Basically, i've been in a relationship with this girl, and all was good until she went on a trip with a couple of friends (5 guys 7 girls), during which she "reconnected" with an ex.

This dude starting hitting on her, and even when he knew she was in a relationship, he came on and said how he had feelings for her and he wasn't over her (while they didn't date, they just kissed a couple of times last summer - I didn't even know her).

So know, she wants to see him more often - as a friend, and he says that "I now see you as a friend since your in a relationship and didn't choose me" (but that, as we all know, is not possible).
So I obviously know that he's going to be hitting on her and chatting her up when they see each other. She just thinks that he wants to be friends.

So I told her to put herself in my shoes, and imagine that I told her I wanted to spend some time with a women that I considered a friend but was flirting with me and wanted to rip off my clothes.
She gave me the typical answer "It's not the same thing".

She then told me that she was upset because of the two possible scenarios:

A) She doesn't keep in touch with him and will lose him as a friend (which will sadden her) and she said that she will "unconsciously" be mad at me.
B) She keeps in touch with him but knows that its going to hurt me and will affect our relationship.

I know that she won't cheat, and that she does see him as a friend. But this guy DOES NOT see her as a friend, and I just don't want my girl hanging around a dude thats going to be gaming her.

So, how should I act?
A) Not give a fuck, and say sure go ahead see this guy. When I know there's a risk that it will not only piss me off but that he could steal my girlfriend.
B) Tell her that it will indeed piss me off is she maintains this relationship.
C) Something else that maybe someone could suggest?

^Hobbit i'm not afraid of her cheating on me, i'm afraid that she could - in the longterm - dump me for a guy who had a freepass to flirt.

I would go with Option A, I simply didnt care, if you have confidence in your G/F why bother, its always going to be HER CHOOICE not him. She atleast told you the truth , instead of been quiet. She is now with you not with him, if she wanted she could trade her, Just be a Man.

But you should go out with her and with this guy. To see if he has the balls to flirt in front of you.l

Hobbit: Stop on, geez. So whats your advice?

Carlos: Thanks man, good advice.

Sorry for the typo!

I know the right thing would be to "not give a fuck", i've done it so much times with past women that I actually, well, didn't give a fuck about them, and they would be crawling at my feet.
This time though I have true feelings for this girl, and its so so hard to act as if I don't care! It's truly a tough task, but I know that if I don't act like that a little bit more (not as much as with past women because then whats to point of a relationship), then I'll most likely lose her.

It's like I have an angel on my right shoulder and a devil on my left one. The angel tells me to play it aloof and just let life take its course and not worry. The devil however tells me to say to my girl that I don't want this dude in her life anymore.

What I can't understand is why does my girlfriend want to stay friends and see a dude that she knows likes her?

because women are genetically programmed to monopolize male attention.

This so true though

I feel like if you don't want her too see this guy, that she's made out with and kind of had a past with, she should respect your decision and not hang around this guy, if I were in your shoes and she did not compromise I would dump her

Whats the point of putting up the I don't give a fuck attitude if you really do give a fuck, either way you'll be miserable with the chick for her decision so why not just end it if she doesn't see your point of view, instead of faking this macho superior confidence shit so she won't bang this guy, or at least you hope, she should respect your feelings about this guy, and understand where you're coming from, I think its selfish on her part, and it shows her lack of respect for your feelings, and I could see if it was an old friend from school or some other kid, but she's made out with this kid before and she wants too hang out with him now, nahhhh dump her ass

She told him that it wouldn't be respectful for me if she saw him as often as when she was single and they saw each other. So he said: "Ok you can forbid me to see you but you can't forbid me to text you all I want."

So now the dude is texting her stuff like "You sure about this? You know I like you etc etc"
And she answered "Well yeah I don't want to go out with you."

Then I told her:"I told you this kid didn't want to be friends, it's not your fault, its his."

And she said: "I know, and i'm pissed at him for it."

