Relationship Summary:

german 8 as a girlfriend. she used to be a cheerleader. she told me she's fucked 16 other dudes. she was my friends fuck buddy and they're thing had stopped after 2 months. she looked good and my buddy didn't care so I asked her out, fucked her the first night. from then on things got more and more serious and now we've been together for a year officially. She changed a lot since she became my girl and she's not the type to dress up all slutty.

Problem:

We live together and sometimes i bring guys over or we go out with other couples. I know germans stare a lot and its one of their things out of respect to keep strong eye contact when your talking to someone. i told her i don't like it and it kinda means something else over here. but still sometimes i catch her just staring and she has one of those flirty sexual smiles naturally. sometimes idk if I'm going out with someone who changed and is not a flirty girl anymore who wants guys attention or if its just her german habit to stare. or if I'm just too jelous. whats happening now is that i see my friend saying something to her like a joke, who i think she's attracted to, and i look at her and i see her smiling and with her strong flirty eye contact and as soon as she sees me looking at her she just stops and looks at me. it all happens in a second. she tries to hide it. and idk if its because she knows ill get mad or whatever or if she's really attracted to my friend and doesn't want me to see it. i mean the whole staring thing while she was with my old friend is how i build sexual attraction with her so idk if she's just repeating history.

either way it makes me feel i can't trust her, i get jelous, and idk how to just make the whole thing go away. Also i wonder if this is how it will be when I'm with any girl in the world. are they all like this in a way?

any suggestions ?

Her staring is actually not the problem. You feel like you can't trust her because she told you already: she's slept with many guys. No matter what she does, you will never trust her. I know you say she's changed, but you probably don't believe that deep down inside, and frankly neither do I. You want to believe that she's changed, but at the same time you're paranoid that she's still the same girl who sleeps around. So you can't stop yourself from over-analyzing everything she does. In the long run, this is not going to work because you need trust in a relationship.

Of course I also don't have the best impression of you, since you slept with the girl on the first date, but I get that the societal standards of behavior are different for men and women. A guy who sleeps around will still want a chaste, pure girl, because it's human nature to always want the best for oneself, whether you deserve it or not. Well, the girl you're with does not fit that description, and you know it already, so it's best to face the reality that she's making you paranoid and nervous.

Thanks for the words. and your right.

I love her, and i am no angel. i fucked her the first night because i never took her seriously until the day i didn't have her anymore. I thought she was just another fuck buddy for sometime. but as time passed she's done more for me then any other girl i've been with and she shows me how much she loves in so many ways that it feels like I'm smothered or something. so much to the point i lose interest and i cheat on her. idk if maybe i feel like its smothering and annoying because i don't feel the same way she does. whatever the reason now I'm caught in this cycle of cheating and gaming other women behind her back, thinking I'm going to find someone better and when that day comes ill break it to her slowly. its sounds very harsh and I'm leading her on big time, but like i said i do feel i love her and sometimes i tell myself ill stop cheating one day and shell become better in every way and ill just fall deeper in love with her. i fighting my own-self my own thoughts so i can't think straight and don't know what is what i really want. there have been times i tried just ending it and if i do she will leave to Germany and not be able to come back because of legal papers. but every time i do break up. she cries, she gives me those puppy eyes, etc.. and i feel like an asshole and an idiot for throwing away a girl who does a lot for me and loves me very much.

what would you do if you were me? and my biggest question is what if i do break up with her and she's gone and i find someone else and still i end up getting jealous and not trusting and the same story all over again. if its all just the same bullshit then what does it matter if I'm in this bull shit or the next?

In my honest opinion, you've probably lost when it comes to this relationship. Like I said, it can't work if you can't trust her. Another important thing is, you can't change her. I'm assuming she's in her 20's? Even if she's older, 16 is a whole lot of men. I'm not saying she can't change, but you will never be the reason why. She has to decide for herself to become a better person.

You guys are always talking about leading women, maintaining control in the relationship. Part of being the man and the leader in a relationship, is showing the woman the right example. So you can't expect purity from your girlfriend if you fool around all the time. You must have exemplary behavior. So from the next girl you date, please show her a good example and that is how you lead as a man. Contrary to what most guys might tell you, leading is really not about ordering the girl around and acting macho. If you are a true male figure, you do not need to tell her much, and she will see how you expect things to be done. True masculinity is actually being calm and composed, not showy and tryhard.

I hope things improve for you.

The jealousy will kill this relationship... And it sounds like you're jealous for nothing, to me.

Either you trust her or you don't.

If you do - then let her behave how she wants as long as she's not overtly being a bitch or a slut - or flirting openly right in front of you.

If you don't trust her... then there's your answer - you shouldn't be with her.

the only thing youre doing here is blaming her for your own mistakes. as long as you cant stop cheating on people you will never be able to trust anyone else. you dont cheat on people because they love you to much, thats redicilious.

This is a bit funny how it is the perfect example of where the boyfriend destroyer techniques comes from....
From what I got, unless I missed something. She has not cheated on you. You think she has not cheated on you yet but she definitely will. You say to us you think she will cheat on you because she had so many guys before you. What it seems to me is you don't trust her because you don't think you are enough for her. You think you aren't good enough to keep her interest for long enough and that you've only been lucky to keep it up to this point.

Seems she hasn't done anything, except tell you the truth about her past and instead of accepting her past and moving on with her, you judge her.

She might or might not have changed, but she will 100% cheat on you at one point if you keep up this same game.

This!

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