Hey, I've heard that a few people would like to know what they're getting into before they approach or be able to read some extra signs while in a set so here goes:

You’ve done the hard part now. Having the balls to go up to a girl is most of the battle because you’re competing against the worst enemy you will ever come across: yourself. Your new acquaintance will have the ability to decide whether or not she likes you within the first ten seconds of meeting you. The thing is, you should be doing the same to her. Some of the things you should be looking out for you may already know from hearing about the girl previously, or by looking at her from afar while studying the room for potential targets. But some aspects, one can only gauge after getting close and personal. A word of warning, you’ll probably get this bit wrong for the first twenty times you try to do this, but that’s ok because it’s a learning curve. Enough waffle, here are the features that you should be keeping an eye out for to give you the upper hand.

1. On occasion girls can be unnecessarily boring. This might take a bit longer than 10 seconds to work out, but it shouldn’t put you off. Do not mistake a boring girl for an uninterested girl! Simply smile, be happy and energetic, this will rub off onto them. You will have to work quite hard to find a topic of interest to talk about. A fairly easy way of finding out if she’s interested is to offer her a drink, and a way of eliminating her boring aspects are to make those drinks shots. Try not to say something along the lines of, “do you want to do shots?” or, “can I get you a shot?” as this will come across as threatening and it may seem like you’re trying to take advantage. Instead, you should word yourself more carefully, for example, “I was actually about to buy a round of shots, would you like to join me?” Be careful as to the shot you choose, its never nice to have to see that shot again later. Personally I think tequila is always quite fun, but I regularly end up knocking back those cheap, low alcohol, flavoured vodka shots because that’s what the girl likes. Which brings me to the next point, only with shots, ask her what she would like and order two, even if you hate it, it will make her laugh watching you squirm with the taste. This only adds to your appeal and charm. I call it the halo effect; it makes you look quite innocent and genuine rather than the macho approach that most men will apply. As a friend once told me, ‘work smart, not hard’.
To summarize, if you end up meeting a boring girl, be enthusiastic, don’t give her an opportunity to bring you down, complement her, use other indicators to read her, but if all else fails, get her to the bar to bring out her talkative fun side (and hope to Satan that she’s a lightweight).

2. Something that can be summed up in the first ten seconds will be her alcohol consumption level. In my opinion, I prefer to meet soberish girls because they are far more likely to be flexible(mentally) and understanding, whereas drunker girls are quite often emotional and volatile. When you approach her, the more drink she has had, the more likely she’ll be leaning against something or sat down (if not dancing). But as soon as you start talking to her, some of her sentences wont make sense and she’ll probably slur a little bit. This can be hard to pick out in a noisy place, not that I actually listen to drunken girls anyway. The beauty of inebriated women comes from the fact that you can nod along as they talk more and more without speaking. The only meaningful words you have to ever say include, “do you want to dance?” and, “shall we go somewhere a little quieter?” or along those lines. The rest is simply a barrage of complements. Comment on how they look, and smell, on her clothes, hair, but not make-up. Commenting on make-up only has negative connotations, no matter how positively you phrase it, or how good your intentions.
Other positives of a drunker lady-friend include the fact that they’re cheaper, easier, and more likely to take you back to her house therefore facilitating your quick getaway in the morning. Finally, you can lie your arse off and they’ll never be able to tell.
Word of warning, watch out for the “excitable” girls, who come across as drunk however are completely sober and so will be able to tell when you’re lying… Bane of my life.