So maybe she is finally realizing that this guy doesn't want a friendship and that this thing between the both of them cannot coexist?

reverse psychology, my friend.

you are getting too close to the situation. you can't see the forest for the trees.

what is driving your gf's motivation to have male orbiters? it's her female tendency, like i said above "women want to monopolize male attention". it's a primal urge to have all males wanting to stick their weenies inside there woohoos. they can't help it.

a woman CAN actually be friends with a guy without wanting sex, a man CAN NOT be friends with a woman without wanting sex from her. anybody who says anything else is wrong. even if only on a subconscious level.

here's the kicker: women KNOW this. so, even though she may not be interested at all in this guy. she KNOWS that he wants launch his loveboat into her river of love.

which, again, makes the whole situation unacceptable because she is playing Miss Innocent (just because her intentions may be good) and she is ignoring the fact that this guy's intentions are not pure (so, effectively she wants to play "dumb" to the reality of the situation)

where does reverse psychology come in? (i'm an asshole, you may not want to follow this as advice):

i would tell her: "you are right. you can do whatever you want to do. just like i can do whatever i want to do. however, it is clear that you and i have differing views on things such as respect and consideration in a relationship, so we will be taking a step back in this relationship, since you feel crowded and controlled, why don't we just keep this an 'open type thing' where there are no expectations?"

reverse psychology.

think about it, really. there are two options. your gf can play by the rules or not. don't punish her, or yell at her, or be mad at her, or argue with her if she decides not to play by the rules of "respect and consideration" in a relationship, just let her know that her CHOICES have CONSEQUENCES.

if she chooses option A (respect and consideration for you, and a sense of reverence for your relationship): she gets rewarded with your commitment and undying affection

if she chooses option B (lack of respect, consideration, and poor focus on the importance and value of having you): she does not get rewarded with your commitment and undying affection.

those ARE the choices. anything else is an illusion.

i'm in the same boat now with a woman who insists on doing things that are inappropriate in a (relationship?), so everytime she does one of these things i take a step back, far as i'm concerned she can totally fuck off, because she is way more work than she is worth, in my situation.

Because usually when I don't show much attention to my girl she will be crawling way more around than when I do... This is just based on past experiences.

This is fairly short sighted and paranoid. I cannot disagree more.
It seems like your girl is making decisions that support you. What are you worried about?

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- Lux et Veritas -

i don't think it's short-sighted or paranoid, wal.

i am speaking from my true perspective on how i see things. after all, i am a male and i know how i perceive own realities and feelings toward women.

over the years i have had many female "friends".

notice that in my previous post i didn't say "seeking", or "pursuing", or "expecting" sex. i just said "wanting" sex. i am referring to a simple and primal sexual desire.

maybe your sex drive is different from mine. but like i said, my above statement is based on my own personal experiences up until now and i unashamedly stand by it.

i have never had a female friends (who wasn't butt ugly) that i did not want to fuck. again, "want". or that i didn't picture in my head (on a regular basis) naked, bent over, and receiving a strong dose of my Vitamin-D.

maybe other men have higher virtue! idk, lol

Mack,
Your statement implied that it is not possible for any man to have female friends that they do not want to have sex with. If you mean that you only have female friends you want to have sex with, then say so.

When I said it was short sighted and paranoid, I did not intend to attack your opinion personally. I was trying to offer a devil's advocate position to your statement... Imagine if every guy went around believing his girlfriend's male buddies wanted sex--the world of dating would be a very paranoid and scary place. If every other guy who has any sort of relationship with an insecure man's girlfriend wants sex her, that insecure man is in a perilous position--he has to keep his girl away from that, otherwise his girlfriend and the other guy might magically have sex. And by stating that no man can have a female friend he doesn't want to fuck, you're giving insecure boyfriends a reason to become more insecure by implying that no girl can have a friendship with a guy where sexual want doesn't exist. An insecure man will ruin the relationship instead of repairing it, because he will try to control his girlfriend's social life. He will be paranoid every time his girlfriend says anything about a guy friend of hers, and this will drive her away from him. This is unhealthy and not realistic. You implied that every male friend of every girl wants sex from that girl, and that is just not so.

Still, at least you were right about this particular guy.

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- Lux et Veritas -