Hey guys,

I have the following mid-game issue with a girl:
- Age: mid-twenties; Looks: Face 7, Body 8; Career woman, well educated, sharp, but consequently rather cold, rational, over-confident character; has been playing the dating game for 2y to find the optimal partner
- 1st and only lay at the end of the 4th date. Banged her quite dominantly from behind (no hair pulling or facial though) and she came quite loud with some of the strongest contractions I've ever witnessed.

Timeline:
- Week 1: Met through T*nder, 2 dates (kiss on first date)
- then I was absent 3 weeks for work, during that time: we chatted about or 3 times a week, bantering and sending us ecard memes, both initiated in turns with her writing quite warm at times; we SPAM once
- Week 4: 3 dates; sex on 4th date in total;
- then again I was absent 3 weeks for work; this is when things started to change and she began to get colder; she didn't initiate texts anymore, it was always up to me but she replied, rather shortly; SPAM once, there she seemed ok but emotionally distant; she got rude once when i tried to initiate sexting but nevertheless agreed to a date I set up for the first day of my return;
- Week 8 (current): The date happened, we talked about the future, family plans, and we seemed to match well content-wise; however I wasn't allowed up to her apartment after date as she said she had her period; I nevertheless weaseld myself in but could nothing happened, not even a kiss (she seemed to distant for me to start)
- I've been texting her a few times the following days, asking her what she's doing and eventually also trying to set up a date; she didn't respond, then I went back on T*nder to check and found her profile there. The next day, as she hadn't responded, I confronted her about it and she got very defensive arguing we never said we're exclusive. I lost my temper and told her that girls like this were not my cup of tea a bit like I had enough of her. In retrospect this was wrong of me, but she could also have reacted nicer. The next day I suggested we meet "to talk" as arguing over chat is the worst thing to do. She told me she could perhaps see me the same evening but did not confirm that until 8 pm at which time I had made other plans and suggested to reschedule. I think she took it badly as the next date she was even shorter than usual and only offered shitty time slots to meet her again (saturday morning or only weekday evenings).

My own analysis: I was sure the deal was sealed after sex , but it wasn't. I became more emotionally invested than her (or at least acted like it), I kept writing her first, sometimes 4 days apart, with her never initiating anymore. This may have been seen as needy, however I never flooded her with texts and hardly expressed more feelings than she did. She obviously began going colder, not initiating texts anymore after week 4 but nevertheless agreeing to see me on her terms, although quite spread out.

So which strategy to use:
1) Meet her again soon on her terms (even if it's a shitty weekday), leave a positive impression without raising the topic our argument again. This is what my female friends recommend, arguing that otherwise she might lose interest because of NOT seeing me.
2) take a strategic step back myself, let her wait 1 week (or 2 or 3), to leave her space and time to miss me or lose any bad impression she might have. Perhaps she will re-initiate, or I can start a new move myself, acting like I was very busy. This seems to be the approach favored everywhere in the community.

About myself: I am a rather (above average) good looking guy, my female friends think I look more above average than her, well-educated and travelled. One issue for the girl was whether I would reduce my travelling so as to be firmly based in her city, but I hinted that this would probably be the case.

Krowax

Yea man... so sex doesn't always seal the deal. Everyone is different on the "attachment after sex" spectrum.

Anyway, you need to give her some room, esp after all your action. One of the most important thing in hustling is no action. Do not keep asking her to meet you after she has stepped back.

You exhibit one of the big problems I think many of us have fallen into and that is too much focus on this person. A healthy relationship requires that you have other things going on besides this one person. Work on some personal things for a while and give her space.

I am not so surprised after all as she already hinted that she was somewhat promiscuous during her recent single years. She may be good at separating sex and feelings. She also told she falls in love slowly over time and that she wants to take her time finding a good LTR partner. Consequently, another hypothesis I had was that she might be reluctant to sleep with me again as she doesn't want to fall in love too soon before she knows if I am staying in her city permanently.


This is what all the PUA literature suggests. You don't want to lower your relative value by appearing more invested than her. In general, this is also my instinct.
Well it's not like she has denied to see me completely and therefore I keep wondering if that's the right thing to do in this particular case. After all, after I asked, she suggested some weekday evenings and I haven't gotten back to her yet as I sensed she's making it hard for me on purpose (for ex, I know for a fact she could have seen me earlier as she was at home last night). PUA theory says that it's already a sign of interest if she agrees to see you alone (except if you are friendzoned but this would be unlikely here). Shouldn't I meet her next week after all, waiting 4 or 5 days before asking her out again? I would appear less needy than now by having given her time but still show interest.

And if I do step back for good, in an attempt to reset any bad impression (although I can't think of what that could be), then for how many weeks, what would be a good timeframe? Don't I risk losing her by not replying and waiting it out?
Agreed, such mindfucks are good impulses to work on yourself. On the other hand, to soothe that ache in your brain, you have to go out with friends, chase other women. I did this yesterday and came home feeling better and more confident, after flirting with other women, noticing their interest in me. However, I never completely stopped thinking about her, checking her online status and confirming she was actually home alone the same night when she could have seen me.

Thread opener here again:

So for how many days/weeks should I back off before re-contacting her again?

Hey man... It is what it is. You met a girl from tinder then can't see her or fuck for 3 weeks. Do you really think she was on there to meet a good guy? Do you really think she wouldn't be meeting people after sex during those 3 weeks? If you want something long term and have a schedule like that maybe tinder isn't your best bet

She screened me hard in the beginning to make sure I'm not just after laying her and was explicit about wanting something serious.

Anyway, I am willing to follow common advise, backing off for a while, and then re-surfacing, but what's a good timeframe for no contact? 1 week, 2 weeks, longer?