The other night my now ex-gf dropped a bombshell on me. We were together for 4 years, broke up about 5 months ago (kind of mutual but she initiated it). I'll admit, I was no angel in this relationship either. In spite of being broke up, she wanted to remain friends. I told her I had no interest in remaining friends with you if we weren't going to eventually work things out, I didn't want to hear about someone doing her after spending 4 years together.

She called me up bawling and wanted to talk, I knew it was pretty serious so I obliged. She confessed to me, without me pressing her on it, that she slept with a guy from her hometown on and off for 4 months, starting a month after we broke up. I heard from one of my friends that she was hanging out with somebody, but wasn't sure if they were hooking up.

I feel pissed off that she slept with him. He was just released from jail and they were talking before we were broke up. She insists she didn't cheat and I do believe her because the logistics weren't there. However, I am also really upset that she even slept with a guy like a criminal, alcoholic so soon after I broke up with her. I feel like my trust in her was violated because of not being forward about this and that I heard from someone else that it was going on, before she told me.

She told me: ""I'm so sorry for the pain that I caused you, I know what I did was a terrible thing and I knew right away that you wouldn't have liked it. I realize how awesome of a guy you are and I am so sorry for this happening. I want to try and maybe work things out with you. I realize there is a lot to work on, and that I understand if you do not want to be back with me. I still love you want and just want us to be happy."

Thoughts?

If you were broken up, she can fuck whoever she'd like...

I would hope you were out there doing the same.

I mean, that's the rule, man...

If you can't live with it, then move on... You're probably best doing that anyway - you broke up for a reason.

Not sure what you want to hear.

Obviously yall have a very tumultuous relationship and if you get back together all of the old issues are going to rise up. It's a fact. Now you also have the issues that she was banging a dude straight out of jail right after yall broke up, and was even talking to him before you broke up.

If you want this girl that bad and can deal with it, do what you want.

In general I'd say you need to go hook up with a date other girls to clear your mind. A man can't make an informed decision on a woman if he has no other girls to choose from. Period.

That what I was kinda of getting at.

I don't have an issue hooking up with other dudes per se. She wanted to maintain a friendship with me. I wasn't for it initially for many reasons, but I decided to give it a chance simply because the break-up wasn't bad. We did mention about possibly getting back together, but I mentioned I wouldn't be sure if I could do it if she was sleeping with someone else. Call it pride, that's how it is.

The issue I have is when I asked her about this guy, she basically lied by omission in that nothing was going on. I found out from other people that she was hooking up with him..which made me feel disrespected.

If I am way off-base on it, fair enough, I'll shut up. Just what I am thinking...

Right now, she seems to want to work things out and is strongly hinting towards a FWB situation. I did date and sleep with a few people after I cut her off (thinking we weren't getting back together). She knows I am dating someone right now...while that opens a whole new can of worms, it's for another thread, I'm nit 100% on this girl.

Bottom line, if she wants FWB, is there any harm in it knowing that she knows I am kind of dating someone (we aren't exclusive).

You know her better than we do. Is she a drama lover? Will she confront your other girls or stuff like that? If that's the case then shes not worth it.

I've put up with worse for sex in all honesty, but if this girl is hinting at FWB, then it's only so that she can try and get you back, not because she only wants sex.

She dropped you for what she thought was a better option. Have some pride.

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mpuaforum.proboards.com

Tell her you don't care and don't want to know about what she did after your break-up. And stop talking to her.

my take:

1. she broke up with you to fuck the jail guy. (she was talking to him before the breakup and you said she initiated the breakup, plain and simple a chick is just not gonna do that unless there's another option waiting. also her saying it started a month after is a red flag after 4 years, more like a few days after you broke up she was with this other dude and she thinks telling you it was a month will somehow make it seem better. also, the fact that she called you crying and feeling guilty makes ZERO sense if you two had legitimately broken up. check your texts right around the time of the breakup, does she not respond for a few days and then get back to you? does she not text you at night? if so it's another dude guaranteed.)

2. it didn't work out with him so she's crawling back to you with a bunch of lines you want to hear because you are a provider and took care of her, while this jail dude either fucked her for a while and got bored, or cheated on her, or freaked her out in some way.

3. if you go back with her she'll do the same thing the second this jail dude wants her back or the second some other bad boy gives her the time of day. now that she's shown the capacity to do this she's spoiled goods for life and you don't need the stress of constantly worrying about her flirting with other guys when things get rocky between you two.


what you must do:

1. fuck the absolute hell out of her one last time, kick her out, and do not speak to her ever again unless it's hitting her up to have casual sex in the midst of you having a steady rotation of other, hotter women to fuck. i'm dead serious about this. your girlfriend of 4 years hits on a jailbird while you're in a relationship and then bangs him for four months after breaking up with you and you want her back? fuck that. you deserve better bud.


notes:

She told me: ""I'm so sorry for the pain that I caused you, I know what I did was a terrible thing and I knew right away that you wouldn't have liked it. I realize how awesome of a guy you are and I am so sorry for this happening.


