Hey all

It`s been a while for me - took a break from all of this stuff.

I was wondering what you thought about this (I`ll keep it as short as poss and include only the important bits).

Girl A is the new singer of my band. I`v been playing the long game with her as she lives a distance away and only get to see her for gigs really. I run the band so I have contact by text/phone with her quite often and because of the nature of our texts I thought she might be getting into me.

However, one night we were texting eachother lots and she said she was getting more drunk as the night went on. The next day I tell my mates and they thought it sounded encouraging that she was on a social night but was thinking about me. A few days later I pick her up for a gig and she told me she slept with someone that night (someone she used to kind of date), and might feel something for him. Obviously this gutted me - I didnt show it.

At the gig, Girl A then tells me one of her mates has recently become single and I ask her if she could hook me up with her. At this point she replies with a couple of excuses why she couldn`t. My mate hears the conversation and asks her why she wouldn`t set me up with her mate. Eventually Girl A says "It`s wierd" and that I should know why. My mate then says "If I broke up with my gf would you set me up with her?" to which she replies "yes". I can`t think of any reason for this.

Later on, we were talking and I said that a girl who`s had a lot of partners turns me off -

Girl A: how many is too much?
Me: give me an age
Girl A: what was the age of that girl who was infatuated with you?
Me: 22 (Girl A is 23), so I would say no more than 10 partners give or take, any more than that and I take don`t them seriously as girlfriend material.

She didn`t look keen on my answer.

Girl A knows I just batted off a girl who was infatuated with me. My phone buzzed...it was just a friend but...

Girl A: who`s that?
Me: oh, nobody.
Girl A: fuuuuck, its that girl isnt it!
Me: No.
Girl A: WHo is it then?
Me: Don`t worry about it.
Girl A: fuuuuck...it IS her! I knew you`d text her! You want to see if you still have control over her! You`re such a.......man!
Me: Why are you paying so much interest here?
Girl A: er..because I like gossip...blah blah blah

I am normally excellent at reading people but this has me confused.

Why is setting me up with her mate "wierd"?
Why is she so interested in a girl I`m not even interested in (also whenever I mention any girls I`ve gone out with she looks them up on facebook and slags them off).

She has seen and heard me talking to people and I do tend to get things to swing my way. She has asked how I did this or that and I just replied with "It`s HOW you say it, not WHAT you say". So, I might have set myself up as someone she deson`t trust? That`s the only reason I can think of why she wouldn`t set me up with her mate, other than the jealousy factor.

So what`s the deal here?

Cheers!

Ummm she wants to fuck you, don't you want to fuck her back? All you need to do is get this girl alone for 5 minutes and IT'S ON.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Yeah I do.

She`s told me she thinks I`m ruthless (not in a rude way) and confident, and I think I`ve somehow set myself up as untrustworthy. This is completely the opposite of how I normally get girls. I am normally great at gaining their trust and attraction has always been more of an issue. This time it may be the other way round.

I have found out that she does have trust issues (past ex bfs cheating on her/hitting her), and from my above post ("you`re such a.......man!") she seems cynical about men.

I think she is a serial dater, going out with someone for a couple of weeks and then telling them that she doesn`t want a relationship.

Maybe she thinks that if we did anything sexually it would jeopardise her position in the band? But then that`s a logical thought process and I think girls react more from an emotional point of view.

I don`t think I could have a relationship with her while she feels this way, but I do wanna sleep with her!

How do I maintain interest until I see her next? I have texted her some future projection and she bites EVERY SINGLE TIME!

Eg. I told her that next Christmas I am spending it with her, and she replies with "Deal!" (obvious this is a joke though)

Get sexual, but ease into it for comfort.

Next text-session try this little game;

Get a couple Bla, Bla text out of the way, then say "Hey let's play a little game"

She says "Sure"

You; "At the end of each text you have to write "In Bed".

This will escalate to sexting quickly enough, just don't push.

Then when you see her progression to actual sex will be smooooth.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

You're a genius! I'm definitely giving this a go! Cheers mate!

Update:

That "in bed" idea worked really well I think. She loved it and could tell she was laughing a lot - didn`t escalate into sexting though...

I also used the describe the taste of coffee in 3 words which she seemed to like aswell (the 3 words are supposed to be how you perceive sex).

So, the other night just past midnight this is how our texts went...

HER:[name] got in touch...Asking me to go to his hotel and arrrghh twat twat I hate him! X

I was confused as to why she was telling me this, and at this hour.

ME: Was this message for me? And who the fuck is [name]?

HER (about an hour later - I went to bed so picked this up in the morning): Yes, and I didn`t get this on my phone for some reason. just saw it now...[name] is the one who cheated on his gf with me last year. Remember I told you about him? X

ME: Yes I remember...

HER: He was calling me most of the night x

ME: You sound happy about that. x

HER: No I`m pissed off, til like 5 this morning, I ignored it but now I`m so tired AAARGH x

ME: Well we have something in common from last night then. [name -girl who was infatuated with me] also called me and said she was coming to the house.

HER: Haha! What the frig? He was saying the same?! Why do these people think they are invited?!? Ha! He made me feel really cheap though! Doesn`t she still have a bf though?

ME: Yeah, but she`s still trying to see me. I`ll make a deal with you...you come here and answer the door to her in a dressing gown and I`ll do the same for you too!

