Last night my wife decided she wanted to have a bit of chat to discuss our relationship. We've been married for 6 months now and have been living together for that time, but I have known her for nearly 2 years.

So while we were talking she asked me some questions on how I see the relationship going and how come I don't express my feelings towards her.

My answers were a bit indirect and I turned it around to her to say what do you think of me after 6 months?


So here's the problem from the last 6 months:

- she says I'm a nice guy and kind at heart - after everything I've read on this forum and some books, she has boxed me in the nice guy category, I'm thinking red alert have I just gone to friend zone.

- she told me how she felt about me which was along the lines of the first point above but insisted on wanting to know my feelings for her and where I saw the relationship. I don't express my inner emotional feelings to my wife as I always see this as a bad thing to do with a woman. I might be wrong about this in a marriage situation but what do you guys think?

- the conversation ended when she asked me "what feelings do you think I have towards you?"
my reply was "It doesn't matter what you say to me about your feelings, the last 6 months have shown me how you feel about me. Actions speak louder than words". She just stared at me for about a minute . . . . . stunned.


Basically she has thrown lots of tantrums, used a lot of emotional manipulation, has been checking out other guys when she thinks I wasn't aware of it (including my brother), lied to me on several occasions - worst one was she told me she had never been in a relationship before and had no experience with guys, then faked losing her virginity to me. I found out she was with some bad boy type for approx 3 years, who is into fast cars and considers himself to be the local gangsta. When I confronted her with this she showed no emotion and only when I told her I would end the marriage she cried her eyes out and begged me to keep her.


I didn't end it and decided to work on myself to see if I have issues and if I have attracted the wrong type of girl and married her, big mistake now. I've been working on myself since.

Sex with her is amazing she is awesome in bed and I am a monster. Other then this she hasn't really committed herself in the relationship and I have thought about ending it so many times.

I have decided that there is no long term future in this relationship and that pretty much is the advice others get on this forum for this type of behavior from a girl.

What's the best exit strategy? How do i come out of this stronger, harder, faster and make sure I become the Alpha man after this relationship?

Also there will be big repercussions when I end it, as in my culture there is usually a family feud or better put it becomes warfare. How do I position myself for this where I can hold the upper hand?


She knows she only has to slip up once and I will end it i.e. go see some other guy.

You seem pretty clued up my man. You know whats going on and know what needs to be done. Props. One thing I will say and im NOT speaking from experience here, is do some reading up on how to prepare for a divorce. ie are you the main bread winner? who has most of the assets? Theres no kids involved so that makes things about 50x easier.
There are things you can do to make sure she doesn't rip you a new asshole in terms of assets etc such as putting some money aside in a seperate bank account under a family members name etc. Just be smart about all this is all im saying. Keep a cool head and don't play into the shitstorm of drama thats coming your way if you go through with this.

And before you ask, No there is no possible way you can keep fucking her after the breakup. Once its done its done. Go find yourself some nice girls that treasure the ground you walk on.

i agree with both posters

Great replies guys.

I've got to the point where I'm waiting on her to slip up and then I put the wheels in to motion.

Killer - the whole asset thing is the thing that is bugging me. I had my own place before her, I have a good job and she doesn't work at all. I don't want lose my house over this girl and I don't have many savings so my house is the major thing.

Since I found about her ex and all the other rubbish she has been giving me, I decided to use some PUA techniques and see how they work.

A few things I've done recently and the results:

- Soft next a month ago for a full week; she called and texted me a billion times (she was at her parents in a different city and wanted me to pick her up). When we kissed and made up after the drama bit she actually said to me "I didn't think you would ever do that to me" - she found this unpredictable gesture a wake up call. Since then she has been so attentive to me, especially sexually.

- Several times when she has started arguments (discussions as she calls them) as soon I have realized she is provoking an emotional response I have walked out of the house and disappeared for a few hours. Every single time she has said "you don't know how walking out on someone like that makes you feel, it's the worst thing in the world". She becomes very clingy after.

- When she becomes emotional and starts these discussions and all I want to do is chillax or have sex the best thing I've done is say "keep talking dirty to me baby, your making me hard". No matter how hard she tries to be serious and drag me in to the conversation providing the environment is right i.e. we are already in bed, her mood changes significantly to the thought of my hard erection lol. Has worked every time, you just have to change your words a little bit every time.

