Hi all,

I found this HB8 on a chat app. We got to meet and started dating. Initially she really liked me and on our 3rd date, she invited me to her home and we made out and got to second base. She told me she's had plenty of boyfriends before but haven't had one for the last 2 years. On our fifth date, we bumped into a friend of mine and I introduced her as my gf. At this point she gave me a weird look. After the friend left, she asked me when she had become my gf and told me that I needed to chase her. So I did and I think I kind of put her on a pedestal in the process.

We've been dating for 3 weeks and it was really intimate in the first 2 weeks and now I haven't seen her for a whole week due to exams. However, last night I talked to her on the phone for four hours and she kept trying to find different excuses to split up with me. First it was because I didn't have time for her because of my work to which I told her that I have plenty of time but just not 24/7. Next it became that I didn't really understand her. Then finally she told me that she wants to stay single. After 4 hours of this I was convinced she wasn't going to reveal the real reason why she doesn't want to be with me. At this point, I just told her "okay lets split, goodbye. I think you're a great girl and you will do well, keep studying hard."

So we've split and I'm still not sure why. Maybe her reasons were legit but I suspect not. On top of this I still feel shes still into me otherwise she wouldn't be talking to me for 4 hours and way past her normal sleeping hours. After I stopped talking to her, she changed her personal message to "if you didn't start, you won't get hurt". She hasn't blocked me nor removed me.

She has an exam tomorrow and she will be studying today.

Why do I still feel like I have a chance here? Do I have one? In some fucked up way I feel she was doing all that just to make me chase her more. I mean if she wasn't into me, I don't think she would bother spending 4 hours explaining to me why she wanted to leave me. After I told her goodbye, her response was "that's it?".

So what should I do?

Alarmbells of fucked-up-ness ringing loud and clear son. At a point I was dating a chick for three weeks including sleep overs and hours of kissing and then she still was confused about whether she considered me as her boyfriend when she also said she was religious, monogamous, etc. Should learn from that; all this moral posturing is not to be trusted.

In your scenario, there is the risk of really developing feelings for that girl, and at that point she has control over you. The relationships in which you really care are never the ones that last. But when she says that she wants you to chase her, it's a code word for "do things for me that are of benefit for me, make me feel desired." Yet at the same time if you do this, you make your availableness obvious, which means to them that you don't have many other options, and therefore you will lower yourself in status. It's a hold where you pretty much cannot win.

Also you try to apply male logic to the female nature. You wouldn't spend four hours talking unless it served a purpose. For her, a purpose is totally irrelevant; the world has males for that. She is just spilling her mind for the heck of it, because why not. To you it sounds absurd, but females have a thing for endless talks about emotions. Especially when they convince themselves that they cant see you as lover, but still think you are adorable and therefore don't want to hurt your feelings.

Yeah true but I was thinking maybe she was hurt before hence not dating for two years. And she doesnt want to be hurt again so shes pushing me away in hopes that I will try harder and appreciate her more. Would a girl do something like that?

Mental chick put you in the friend zone. Oh well, keep gaming son!