Hi! thanks for reading.
While in day to day life I'll be talking to someone and then they'll say things like (huh? what? what did you say, I wasn't listening?) When they're standing right in front of me, and I know they heard me.
To me I find this incredibly disrespectful, and annoying. I don't like to repeat myself because to me the words I say are valuable. To me two things are happening, they either tune me out, which is a sign that they don't respect me since it happens often, or they are purposely doing it to get me to repeat myself like some dancing monkey.
I'm listening to them during our conversation paying them a respect that they don't show in return. Well, this is only with family members. When I talk to strangers the conversations flow effortlessly and that shit doesn't occur which makes me feel like they are doing it intentionally.
I know how to make it not affect me, change my habitual concepts on the trigger, not be affected by other peoples opinions, and all that, but that's not what I want. I want to address the issue. So it stop happening, not become unaffected when it happens.
So really the question would be how do I gain the respect of family members who see and treat me like that scared little boy I used to be, and not the successful, brave man I am today? Or at the very least get them to stop disrespecting me in the way they used to get away with.
It's not just the what did you say stuff. They do little shit like picking up the nice shoes I get for women, and then dropping them on the floor. Making smart alack comments. Using disrespectful tones when addressing me, and other shit that doesn't get tolerated from strangers.
I had a brother who was hard on his luck staying with me a while back, and I brought a woman home. He slept on my living room couch and the girl and I went to get a drink out of my kitchen and he was giving her angry looks. Another time I was trying to get this cashier's number and he was standing in line with me and started making comments about me crying at some point in my life in an attempt to embarrass me in front of the girl.
I ignore one thing and they just do another, and I think the concept of ignoring rude behavior leads people to backwards rationalize (yeah this pussy just let me get away with it, now I know I can do this sort of thing without consequences).
Or if I address it by saying "Don't drop my shoes on the floor." They respond by raising their voice taking an angry, disrespectful tone and something like "I didn't mean to do that shit!"
Then an argument ensues and the person will hold a grudge, and shit spirals getting worse and worse over something small and petty that they did.
For the grown males in my family that do this, I tried solving the issue with violence in the past by kicking ass, but then they just came up with shit about me still being soft , and not respecting my fighting style since it was a learned skill which can involve grappling. MMA.
I thought just being my new self around them long enough would slowly start making them realize and treat me respectfully, but nothing is changing with them. I don't have time to be arguing with these people, addressing every disrespectful little thing they do on a daily basis. Sorry if this has been talked about already. I ran a search and couldn't find any advice besides "Deal with it, their family" or "cut them off completely". Do any of you have any advice or books on how to change the deeply ingrained impressions of other people?
Or a way to address relentless disrespectful behavior from people you want to keep around.
"Keep your head up in the sky, you just a baby."
- Adoration of the Magi Lupe Fiasco