3. In our modern world we have to consider what age means to us. Just for you, I have developed a few different definitions of age. There is actual age, i.e. how many days a person has been on this earth since he/she popped out of his mother’s womb. Next we may come across apparent age. This is the age that someone is perceived to be, some people may seem to be older than their actual age, while some may seem to be younger. I know you understand what I’m going on about here, this is why clubs get in so much trouble when their bouncers don’t ID people, it is very difficult to accurately judge someone’s age. After apparent age, we encounter mental age. This requires actually talking to the person, or reading their minds (if you can actually read minds, firstly see a doctor, secondly, call me and I’ll give you a job). This can also be labelled as maturity.
Although we could use any or all three of the types of age, ‘apparent’ and ‘mental’ ages are perception quantities, so for the benefit of my beloved readers, we’ll stick with actual age so that we have transferable concepts to talk about.
Firstly, you have to ask yourself whether age bothers you. If you answer an outright no then quite frankly I envy you and your total lack of morals towards the issue. Conversely, if your answer is a straight yes then you put yourself in a limited position and will often be left feeling regretful. When it comes to age, there is a massive grey area. I believe you should know where you stand on the matter before you proceed. I’ll use myself as an example: I aim for same (actual) age or older, however girls that are technically younger but were in the same year as me at school are also fair game. Younger girls I will happily stay friends with so that when I’m 23-30 I know some gorgeous girls in their late teens/early twenties to parade in front of mates. At the other end of the spectrum I avoid the over thirties as their sexual drive is so active they cannot leave it at one night. Saying that, if you get a shot with an over thirty lady, take it, you’ll learn a lot, very very quickly.
I will stretch to one year younger if their mental age is at a reasonable level. When it comes to apparent age, I will only target women that I think look twenty one so that they are probably eighteen or nineteen. If I find out that they are younger, then I will simply let them go and move on. If I only find this out the next morning, worrying about it wont change what happened so I just get over it. Life’s too short.
This is the level of understanding you should have before going out. Quick note, your rules towards age, like many other rules, tend to go out the window when you get drunk.

4. The indicator I am most fond of is underwear. Ann Summers and I have a love-hate relationship, I love the fact that people design sexy clothes that only cover the bare minimum, I hate that it’s one more obstacle to overcome. I love the good old bra-burning sixties.
Slightly off course but necessary none the less: These days I’m not a fan of how girls feel uncomfortable wearing nothing but their underwear even though they’re happy to parade around in a bikini on the beach to random strangers, especially because lingerie has been designed so expertly it deserves to be seen! The thing about underwear is that it can tell you a lot about the girl wearing it, as can the clothes (but underwear is more fun). The trick is getting a glance at underwear on a night out without being suspected of staring at the girl’s boobs (if they choose to wear a low cut top you should be instantly excused, I’m fed up of being told off after looking at cleavages purposely paraded by their owners). To make matters worse, you might have nothing else to go on but the colour, i.e. the strap might be showing a little.
Colour code:
Black and red – Most likely is that they’re single and looking for company for the evening, the saucy minx.
Blue – single but not particularly looking for anyone that night. Good investment for the future, but could probably be persuaded. Couple of drinks should do the trick.
Pink – Barbie doll, or girly girl. This is a funny colour to wear because it’s only ever the two extremes, either the girl is exceptionally naïve, or she is quite the little strumpet.
White – neutral, could mean anything
Invisible – can’t learn much from invisible straps (mainly because they’re invisible!) except that the girl wants everyone to focus on her top / dress.
Anything else (including patterned but not laced) – high probability of boyfriend.
Exception – the whole above code is flipped on it’s head if you discover mix matched bra and panties, it shows a lack of effort, which for a girl is hugely important when trying to look for a guy.
Just to elaborate on the above point. Quite often, what guys perceive to be sexy, tend to be more uncomfortable for girls. So when they’re wearing the sexiest underwear, they’ve obviously put in the effort and are good targets. On the contrary, girls wearing granny pants and Minnie Mouse patterned bras are very comfortable and obviously not looking for a man-friend.
If a girl’s thong is popping out from the top of her jeans, don’t worry, she knows that it is there but be careful; it’s not always an invite over. Normally they wear them like this to make some poor bloke jealous (possibly a boyfriend, lucky guy), which would normally mean that you might not have a hope in hell, but fuck it why not, go for it, what have you got to loose?

5. The drink a girl has in her hand can tell you a bit about her, but mostly about the impact that she will probably have on your wallet. The following drinks are ordered from classiest to tackiest: expensive wine/champagne, then cocktails, followed by cheap wine, next comes spirit mixers, after that is expensive shots, subsequently beer/alcopop, finally shots of sambuca and bottles of lambrini. The price decreases down this list but so does the quality of girl. You need to work out your own personal balance. I have a personal exception to this rule, if I spot a girl drinking Guinness I will happily buy her another one for being so brilliant and unique. All joking aside, my top level is at the cocktails, and bottom level is the alcopop level.

