Hey guys this is gonna be a long one but please bare with me, I'm all alone in this, my friends are useless with things like this, and I don't want them looking at my girlfriend through the 'she has a problem'-goggles.

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 6 months now, with 1 month of a break up, but that's because she just got out of a 1,5 year relationship and the day after she broke up, we kissed. I kinda pushed her into being my girlfriend after 3 weeks of hanging out because I knew she had a lot of guys after her and I wanted her to be 'officially taken' I guess, just so that I had more trust in her (probably an inner game issue, but thats another topic). After a month it became clear that she needed some time alone and me constantly pushing her (first time I really fell in love with a girl that I had a relationship with, so I sucked as a boyfriend I did everything opposite of what we all know here) to see me and tell me what she felt didn't exactly help either.

Anyway we went back to friends, but didn't see eachother that much, after 4 weeks we started talking again and we told each other how much we've missed 'us' and she came over and things were all good etc.

So now, fast forward 4 months, I notice sometimes she's just cranky/down for no apparent reason, and everytime I ask her what's up she says "nothing" and just gives me a smile and hugs me. The thing is with this girl, I can feel her so well that when the slightest thing bugs her, I can tell. So one day we had a nice day of shopping together (yeah..I dont care I just like spending time with her ) but she was a bit cranky, while the night before we had an awesome night. We get home and after telling her for a while that she can tell me anything, and that I feel unhappy when I see her down like that, she suddenly bursts into tears.

(I KNOW I'm not her therapist, and that I shouldn't try to be, but if the girl that I want to spend a long time of my life with is unhappy, I need to know why she is unhappy).

Turns out she's been feeling down about her eating lately, and that she's had an eating problem for a long time. She doesn't puke out her food, she just doesn't eat that much. I tried to comfort her and she said it was going better because with me she feels more hungry and she really is eating a lot better. It's just that she's concerned about her fertility and health and stuff like that. And during christian festive days like Easter when her family eats a lot she feels a bit repulsed by it, and she feels down from it.

She told me that being with me helps, that now she only felt shit for a day instead of a whole week after Easter.

Now the thing is, she randomly gets these depressions, or well, she has some things that remind her of her eating disorder I suppose but I just dont always know what exactly, I just notice her being down all of a sudden.

I really, really, truly madly deeply etc love this girl, she's perfect for me, absolutely perfect. I just get depressed, from her being depressed you know? When she has that mood, she will hardly say anything, reply only with "yes" or "no", stares, doesn't engage conversation, she won't have sex. Making me feel like I am just there as a decoration or something. I try to cheer her up, but without talking about her disorder. Nothing works, though she tells me she feels a lot better when I'm around.

Days like those are just such a contrast to the fun we have when she feels good, and the bad days are 'only' like, once a week or something, but they make me feel like shit as well, and that makes her feel even shittier, and then we just drag each other down until we wake up in the next morning when we both feel better.


I'm the first boyfriend she's ever talked to about this, not even with the 1,5 year guy. So I know she feels good about me. She talks to another girl on the internet about her disorder, she has an eating disorder too. I read a mail from her (yeah I probably shouldnt have) and she asked my girlfriend if she was in love with me, and my girlfriend had replied:

"I love him a lot, but I think I'm just too busy with the eating thing to fall in love with him"

Should I be worried about this? She told me she never was in love with her last boyfried, and she stayed with him for 1,5 years..
I know that when she looks at me, the way she looks at me, and what she tells me, that things are great between us, she wants to move in together as soon as possible and things are pretty damn serious, and I like it..I just don't want to be like the guy before me.. (she never moved in with him by the way, but I don't know if she wanted to either). She tells me she's never met anyone like me and never felt anything like this before, and that she can't stay away from me for even a day (and I can tell), and that she's never felt so at 'home' with anyone else.

I know that she told her ex-boyfriend that last line (feeling at home part) as well, but yeah, maybe she really does feel better about me, I just don't know what to believe anymore...

What do you guys think? How would you deal with such situations? She makes me happy, but she makes me miserable when she is miserable, because I care so much about her, I can't stand to see her unhappy and I feel powerless. Should I be cautious about her intentions? Inside, I feel that everything is right, and we have a great relationship. But if she tells someone that she loves me, but she's not in love with me (even though she blames her eating disorder for it), then what should I believe?

Thank you,

Chillburg.

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“Every man dies - Not every man really lives.”

Been where you are mate on the whole disorder thing.

Be there for her!! but she has to see a councilor/nutritionist, she wont wanna go but if you tell her it s for her own good........... once she goes the first time she will feel much better and continue to go, this has helped alot pf people i know!


About the email you saw n stuff, dont worry about all that inner game stuff! Dont freak out about things like that and dont even go looking for emails etc........... also dont compare yourself to an ex bf or even think of him, cos your the man and he will always be 2nd so dont waste your time.

Just be the best bf you can be and hopefully she will go see someone and get this problem handled, then you can enjoy your relationship more without this being in the way and im sure then she can "fall in love" although she prob already is and just in denial!.

Peace

thanks for the reply bro.

The problem is that she refuses to seek councelling because she's already done that once and she says it didn't help, and that she must do this on her own. She gets even more down and upset when I tell her she should really see someone about this, almost angry.

I don't really compare her ex boyfriend to me, I know I'm a lot better for her than him, but it just makes me doubt the meaning of her words when I know she told him the exact same things, but claims she was never in love with him.

