I need your full attention for a few minutes.
We’re going to perform a quick exercise.
Think back at your most recent painful moment.
I don’t mean the time you stubbed your toe, I mean the last time you felt diminished as a man.
It could be the time at the office where your presentation flopped because you noticed the big boss whispering to James from accounting instead of paying attention to what you were saying.
It could be the time you saw an absolute stunner at the club and you walked up all confident and extended your hand and suddenly her boyfriend showed up and laughed at you in front of everyone.
It could even be the time your girlfriend jokingly asked you if you were gay.
Got the moment in mind? Great. Now I want you to notice how it feels.
A tightness around your heart, right? Now pay attention to your breathing as you relive that memory.
Shallow and quick, right? Beautiful, just beautiful!
Do You Trust In Your Own Wisdom?
You were deflated. But why?
Don’t you know that a man who honors his wisdom, who lives his truth is never deflated because his sense of love, his sense of wonder and his sense of purpose are all self-generated?
The key words here are ‘self-generated’. Why do you crash after a rejection? Why do you walk home feeling like shit when someone said something hurtful to you in the office? Do you trust the word of others over your own? Don’t you honor your own wisdom?
Don’t tell me “I know it’s not true, but it still hurts” because if you truly knew, if within the depths of your being you knew that what others think of you is not true, you would be free and their hollow-point words would not hurt.
Why do you feel hurt at other’s opinions? Because you do not trust your own wisdom. Why? because you do not know yourself.
If You Don’t, Why Should She?
Women are a microcosm of the world.
Women are spectacular at finding your weaknesses, at prodding at your incongruence.
Women will give you the storm of the century because they need to feel your unwavering commitment to your own truth. If you don’t honor your own truth, why should she?
This is exactly the problem with most (read: 99%) of men. We’ve lost our sense of purpose and so, we stumble around in confusion, looking up every so often hoping for the nod of approval. That is NOT being a man.
Is your love for life contingent? Is it conditional? In other words, does your love for yourself, for your life, and for women rest upon the exchange of value, the approval and validation you crave? Then you are not a man. Sorry.
It is the single defining characteristic of masculinity; Freedom. And if you are not who you are, if you depend on feedback to be who you want to be, then you are not free.
Cultivate that sense of wonder, passion and love deep within yourself. That is why I always say ‘the centered man is in love with his own love of women’! It’s a love that never burns out, that is never spurned, shunned, dimmed or suppressed. It’s an overwhelming sense of joy and ease that could be read on a man’s face.
The World Must Not Deflate You!
This is the crux of it: the masculine priority is mission and purpose. The feminine is the flow of love.
You are unfulfilled, things aren’t clicking because you aren’t aligned with your mission – you do not feel as if the work you are doing is contributing to the world. You are not leaving behind your gift essentially.
Don’t sit here and ask me how – You already know how, but you’re distracting yourself. You’re playing this game of ‘poor little me’ and running on the hamster wheel, effectively putting off your own enlightenment.
Stop distracting yourself, stop crying about ‘poor little me’ and for the love of God stop avoiding yourself. Sit still, breathe deep and come face to face with You, the real You!
If a random woman at the bar can deflate you, what kind of a man are you? If your girlfriend berates you and tramples your boundaries, what does that say about you? If you react in anger (which stems from hurt), did you really just win?
Stop giving your power away – come to know yourself. It is the only way to peace.
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