Quote:
TOPIC:
Where's the mistake - 8 hour timer till F Close
hey PUA forum... EXPERTS...
ANyways here's the issue:
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Background: I went out on my first date with this 27yo HB7.5+1 = HB8.5
Very cute, thin, but other physical features about here are not exactly what i am attracted to . I give her a +1 because she's extremely intelligent, has a great high paying job and a healthy attitude towards life/family etc.
My first impression of her is she could be Ms. Right.. and i want to improve my skills.. i want Ms. Right now.
My Goal: Get action AND improve my PUA and BEDROOM skills without being a dickhead to her. (practice DAVID SHADE moves with/on her)
2 nights ago we had our first date: started at her apt, went to bar, got food, then back to her place.
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Key highlights of the date:
1. Within the first 10 minutes i said "let it be known for the record i said it first: no sex on the first date". .. she laughs
2. within the date while we were sitting down i told her, "wow im trying so hard not to jump across the table and kiss you". ... she smiles...
3. i made sure to get out of the bar within 45 minutes. sitting down at a public bar makes it hard to be touchy feely.
4. at her place we made out a bit
5. she says to me, " i dont want games. i want phone calls i dont want u to wait 4,5 days to phone me" etc...
6. before leaving i always walk out the door and the go back for another kiss which girls always like.
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Bad things i did:
1. gave her too many compliments ("wow you have a really beautiful smile ", "you are much more intelligent than i was expecting", "you are very high quality" )
2. was not touchy feely enough. something was wrong.
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Ultimately my goal is to wake up the next morning and have her say this:
"Wow, this is not me. i can't believe this happened. i dont normally do these things." ... and then borrowing a line from chris luna..
"there's no reason to feel uncomfortable. we are both attractive young healthy people. Its ok to be sexualy active." ... and then touchy feely more.
i know that it takes 7,8 hours for a skilled PUA to get a girl into bed. i guess its too much asking for it wihtin 2.5 hours.
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next date i want to teach her some ballroom dance moves. i did ballroom competitive dancing in college and i've taught my x-gf's in the past how to do swing dancing. it's always been successful- they like it, i like it and its very touchy feely.
another friend says save this "Ace in the hole" for a later date. take her to movies then romantic walk.
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EXPERTS:
1. Please tell me what i did wrong because i did NOT achieve my goal
2. please tell me what i need to do to achieve my goals. i think doing the dancing on a second date is good bc that way we are in her place alone and its very touchy feely. maybe its too early. dunno. im sure she is thinking "lets go slow and make a serious relationship".
[[[ little sample of waht im talking about:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z9F16PMMHdM
]]]
BTW about me:
29yo living in tel aviv. i am a student at the university and i live in a dorm sharing an apt with 4 other guys. one is a slob and the house is "not that clean." I would rather do the deed at her place than mine.
STEALTH
Bud, from me to you, don't look for just 'experts' on this. In martial arts you learn from each and every rank as the different perspectives which can be enlightening.
I dont know what constitutes an 'expert'. I have been on the self improvement and PUA track since 2008 and am just getting into the 'community' so I think I have some useful nuggets to share.
Onto this situation:
First off, 8 hour timer to lay a girl? NO. WRONG. It is not needed with every girl. Mystery gave a general time frame in TMM book and all but the first 30 minutes and last 30 minutes is all considered baby setting to him in comfort.
I disagree with TMM in structure, as its far too structured. I got very enlightened by Sinn and Badboy products with the proper structure of a pick up as he can put into words what you see infield and in life. Attraction never ends, nor does Qualification, nor does Comfort. Its a cycle. If wanted I can post a thread on what I find a superior structure.
Onto the Day One. I see a lot of SOI. Statements on Interest and Intent are great, when she deserves them and earns them. This is something I bring in the structural model of Qualification.
"What is one thing you secretly love to do that even your best friends dont know about?"
If she answers that with an answer that have effort put into it, I give an SOI. "Thats really quirky and enduring to do, I love that you do that."
She feels validated she won you over.
Being cheeky up front and putting the intention of sex out early messed you up a bit.
A woman at 27, looking for a relationship, is not a girl you want to just throw out sexual intent at, you need a better rapport comfort stage with her. This is calibration to the girl.
I would have advised you to approach the girl with a simple attraction phase of light teasing until you have simple interest, then begin qualification pings with more light teasing wrapped in, followed by some big qualifiers. Than one or two IOI.
Once you have that you test compliance by moving, which she did. At this stage, a SOI would be ok. Establish you see her as more than a friend.
Then basic comfort. At this point, qualification/attraction should have taken less than 30 minutes, and most of the early phase is light teasing, some stories, and making her invest and getting her to invest in the interaction.
After that, comfort is what is key to a girl like that. She needs to feel a connection to you. To speed though this, some basic community routines such as the Cube, Strawberry Fields, Value Elicitation and so on will make her feel a quick connection to you. Combine this with more qualification to give the illusion of more comfort as well as using Deep and Wide Rapport techniques will get you through comfort, when done correctly, in a couple/few hours.
Onto the specific situation you got yourself in. We understand you were on a date. So, you approached or were introduced. She complied enough to show up, so she was already past the standard attraction/qualification phases from TMM. You just needed some basic comfort, light teasing to have some rapport breaks to allow tension to build and keep pumping qualification to solidify trust and attraction all the way to the bedroom.
The thing is with PU is that no guy does not make a mistake. I make mistakes in each set. I love to over tease a girl and banter, bust her balls. Its a test I give to see if she is playful, which is a qualifier of mine. I love a bubbly chick. But, from a standard PUA's perspective I 'stick' in attraction too long due to ego validation. I just personally love banter and flirting, something I want to continue in a relationship. Its a mistake I always make, but I recover by threading qualification with attraction to slow down my mad man attraction phase and I have good enough calibration to know what is too much.
I would highly advise you to establish a frame with her, the frame of you are not looking for a girlfriend, but the right woman. The One. It is acceptable to let her know you can see her as that person down the line but you need to get to know her better before you make that decision. This fits her reality as well as gives you the space to escalate to sex as you merged her frame of a relationship and your frame of FB into one of testing each other to see if you can eventually be together. Its not a game, but the process of a relationship.
CHAT
