hi

i often hear people say showing emotions in a relationship could be a serious DLV or Beta like action. If you get to emotional you are too needy and your you create more distance between you and your GF - sometimes you even read posts about guys getting dumped because they were too available or they were too emotional / needy.
And it's true most relationships turn sour Because of this ''AFC'' kind of behaviour But nobody tries to fully understand how this works- they just go like'' oh AFC is bad it's bad '' AFC is showing yourself to the fullest degree and being emotional is the biggest form of intimacy you can give.

I REALLY REALLY need to offer my point of view and to get this ''emotion=AFC '' mindset '' under the loop !

Society and human nature : Fist of all .. showing emotions is a taboo - i can remember years ago on school and if someobody would cry in class, people would go like '' WTF'' and laugh or gossip about it. Showing emotions in general not socially accepted behaviour - Lying is common in human nature but why do we lie ? We lie to cover up emotions we feel insecure or uncomfortable about, people even lie about sex and people even lie when having sex because they are too uncomfortable telling their partner that he/she sucks in bed.
Therefore we are dishonest and we lie to cover up and that is the worst thing you could do - it's not a act of love but ignorance and taking less for granted.

What this has to do with ? : Being AFC is being emotional vulnerable in a complete form , you are just being honest by expressing how you feel and that is considered weak by most people because society made them think that way.
Being emotional is being truthfull to yourself and to the people around you and it's no DLV to really show what your going through - AFC BEHAVIOUR isn't therefore Beta-behaviour you are showing a weakness yes but isn't it more respectfull and forecoming to do it this way?
Emotions are the language of the soul and it's no disgrace to use that language, showing emotions IS really expressing yourself and therefore you are accepting yourself as a person. Not showing emotions is rather an act of insecurity /emberrasment not respecting yourself enough to Really expressing yourself.

However We all know showing weakness could be the end of your life, you learn this in the army, most schools, in social life - telling someone personal information could literally mean the end of your life. We are therefore merely acting as animals with a primitive way of thinking, WE often think showing emotions is something primitve - someone showing emotions is uncapable of resolving certain problems to show any (leadership) values. However Primitve People think simple and plain actions/ ideas are primitive , simplicity is not a sign of a primitive society. Wearing clothes is cool but running around naked would not be accepted , however if you run around naked you are really accepting who you really are - you respect your body and your not insecure about it .. you even admire it. But we all wear clothes and we all have a visual insecurity we use make up to make ourself look better just because we have a insecurity or unconcious primitve behaviour.

Therefore running around ''naked'''by showing emotions is not always accepted - not in relationships nor in public settings. We even need shrinks and therapist nowadays just to express how we really feel BECAUSE a majority of the people don't understand emotions they don't know what there are going through.

Value : Being emotional vulnerable is being human and being human is what humans are about, but when your too human you aren't accepted. in relationships woman often take control over the relationship because you had some AFC behaviour. It's completely normal that your partner takes control of the relationship because youre unstable, however it's in human nature to control something into a wrong way people often live according to their ego and this is to often reflected into relationships.
When your being AFC youre being vulnerable.... your GF may hurt your feelings or she may manipulate you or even will treat you like shit BUT do realise these actions only tell us how other persons really are. Expressing honesty is being respectfull to yourself and if other can't respect this then they have issues of their own.

Into Relationships ?! : everything is emotions emotions is the language of the soul ... sex = emotion laughing = emotions crying = emotion , therefore everything is influenced by emotions. Connecting / emotional band is only determined by the exchange of emotions and not only by the action itself, so you could say being emotionally vulnerable around eachother is a good form of investing with intimacy. However most people do not understand and will pull off conclusions from their own perception - this is called miscommunication and it often happens when you show emotions too soon in lets say a 1 or 2 month relationship. Not understanding is therefore ignorance and ignorance often create conflicts , you can tell your wife how you feel and she will probably understand - tell your 2 month GF the same thing and she will probably not understand.

So what are you telling ? : im not saying you should be mister sensitive al the time but it's not DLV to be AFC or emotionally vulnerable - therefore there is not really Beta behaviour in a relationship. you don't have to think you've made a mistake and you don't have to be anything to be ashamed about - everybody cried or did stupid shit even bill clinton and george bush everyone is human.
It's just not socially accepted to express yourself !

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AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
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I will agree for the most part.

I have noticed that the more emotionally honest i have been in relationships the more distance is created. In actuality most women seem to be accustomed to men who are unavailable in some form or fashion...physically or emotionally.

I have constantly been told by women that they never been in a relationship where there man has given 100% (love, affection, loyalty) and they usually can't really deal with it when a man does provide those things. They instantly think something is wrong.

