I'm at the research and personal development stage before I truly start going out into the field to approach. I've been reading some of the stickied threads here and I understand the concepts, I've been in a good frame a few times, but coming out of a break-up into this reality I can already identify some of my sticking points with my inner game. Wondering if any one has any suggestions, readings, videos, or anecdotes that could help me on these.

1) I don't think I'm physically attractive so why would a girl be attracted to me?
Pros: I'm tall, I have an athletic build, and I keep myself well groomed. My last girlfriend was a personal "9" to me and even her hottest friend tried to get with me. All the girls I've been with in my life have been good looking girls but that has only been about 10 girls. Although, I can recall a few instances where my lack of escalation failed me and I could have had a few more lays. My sticking point with a lot of these girls (read everyone but my last ex and 2 other short term relationships) is developing beyond a one night thing into a relationship.
So, I've been with good looking girls. I just haven't been with an abundance of them. So clearly I do have what it takes to attract girls I like so why do I feel physically inadequate and ugly when I'm out there? I know it's ingrained in me from not having a girlfriend through school, having an over-bite until grade 6 and the first crush I ever had call me a "skeleton" because I was tall and lanky. Also, constant failure on Tinder and POF I will blame on looks over anything else (who doesn't want to be with an articulate man, who plays sports, plays music, is well read, ambitious, and has also had some of his writing published?). Any tricks on not letting how you 'look' or feel about yourself affect your inner game? Obviously success from guys like Style and Cajun help since they are no prizes in the looks department either.

2) I'm not sure yet what attraction/game model would work for me. I'm worried about direct game because of my lack of belief in my physical attractiveness but I do know that I am too nice/friendly for the indirect approach since I will most likely get friend-zoned for not escalating or amping buying temperature in those situations. I can be a funny guy, most people laugh at my dry sense of humor, and I am an intelligent guy just sometimes socially awkward with people who I feel just don't have a lot of interesting things to talk about. I find myself bored with people which generally neuters my vibe/state. I'm no life-of-the-party guy. I'm the guy you can have deep conversations about things with. Just not sure how this can be integrated into a more direct-game. I'd rather just be open about my intentions than sit and wonder about being friend-zoned. Basically, any success for me has come when I wasn't thinking or trying, or when I was actually trying to get a friend of the girl I ended up with.

3) Scarcity mindset. I'm from Nova Scotia, Canada. Not a huge population of people. All the quality girls I normally meet are in relationships. As a result, I have this belief that if I go out and approach that I will more than likely be rebuffed simply because there just aren't quality single girls around. If there are, there are no doubt plenty of men ready to step in and they are likely already in her social circles, have a rapport and have begun their descent.

4) Oneitis: Obviously, I'm still trying to work through the oneitis of my ex-girlfriend. Can I really do this again? Find a beautiful girl like that, that looks the exact way I wanted a girl to look, who liked the same things I do, with the same sense of humor and not only wanted me, but was 'this is the one guy in the world I want' with me when we started dating. Truthfully, she has been the one girl in my life that I saw, said I wanted, and was able to go out and attract.

5) How to I develop a self-image that I enjoy and am comfortable with that ALSO attracts the type of girl I want. I like the hipster girls, the dark hair, dark-eyed girls with thick rimmed glasses. I like the artsy girls who are cute and not bombshells. Not the party girl who cares about when she can go dancing and drink. The girl who likes a good beer, a good band, a quiet night, and having conversations and a laugh. I know I shouldn't stick to one image and seek to accept any girl that I feel 'something' for. But I'm in this to not have an abundance, I'm in it to enjoy and experience until I find the girl that hits everything I want, again, and this time make the relationship last.

This is the only problem I see with this thread. It seems that you're just speculating and pondering about your looks and how girls will find you unattractive bla bla

Get into the field (with on non pessimistic open mind) and things will auto correct along the way, it is as simple as that. If you can get ten girls that are 9's then I can imagine you're not that hideous as you're making out to be.

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Would you recommend as a starting point to start at clubs etc. or start anywhere? I'm thinking that I will likely be doing day-game most of the time simply due to the fact I'm not a "party" guy and I have no wing-men at the moment. All my friends are in LTR or moved away to pursue their careers.

Whatever your preference. However, there are pick up forums/Facebook groups like this one where you can meet local wings and you can go hunting with.

p.s. I would say I am advanced at Tinder, send me a screen shot of your profile and let me take a look

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What about field research and field personal development?

