We all know that a breakup may be hard and there are basic guidelines such as no contact, looking for a hobby and meeting other women. They are all great advice.

We try to make our lives and our relationships incredible and beautiful things. When we meet a woman our inspiration is at its highest, and we do things at the beginning of a relationship that are truly special.

What I'm inviting the community to do is... do the same but for a breakup. Not a simple breakup, nor some desperate 'I want you back' last ditch attempt. In fact, this is with the mentality that you are breaking up, and don't want her back. There are no hard feelings from either part. There are no promises of future reconciliation.

Just a beautiful breakup is what I want to create.

Am I going through a breakup? That's irrelevant.

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Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt. and dance like no one is watching.

Breaking up just takes time. Going through the grieving process completely is what makes it beautiful to me. Arriving at the point where you can be happy for all that you had, integrate the experience in your life, and truly move on.

Read a book called Coming Apart by Kingma.

It's not a great read, but contains some great points on understanding why a relationship ends and how to accept that your is. Provides really good perspective on helping you appreciate both what good came from the relationship you were in, as well as why it was time for it to end. When you can successfully explain to yourself those points and feel good about thinking about those points, you can consider yourself ready for a new relationship.

Thanks for the responses, guys. It's not that I'm in a big breakup and can't deal with it or can't stand the thought of not having my girl any more. Not at all. I've made peace with it.

I'm looking to make my breakup into a work of art in the sense that we can end it in good spirits and where both parties look back on it and remember the best things about the relationship. That includes the breakup itself.

I don't want to make her sorry or feel guilty for the breakup. But I want it to be memorable and positive, almost poetic.

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Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt. and dance like no one is watching.

Then tell her to read the book I suggested. It really does help one understand that there are really good reasons for relationships to end sometimes and that it can be a very good thing for both parties.

The premise of the book basically is that we choose relationship partners based on who can help us achieve personal development goals. We may not even consciously know what goals we are trying to accomplish, but at the end of a relationship if one reflects on it with this in mind, it's often possible to see things very clearly.

A perfect example is the rebound relationship. Often people will pick someone similar to their ex, so that they can relive a microcosm of the relationship they are getting over. Almost like doing so will give them one last check to make sure they made the right decision. Or for instance some chick left a LTR that was boring, etc. So she hooks up with the party boy and has tons of fun, fucks like a rabbit, etc. Until she completes her task of making up for the years of fun she thought she missed, at which point the fun, hot guy becomes useless and she's ready to find someone who will help her achieve whatever her new goals are.

It's a great book for explaining these concepts. It just has some boring anecdotes that I found less educational.....

Thanks for the responses, but I was thinking more along the lines of making a lasting impression after the breakup. Instead of grasping at the air for desperate ways to save the relationship and preventing her from breaking up with me, I prepared for it and assimilated the situation. It's funny that it had a reverse effect on her.

Our conversation has been mostly on facebook; I'll post it up as soon as I have the time. I basically told her that she had made a decision and my messages let her know that I was completely OK with it, which is true. I had made peace with it, thanks Sedona Method! I gave short responses to her messages without doing anything to show emotion, attachment or neediness (especially neediness!).

It seems that the lack of emotional response from me caught her totally off balance and she started getting dramatic about it, lol. So instead of me allowing her to "frame" the interaction with her drama, I "reframed" and pulled her into mine, saying that she was being melodramatic and that I found it funny. She gave into my frame and I continued to create "negative space" or whatever you call it when you hardly contact her and have her chasing you, trying to close the space.

Now she's basically changing her discourse and wrote me a long message saying that a lot has been going through her head and that she has feelings for me, etc. She wants to talk and probably wants to work things out. I still haven't seen her since a week ago when she went on a spiritual retreat and came back with doubts about us. My responses have been sincere but short. There have been times in the past few days where she has written me and I didn't respond. Go figure.

So now what? I'm not some plaything, that's for sure. And I'm not some loyal puppy dog who jumps when she snaps her fingers, I think I'm getting that across. I suppose I'll have to tell her that she's gonna do this, this, and that if she wants to stay together.

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Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt. and dance like no one is watching.

I'm confused. Your OP asked how you can make a breakup turn into a good thing. You sound now like someone who has successfully pulled a bunch of soft nexts and made yourself less available to rekindle her interest and now that it's worked, you're considering resuming the relationship.

What is your goal? If it is for her to get over you and the relationship and be able to see the good in it for what it was and move on, then tell her it's over, refer her to the book I mentioned, and stop responding to her at all. Your last post doesn't sound like a guy who wants both of you to be over the relationship and feeling good about it. You sound like a guy who wants to/is using game to reel her back in.

Did you dump her or vice versa? Why?

We didn't break up, but she sent me a text on tuesday saying that she wanted to talk. I knew by the tone that we were headed for a breakup, so I accepted it instead of asking why and behaving pathetically. I suppose I did pull some soft nexts and I suppose it got her thinking and missing me.

I didn't want to break up, but if she wanted it that way I was ready to deal with it like a man. But now in her messages she's more expressive and sends me vibes that tell me that she doesn't want to break up. Perhaps I read her original message the wrong way and she wasn't going to break up with me; then again maybe she was.

Either way, our relationship has been short but sweet. We knew each other for a few years before we began dating. And there hasn't been any wrongdoing on either part. I want to read the book you mentioned, but with college and work I hardly have the time. I'll try to get into it as soon as I can; it appears to be a helpful book. I wasn't trying to reel her back in; I was talking to her like someone who understood the situation and accepted it. It just happened to make her think things over.

I suppose it might have been that I was too attentive and made her too important in my life too early, so she might have felt pressured and backed off. Soft nexts eased things up I guess.

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Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt. and dance like no one is watching.

I'm confused. She sent you that text and you didn't meet up with her?

If you're cool with her ending the relationship and all you really want is her to remember it fondly, meet her. Hear her out and say, "I agree completely. Good luck with everything." Give her a hug and move on.

I suggest the same strategy if she breaks up with you and you're not cool with it.

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"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

No, we haven't found the time to meet up and talk. We could have met up a few days ago, but it would have been for a short while and she wants to have enough time to talk without rushing. I'm pretty certain that she doesn't want to break up; I guess she went through some inner dilemma and sent me a message and changed her mind/didn't mean it. We'll meet up soon and talk things through. Like I said, the relationship hasn't had any drama or manipulation, so I'm not against working things out.

Yeah, I would definitely approach a breakup with positive retrospection and kind words. We'll see how this plays out.

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Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt. and dance like no one is watching.

Before your talk, I would ask myself, do I want to break up with this girl or not. Were you just trying to be mature about an impending breakup and prepare yourself to be as cool with it as you can, or is there a part of you that wouldn't have minded breaking up.

If she has mature reasons for her asking for the talk, and you both feel good about what just happened or might have happened, then carry on. But be careful that she isn't just a freak trying to inject drama into the relationship. You know her better than I, so use your judgement.