I am at the point of trying to curb my emotions and needs in order to stop counter productive behavior in the early stages. But, does it ever stop? Does a women ever get to a point where you can honestly be yourself and not run her away?

showing emotion is normal, its called intimacy. A lack of intimacy suggests serious problems.

what if a lack of imtimacy is socialy expected ? i mean how many girls dump their BF ( after short period of time ) because they say '' i love you '' or something like that too soon.
Woman only let you love them as much as they love themselfs, you have to be compatible with their ideal / frame of reality otherwise they will push you away.
If i meet a girl and her last 5 Boyfriends cheated on her... well thanks for letting me know what you're attracted to. She has a disorted reality and therefore she's attracted to badboys, most people search for someone who at least represent some traits of their first boyfriend/ex.

alot of this guys go on this forum and have a story like '' well i told my GF i love her and did everything but she doesn't do anything back'' that's because you don't responds correlate to her frame of reality.
and most guys will give guys like this advice like : '' don't be chode or AFC... don't tell them you love them''

First of all it's not chode or afc, you have more to give because you love yourself way more than she loves herself- it also takes more guts to show your softer side and emotions
Second most guys give advice like '' don't tell her you love her ( too soon) etc'' they are afraid because they think it's chode, most guys don't even know why girls reject them when they show intimacy.

Most guys get dumped and get social conditioned themselfs, they think it must be AFC/chode to show emotions. so they make a few generalisations and try to seek validation to confirm their own beliefs.
of course there is a difference between being needy ( hanging around all day ) and showing intimacy.

Almost all woman have appearance issues, woman always are insecure about their looks - even the hot girls you can neg easily on appearance - And it works !
Woman are more social savy than men, they didn't hunt or fought in primal times , they are more emotional and more instincive than men. because attraction is emotional, logical and a instinctive(primal) event , attraction is not always a choice.

waht do you guys think ?

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AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

I agree.

I fucked up my current situation by being "needy". I feel that i was just showing deeper connection toward her. I was in a strange city, no friends and no job yet. So i just happened to be home more.

Even the appearance of needy at the wrong time sends them away. But she shares how her ex would let her wait and wait for intimacy and basically ignore her. I never did that and guess what....she says lets be friends....she still loves her ex though

Hi, I'm in a pro situation of showing emotions in relationship

I've been dating with my girlfriend for almost 8 month now. It's a long distance relationship, and we see each other every other month. At first I can see my spell working and she was totally into me.

We had orals (although she wouldnt have sex), and talk about dirty stuff regardless how mcuh mental block she had for her religion (She has mental block about sex related stuff caused by her religion). After that I started to become more and more into her and started to show emotion. and thats when it starts to go down hill. Now she barely text me or call me when she feel like it instead of texting me all day. And she suddenly wants to become good and righteous again.

After reading books such as "The Game", I know exactly that she is merely losing interest in me or, catergorized me into a "Provider" and not a "Lover", and I know that the spell is fading onher.

She wants it, she talks about it, she gave me BJs ad Orals and all that. And now she wanted to get married 8 years later. And before that she want nothing about it to happen ever again.

A little about her :

She has Attension Deficite Disorder and Depression caused by the chemical imbalance in her brain.
I'm also suspecting she is a bipolar because she has mood swing easily. She is easily manipulated. She is a religious zealot.

I'd like some input here before I've completely lost her respect and control of her.

1. How to move back to the "Lover" zone instead of "Provider" zone
2. How to become that person she goes crazy for.
3. How to take control in this relationship
4. How to get her into that comfort zone of doing sexual stuff again
5. Should I continue to provide my emotions to her?

y382287
better post in here, and be a little bit more specific with goals.... living up to 5 goals at the same time is counterproductive. pick the most valued goal or question.
viewtopic.php?p=329475#329475
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_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

be romantic once in a while is lame??... i want to send a letter to my girlfriend with the Lyrics of the song that she had dedicated to me...

my girlfriend is half Italinan half Portuguese.
she had dedicated to me a song in Italianisch, and she told me that the sense of the music is everything that she feels for me...
i had translated the song to Portuguese and i thought would be romantic do something diferent once in a while..!!

what do you thing??...


Thanks and have fun..

Ill chime in here. Responding to the original post Showing emotions isnt weekness but you should never let your emotions dictate your actions. That's what a woman does. There should always be some give and take. If you all of a sudden start giving without wanting anything back from her she will see you as a chump. Ive made alot of mistakes like giving too much. That always ends up with a GF leaving you dick in hand.

I've found that expressing emotion can be one of the most poweful ways to solidify my relationships with the women I have dated. Most people are not that good at expressing their emotions honestly, even girls.

As long as your actions continue to reflect a non-needy frame, you'll be fine letting your girlfriend know you love her.

Also, and if anyone has taken classes in group dynamics you will know what I'm talking about, you can't invest more into the relationship emotionally than your partner has. Much like a pickup, you need to play a balancing act. Relationships naturally require a balance between the two people, so if one of you starts investing a lot more into the relationship that the second person, that person will start to pull away in order to balance out. So, when expressing your emotions to your girl, make sure to take it in steps, and make sure to wait until she meets your level of commitment before doing more.

Anyways, just a comment from someone who has had several "successful" long term (3+ years) relationships.

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"In my defense, that baby was being a dick."