| So I’ve been chatting to this barmaid at a pub I attend every now and then. There’s an open mic there which I perform at sometimes and I didn’t chat to her the first few times but then one night I got myself in a good state and went and chatted to her and have done most times since. The first time we chatted she asked me questions about myself and seemed genuinely interested.
She’s a very observant girl and often makes observations that are in danger of making me look silly. For example, one time I went up to her and she said “you always put your jacket on when you’re talking to me”. Another time she said “you nod your head a lot when you talk to me”. She seems to be pointing out my IOIs which is quite bold.
The last time this happened (the head nodding comment) I didn’t say much at the time but I went and spoke to her a bit later after psyching myself up a bit and the conversation was roughly this:
Me: Can I have a drink?
Her: Sure (gets drink)
Me: Are you not going to make one of your cute observations about me?
Her: Well I was thinking about it and I thought it might be a little bit mean of me.
Me: No, I like your observations, they’re entertaining. Actually, I was thinking maybe you should write my biography. I could tell people a lot of stuff about myself, but I need someone like you to tell people all the stuff about me that I DON’T know.
Her: (Just smiling and acting girly and clearly enjoying the conversation)
After this I performed and I did very well with my crowd interaction. One of my friends even posted a Facebook status next day about how good I was, so I think the whole thing was a definite DHV. At one point though I think I might have negged this girl a bit too hard on stage as I asked the guy who ran the night “are you paying attention or are you chatting to the barmaid?”
When I went back to the bar again, she was deliberately looking away from me and not being very friendly. I felt a little bit bad and we had another conversation which went roughly like this:
Me: Sorry I assume you do have a name, I probably shouldn’t just call you “the barmaid”
Her: It’s Jessica
Me (confidently): Hi Jessica, I’m Steve
Her: I know, you’ve told me it several times
Me: I don’t think I would have done that, that would be needy (I admit I was a bit thrown by this comment, not the greatest response)
She then went on to talk about how she has to look at the open mic sheet every week to remember my name. I realised afterwards that she contradicted herself by saying both that she knew my name as I kept repeating it, and that she had to keep reminding herself of it. I missed a trick not busting her on that. Still, I admit I gave into the pressure a bit and said something about was that the amount of importance I had to her? (I know, mistake).
To be honest though, it has bothered me more than it should. When I went back on another occasion I said “hi Jessica” to see if she would call me by my name and she didn’t and it did annoy me. It may sound girly but I don’t want to be just some random guy whose name she doesn’t bother to remember. I also feel that I’ve given her a fair bit of free entertainment and that us being on first name terms would be appropriate at this stage.
There is a definite connection and interest there. One time I felt her brush her tits on me as she was walking past, and when I looked round I saw there was plenty of space for her to get by without touching me. My mate also thinks she’s interested. When me and him approached her at the bar together just to order drinks, he made a comment about feeling like a third wheel.
The trouble is that this girl gets guys talking to her all the time, both because she’s cute and because she’s a barmaid. I feel like I’ve definitely stood out as an individual guy with more game than the average, but the trouble is that she has a lot more abundance in this situation than I do so it’s hard to find any kind of leverage. I guess I’m just feeling like I want a bit more acknowledgement from her which is a slightly needy place to be coming from but hey. I’m quite impressed by this girl and would consider her girlfriend material based on what I’ve seen, so I’ll admit that I do give a shit.
I feel like I need to make some kind of more direct move, but I’m not sure what. I feel like if I keep chatting to her and entertaining her the way I have been I’ll just end up treading water and get friendzoned. I want to show willingness to push and escalate and willingness to lose her (which I don’t necessarily feel like but feel it’s the right thing to do). What do you guys think my next move should be?
PS She will be critical of my performances sometimes and say I haven’t prepared well enough. She told me I had “murdered” one song. She also asked me if I had thought of getting a decent guitar (the one I’m playing IS decent). She said a bunch of other stuff about me being a big dork and various things so she’s quite a big shit-tester. I feel like I’ve passed so far though. The only thing where I fell down was the “is that how much importance I have to you?” comment. I definitely let her see that she’d got to me, but I’m pretty sure that was the only time.
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CHAT