Hi guys, first post here.
I have seen others that are similar, but I think my situation is a little bit complicated right now.

I have been flirting with a co-worker for quite some time now - we regularly have eye contact that goes beyond what you have with a coworker, like locking for more than 5 seconds. Kino was actually initiated by her, and based on her giggling she obviously enjoyed being pushed by me because she blocked my way
Apart from that, we laugh a lot together and I can feel that there is attraction between us.

First approach:
I asked her to join me and some other people for an after work party, and she said that she is interested.
Unfortunately, that event never took place because I first became sick and later on because I was not able to set up something up with my unreliable colleagues.


Second approach:
Some time later, I asked her directly whether I can invite her for drinks.
She rejected.

We did not see each other for several days after that. Once I was back to work, I just behaved the normal way and we had a funny first day. After she realized on that day that I am not upset with her, she again started eye contact, including locking, almost staring.


Third approach:
1 week ago, I asked her whether she would join me and a co-worker to a clubbing. She told me that she would be in a specific club with her girlfriends and whether we would consider going there as well.

My co-worker and myself went there. Earlier that day, she told me that her girlfriends changed their mind and that she would not be there. The following day, when I told her that the party was cool, she told me that she did not want to go there just by herself.
I considered this being another rejection, as she did not want to join the co-worker and myself.


Fourth approach:
End of last week, I told her that I would be attending an after work party this week (the one I proposed in the first approach). She asked me whether I would really be going there, but thats it.

That party took place yesterday. And interestingly, she was there as well
She started playing with her hair when she noticed me, but apart from that she was chatting with her girlfriend and the two male friends she brought along. We just shortly sayed hello to each other.


My friend was leaving early, so I was there alone afterwards. I managed to talk to her for some short time, we had a few laughters, but with her two male friends coming back, I was blocked.

Instead of just dancing right next to her I moved on and had some fun in the club. She actually ignored me when she passed me once on her way to the toilet.

When she finally left, she passed and ignored me again and did not even say goodbye.

I actually met her afterwards at a bus stop where she was waiting for the bus with her people. I just approached her, ignored the rest of the group, touched her arm and said "goodbye". She started a conversation, but after two sentences her friends shouted "the bus is here". She only said "See you on Friday!", got on the bus and that was it.



I am wondering whether this situation is hopeless, especially considering that this has been going on for about 3 months now.
And I do know that I should have approached her more often in the club yesterday



I actually regarded her being HSE, but realized over time that she often takes things personal, being it criticism or just jokes.
She also responds extremely positive when I use use disqualification to bring down my value, something I do from time to time to show that I am familiar with self-irony.


At least to her, I should not come off as an AFC: 4 approaches in 3 months shows that she is not my only interest.
I should also say that at work, I usually come along as an alpha guy. Unfortunately, that is usually not the case with women in regular life.

I'd be interested to know what happened when the two male friends came back. If you were talking to her and if she's interested in you as you say, it should be really easy for you to shut these dudes out. You need to take her attention back and keep it. Tell a story, ask a question make her laugh. You need to be in charge of the group here.

If she then doesn't respond or she keeps engaging with her male friends you need to leave but not quietly, say "anyway awesome chatting, nice to meet you guys, I'm off to mingle" or whatever. Then go and find another girl to talk to.

Did you at least try to dominate the interaction when the guys came over?

Stop asking her out. Ban yourself from doing so. She's obviously not giving you an easy time. And when you had your chance to go out with her, you blew it. So stay away from clubs for now.

You perform well at work (with her that is). She looks in your eyes, she blocks your way so you can push her, she plays with her hair. Stay in that environment. Depending on where you work, I'm sure it's possible to have at least some decent amount of privacy with her and escalate. If you're as alpha as you say you are, and if it fits your frame, next time she stares in your eyes you can say something like "you're looking at me as if you want to kiss me." Then gently pinch her sides in a playful manner. Tickle her. Touch her. Do all your work at... work.

There was a special event in the city yesterday, where people moved between different locations (bars) throughout the city. I attended this with several co-workers of mine, and she also said that she would be there.

I was the last one to arrive at our first location. She smiled once she noticed me. Needless to say though, that she did not come alone but took her two male friends with her (the same guys from the club).
I took the initiative and introduced myself to these guys, as she did not show any interest of doing so.

I informed her of the location route that my co-workers and myself had planned and that we would leave for the next location right now. She had different plans, which were unresistingly accepted by her male friends.

We departed and have seen her again later on in another location. She had some additional female friends with her there and was already a little bit drunk. Needless to say, that once again our next stops were in completely opposite direction. And that was the last time I have seen here this evening.

The only good thing of the evening was: In both occasions I talked to her from a close distance, basically staring at her face. And she stared back - as if she was hypnotized



As suggested by Betamax, I will now try to escalate at work, if possible.

The line "you're looking at me as if you want to kiss me" does not really fit my frame though.
For the next time we have eye contact again, I was actually thinking of doing something like "what's going on - you want something from me?", paired with a smile and followed by a pinch. And then continue depending on her reaction...

But the main problem I see here is: she doesn't want to take the risk of meeting with me only or even with our co-workers only. She always takes some friends with her.
I guess I just have to befriend them and then try to isolate her from her own group.