Hi guys, wasn't too sure whether to post this story in the 'relationship' section since the story is quite complicated and isn't directly related to pickup in a textbook sense. Or is it?

How we met:
We started studying in the same city about a month and a half ago (both doing a masters degree of one year). We're both international students, my home country is close by and hers is on a different continent. She's 26, I'm 22. After the first few weeks of study I notice there a really good vibe between us. She laughs at my jokes, flirts back at me and we have quite deep conversations considering we've only just met. Every now and then she quite literally says how much she thinks I'm a nice person. We usually have the same classes and have built up the same group of friends so we see each other practically every day. I took note of her obvious IOI's, but haven't made up my mind whether I like her or not.

The house party:
One month into our time here she invites everyone of the same group of friends over to her house warming party. Her housemates also invited a bunch of people (including friends from her home country) and the party gets going. As a move-in gift I bought her a gift-wrapped bottle of wine. It was a genuine gift to a friend, but looking back she also saw it as a message (which honestly was also ment that way). After handing her the bottle she gave be a big kiss on the cheek and had to rub off the lipstick afterwards. Bingo! The party goes on and I talk to as many people as possible to exert value and flirt with her directly and indirectly.

The party continues outside:
The alcohol starts flowing and after the party reaches a high we all decide to move out and find a pub/club. She feels responsible for managing the crowd and I notice she does not feel comfortable in this role. On top of it all it turns out one of her housemates is also untraceable (who happened to have her birthday that evening). I notice she's feeling bad and I make sure she feels comfortable around me. As we continue to walk I notice she's trying to hold my hand and after a few minutes quite literally grabs me by the arm and hand and starts walking like this. By this time, the rest of the crowd has moved on to stand in line for a club - we're practically on our own wandering the streets together with a couple who we're both very good friends with. As the four of us try to find a different place the obvious hand holding/arm-in-arm continues and I decide to pull her aside and respond to her hand holding with a kiss. Immediate success. As we continue to walk and try to find a club (at this stage we aren't really trying to find anything) she continues to drag me aside and kisses me every 10 meters. The kino and kissing becomes so heavy at some point that I almost feel uncomfortable. As this process continues for half an hour (that's what it felt like anyway) she keeps on saying: "Oh but what will society think?" I ask her what she means and says: "I'm so old, you're so young... What will society think?". Amazed by the fact that she's bothered by the age difference, I also realize that she must have been thinking about us being together before and that she though of this hookup as a start of something more (I had not reached that stage at all at this point, I'm more of a 'let's see how things go' type of guy). We end up at her place and, well, you guys can fill in the details.


The days after
For the rest of the weekend we don't speak and see each other for the first time the next Monday. I notice things get awkward and ask her to have a coffee to talk about what happened. Due to genuine unforeseen events she couldn't meet up. I give her the opportunity to ask me to have a drink in return, but the Tuesday passes and I step up to her on Wednesday afternoon: "We should really talk". Which we decide to do straight after our class. During our talk I start off with saying that I thought things went too fast - obviously this didn't come out of nowhere (as shown by the very explicit flirting we had done in the weeks before) but I tell her that we should start from step 1 and not from step 5 (spending a night together). She agrees but also adds that she thought it was a mistake and would rather not even start at the first stage. We're both in the same group of friends and will only be here for one year, she says. I get really confused: What she said and did that night was genuine, and the connection we shared leading up to it was in no sense a 'mistake'. Could she be so passionate one day and be so coldly rational the next?

Awkwardness
After the conversation I decide to stonewall her. I thought this was the only good strategy since I revealed some interest in her during our talk and she basically turned me down. I figured I had to show that I couldn't be bothered so much. Two weeks pass and we barely talk. Until one day she sends me a message basically asking me how I'm doing (which I find an odd question to ask in a text) - after some messages back and forth she says she wants to sleep because she "Wants this day to end". I ask her why: She's feeling homesick and bad about 'many things that happened in the last few days'. I notice this as an IOI, but things don't really get much less awkward during the days afterwards. I talk to her after class and tell her things have to become normal again, because the awkwardness is just too weird. (From a mutual friend I've heard that other people have noticed the connection we had "wasn't the way it was as before"). She agrees and hugs me - apologizes for being so awkard and blames herself for it. The following weekend we go out with the same group of friends and the awkwardness disappears - but there's still an obvious tension.


I need your advice guys. I want to win this girl back, but how? I've invited the group of friends (including her) over to come visit me in my home country for the first few days of Christmas Break. We'll be spending a lot of time together and she said she wanted to spend a few days in Berlin. I know for a fact that none of the others will join her - I would like to. Should I offer to join? If yes, how? Should I tell her I want to join in on the trip, but only as friends - and then try to win her back?

Start gaming other women and cut your losses, for whatever reason she has friendzoned you. Don't get a oneitis over this girl.

Do you reckon it's a good idea to start gaming other girls as a goal in itself or would you say it could also help me getting her back?

Both, it's a good idea to always have options. I have girls I was never serious with that I can reignite even after I've been in an exclusive relationship with someone else.

Game other women and I promise you that she won't seem all that special.

Alright thanks, will definitely try that strategy then. It's the perfect hedge: win in both situations

Anyway - I have another question for you guys. During the 'awkwardness period', I tried to act as normal as possible and would even go as far as to argue that I friendzoned her (at least in behavior). I was thinking that the awkwardness from her side might be due to the fact that she still has feelings for me, but tries to supress them for whatever reason. That would also explain why she apologized for acting so awkwardly. Thoughts?

In my (admittedly relatively limited) experience, situations like this rarely end up with you getting the girl.

You want her so bad because she rejected you, we want what we can't have. I want my ex-gf back even though I have a date with someone hotter, with a great sense of humour on Tuesday.

I've been in that spot where you cling to false hope and try and view EVERYTHING she does in relation to you and what the two of you had. The only real chance you have is genuinely to move on, and even then its a big if. For whatever reason, she just wants to be friends, it sucks and it hurts your ego but there are many women out there probably better for you.

Maybe, just maybe, it is as you want to think and she is suppressing her feelings, but the more likely outcome is that it was a one time thing on a drunken night out and she wants nothing more.

In my opinion, your first mistake was saying stuff like "we really should talk" etc. You should have just continued being funny, laidback and cool and see if she would come to you. Or ask her for a drink, and take it as no big deal if turned down. Perhaps she feels things escalated far too quickly.

Just back off, game other women and try and forget about it. It is as you say, a win-win, either you meet someone better or you begin to attract her again in doing so.