so me and my girl ( 8 months) got into a big fight on Thursday night. i got angry and left, i said a couple F bombs towards her and walked off. I tried a soft next but it was not working this time. she had always called me repeatedly during a soft next saying she was sorry. this time nothing at all. after the fight on Thursday I have been broken down and have been drinking alot to pass the time (never done that before). up until this point 90% of the time i had never had to be the one to initiate the dates, to initiate calls it was great. but all of the sudden nothing.

i started worrying as we have gotten into fights before and nothing came of it. maybe she is not answering because she got hurt, or a family member died? I told myself. I give in on Saturday night and I started calling her and leaving multiple voice messages. she did not answer my repeated calls.

I got a message from her on facebook saying "please". at that point i got the message about what was happening. it turned out my worst fears came true. I was so god dam confused, up until that very fight it was great, it was fun, WE HAD JUST LOST OUR VIRGINITY TOGETHER WITHIN DAYS OF THAT FIGHT.

I expected this reaction though and mentally prepared for it over the past couple days. I left her a message saying basically i will return her stuff and wish her the best of luck. she finally called back afterwards and we explained both sides of the situation. after a good talk I asked her what she wanted to do. all i heard was the line die without a word. I freaked out and the situation sank deep into my gut. after a minute she facebooks me to say her phone died and that she just "wanted to spend less time together". I called her again and we scheduled something Monday. the day before my birthday. (My birthdays have always been the most depressing days of the year I don't know why).

she was always asking me if i loved her and if i wanted to be with her together i guess she just got fed up. I know what her problem with me is and I know how to improve it. mostly inner game stuff and sitting down and having discussions when we get irritated.

getting this girl was so much work in practicing day game, I just want to make this relationship work.

so please advice on how to handle a girl when she does that "flip" and goes from happy to complaining because of something i said. i tried ignoring her she just tries to leave then. if I left her go then the relationship is in danger of failing. if I try to stop her the arguments then just picks up (I have bi-polar disorder and I try my dam best with meds and CBT to keep it down and control my moods). I'm thinking my best bet is when she just feels irritated towards me is to just sit down and practice CBT on her and have a discussion to find the problem and cool her down. she never gets too worked up to where a logical discussion wont fix the issue i found.

my world has been flipped upside down.

Most women are socially conditioned to 'tame' the bad boy. It's Hollywood and erotic romance novel memes.

Try out some classic Robert Cialdini case. Be the nice guy. Get her some pink balloons and a dozen roses. Apologize and then promise her you'll be a better version of yourself. When she caves in, fuck her brains out. This way, she'll feel that she's winning you over; that you're a prize and she's succeeding with all of her efforts to tame you.

Of course, there are downsides to this approach. One is that you might be conditioning her towards this behavior that when she throws a tantrum, she'll get rewarded for it. Another is that she becomes passive-aggressive.

There will always be pros and cons to any solution just like taking medications-- you cure one part of your body while your liver takes a beating.

Weigh your options. I hope neo87, n2thevoid or Wolfwood will jump in and give their piece of mind. These are great guys who have very deep understanding of psychology. You can better decide when you see different alternatives out there.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

thanks man, ya I particularly like keeping up with wolfwoodds posts.

I never did anything nice for her other then rarely take her out for dinner. maybe ill script running by a flower store and buying them for her. she always said she was never sure if I loved her so she asking repeatedly (personally I was never sure either but I kept saying yes). but as they say "you never know the value of something until you lose it".

I go to college and im slowly realizing its not for me. if I cant get the relationship to where it was ima just get back to my home town where my family is and get a fresh start.

_________________
Current status: AFC

"The key is to diversify...Whatever works. It's like fishing with 7 lines in the water instead of just one. You're more likely to a catch fish that way."-PUAninja

Sorry to say, and I mean this with no disrespect, but you sound pathetic. Women are really perceptive and if you are bi polar, and considering leaving college to go home, she's probably lost attraction for you due to your moods and inability to finish college. No woman wants to be with a guy who cant handle their own shit, finish something and who needs to give up and move home. It's an attraction killer. My guess is the relationship has become strained,(you mentioned previous soft nexts) and she doesn't feel the same anymore. Become better for yourself

I realize that neo, I am aware on what needs to be improved on myself and what looks bad.

I've been working on inner game for a while now. whatever I am now though is a massive improvement over what i was when i meet her and she notices that.

And I do quite well in my engineering studies. im not leaving because of "my inability to finish college".

_________________
Current status: AFC

"The key is to diversify...Whatever works. It's like fishing with 7 lines in the water instead of just one. You're more likely to a catch fish that way."-PUAninja

I'm glad you didn't take Neo's assessment the wrong way. Neo's very sharp with situations like these and I tend to defer to his better judgment when it comes to these. He's one of the more helpful and learned guys around here.

Somehow I can feel that you're well grounded and in control. Keep this vibe up despite the emotional tension and stress and you'll go places. I've studied engineering too. You're a logical dude like me but sometimes shit like this happen to us logical dudes.

You'll get over this. Just keep the frame and take that risk to win her back. If you win her back, good. If not, move on. I have a gut feeling though that you'll win her back. I could be wrong but nothing ventured, nothing gained.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

thanks for the morale boast hound. ill be seeing her on Monday so im going to develop a game plan.

_________________
Current status: AFC

"The key is to diversify...Whatever works. It's like fishing with 7 lines in the water instead of just one. You're more likely to a catch fish that way."-PUAninja