| So I meet this chick on an online dating website, we really hit it off over two days, and then I finally ask for her number and she gives it. Keep in mind this chick is a bit cocky, she is fairy intelligent, and she loves trash talk, and doesn't take shit.
Anyway, it starts like this
Her: Here is my number text me so I can send you a picture of my middle finger you ass.
( Text her)
Me: Okay, let's see those fucking tiny fingers, you little Hobbit, I need a good laugh. (Keep in mind she is 4'11 (skinny with curves), and she told me she has really small hands and feet)
Her: I won't do it. My fingers are stubby and there's dirt under my nails.
Me: Gross, clean your damn fingers. You really are a Hobbit, haha. (Gollum voice): Nasty hobbitses! (She is a nerd somewhat, so I reference Lord of the rings a few times)
Her: Limey turd
Me: Poop face
Her: You don't mean that. Take it back Tell me I'm pretty and you like my face. (This threw me off, this chick comes off as quite confident and would never really say something like this, I naturally assume it's a shit test)
Me: Lol, piss off you little Hobbit. I know your trickery.
Her: Now you're just being downright hurtful. Why do you want to hurt me so??
Me: Hurtful? Oh, the hurtful hasn't started yet, that will be after I kick your ass in Mario Kart (She wants to play Mario Kart against me and kick my ass)
Her: So young. So angry. damn that rap music.
Me: Nice try, but I don't even listen to rap.
Her: Alright, I'm thinking we need to put this matter to bed. What are you doing tomorrow evening?
Me: I think so too. I have some things planned, but I might be available during the night.
Her: Well let me know. I already assum you'll chicken out to save face but time will tell
Me:Definitely. And no, no chicken here. I'm a cock, and a cock is always up for a fight. Wow, that was gay.
Her: It really was. I would go take a cold shower and take long hard look at your life. (Like I said confident, cocky, not afraid to say anything)
Me: Pretty sure that will be you after tomorrows massacre. I can picture it now, you in the shower in the fetal position rocking back and forth.
Her: Just promise me you'll stroke my hair and tell me I'm pretty ( Okay, wtf, here she is being sensitive again, nothing like her?? Is this a trap??)
Me: I take it you don't get enough of that? And you already know you're pretty, I'm not going to inflate your ego, it's going to explode any second anyway.
Her: It'll make me feel better once you make me realize how inept I am at Mario Kart. One simple kindess and you reject it? For shame.
Me: Hmm, maybe if I have enough wine in my belly. We'll see. I'll make a deal, if you beat me, I'll do it.
Her: Forget it. You're missing the whole point of the exercise. Sleep well you ass ha. You'll need all the rest you can get to mentally process the impeding ass whipping when you come over for Mario Kart. An interesting school of thought. Not one I agree with. I'm one of the "be kind always even
the other person is a chode" types.
(OKAY, so what the hell is going on here?)
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CHAT