How do I stop being boring?

Short Bio:
I'm turning 24 in a few weeks so I am kinda reflecting on who I am. All through High School and early college (before I found out about the game) I was the typical nice guy. I had friends and I was a skater so I would skateboard all the time with friends. At school though I was very shy and naturally quiet/reserved most of the time. Girls have always said I am very hot and attraction was never a problem, I've had plenty of girls crush on me that I wasn't interested in (they were usually not attractive). I dated and had a few gf's but they all left within a few months by losing interest or the typical "you're a great guy but I'm just not feeling it, it's not you it's me". As a result I've never had a long relationship. I was not extremely clingy or suffocating but I have been at times.

The problem:
Looking back It's easy to see all the things I did wrong (being too nice + clingy) however I can't change who I am. I discovered this when I recently dated a girl for a month and it ended a few weeks ago. I have been aware of the game for a few years now and I gamed her a bit at the beginning but she ended up leaving saying the typical "you're a great guy, I'm very attracted to you physically such and such but I'm not feeling "us" . I just told her "sure" and I agreed and then asked her honestly if there was anything about me I could improve and she said I just seemed too serious/reserved at times and it could come off as jerk-like. I've been told this before way back in HS so I know it's not just her.

I have a lot of things going for me (looks+very athletic+ education+ great career coming up + money ect.) and a lot of things to be confident about, but the reason I don't feel confident is because of all the rejections I've had. It be different if I knew it was something I did wrong (was a jerk, cheated or was mean ect.) but the rejections hit my core because it's like I was rejected for being who I am. That kills my confidence a lot.

Now I have no problem initiating conversations, keeping them going, teasing and smiling/eye contact and flirting with a girl I'm attracted too (I get a little nervous but I've done it before once I get comfortable) however my first interactions always seem to be typical and "nice" and full of questions. I naturally find lots of questions to ask people about themselves when talking about them and getting to know them. However it seems that this bores a lot of girls and I lose them pretty quickly and I can see how this can get boring but I don't know how to change it without changing myself.

I'm naturally not the cocky/funny type of guy and probably will never be but how do I get girls attracted to my personality and not come off as too boring in the beginning. I've done spontaneous ballsy stuff like dump water on girls before and can get playful with girls I know. I've been trying to change my body language too because if I'm with an attractive girl I'm trying to get to know I tense up and fidget. I have no problem talking to people and striking conversations like in class or at work but it seems it stops there. I do have trouble starting romantic relationships and even making friends. I have lots of acquaintances but I never get invited anywhere and if I suggest doing something people always flake (guys or girls). I know I can't change my personality, but how do I change from being a boring nice guy to an attractive guy? Being introverted and reserved at times I can't help, I'm naturally observant but how can I feel comfortable with who I am and not worry about being boring with women I talk to in the future?



As for all the rejections, I can shrug it and move on but I do want to stop being boring, how do I do this?

First of all Chaz good job for getting thus far not all people have the power and courage for that. You see I used to be EXACTLY the same way. I was handsome, smart and had other things other guys didn't but I still wasn't able to get girls I wanted to. So I always used to read books and ask guys how they got girls. Every guy told be something different. I tried to do so many things that would make girls like me (sexually) but nothing worked and we ended up being friends. Then one day I rethought my whole entire life. And one of the things i rethought was my sex life. And I realized why I wasn't getting girls to be sexual with me. It was because I thought of the girls as being better than me and was therefore waiting there for her permission to express my sexual interest for her. Think about it, if you think the girl is better you act nice to her because you're afraid that if you act how you want to she might get turned of or creeped out or she will reject you. Did you notice how many "she" words were in previous sentence. Meaning you put to much thought about what she want's or what she would do because you think she's better than you. I was the same. Once I started thinking of myself as the prize my life turned around. This was literally the turning point in my life. The day I accepted this mindset on myself I decided to go for and approach a girl I thought was hot. So I went to Manhattan in NYC and saw this very beautiful girl waiting by the store and things were running through my head "don't approach her it might look weird" and these types of thoughts. I shut down my thoughts and just started to walk towards her. I was 3 feet away from her and my thoughts came back of not approaching but it was too late by then. She was looking at me and I was so nervous then but there was no way out so I opened her and said "hey, do by any chance know any coffee places around here" and she looked at me in a weird way and said " I think there's one over there" I said back "Oh, thanks" and my mind was telling me to leave but I decided to continue and said back " wow you don't know where any coffee shops are must be you don't drink coffee that much" she acted friendly all along but no indication of sexual interest at all.I said to myself IAM THE PRIZE OVER HERE NOT HER AND IF SHE WILL THINK THAT BY ME SAYING THE FOLLOWING I AM A CREEP SHE LOSES OUT. So I said enough is enough and told her exactly why I approached her. I said " I don't really care about the coffee shops I just thought you looked cute and I had to approach you" after that her eyes lit up and I felt the whole conversation shifting from just a talk to some kind of bond between us. I continued with the mindset that she's selling me something instead of I am selling her and said things that I would never in my life say to a girl especially a hot girl like her. We had a good chat I began to look at her like I wanted to fuck her and she started touching me. I told her that now we should really go for coffee. And we had an instant date I kissed her in public didn't care if she was comfortable with it or not what people may call an asshole. (But I was called by my friends the nicest guy on the planet and I never though I could do such a thing) I ended up taking this girl home and we did it. This all happened in just few hours but changed the way I think forever. Now to be practical. Chaz right now you have to start thinking your the prize and not her. It will be very hard the first few times but like anything the more you do it the easier it gets. Get a friend who will do this with you and make sure he FORCES you approach girls. Be yourself and tell girls exactly what's on your mind. I happen to be very impatient and I used to tell girls a minute after meeting them "I am not gonna be like other guys and and chat 2 hours to get your number you we should exchange them now(not in such a serious tone)" and I was surprised that girls were very responsive to it. The key is say what's on your mind don't be afraid to express what you want. You don't have to make girls feel comfortable, you just have to be comfortable yourself. You want to have sex right? So next time you meet a girl let her know your the present, feel like a present, and act and say what you want to. Take rejections as "we just didn't match, NEXT" many guys think a rejection is that's they're not good enough "FALSE" it's just that not everybody is compatible with everybody. Good luck.