6. Every good conman(and pua) can “cold-read” someone, the ability to make an educated guess at a person based on their appearance. Essentially what I’m promoting in this book is a bit of a con because you regularly have to pretend that you’re someone you’re not, or at least beef up the boring with little white lies. Cold reading is the technique of looking at someone and working out things about them. Eight out of these ten indicators can be utilised by cold reading a person before you initiate conversation. Cold reading is one of the hardest art forms in the world to learn and I still make hideous mistakes. If you get some free time, it’s definitely worth a quick Google. The next thing about the girl that you need to read is their clothes, more specifically, their labels, including the labels on their handbags and shoes. The trick here is that the very top brands for girls will be less obvious on the clothes she wears but will be far more palpable on her shoes and handbag. Conversely, lower brands will have really obvious clothing and very concealed accessories. Fancy a gamble? Girls with nicer clothes and handbags can afford to buy you drinks; however they will want more expensive drinks if you end up buying. No risk, no gain. Ideally you could come away with a stunning, classy girl who buys you drinks. But if you only want to take action without risk, where’s the fun in that?

7. Beware of accents. As I mentioned in another post, foreigners can be a tad strange, funnily enough, if you’re on a night out and you happen to come across a French or Italian girl in England, they tend to be up for a good time, whilst keeping the same level of hotness that they had before. However if you’re abroad and want to try it on with these locals, prepare for disappointment. I should qualify here that I am also not racist, I feel that I have to qualify myself a lot. The only people I don’t like are morons (and chavs), so I am not discriminating on age, sex, race, etc, because none of those things determine how intelligent a person is, and therefore none of those things determine whether I like a person or not. However you can tell certain things about a person by the type of person they are. Essentially people are all the same, they just dress differently and have been brought up in different situations and therefore have different views on life and the people around them, but all share the same generic instincts we were born with. Pride, greed, sloth, lust, anger, gluttony, envy, to name but a few of the bad (cooler) ones. There are pleanty of good ones too, but nobody is particularly bothered by those ones, life’s too short not to have any fun. Speaking of fun, and back on point, if you can win over a girl with an accent, lucky you, foreign girls are often quite kinky. But like I said, it’s hard to get them to that stage because they’re so used to a different way of getting picked up. Take Russia for example, where wealth rules. Girls from Russia, and most of Eastern Europe, will go to a bar all dolled up with the understanding that they will probably end up with some dirty old man for the evening just because he bought her a drink and has a lot of money. Our girls don’t know how good they’ve got it; they should be thanking us, a whole load more than they do at the moment, they get free will and everything.
This rule only applies to girls visiting the UK from abroad; foreign girls who have lived here all their life are accustomed to the social structure and so are essentially the same as the natives.
Did I mention I’m moving to Saudi Arabia when I’m older? One wife in England just wont cut it, I need at least seven.

