| stop reacting to the people around you, what this girl does, be aware of it, but stop trying to control things, you need not control others, simply control yourself
keep your mind clear, set your objective, what do you want?, don't get distracted from the task at hand
girl is leading, is where she leading to what you want?, then why does it matter?
if you need her to stop doing something, you are seeking a reaction in reaction to her, then since she gets insecure after being challenged and gets defensive, you are all... SHE GOT NEGGED! lol, no... a neg is a qualifier that dis-qualifies her, not an insult, it's like giving her a reason that she is good enough for something, while at the same time not good enough (like a back handed compliment)
if a girl is trying to make everyones time better and lead and you like where it is going, do you have to make her feel bad for that?, break rapport on her harshly when she isn't trying to be dis-respectful towards you or exibiting a delusional sense of self esteem and treating you as sub-human?
obviously if you break rapport hard on an insecure person, they will either qualify themselves or verbally become abrasive (defensive, or aggressive, having a reaction)
just be more secure within yourself man, this sort of thing is unessicary, in terms of social status, think of it like this, there is a general in an army, the army is headed to war and already has their battle plans, he has a commander underneath him, now when the grunts all fall in line, the general is the leader yes?, but when the commander is telling the grunts to all fall in line and march this way, and the grunts start marching, is the general getting all insecure and saying, wow that was fucking rude of you to tell the grunts what to do? wtf is wrong with you?, or does he just happily just hop in his jeep and drive along with the army with content that the commander is taking the load off of him, totally sure of himself that this shit is going well and the army is making progress on their march, just like how he wanted?
stop focusing on what you don't want, start focusing on what you do want, positive thinking, rather then negative thinking
what do you care about? banging some girl from the group? or being rude to some girl from the group? make up your mind and be sure of your descisions, things that are not conducive to your current goal, are irrelivant, why do you care so much about what some other girl is doing if she is not in your current range of interest?
think of it like this, she trys to lead, so instead of you leading, you react to her (oh shit, she is doing XYZ, now what do I do since she did XYZ?), this is not the solution to your problem, being at the effect to her cause and reacting to her is you giving up your own sense of self in order to obtain some form of approval, it is neediness seeping through, omg I need XYZ to happen, I need to fuck this girl, XYZ and ZZY are happening, I must react to this in some way... clear your mind, this is not your task, this is a distraction
how do you lead?, be indifferent to her doing XYZ, who cares what she is doing, what do you want to do, she is not part of the plan, she is a distraction that has nothing to do with the plan of action, if you feel something is not condusive to progress, disguard it, and get back with the program, figure out what you want and lead things towards that, instead of reacting to things that are irrelivant
GOOD LUCK
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CHAT