_________________
"Experience is the teacher of all things"

AmazingArt is right 100%, and im the same boat as you. i rethought my entire life and this WILL help you. here are some links i found after doing some research on my current position, which also looks to be your current position.

http://shyness-social-anxiety.com/self- ... looks.html

http://shyness-social-anxiety.com/conve ... xiety.html

http://shyness-social-anxiety.com/conve ... about.html

another thing you should that really helps. write down everytihng your feeling/thinking. putting that shit on paper will help you see exactly whats going and can later help. trust me man, im going through the same thing, EXACTLY the same thing

Thanks so much, I agree that's the mindset I need but its like my body won't believe it. I could probably force myself to say those things no problem but my body gets tense and my voice gets higher so my delivery sucks and I don't look confident. I could probably do it confidently in a club with a few drinks but I've actually never done day game. I don't think I'm that confident yet.

It's like my brain is permanently wired to believe women are the prize even though I value myself. If I thought I did great in delivery and get rejected I don't care because it wasn't mean't to be with that particular chick. I only seem to care if she was creeped out.

Looks like for you it worked out that one time but have you ever done the same approach and the girl said "Oh thanks but I have a boyfriend" or kindly rejected you in some other way? How did you respond in those situations?

Yeah Chaz the first few times you're body will tense all you have to do is just get it out there. After the time I chated to that girl I had to do many more of these types of approaches. Don't worry about your delivery and tone of voice just get it out there. My mind was wired to believe girls were the prize at first too. But with lot's of practice and tons of nerves and anxiety my mindset changed. Also notice, right now you asking question the reason is because you question yourself whether you can pull this off you don't believe in yourself. Instead you should believe in yourself. Tell yourself you can do this because I know you can. I did I met many other guys that did all you need to do is just believe in yourself and give yourself permission. When you read this your mind will probably start telling you "in your case it's different because this this and this" "what happens if the girl says this and this and this" etc... all kinds of excuses. Just tell your mind that " you can do this and you will do it and no excuses". If need be just let your body and mouth operate while turning off your brain. And yes, I have done it many times after that. I don't get ALL the girls but I get so much I would never think I could have done this. It doesn't make a difference what she says because according to me she's selling something to me and I am the buyer. If she says she has a boyfriend I just say what's on my mind. I stay there and keep doing what I want and having fun. If she leaves she leaves too bad for her most probably I'll never see her again. It's impossible right now for me to get rejected. I never feel rejected. I look at it as follows, if she doesn't want to talk to me or is married or for any other reason it means we're just not compatible. It's like trying to install Windows 7 on a mac which is not compatible. Does it mean Macs are bad or that Windows are bad? No, all it means is they're just not meant for each other. When you have any doubts or questions about these kinds of things number one tell yourself "YOU CAN DO IT" and if you start thinking but what happens if she says this or this say to yourself "WE"LL SEE WHEN WE GET THERE".

_________________
"Experience is the teacher of all things"

Thanks, I see what you mean. I was just wondering what is a good response if I get the "I have a boyfriend" line. What would be natural to me would be to say playfully "So that means you can't talk to guys" or "So that means you can't make friends?" and in any other case say "It was nice talking to you"

I think those are fine, I was just wondering how you handle rejection. I like your mindset. I guess if you are in the right mindset the words will follow.

Yes chaz you got it. If your in the right mindset the words will just flow that's the key. See you're improving already.

_________________
"Experience is the teacher of all things"