- Couple of weeks ago she said to me 'we don't do things together anymore', to which I replied 'you haven't gone a week without having an argument with me so we don't get a chance to, try at least going 2 weeks'. Since then no arguments, just a lot of cooking, cleaning and cock sucking from her since. Coming up to 2 weeks now I'm sure she will expect something in return, a small gesture of appreciation but nothing major might be on offer.


I don't plan to keep fucking her after although that would be easy. I will have to get back in to the game, which is difficult since I have such a busy lifestyle and don't like clubs/bars etc.

She is going abroad for a few weeks, last night she said "don't be getting up to no good", i think that was code for "don't fuck about with other girls". I kinda played it cool but made me think it might not be a good idea if it comes to the courts.

Anyway, question for you guys:

Before she left i was thinking about taking her out for a coffee and maybe talking about the relationship. This might be a move that backfires but was thinking about saying some things to subtly suggest you fucked with the wrong guy. Will this be DHV or DLV?

Typical things will be loss of trust, respect etc

Fear is one of the main issues of relationship suffering and that is with both of you. You seemed to lack the confidence in her trust, respect etc since when you married her you married her attitude and all what she represents. Otherwise, why would you seal the deal? Don't listen to the guys that suggest that PUA skills is going to keep relationships; it may but it won't. Playing games are for men who FEAR LOOSING their wife because they really don't understand her. They only understand their needs, and they need someone to love them physically not internally. What she needs from you is that you need to love yourself; that's why the talk about the nice guy. Nice guys are people who try to make someone else happy in expense of himself. Which is also why nice guys finish last, because they are so busy making others happy that they end up themselves last being happy because they expect happiness to come from external stimuli which is a great major turn off for women. The reason why women respond so well with NC and soft next is because a typical good guy who is happy with themselves will, well, be happy so he does not need to please his woman nor he expects women to please them unless she wants to be intimate with him. As long as he shows affection and love and challenge, that is all is needed to make his woman happy. In your case, you need to examine what is your fear and what made the 2 years work for you to get her to marry you. Having a chat with her is a good start, because that makes her feel like you're not running away from what she perceived to be your problem (she will never think it's hers), but you need to keep it in a fashion that makes her feel like you are looking for advise in a non-confrontational way. If you ignore this long enough, eventually she's going to put out ultimatums which is also not a good thing. Also negative thoughts like divorces from your perception is going to realize into reality. Why the negative thoughts?!? Why are you giving up already?

When you use NC and soft next as an external mechanical game however while you're unhappy inside, eventually when you live together with your woman long enough, she's going to figure you out soon. Probably that's within the 6 months period. Some people who play games know this so they try NOT to live together for too long to create mystery and unattainability, but you can't do this for 10 yrs nor till death do both part either.

A lot of relationships downfall are with men who tend to always assume the fault is with their women. But women are the mirrors of their men as they reflect the deficiencies of their men in the relationship. Hopefully you'll learn the deficiencies and be better with another woman who will treat you better.

I won't pin point what I think she is doing wrong, and so on...In fact, I think most people reading this thread will try to go ahead and "help" you and make you "feel" better about yourself...because you are losing this lady, that you have married.

To me, or the way I see things, are simple. The guy is the reason the lady leaves. End of STORY. If she leaves, or if she acts in ways you DO NOT LIKE, it is NOT her fault. It is you.

It is how you have handled previous situations with her that lead to new and different or worse situations with her. Don't handle something correctly to receive the correct results...when something happens again, she'll subconsciously know where your limits lie and where you stand, and then without consciously doing so, she will push it forward towards what she wants.

Woman, regardless of age can all be played. Just like a man can be played...I see you playing some cards incorrectly...
---- Take this as a learning experience when you do say "forget her"...or take what I say next and change what you're doing...You GOT MARRIED...like wth get married for if you didn't love eachother right? Regardless...


--------------------------------
"Couple of weeks ago she said to me 'we don't do things together anymore', to which I replied 'you haven't gone a week without having an argument with me so we don't get a chance to, try at least going 2 weeks'. Since then no arguments, just a lot of cooking, cleaning and cock sucking from her since. Coming up to 2 weeks now I'm sure she will expect something in return, a small gesture of appreciation but nothing major might be on offer."

She said "We dont do things anymore"...do you know what this means in girl lingo>??? take a moment and think about it.....................It means she is losing interest in you...and she is NICE ENOUGH to straight out tell you, that you need to change your act.

