The thing with a compliments



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PostPosted: Sun Aug 19, 2012 1:53 pm 
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This is something that's probably said before by someone because it's too damn obvious, but this is something I came up with and it may help you.
It's said a lot that we should be careful with compliments because we DLV when we use them too early.
But it might not be the case.
It is not about timing it is about WHO you're complimenting and WHAT you're complimenting.
So let's see.

com·pli·ment - /ˈkämpləmənt/
Noun:
1. A polite expression of praise
or admiration
Verb:
1. Politely congratulate or praise
(someone) for something
So as you can see from above praise someone for something.
But when you're complimenting her blue eyes you're not complimenting her, you're complimenting her parents because they made those blue eyes. The same thing is with her beauty. When you're saying her hair looks nice, you're complimenting her hairstylist etc.
But if you say ''I like your hair, nice choice'' now you're complimenting her. The same thing goes with her nails, shoes, shirt, whatever.
So it's all about the direction of a compliment.
Ask, comment, agree, disagree. Don't care, this are my 2 cents to a community. I expect a nice debate here. B-)

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PostPosted: Sun Aug 19, 2012 8:35 pm 
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I agree on that.

Whenever u give compliment to a girl; just dont do it like u would do it to a guy, people are so different on that side.

Let met explain, guys like to be praised about themselves and especially on physical characteristics. For instance : woah, looks like you've been working out ! Those muscles look like steel ! Now, if you'be been hitting the gym every day for a month that feels good right? Well that doesnt work with girls, they like to be compimented on stuff thats is more abstract or more subjective.

What I like to do and what really works is to praise their taste : outfits, decoration if you are at her place, cooking skills if shes making you dinner, etc. Most of the time it goes like this.

Jae : Walks to a girl, 1 or 2 openers

Girl : Talk back a little, we exchange common chat for a few minutes

At some point, I throw in the first compliment

Jae : Listen, I have to tell you, I really like your outfit, I can tell it matches your hair/eyes, thats really nice
.
Girl smile and giggle, THATS WHEN YOU GO FO THE NEG RIGHT AWAY

Jae : BUT, I find that you shoes dont match the rest of the outfit or something like : whoa thats funny, when you smile I can see a line on you cheeckbones, how old are you again ?

Now the goal of that is clearly to lower her self-esteem straight away, the girl will be like : "That guy is nice, he actually sees that it took me 2 hours to get ready", and then right away : "I knew I should have changed those shoes, what an idiot Iam right now".


(Side note : Im not saying u should use compliments every time and early on, Im just saying to if you want to make a good impression by doing a compliment, there is a smart way around).


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PostPosted: Sun Aug 19, 2012 8:49 pm 
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We still have to be careful with compliements.

I agree on all that dictionary stuff but you know: When comunicating something, what matters is not what you say, but what the other person understands.

If you compliement her on her blue eyes, unless you say something like "Congrats to your parents..." She's automatically going to think "He's interested in me"..

But anyways, it all depends on the kind of game you're running. If you're running a natural, straight forward game, showing your interest is not that much of a big deal, but if you're not, then compliementing her can cause you to bend your own frame a little and show your interest too soon...

Regardless of showing interest too soon, if you have a strong game and frame, compliementing her tends not to matter much. :D

You can always experiment with that..

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PostPosted: Mon Aug 20, 2012 8:50 pm 
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A very famous local PUA says that you could combine a compliment with a qualifier>

In general you should never make a compliment about her looks. THis is typically AFC, and a girl always wants to hear more than that she is hot. THerefore be aware of the effect of compliments.

A qualifier can be used to let the girl qualifer her to you: what makes her interesting to you, except looks? Now she has to prove that she has qualities too, except looks. WHen she makes effort to prove, then she invests in you.

YOu can hide a qualifier in a compliment:
'Hi, I like your dress. Good choice! But tell me about your earrings, they don't seem to match your dress. Did you choose it yourself?'

Many times girls will try to find an excuse to explain this. YOu will see :)


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PostPosted: Mon Aug 20, 2012 11:33 pm 
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I think indirect compliments are the way to go. Say something like "So what have you got going for you apart from your looks?" (I can't remember who came up with that, it might be Style or Mystery) This implies that you think she's attractive, but at the same time makes it seem like you don't really care what she looks like and care more about her as a person. Also forces her to qualify herself to you.


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PostPosted: Tue Aug 21, 2012 1:34 am 
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Good post. Your exactly right. I made a comment in one of my blog posts about complimenting a girl on something other than things she "naturally" cant control such as eyes, lips etc. Go for things she can control and put details into like her hair style, dress style, or the way she carries herself. These compliments go a long way since a female usually puts A LOT of detail in her appearance.

Nice topic.


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