Respect in the social circle



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PostPosted: Fri Jul 17, 2015 7:00 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jul 17, 2015 6:17 pm
Posts: 2
This is not a PUA question specifically but more of a general question.

For the past decade or so I have gathered a vast amount of knowledge and training in a huge amount of subjects and I'm inclined to continue because it brings me good money and I'm fairly happy doing so. I've been building a way of thinking and viewing the world that is extremely efficient and powerful.
This, however, makes me vastly different from people around me. I'm significantly more intellectual and my entire thought process is entirely different from most people, who were never interested in improving their mental abilities and learning new information.
I've learned to suppress the intellectual side while I'm with friends because people don't like to feel stupid. However, this means that I bring very little or no value to friendships and my only plus is somewhat of a weak sense of humor. This doesn't work and brings me very low respect. I also can't really be myself and talk about topics that excite me or appear interesting to me.
Not only the low respect is a problem but when I bring a potential girlfriends to my social circle, they can sense the lack of respect and the whole thing falls apart. So in a way my friend circle is working against me.

The reason I'm posting this is that I don't really see how this can be changed. Obviously the problem is in lack of compatibility, so I could break form my social circle and try to build a new one. But people with my personality type and overall intelligence level are fairly rare, so creating a friend circle with them is likely very hard.
The only other option I see is to turn into an arrogant asshole that treats people as inferior, which will probably fix the respect issues but it will alienated a lot of people, including some good ones that might be very nice to have in my social circle.
All other scenarios involve me pretending to be someone I'm not just to please people, and I don't think it's healthy or reasonable in a long run.


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PostPosted: Fri Jul 17, 2015 7:41 pm 
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Joined: Thu Aug 02, 2012 10:20 pm
Posts: 613
Location: San Antonio
Quote:
1) I've learned to suppress the intellectual side while I'm with friends because people don't like to feel stupid.

2) my only plus is somewhat of a weak sense of humor.

3) Not only the low respect is a problem but when I bring a potential girlfriends to my social circle, they can sense the lack of respect and the whole thing falls apart.

4) The reason I'm posting this is that I don't really see how this can be changed.

5) The only other option I see is to turn into an arrogant asshole that treats people as inferior.

All other scenarios involve me pretending to be someone I'm not just to please people, and I don't think it's healthy or reasonable in a long run.
Well luckily you're in the right place!! Thankfully you're great at acqruring knowledge and that's what you need to do to improve your social awareness.

1) You're off to a good start! You have at least realized no one wants to feel stupid. Therefore you have to control your mouth around other people and rephrase things so that you are not insinuating other people are stupid.

2) Actually, intelligence is correlated with a good sense of humor. I'm pretty sure yours is weak because of your lack of experience in social situations. Once I get to know someone a lil I can make them crack at almost anything. As soon as I figure out someone is a goofball we literally will die of laughter because I "personality mirror" them.

3) If you change the way you treat the people in your social circle, their attitude will change towards you. People will generally mirror you. Have you ever noticed how if you move too far to someone's right or left when you're talking to them that they will turn to face you? It's that easy. And why would you introduce a female to a circle of friends if they will not have your back...?

4) It can be changed because just as you noted "people don't like to feel stupid/inferior" .... any other negative social behavior you have can be changed so that your result is different. You just need to figure out where you're going wrong and fix it.

5) Definitely don't do #5. Going back to #1 making people feel stupid or inferior will never be productive. You have to channel your intelligence in another way to win people over.

It's never about pretending to be something you're not. It's about bettering yourself and the realization that you have the control over your own mind and mouth and can direct yourself to do whatever you want to. Since your love of acquiring knowledge and anything else is so great, this should be easy for you.

PS.

I had to change my behavior bc I had the same effect on people. I'm still working on it. It takes yearssss... Start with some good courses on conversation. I always recommend Carlos Xuma Alpha Man Convo.


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PostPosted: Sat Jul 18, 2015 12:07 am 
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Joined: Fri Jul 17, 2015 6:17 pm
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Thanks, I will check the Carlos Xuma course on conversations.
I never paid much attention how people perceive me but I did some research in psychology and found out that I probably present myself in a wrong way and this is the reason for the low respect and the fact that some people tend to dislike me even though I have never done anything wrong to them. I decided to post here because people tend to be familiar with self-improvement and presenting themselves and also with dealing with similar issues. I think part of the problem is that I never got really good with social interactions because I was so involved with my own projects and ideas. I don't think I have any self-esteem or anxiety issues, just a lack of experience.
I think I will be applying the scientific approach here, which includes studying the problem and possible solutions, so if you know more material that could help me with this, please tell me. :)


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PostPosted: Tue Jul 28, 2015 3:51 pm 
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Joined: Thu Aug 02, 2012 10:20 pm
Posts: 613
Location: San Antonio
Ok well I have a large list of material under my belt... and of course there is even more out there. These are the ones I have at least read some of and can recommend :)

Older;
48 Laws of Power
The Selfish Gene
The Red Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature

Modern;
The Mystery Method
The Game - Niel Strauss
Both of Paul Janka's work (Getting Laid in NYC)
The Toa of Badass
5 Love Languages
The Gunwitch Method
Models: Attract Women Through Honesty
Introducing NLP: Psychological Skills for Understanding and Influencing People
The book of Alpha
No More Mr. Nice guy

Audio - Real Social Dynamics - Foundations & Blue print
Video - Keys to VIP & The Pickup Artist VH1


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 02, 2015 5:05 am 
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Joined: Sat Jul 25, 2015 1:39 am
Posts: 56
I say this from an outsider perspective with my intentions being pure - you sound pretentious. Now here's the thing, I also consider myself to be a very intelligent person, I read a lot, I'm dual majored in biomedical and mechanical engineering, nerd shit, etc. I totally get it, when you have all this knowledge, you really wanna just share it with others... unfortunately, others arent as keen to it as you or I may be . If you've read a bit into quantum mechanics, you understand that thoughts are in the form of brainwaves, which is a everchanging form of energy. In the grand scheme of things, everything is composed on energy; simply, the whole "positive vibrations" thing has a lot of merit to it. What I mean is, people will subconsciously pick up on your energy that you give off (they will ultimately sense your pretention due in part to you subconsciously deeming them inferior to you). How do you fix this?

Same way you've been learning... reading.

What I recommend is that you read a lot of material on personal development, body language, influence, pyscho cybernetics, anything like that so that you may begin to consciously adjust your train of thought. Once you begin reaffirm your value as a person on a daily basis, you will learn to stop viewing others as inferior, thus stopping you from giving off hostile vibes, and feeling a lack of respect.
Master the art of small talk, tonality, anything to make your verbal content more appealing really... humor really isn't the only way to go, but remember that a lot of humor is delivery based. So if you feel like humor isn't the route for you, try a different approach and master it. So to recap:

1) begin to adjust and affirm new, higher values for yourself
2) read a fuck ton of books (pm me if you want some book names, I have a ton)
3) develop a style of bantering and rapport building that works best for you
4) have everyone adore you


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