It's why most relationships die....BECAUSE there is loss of interest, usually from the woman. You have yourself a chance to change her behavior...she is now nice and cleaning, and cooking and NO arguments and you still get your cock sucked?... what does this mean?....:/ your going to reward her with something small....let me say this, do you like the behavior you have now, the cooking and cleaning, and sleeping with you? If you like how things are now... you NEED TO LAY DOWN positive reinforcement & rewards for her new behaviors. I see this as a chance for you to re-ingrain within her what it is she fell in love with to start with that made you marry her and her marry you.

If the relationship fails, its because the guy didn't play the cards right...why? because its the guys duty to escalate, back down and re-escalate.

I sleep with 4 woman, all 4 of whom are practically "married" with me. They come over on different days of the week, we sleep together, they make me breakfast in bed, they clean the house, do my laundry, they cook, shower with me, walk around the house nude, we go shopping, they buy me things, I buy them things, they keep me busy and so on. I can talk to them about everything, from death to heaven...and they are always there when I need company, and I'm always there for them too. Its a give&take relationship. One of them has been with me for 4 years 2 of them for 3 and 1 of them for a little over 2...

Do you know how I make sure they don't get bored? How I make sure they love every moment they spend with me?

What I say next is gold, because it really is a way to change your perspective and turn things around...Before you SAY A SINGLE WORD, BEFORE A SINGLE VOWEL LEAVES YOUR LIPS, you BETTER make sure WHAT YOU SAY is going to be interpreted in a way that is favorable to you, and in a way that leads to only CERTAIN responses.

What do you want her to say next? What do you want her to do next?...WELL in order to get her to do those things, when you speak to her, make sure what you say, has responses THAT LEAD TO WHAT YOU WANT.


-----
How about you take my advice with the last 2 paragraphs... and actually DO NOT SAY "lets talk about the relationship..." How the hell would you interpret that if you were the lady and your man said that to you?..now tell me if you want that interpretation?...if you do go ahead and do what you want.

You guys are married, so I would presume you want it to last, and something deep within her wants it to last longer as well...

-----------------
"she told me how she felt about me which was along the lines of the first point above but insisted on wanting to know my feelings for her and where I saw the relationship. I don't express my inner emotional feelings to my wife as I always see this as a bad thing to do with a woman. I might be wrong about this in a marriage situation but what do you guys think?" You said that...with what I read above, maybe she really sees that you don't care for her? I mean from your posts all I see is you using her for sex (no offense, I'm interpreting this, and this is what I come up with) You asked what we thought...and here are my thoughts...you're married buddy. Tonight or when you see her, take her hand, lead her to the bedroom and make out a bit, and then pull back, have her sit between your legs facing away from you, against your chest while you hold her, and whisper to her how you feel about her. And then go ahead and describe what you would do with her if you could have a chance to prove it, and just talk about your feelings for one another...yea this shit is mushy, but I according to what I read and how you describe things, she wants a bit mushyness, because whatever else it is that you're doing, doesn't convey that you want her for more than just sex...when talking don't be a fucking "nice guy" literally talk about how you're going to take your shaft and make her squirt. TALK ABOUT FEELINGS, and how good* it feels to be with her and so on

I can take every paragraph you wrote and analyze it...but like I said, when you say or do something, make sure her interpretation of it, is favorable to YOU, IF IT IS NOT, then DO NOT SAY IT or DO IT.

...Your married for 6 months :/ that's short... I'm not married with these 4 gorgeous ladies of mine, but what we have is practically "marriage," take my advice, if you want her, think in her perspective before you say a word or act...who cares if she says something and you think while looking at her for a few seconds as you analyze what to say next. Keep your cool, stay calm at all times... you've shown some aggression, or "not being happy because of her actions"...well, like I said, keep your cool, stay calm, woman like a man that is NOT riled up by what they do, because it shows to them that they can handle the woman in a way others aren't quite able to.

Good luck...try to keep her, you got married for a reason no?
Talk to her, not in public, but on your couch or in bed. And don't fuck her after you talk, let her know that you want her more than just a sex buddy...and that if she does want you, for her to surprise you tomorrow instead.

Good luck.

_________________
I am who I think I am, and who I am, I am because I think I am who I am= Your thoughts define your actions and your life.

Wow, a difference of opinion. I like it!