8. Hair. Hair is an infamously clever tool used by girls to disguise themselves. They can be made to seem far more attractive by use of their hair. But that’s not the point. Girls use their hair as one of the many indicators that you can pick up on to go and talk to them. Radically styled hair is more of a statement than anything else, and one not to be commented on, unless you know the girl well. If you walked up to Amy Winehouse and said, “wow I love your hair”, she’d shoot you a faint smile then proceed to ignore you. On a lighter note, this kind of haircut often means that they are a very free-spirited individual (duh) and so available even if they’re not (if you know what I mean). On the other hand, such an outlandish statement can only mean that they are mature and may have been hurt at some point, or have some serious issue that they never truly got over. Accordingly, it’s a lot like finding an unexploded bomb from the second world war in your garden, and bringing it indoors, leaving it as a centre-piece in your lounge. That’s if you’re successful, which, can be quite difficult as they are only ever interested in seriously bad guys! The kind of guy that when they’re introduced to a girl’s parents all they say is, “fuck you” to their faces. For those of you who do psychology or sociology out there, you will notice that this is a simple case of people relating to others like them. Damaged girls like damaged boys, and damaged boys are still boys so will take any gash that comes their way.
Girls with standard, neat hair on a night out are a regular occurrence. On the whole it could mean anything so you’ll have to stick to the other rules when it comes to girls with normal.
My next lot, I don’t know how to call them, I’ll call them Raa Girls. You know the ones, effortlessly posh. I happen to have insider info that that effortless just out of bed look is quite staged and takes quite a bit of effort unless the girl happens to be lucky. Same rules apply as before, be confident, smile, one change though, put on a posh-ish accent. I’m joking, just be yourself, don’t be put off by their posh preppy look, they’re just as lonely as the slutty girl stood next to her in low cut top, miniskirt and high heels (yum).
Finally we get to the girls who actually haven’t put in any effort into their hair. Not to be confused with Raa Girls, the lazy kids on the block with their hair in pony tail or cleverly pinned to itself may be left alone as obviously they are not there for attention and would probably rather be left alone. Often this is indicative of a boyfriend, generally in the room so if you’re a bit of a risk taker, go for one of these, because I can tell you now that nobody else will. Who knows, you might be lucky and get a tomboy. ‘Why is this lucky?’ I hear you say. Well, let me explain. Tomboys are brilliant because their effortless beauty is coupled by the fact that they drink beer and understand the concept of having a bit of fun, resulting in a girl perfectly happy to enjoy the bedding you and have no need nor desire to speak to you again afterwards. My experience is that they are few and far between, one of nature’s most brilliant rarities.
Exceptions to this rule come in the punk/emo scene where ironically all the girls have the same haircut (non-conformist my arse), and will not leave the house without it perfectly in place, even if they’re just going to the gym, or next door to borrow some milk, therefore the indicator is useless.

9. We touched on labels a bit earlier, but I want to be a bit more generic about clothing as labels are difficult because of the proximities needed. What I’m getting at is the colour and type of clothing being worn. You will already have this skill set unconsciously. It’s how we talk to people like ourselves. If you see someone wearing the same sort of fashion as ourselves we instantly warm to them, however on a night out this can be distorted, but also limiting, if you only stick to your fashion group you’re severely limiting yourself to a select group of young ladies. I know that I have my own preferences, and they are often very similar to my own personal style. The way I move on from this is to think about what the girl looks like naked… hear me out… because then you realise that all girls are the same in the end. Yes you can argue that you might not get on with them as much, but what does that matter if its only for a bit of fun on a night out? The end result justifies the means. Once you get past the differences in fashion there’s not a lot to distinguish between women. Some people say that I have no standards, the fact is that I don’t discriminate on what girls are wearing, nor am I bothered by what people say because I only go for women I think are attractive, they are entitled to their perceptions. So all I can say to these negative people is that I get a lot more action than them, and if I do happen to meet a girl I like more than just on a physical level, I can blow her mind. I’ll get back to the point eventually, I promise. If you know anyone like this, simply give them this little exercise: ask them to define what makes a girl beautiful to them. Then find an ugly girl (because there will always be one) that matches their description and tell her that your mate thinks she’s the most beautiful girl in the world. The idea is that you cannot define what makes someone beautiful, it either works for you or it doesn’t, and is different for everyone. Finally most girls using a combination of confidence boosting, make up and hair styling can potentially be made to look hot (I said most).
The point about clothes is quite a simple one, and probably one that I needn’t have mentioned, girls that catch your eye without having seen their face, are always available simply because they’ve worn clothes that are designed to catch your eyes. Well, that or you’re very drunk.

10. Do not get distracted by boobs, look at face. More of an etching of wisdom than a key indicator. She’ll have worn a low cut top, or a top that shows off her chest in order for you to come over and chat to her, but when you get there, you are forbidden from looking at her jugs. Word of warning, they may be out and about on purpose to distract you from their face. You have to do a flyby first – walk by to make sure that her face is respectable and you haven’t simply been drawn to the two beauts like a moth to a flame.

Josh