I think thats the best way to collect data and its not like you have anything to lose by doing so?

What the hell is the risk.. Its like watching people play a sport and learning when their is an opening to jump right into the game.

Just jump into the game.

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I would say that it comes from my scarcity mindset. I believe that there's not a lot of single, attractive females in my area. That if I approach now without any semblance of background/comfortability/solid inner game that I will blow the best opportunities out there before actually being 'good' enough to pull it off.

50% of the girls that rejected me in the past would gladly be with me today. Because of how far i've grown and improved. Now whats your point?

With your current mindset, its going to tae a few thousand approaches. You're not going to read your way into being not dealing with rejection. Reading about riding a bike is nothing like actually riding a bike. And I learned to ride a bike faster from falling a couple times than reading tons of books on bikes and then finding out that I'd still have to fall. Somethings just can't be explained to someone who hasn't experienced them.

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That's the type of thing that I need to hear to try and get rid of these limiting beliefs.

In fact, when I was in High School, a buddy and I were writing some music. He had this girl from our school on MSN that he had a good friendship with. When we were taking a break he was just messing around with her over MSN and asking her which guys in our school that she would accept money from to sleep with her. He went through his closest friends and he asked about me. She said no. So, I wouldn't even be able to pay this girl to have sex with me.

Fast forward a few years later. She went to the same concert as I did. I made plans to meet up with her there. She went with a friend. I wanted her friend (since I figured I had no shot with her) but at the concert we were dancing, singing the lyrics together, having a good time. Eventually we dated for a few months. She broke up with me because she wanted to see other guys and I refused to wait for her. Cut my losses. Got into another relationship. When that one ended, she tried to get back with me, it almost happened but I couldn't get over the trust issues, she met another guy, recently she had a baby and the dude F'ed off on her.

So, I've got to internalize my own experience and your words as a way of breaking my limiting belief that even if I approach every girl around here. It doesn't necessarily destroy my chances with her in the future as she grows and as I grow.

Why don't you list the good things instead.

Clear your head of the pessimism and new slate, New haircut , new makeover, lift some weights, more new friends and see this as the 1st step to changing your life for the better.

Perhaps don't focus on the big long goal, focus on the incremental (however may tiny) steps and that will naturally lead to your goal.

I was depressed as fuck and the pick up marketing made me a believer. Then I realised It was bollocks but I was in too deep to give up. So glad i didn't

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I have a new hair-cut. Went with an undercut. I've gotten a lot of compliments from friends and family on it. I researched my head shape and went with the best stylish cut I could find that played down the size of my head. I like it.

I do have to find a dressing style that suits me. Right now, I'm wearing Oakley shirts and hoodies that are just too big for me. So they don't really show off the athletic build that I have. I am back into the gym and researching the best work-out/diet plans to make the most of my 4 months of unemployment to get as many gains as possible.

I do have to make some new friends. Though I am planning on joining some classes, Yoga, Cooking, Dancing (developing a new skill that will help at clubs/weddings etc.), and maybe some Improv classes to help me make shit up on the spot during conversations, be natural and comfortable. A friend of mine (he was on BBCAN2, he's a total idiot but he makes a lot of friends) should be back in a week, so I plan on hitting up as many parties as I can with him so that I can network with people before he moves away.

As far as my lifestyle, I play hockey, I win championships when I play. I can shred on the drums. I've played live shows, I've recorded demos. I write poetry and short stories. I've been paid money before to be published in poetry anthologies. I am an articulate guy who can have deep philosophical conversations about anything. I'm open, I care about people, and I'm knowledgable about sports. I'm well read. I'm ambitious and when I set my mind to pretty much anything I can accomplish it.

I just always go back to.. Okay, all of this shit is impressive, and I'm the type of guy that girls talk about wanting but they never want 'me'. So I blame my looks. It could also be my lack of creating sexual tension, of doing push-pull, being too nice, and not escalating. I can build comfort and rapport with no issue but I end up being the guy who helps them with their boy problems rather than.. well, being their boy problems.

I guess you know this already but if you ain't:

- approaching girls
- making a move on girls

You ain't getting shit however awesome your life is.

Anyway, I get your situation, we all started from somewhere, go out now, go out tonight and use those 2 things above. Let us know how it goes.

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