I don't want to counter everything said by mikemight and lagron because they both have valid opinions and I always think you have to be open to the other side of story.

However I think a few points could do with further discussion:

- I didn't play games at the start of the relationship or marriage, but I was definitely getting gamed, emotional manipulation. Most times I didn't rise to it but constant shit tests and manipulation can lead to a lack of trust and respect.

- I don't understand what you mean by I need to love myself? You've explained the fact nice guys put other peoples happiness before their own but I'm not sure I've done that and getting married and moving together is a big step and as the man you have to facilitate that for your woman, so being a nice guy in that regard is better than being an asshole to your wife.

- We have had chats along the way and the perception of her thinking it is my problem and not hers is spot on. But I do think otherwise and this where Lagron's point probably hits home and I can honestly look at myself and ask is it my behavior that has caused her to act in the way she has?

- "She is losing interest in you" - because of the lies she has told me and the emotional manipulation I have lost trust in her and maybe have become a bit distant. I also have felt that she hasn't quite respected me in the same way since we got married, even though I have been firm on my principles and values but open and flexible in the relationship. I have felt like she has pushed the buttons at times and I have reacted cool and calm but when you have to deal with it on a daily basis then either I am doing something majorly wrong or there is something disturbingly wrong about her.


"Before you SAY A SINGLE WORD, BEFORE A SINGLE VOWEL LEAVES YOUR LIPS, you BETTER make sure WHAT YOU SAY is going to be interpreted in a way that is favorable to you, and in a way that leads to only CERTAIN responses."

I agree this is golden but easier said then done.


Funny you make the suggestion from what I have posted that I'm treating her like a sex buddy, until I found out about her ex and that she wasn't a virgin (another big lie) when we got married, she showed no emotion or feelings towards me and I felt like I was being used as a sex buddy. Now the tables have turned by using some PUA techniques and she wants to feel the emotions and feelings from me.


Given what you said and the difference of opinion, I can accept a bit of both; maybe we are both to blame for the way things are going and I do not accept that women are the mirrors of their men as this does not take into account what effect their upbringing has on them and the environment / culture they have chosen to socialize in has done to them. Sometimes women have baggage and this can come out straight away when you get to know them or it becomes apparent when you move in together.


"To me, or the way I see things, are simple. The guy is the reason the lady leaves. End of STORY. If she leaves, or if she acts in ways you DO NOT LIKE, it is NOT her fault. It is you." - this is debatable as I'm the one thinking about leaving the relationship and in so many relationships guys end it (at least the ones who have the balls to).


Relationships are complex and there is no single answer to this so I welcome more opinions and suggestions.

Depending on where you live; maybe in Southern California or the East Coast like New York City for instance, a lot of people date and then fuck and then date again immediately. What happens that in the metaphysically frame an individual did not give time for oneself to heal from the emotional hurt after failure of the relationship be it mental, physically and psychologically speaking.

Loving yourself first means that after a failure relationship, you should be ALONE because you are an unstable vehicle for relationship. This is the de-bonding process physically and mentally due to the withdrawal of sex that caused the pair bonding and mentally because you still having feelings in a form of emotional attachment of many levels for the other person. When you are alone enough and have worked out the feelings of her and your emotional attachments is when you become a stable vehicle for a new relationship. Both men and women are equally guilty of this, but places like Southern California in Los Angeles, it gets pretty tough to find a woman who is clear of any emotional attachments to her former boyfriends.

Why do you need to love yourself? It is when you can unconditionally love someone else be it whoever they are. Unconditional love IS NOT romantic love. Unconditional love simply means that a person who had gone through the proper withdrawal process and can love again love a person WITHOUT ANY EXPECTATION of what that person should be. The reason for all relationship sufferings and failures is due to some level of expectation, and the bible said it clearly that ALL EXPECTATIONS will lead to suffering. Period. No human on earth had ever demonstrated that GOD himself is wrong. Which is why when a woman can not provide unconditional love is because she has oneitis with one man who even for years had divorced her and never seen her since. In her mind, she believe he is her soul mate (women are very spiritual this way) and that she NEVER gave you a chance to be who you are. She expects you to replace her soul mate; but this in itself is an impossibility beyond any spiritual realm. You are never going to replace her man because you are unique and yet because she does not yet love herself because she failed to go through the withdrawal process of her first man or men, she goes through a series of men. A sad cycle of love and fuck and breakup relationship where she will NEVER feel remorseful because she is looking for an external stimuli. She's a drug addict for a perfect man. The victims are the men who she fucked and dumped or got dumped.