- this is just the worst thing you want to hear from a woman. you want her to be saying "i hate you" followed by "i miss you" and "i love you." you want her to say "you're such an asshole!!!" followed by "i'd do anything to be back with you!!!" those are the texts sent to a guy who is doing it right in 2014. these sentences you're getting now absolutely reek of you being a "nice guy" to her, which is what drove her away in the first place methinks. it's been years since a woman told me "i'm sorry for the pain that i caused you," because it's been years since a woman could actually cause me any pain. and even if she could, she'd NEVER know it because i'd NEVER give her that knowledge. always frame your negative reactions to a woman's serious wrongdoings as either anger or disgust. never sadness or pain. and most of the time a playful disinterest as though disciplining a nagging child.

I feel like my trust in her was violated because of not being forward about this and that I heard from someone else that it was going on, before she told me.

your trust should have been violated long ago when she was flirting with the other dude while you were in a relationship. at this point she owed you nothing because she'd dumped you man.

also, you should learn to just not trust young american women in our era. there are too many pitfalls in doing so. we live in a world where a good looking young woman has at the very least a dozen eligible male suitors on their best behavior actively hitting her up every day because everyone is a text message or snapchat or facebook post away from each other. there's just too much temptation and no checks and balances. if you had your pick of 10 good-looking women hitting you up 24/7 to take you out and wine and dine you, you wouldn't make it one year much less four.


I'll admit, I was no angel in this relationship either.

unless you cheated on her, you were probably *too much* of an angel in the relationship, and she lost interest. girls like bad boys. case in point, she's banging the jail dude. she wants you for safety purposes.

sorry if this comes off as overly harsh, it's just i see girls doing this so much and it really pisses me off. they break up, have their fun, and come crawling back crying when they realize they've fucked everything up. social media makes it too easy to get emotionally connected to strangers and stay emotionally connected to exes, it's seriously destroying relationships. i've been hit up innumerable times by bored chicks in relationships looking to flirt and get some emotional sparks flying. i've banged a few of them too. they weren't bad people per se, just unable to resist a confident guy with game in a world where most dudes are emasculated nice guys...

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You must be overconfident and cocksure, even if you haven't got a god damn thing in the world going for you. And you must fail with women until you do not fear the possibility of failure, whereupon you will succeed wildly.

Don't tell her you are indifferent about all this; show her. Tell her you hope all is well and it sounds like she met a really good guy , then stop taking her calls and texts. This btw is not a bombshell.....its a cherrybomb. I'm pregnant or I have herpes thanks to you is a bombshell.

Spot on chantos.

To the OP, there are way way too many women out there to be bothering with this one in a friends concept, fwb scenario or relationship-wise. Run.

sorry if this comes off as overly harsh, it's just i see girls doing this so much and it really pisses me off. they break up, have their fun, and come crawling back crying when they realize they've fucked everything up. social media makes it too easy to get emotionally connected to strangers and stay emotionally connected to exes, it's seriously destroying relationships. i've been hit up innumerable times by bored chicks in relationships looking to flirt and get some emotional sparks flying. i've banged a few of them too. they weren't bad people per se, just unable to resist a confident guy with game in a world where most dudes are emasculated nice guys...

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Nawaz

Yep, this has been going on for a long time.

Think of it like this:

A guy like you or I goes out one day and we get 10 #s from girls who had a shit ton of sparks coming at us in the convos.

Are we really to believe that all 10 of them are completely unavailable i.e. not in a relationship at the present moment?

In my mind when I pick up a girl I tell myself she's available because she seems interested or whatever, but really who am I kidding.

Nothing wrong with sex.

The girls want it. They want something new.

And there we are, ready to give it to them if we deem that this particular girl has made the cut.

O well. I'm not complaining.
Sometimes the only game you need is the ability to hold the girl's gaze with a 70% interested look for a few seconds, and she's HOOKED. That's it. All that's needed. Everything else is just following through that first few seconds to its logical conclusion. You both know what is up. It is obvious to you and anyone else observing the two of you. If the emasculated nice guys were told this they would be in a state of disbelief. I know i would have been if someone had told me this when I was an afc.

Of course at that point I wouldn't have had the base of genuine confidence to subcommunicate confidence to the girl when looking at her after she pinged me by looking at me, so even that knowledge would have been for nothing.