is and I know what my career goals are now, and I am going forward, closing circles and I have my aims. I don't want to be a bad boy, I want to be a strong man but I also want to be exciting. In many ways Vladimir Putin is a god role model, among other historical figures. What does bad boy mean? In the end, it mean different thing to different people and we must define our terms before we start. Some women giggle at the simplest things, others are ready to strap on a you know what. Are you true to yourself? then you are free as a man, and if you can excite and arouse a woman I think you have what badboys have, but I think you have to show the sexual desire side earlier. I think just as in all areas, women are waiting for leaders, so they are waiting for sexual leadership. The gunwitch ideas are good here. It depends on the woman but I think they need this, sooner rather than later, since being jacked up on hollywood. I just want to sweep her off her feet, and close the deal or get her attached so that I can look out for her best interests. It's hard being the single one without babies, but I can have a magic life, with the gifts of appreciation and self-awareness but I will be working on learning what is attractive about "badboys" and also why attraction matters so much in a woman's choosing to unite with a man and surrender herself to him