I feel as if I am in college to impress my parents.
My parents moved from another country without high school degrees even, and made a hard living raising me up in the states.
They expect me to be successful, and I want to make them proud, but at the expense of making myself unhappy? is this right? am i spoiled? AM i a lazy pathetic insecure person?
I worked hard to get into the college of engineering, but seeing so many people switch majors and quit makes me harder to stay motivated... >_<
Are engineering majors beta males?
If I had just kept my waiter job after high school, I would have been able to afford an apartment, and still have money left over to buy fresh clothes, and travel. I would have zero debt.
I will be $10k into debt after this semester ends. Ending my freshmen year of Engineering, then Ill go work in the summer, and restart the process allover for three years in fall.
Out of my three classes this semester, I am likely to pass only two. Im going to fail c++ coding class because I suck at it, and it is REALLY boring and uninteresting. Sure, computers run the world, but I just cant stand learning "computer algorithms". When you tell a girl what you do, its like "I code." Thats such a turn off. Its like the complete jump of death into the unattractive zone.
Deep down...deep deep down, I keep having second thoughts about college. I feel like, society wanted me to jump into a trap, and once I was in that trap, it would make me a debt slave for the next 25 years or so of life paying that debt back. I look at graduate engineers, most of them dont look attractive or alpha, they look like office slobs who code. Girls dont find that attractive at all.
The majority of chicks at my college are southern white chicks. I still haven't been noticed or approached by any of them. Needless to say, I never really approached any of them either because of anxiety. I wasn't in "the zone." One time, I sat with a group of white boys, and heads started spinning. I felt noticed. I felt like I had social value. Sitting alone, I get zero attention. I feel like a pathetic loser with zero chance of getting a hot ass girlfriend.
I want to be a bad ass. I want to regain control of life, do what I want, forget what my parents or anyone thinks, and just be happy.
I dont care about making $70k I dont even know if I was mature enough to start college.
Like if I had taken a gap year after high school, I could have been replenished, found out if I was ready for college, and then go.
Something in life is missing.. its my sense of self. Its like Im a robot programmed to do something I dont like (engineering) because its so hard. I study study study and fail my physics exams.
What is my life going to be like if I become an engineer? Welll... I can see myself making good money, probably with a wife who will cheat on me cause Im beta, and living my miserable life unnoticed, as I die one day, and be unknown to the world.
Lifting weights for 5 years
~ 16% Body Fat
Always was a smart kid. 3.8 GPA high school
Love cars, like to party and have fun, but I feel like people see me as that nerdy wierd creep, or that guy whos always alone.
I just want to be who I really am, but I feel like I have gave in to what people want me to be.
Anyone know how I feel?