I know attraction is there with this girl but even she said she doesn't know me that well but still she has agreed to see me tonight. I think I need to cut out the cocky funny humour just a little and make an effort to get to know her a bit more.

How do you build comfort? Like what sort of questions do you ask her and are there any comfort building routines?

I already know your situation (read your previous thread.)

The best way to make a girl comfortable with you is actually pretty simple.

Ready for it?

Make her laugh.

Don't focus too much on kino, don't compliment her, don't neg her, just be charming and witty. Tell a good story, ask her about herself a little bit (but don't interrogate her), relate to her and show genuine interest in what she has to say! Being a good listener is 50% of your game.

- Stylite

Yeah i do make her laugh. I think i do it too much though because she's even said that is all i do and she gets bored.

I'll do it at the beginning to lighten the mood and whatever but it's the transition which is the hard part. I've always been cocky and funny but have never really taken time to get to know a girl and build a connection.

Listen to yourself, man!

Think about it, have you ever been bored and laughing? That doesn't even make sense. I personally never got sick of laughing, right? I never thought to myself "Man, I'm laughing too much. I'm clearly bored of this good time, this person is boring me to laughter!"

I mean, it depends how you make her laugh too. If you're sticking chopsticks in your mouth and screaming "I'M A WALRUS!" she'll probably laugh at you and then not want to be around you, but if you're genuinely witty and truly making her laugh then there is no issue. (And even if you're corny and she laughs, that's an IOI in most cases)

But balance it out. Like I said, make sure she feels like you're interested in what she has to say.


- Stylite

Right but back to my question, I want to know about comfort building as that is my main focus for tonight. How do you actually go about doing it?

I've been telling you!

- Ask her a general question about herself
Example: So how do you feel about cats?

- Relate or playfully tease her about her answer
Example:
*she hates cats*
Oh good, you're a dog person then! I like that, it means you're more playful and lovable! My dog has this crazy habit of licking strangers hands! It's pretty funny!
or
*she loves cats*
Ah, I knew you were one of those. Cats are cute, but they're so temper-mental! It's always a battle trying to please them!


- Continue the conversation and lead it to more topics
Example: You know, my dog was my best friend growing up. He was always there to play with me and cheer me up when I was in a bad mood. It reminds me of the time when I was nervous about starting high school so he walked with me to the bus stop and waited with me so I didn't feel alone. It's funny how getting involved in a new environment can make you feel a little vulnerable, right?

Already at this point, you revealed some personal things about yourself and she will probably relate and contribute her own stories. This is crucial because when you open up to her a bit, and she opens up to you, that means you've reached her comfort zone. She can now know that she can share some parts of her life with you.


(I wouldn't necessarily use the Cats Vs. Dogs thing it's a little cheesy at this point but you get the idea.)

Think on your feet. Adapt your conversation to whatever she's talking about and let her share with you.

- Stylite

Yeah you can actually get funky with it and have her associate you with her favorite animal so every time she thinks about you she thinks of a cute kitten or playful puppy and it makes her smile but that's getting pretty technical.

- Stylite

Can you tell me more about the NLP technique. It sounds interesting...

I actually haven't really studied NLP. I know of it and I know what I can do with it, but honestly it's not for me. It is a little too "evil." I don't really believe in it.

- Stylite

I should have been more clear, I meant I don't believe in USING it. I'm definitely sure it works!

I'll bet you two of my HB8's you got this kid Googling "NLP"

You'll have lost those 2 HBs then...if you have nothing else to offer in terms of help then leave the thread alone.

I've never even heard in my entire life someone say they were bored while laughing, you're clearly not as funny as you think, no disrespect.

Not bored while laughing, obviously she has a good time when she is. She says all i do is crack jokes and she can't take me seriously. That's my cue that she wants to get to know me better and I don't wanna shoot the boring question about school and family so I need to know some other way.s

Let your jokes branch off into serious conversation.

And then let your serious conversations branch into jokes.

Back and forth. Use whatever rhythm feels natural.

So like:

Joke -> Joke -> Confessing to a minor sin -> Discussion of religious institutes in general and how we feel about its role in our lives -> Talking about how you were raised as a Christian when you were young -> Joke about being raised Christian -> Joke -> Serious comment about how you value chastity -> Joke


You get the idea.