Most men never get a fair chance in relationships because the women never give it to you. The best weapon against them is to interview them and look them in their eyes whether they are hiding the truth or telling the truth. I've got really good at spotting these women, because I got burned by a lot of them-- though the consolation price is great sex. They run the same M.O. If you just want sex as long as you can get it, go for these women. But remember that you are, yourself, damaging your own mentally and spiritually because we are not meant to make love with multiple partners. Before long, you yourself will become emotionally attached and will come to expect some things you like from other women on a woman you think is the one. Remember ALL EXPECTATIONS will lead to suffering. In the end, you too will suffer.

If you have extra money stashed around, hire a private detective. Build up evidence and proof. When she cheats... Bam. File the divorce or annulment. Make sure those proofs will stand in court as admissible evidences of her cheating.

Next, play the drama angle well so you gain the sympathy of her family. There will be no clan wars. She was the one who cheated. There will be no new assholes in your finances. She cheated. The court will favor you rather than her. File a claim for moral damages and give her a new asshole instead. Does she have property? Well, why not get a chunk of those?

When she tries for a legal settlement, settle. Keep your attorney's fees down with solid proofs/evidences so the court case will not drag on for years. If she can't win due to your solid evidences, let her find a graceful way out so you can both start afresh. But get some of her assets as punishment for being a bad girl.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

You seem like a pretty normal level headed guy whos only real mistake just been getting into the shitty situation (marriage) in the first place.

She probably lied about her virginity because you were oozing madonna/whore complex (read up on it) and she didn't want to lose you because of it. If instead you had expressed sexual openness with her she may have been honest. Women have uncanny ability to morph (often temporarily - aka bait and switch) into the woman that they think the man they are dating wants them to be. Thats why frame setting is so effective in the early stages of the relationship (EFA - early frame announcement). They are like camelions. "Oh you like women that cook? I LOVE COOKING". This might be wrong though but either way there is no excuse for that kind of deceit. She PRETENDED to lose her virginity to you!? Did you express a fantasy about this to her or something, and she was trying to fulfill it for you?

Very very few women in western society are imo suitable for an LTR. Even LESS than that are suitable for marriage. Anyway you seem genuinely prepared to move on which already puts you LEAGUES ahead of most guys in these situations.

Thanks for your input lagron. Its nice to see other people with solid "own your world/get and keep what you want" mindset.

Some people on the PUA forums are misinterpreting some concepts imo, and end up coming forward with advice that is absent consideration of the specific scenario... It's nice to see someone actually read between the lines before giving out some opinion.

Good luck OP! Hope that whatever path you take bring you closer to being completely happy!

^ Tsk. Tsk. Bad advice.

Cut clean when your losses are still small. When kids come along and the stress gets protracted, you're not only in deeper shit financially and psychologically but also career-wise.

Don't give her a chance to get any alimony. Don't give her the upper hand with kids. Why am I saying this?

Welcome to the real world brother. My neighbor's wife has been banging all of the bad boys in the neighborhood right at the garden in their home where a lot of passersby can see the dirty deed at 10 p.m. onwards. They have 3 kids. The dude is a nice guy. The wife was addicted to bad boys.

I also met another dude at work who worked overseas to build a dream house and save something to start a business. Well, after working for 5 years, his wife left him (and took all of his money) and went with a bad boy. The poor dude when I met him (since he's broke), was living with his mom and was a total emotional wreck.

White lies are okay. But when it's major and meant to deceive, that's not okay. Women will always say it's your fault. But we're logical creatures here. I say, NO. It's not your fault. Now pick up the pieces, charge this episode of your life to experience, learn, and move on.

Good sex is abundant. It's out there. Now, take it. You might be surprised it's even better than what you're having right now.

_________________
Approach. Open. Escalate. Isolate

Here are my two essential rules on texting that will save you tons of time and money:

general-questions/topic137931.html

kepelrs and Lagrons response of "own your world/get and keep what you want" mindset is kind of like the NLP model of the world where everything you do and say is the outcome of what happens to you. So you control your own destiny.

However, there are clearly two schools of thoughts here where the other suggests to get rid of women like this in your life and move on. This view needs to be balanced with working on yourself and improving yourself at the same time.