HER: Haha! She`ll rip off my face! And [name] wouldn`t care because he still has a gf?! I don`t get it! I reckon [infatuated girl`s bf] was a replacement anyway. She wants yooohoooo!

Then, under advice from a mate who`s just had a baby told her I was going to see the baby to give it a massive cuddle (my mate reckoned it would show my softer side which she hasnt seen yet).

She lapped this up too.

So, why did she tell me she was ignoring this other dude? The only thing I can think of is that she wanted me to know she was turning down sex because of our conversation about me being turned off by promiscuous girls...

What do you guys think?

Why didn't the conversation escalate to sexting?

The other stuff....

She is shit testing you

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

Well, she had just got in from work and after a few minutes/texts said she was going to have a nap (she works funny hours sometimes), so I think I caught her at the wrong time. Afterwards I re-initiated it, and I have to take some responsibility here for not pushing it in the right direction. I`ll learn from that though, next time I get into a text conversation (with any girl) I`ll push the envelope more.

Shit test eh? Did I pass?

Her telling you she is "Ignoring" this other dude, is her telling you "I am interested in you, but I need you to be a man and step up to the plate!"

When you don't push the (sexual) envelope, two thoughts occur to her.

1. "He's not interested in me that way, time to move on."

2. "He's a big fat pussy, but puts up with all my emotional babbling soaking it up like a tampon, so I'll file him under LJBFs so that I have a shoulder to cry on in case my girl friends are sick of hearing it."

Did you pass? No you didn't change the subject, and escalate to your benefit.

Did you fail? Not exactly either. You didn't give in and piss and moan in a jealous tantrum, professing your love and all that bullshit.

The "In bed" game perked her a little, but then you dropped the ball. (that shit is gold, FUCKER, don't do that again!)

She's on the fence Pal, "C-"

If you are still in a position where you cannot get together,

Your next goal Bro: GET HER TO SEND YOU A NAKED PICTURE.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

I see. I appreciate the time you`re giving me here.

I don`t think there is anyway that I`ll be able to get a naked pic of her though. She`s insecure even though she looks like a model.

This just happened today, we may be gigging abroad in a very hot country soon and this is how it went:

ME: Are you ok sharing a bed?

HER: Yeah, that sort of shit doesn`t bother me.

ME: Ok great. It`s a hot country so you`ll have to sleep naked. And I promise I won`t touch you. Much!

HER: Aaargh. There`ll be no naked sleeping.

(a bit of blah blah)

ME: The women are going to love how I dress over there.

HER: Please pull a Spanish girl!

ME: Don`t worry, I will.


Ok, what gives? I think I`ve fucked it.

Do you? Because I'm not so sure, or your just not listening!

Your being a pussy, because your afraid that if you show sexual interest, she will some how be offended and won't talk to you any more?

Or your afraid she will simply reject it, and your bruised ego will send you into a downward spiral of dysfunction and self-loathing?

You have placed her on a pretty high pedestal Bro, time to knock her the fuck OFF!

Change your mind set! If either of those things happen SO FUCKING WHAT!

What is the other choice? Dream about her the rest of your life and never get laid again by ANYONE?

BULLSHIT! GO FOR BROKE!
Yes she will! Frame it properly! Tell her to send you a sexy fully clothes picture of her.... but tell her it has to be sensual enough to turn you on, and promise her that you would send her one of yourself that would turn her on.. but just send a silly one back, because you need more skin.... two steps forward one step back.

On to this: Dude in her mind she is throwing her pussy at you!
I would have changed it to "And promise not to touch me Miss grabby hands. I know how you are!"
Proper response; "Who said SLEEPING? lol" or "I have the option!"
Proper response; "You like Spanish girls too? Okay threesome it is!"
No you haven't but you sure seem to be trying!

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

I am listening, but obviously I am employing the advice wrong/not enough. I`m getting frustrated at myself for not getting it right.

I thought I was pushing the sexual envelope by my last post, but clearly not in the right way.

Ok, I thought I`d ramp it up a bit and try to meet up with her tomorrow.

ME: I`m in London tomorrow, let`s meet up.

HER: I can`t!!! Boooo House hunting with the housemates and I have a date...Oooh a date! Why didn`t you tell me in advance?! And why are you here?

Now, halfway through sending a reply, and before digging myself deeper...

How would you reply to this?

You went to meet her before talking to her? WTF? Did you go peek in her windows? Stalking never works!
and Valid questions indeed!

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

I`m not stalking her. Are you crazy? I`m not like that. Other than the fact that I`ve had it done to me I find people who do that just plain wierd. And I guarantee she didn`t think from the same angle you just did. I can cut contact and freeze someone out faster and better than ANYONE, believe me, it`s not a problem.

Perhaps I didn`t make myself clear...

I need to sort out my passport for this trip. I HAVE to go to London to do it. Didn`t make that clear to her but why should that matter? She knows I have friends in London. I`m going to London, last minute, so what?

I think the text I sent looked completely innocent and certainly didn`t look like the dark nature you just suggested.

You were not very clear.

I would have said "Hey I'm here on business, want someone awesome to hang with?"

Her: I have a date, bla bla bla"

You: "Sorry about your luck!"

then freeze out for a bit, give her the gift of missing you.

Chase some girls in the meantime.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.