Hey,

Ok... so my girlfriend (of 9 months now) and I were going strong, no problems or anything else.. nothing major going on personally between us at all. I was planning on attending the sheriff's academy this summer and she will be graduating college/externing/looking for a job. Me and her had a huge talk about all of this.. and she told me that she thinks our schedules will be so busy that she's afraid we'll fall apart. But she told me that she doesn't want to break up and that she thinks we should just "muscle it out". That was about a month ago.

Two days ago.. still nothing happening between us.. and we were still going strong. But I couldnt attend the sheriff's academy this year (due to issues / finances and such). I talked my options over with her and she said she agrees that waiting until October for the academy was better. She seemed understanding. She even made it clear that when I was talking to her - she thought it had something to do with us and she was worried about me breaking up with her. I told her it didnt have to do with us and not to worry.

HOWEVER... when we got off the phone that night... things changed. The next day (day before yesterday) she didnt txt me much at all... she didnt call or even txt that night either. I called her up and she told me that she was sick and didnt feel like talking and that is why she didnt call me. She said she didnt even feel like txting. So I let it go for the night. The next morning (yesterday) I see she was on Facebook the night before (when she said she didnt feel like talking or even txting). She was talking to people on facebook. So an imediate red flag went up telling me that something was wrong with "us" and she was just not wanting to talk to "me". I asked her about it and told her that if she really didnt feel like talking to anyone she wouldnt have been on facebook... and she could have at least shot me a txt telling me she got home safe after work. She hungup.

So she goes to work last night and when she is off she txts me and says "I dont feel too good. I need to talk to you, but not tonight". She had been acting distant these past few days (ever since we had the talk about my academy). So I replied "I know something is wrong what's up" she says "I am just realizing that we shouldnt be in a relationship right now". She then said we'll talk more tomorrow (today).

So today she calls me and says that she needs her camera because she is going to the beach with friends. . so I tell her to come get it. She drops by and I ask her why she feels like she doesnt want a relationship right now and I ask her if it has to do with my post_poning my academy (I thought it might all have to do with her wanting to find an already seccessful man to date instead of me, a struggling college student like herself.) She told me that it had nothing to do with that. She said it has to do with how we are going to be so busy over the summer and how she is going to be externing and going to look for a job and how it's stressfull and she thinks a relationship might be a bad idea right now. Then she leaves to the beach with her friends and made sure I knew I wasnt welcome to join her.

So I'm giving her space. Havn't texted her all day. iI dont know if the whole "because we're going to be so busy over summer" thing is true.. or if it is actually about my academy. Or what... but.. I dont know what to do. She said we can talk tonight... we'll meet up somewhere... but Ilm confused because this all caught me off guard. I dont know what to do or how to handle this. (when SHE was the one worried about breaking up not even a month earlier).

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I'm sorry to hear this - you obviously don't want to break up with her do you?

My opinion is that she may still be a little worried that you will break up with her and she wants to get in there first. Otherwise, maybe she really does want to have a bit of alone time as she will be extremely busy.

This kind of happened to me with my ex boyfriend - he wanted to break up because his life was going in a different direction to mine at the time and he thought we would drift apart because we were doing different things in life and wanted different things. He then realised what he had lost and wanted me back. But he was right because when we tried again, it did not work - I was still studying and knew what I wanted to do with my life and he was working a shit job and had no idea what he wanted to do with his life.

Maybe a trial seperation is a good idea. Yeh, it will be painful but it might turn out to be the best thing for you guys. Maybe you will both realise how much you miss each other and rekindle and it could be better the second time round. My boyfriend now - I was seeing him a few months before we got together but it couldnt work at the time as we were in differenct places at the time. A few months later, we got together and have been together nearly 2 years now and I love him more than anything in the world. The thing is if we had been together the first time, we would not have lasted the distance - we would have broken each others hearts.

Anyway, this is just my opinion. I also think if you let her go - don't fight her about her decision to break up, she will be like "hmmm maybe this is a mistake..."

Good luck either way!

I'm sorry to hear dude. I know you're going through a challenging period right now. I was in a very similar situation little more than a month ago.

I had been together with this girl for over a year, and like the last month, I realised that she stopped being as responsive as she had always been (I wasn't a PUA back then). I started talking to her, and she gave me all these excuses for not texting or calling, and we practiced aikido twice a week, so she couldn't really avoid me, but those became the only occassions we actually met.

I felt that she was getting away from me, so I actually started to prepare for the break-up about a week in advance. I stopped trying to text her, or call her. All of a sudden, she starts seeking my attention. And then drops the "We need to talk".

The day after, we meet up and talk. Already prepared for the break-up, I take control over the situation as soon as I am 100% certain of that actually was her intention (Easily made by asking something similar to: So, guess this is it?). I start to blabber all about how my feelings for her are vanishing and yibberty yabberty.

When we are about to leave, her to her place, me to my place, she asks for one final kiss. As a gentleman, I do give her a kiss. All of a sudden, all the plans she had for the day was gone, and she invited me back to her to "watch a movie" (It was an internal joke for sex), and I declined her invitation, and walked away. She tried to contact me quite desperately for some time after, until I said the typical girl-excuse; "I need some space."

I recommend getting ready for the break-up, because it feels like a lost cause re-igniting a flame that is on it's way to disappear.

One thing I was surprised about when we broke up was how free I felt. By being prepared, I had actually already started noticing all the girls around me that I'd been missing out on for over a year! Lesson is, there is always more fish, and more beautiful fish, in the sea.

And creds to girlfriendofapua, but when a girl is about to break-up, they ALWAYS make excuses to ground their reason in something. Having imagined a good enough reason, most guilt that they would get otherwise is inserted in their excuse, and they can feel a little happier, thinking that the reason may be somewhat logical. the counter-action to this is to simply to the same as soon as you have control over the break-up situation.

I hope my shit has helped you man, because it was the result of the analysis of my break-up.

Cheerios
Freemind

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