You see the dilemma I have in my head is exactly what Hellhound suggests, is it better to do it now or be messed up later in life. The driving factor in this is not just the financial impact this might have in the future but if I have lost her interest, there is no attraction, other guys will always seem more appealing because I'm not 'the bad boy' she once had then why waste my effort?

My mindset has always been you should never change for a woman and the woman should change to accommodate you. I'm very comfortable with who I am and at the same time willing to improve on certain aspects, which doesn't happen overnight.
In a LTR you have to be flexible at some point and adapt yourself to the person you are with. That doesn't mean I should be someone I'm not or fake my personality to get attraction / interest because she will see through this over the course of time.

I will always know about her lies and manipulation deep down, whenever we have good times together (like the last couple of weeks) and the bad times. Also, I'm not the jealous type but checking out your brother in law consistently when you've only been married for a couple of months is really disrespectful and in my opinion is cause for a soft next or at least a warning. A woman will see this as insecurity but you have to define the boundaries if you think it is not okay.

Guys who come on this forum and say 'o, my girl gets hit on daily and she chats to them all the time, still she comes home to me and I fuck her silly' are IMO kidding themselves. There is no commitment there if this is the case and it is the 21st centuries view of the world from a woman's perspective.

I digress, I still have my problem and the fella's who have suggested that this comes down to me by what I say and behave should maybe give a better indication of what I should do. Because from the other point view I've got:

- cut clean when loses are small
- hire a private investigator to gather any evidence of cheating (might not go to this extent but a bit of espionage doesn't go a miss)
- make sure I have my financial shit in order before I move on and when I do be prepared to be alone.

I ask this because like a lot of people on this forum, I'm learning and am open to new ideas. In the end I will decide what I will end up doing but the more options and choices I give myself the better chance I have coming out of this in a better shape and progressively moving towards the Alpha male.

Yeah man, in my opinion you have to balance both of the advice being given here... I enjoy very much Lagrons opinion because its what I lean towards the most in my life. But I do agree with the other advice to a decent extent as well.

One of my closest friends talks to me about his (almost) same situation as yours, where he's still not married, but his LTR is going towards the point where he is gonna have to make a decision about it....On our talks about that subject it kind of boiled down to weighing your values man:

Why do you like the girl? What do you like and why and how much do you like it? - Its important to really know this about yourself, because if you go the NLP way and decide that you gonna be a hero and "tame/shape her ways" for you entire life (or for whatever longer period you think you might want her), you have to know the exact reason you are doing it, in order to weigh if the effort is gonna be worth the reward.

Another thing you have to weigh is that being you are such a busy guy, you are likely happy that you have your love/sex live settled, and to an extent you would like to avoid splitting up -even if you think it's the right thing to do- for the simple fact that finding a new girl that fits your requirements may take quite a bit of effort, and emotional unstableness or something (thats not even a word )

So yeah, I'm raw and honest with myself about myself: Im sneaky, bad, manipulative, and all the society's "bad" stuff. Apparently I'm good and sublte about it, because it passes unnoticed...I have a career to take care of, i have stuff i wanna achieve, and hobbies i wanna have fun with...In my eyes I need too many things to be happy, and I dont have time to go finding the "perfect suiting" girl without sacrificing time for the rest. I think that even if I found her, people change: I change constantly and she would likely change too at a certain point...The persons emotional moments change, the personal and hapiness values change, and the bonding changes...It's natural in my opinion. Instead of finding the "perfect" things/people that make me happy, i find the close looking things, and i do what is needed to turn and keep them perfect if possible...as long as I'm happy, I dont care what i had to do to get there, its worth it for me.

So summing up my view man... Do all that everyone said.... Fix your money so that you can be somewhat safe. Avoid having kids unless you are as sure as you can be that you can MAKE it work. Play it safe in order that if it goes down, you dont sink with it, but at the same time try and see the things that YOU can take control over in your life/love life....Like I said you might never find the perfect girl, and if that never happens you might have to learn to "make perfection" out of what you have in the future, so make this NOW your learning experience.

It's too easy to blame stuff on the others, or on the differences, and to move on without learning nothing. Even though none can deny the external blame and differences in your case, focus on YOUR guilt/failure of not being able to MAKE this aspect of your life WORK, and you will come out of this situation a better man - divorced or not.

All the best man!
Keplers