The way she looks at me, and the things she does, it's the same look i've gotten from girls that were in love with me, and so I feel that she is in love with me indeed, but why would she lie about it or be in denial, I don't really get it.
Last night I told her something like "oh i'm so in love with you you have no idea" to get her to say it to me, and she said she was very much in love with me as well...still, it's hard for me to believe her words when she says such things to a 'friend'.

_________________
“Every man dies - Not every man really lives.”

Yea i sympathise with your situation man but the main thing is to get the eating disorder sorted 1st.

Yeah my ex was exactly the same saying she couldnt go to a councilor cos she had one before n they dont understand etc etc n it makes her more upset.

She then went to a councilor who was a councilor/nutrionist so she specilised in eating disorders n gave her like eating plans etc that she could work on...... slowly getting her back into normal eating habits and not feeling bad about it.

Its gotta be done or it will wreck all her relationships, know you dont wanna be pushy but its the only way. Talking to a girl on the internet about it can be quite unhealthy for her state..... i know its one of her few outlets tho so its understandable.

So you think I should really give it all to try and get her to talk to someone? She has a little low self-esteem, which is a shame because she looks like a 10, and everyone tells her how gorgeous she is, especially women, but she feels like a 6 or something I guess. She's just turned 18, maybe she's just not fully through puberty yet?

_________________
“Every man dies - Not every man really lives.”

She can't love becaue she doesn't love herself. That's a very important step and like WitandFun said, if she doesn't fix this, she will wreck each relations she is in.

It's going to take courage from her and from you to go through all this. The easy thing would be to ignore it and just pretend it 's not there or to seek an easy fix. Nothing much gets accomplished going to easy way.

Good luck to both of you

I would advise you do start the reasearch going on finding the right nutritionist/specialisst for her. Get the foot work done. Talk to that specialist, she will most likely have advices to get your GF involved.

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Drink me, make me feel real
Wet your beak in the stream
Game we're playing is life
Love is a two way dream

it depends ... if you like fat chicks....

general : if the mind does something the body will follow , body and mind are intertwined. Most people won't eat because they have difficulties with their lifes , they want to be dead. Working out helps , it increases your metabolism and the meaning of life can kick in really fast .. HUNGER...... it's either a physical problem or psychological .. maybe even both.

my opinion :ummm actually your story sounds very familiar....
find out if she used drugs , especially coke.
she does not have any eating disorder she's just stressed , it's purely physical , maybe it's also psycholgical but it surely started as a physical problem.
no maybe she iddn't had to say it too him because:
1. her problems are recent
2. they both snorted coke
ohh .... no.... you shouldn't
sure .... i don't believe her.....

she was in love with her last boyfriend ...otherwise you wouldn't stay with someone for such a long period , it's not real love.
find out if she ever got abused physically or verbally ( by her last BF) you shouldn't believe her but you shouldn't distrust her - do nothing with this info every girlfriend i hooked up with told me this same

i think it's physical .... options : i think she had stress by either using drugs ( coke makes you skinny ) or she got abused, or she is lying about the whole ex-boyfriend and he dumped her for some reason and she still loves him.
don't have much time right now i will post later

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AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
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She's very much underweight, though you can't really tell from her face, her face looks healthy. If she eats more, she will only fill up a little, and even if she would become huge (which is really impossible with her genes/body type), fuck, I'll still love her. I don't love her for her looks, even though she is a stunner, I love her for her, even if that may sound cheesy to some.

and Lodewijk:

She never used harddrugs, she smoked some pot when she was younger. She's had this eating disorder for years now. Her ex boyfriend didn't abuse her in any way (I know him well btw). And I know he didn't know about her eating disorder, he was too busy with himself. He knew something was up, but he never bothered to ask, he had his own psychological problems.
He didn't dump her, she dumped him because she was done with him for the last 3 months of their relationship and she developed feelings for me during that time. I've known both of them for a year now, and I know all about their relationship, from both him and her. He wasn't abusive or anything, he was just a really really big loser in all aspects of his life.


Also to TheJ and Witandfun:

I talked to her about it again today, but she didn't want to hear it, she said she will make it on her own, as long as I'm there for her.

I told her that I will be there for support but if she doesn't make it, she will get help because it will slowly eat us away if she doesn't fix this. She agreed on that, and I hope she will keep her promise.

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“Every man dies - Not every man really lives.”

I'm not convincing myself or anyone that it's impossible for her to gain weight, I just know she will never be OVERweight because I have the same 'problem', and body type, and so does her whole family (her twin sisters, her father, her mother, all really slim, but HEALTHY slim..). Fast metabolism and just a slender frame. I'm not trying to convince anyone, i'm just stating some hard facts, and, as I am asking here for some help or guidance or whatever, you could assume that I am not lying or making things better as they seem on this forum.

I don't want to be a feeder you know, I don't want her to get fat because yes, I'd rather see her as beautiful from the outside as she is now.

I just want her to get a healthy weight, and a healthy eating habit. The things she eats are healthy, but not in a healthy amount. I just want her at a healthy weight, not this (maybe even dangerous) severely under-weight. If she keeps it up like this, she can become infertile, and cause other harm to her body.

I'd like to thank you for your help and the link though, it's a good thread.

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“Every man dies - Not every man really lives.”