In a relationship it is very important to have boundaries with your gf! but I feel having to many will cause distrust in the relationship, and rather then your gf telling you everything she will leave details out, also be careful with the ultimatums you give if she breaks the boundaries you have set!

For example, you might say to your girlfriend "I don't want you hanging out with any guys 1 on 1", "If you do I will break up with you"

A better approach would be: "I don't feel comfortable with you hanging out with other men 1 on 1" If she see's you as high value, and respect you then that should be enough for her not to question why or what will happen, she also wont be put in a situation were she feels she can't tell you "I hung out with so and so" for fear you will break up with her...it gives an openness to the relationship.

The other benefit is that when women are excited about another guy they will often want to talk about him, its sounds crazy but she will want to talk about what she did with that other guy with you! she will tell you about how cool his job is or how funny he is ect ect....If you keep communication open and make her feel like she can talk about anything! its much easier to catch problems before they happen!

Think of it like this. Remember when you were a child and your mom would say "don't eat candy before dinner!" "If i find out you eat candy before dinner your grounded!" so what did we all do? well some of us didn't eat the candy because we were scared of what might happen if we did, others would eat the candy but hide it in fear of getting caught, and others got caught with sticky fingers haha

Its much more effective to say "I would be really disappointed if you had candy before dinner because its bad for you, but you know that" It now becomes less about the consequence and more about why its not good for you to do it.

The consequence is important in some cases such as cheating or abuse but you do not want to come off as controlling!

The best response if your gf ever did screw up would go something like this:

Her: I hung out with my ex the other night
You: I see, I'm really disappointed in you! you know that's not ok, why would you do that?
Her: I was bored, he made me feel special, but nothing happened and It wont happen again.
You: Alright, You broke my trust and I need to think about this now give me some time.

Now you have a chance to make a decision based on the situation.

Hope this helps some of you, I was thinking of this while looking over some old posts about boundaries and it seemed like most of the guys who asked the question end up pushing their gf's farther away.

Not sure I'm totally feeling this post.

Putting lots of boundries on your girlfriend will kill attraction and make you look insecure.


I agree with this though:
Good way to deal with it.

That was my point. I came across a lot of post about how guys need to set boundaries and be stern, and it seemed like a lot of the guys who would do this came back and found out they were either being lied to or cheated on in the long run.

In my experience and in the experience of something I just went through I feel it is a must that your girlfriend feels 100% comfortable talking to you about anything! even if she knows it was wrong! I don't care if she banged your best friend in you bed lol she should be able to come clean with little to no prying on your part, less controlling a guy is the more guilty a women will feel when she does something she knows was wrong.

However some stern boundaries are necessary! Such as letting her know cheating will not be tolerated at all! that being said you wouldn't come out and say that....it would go more along the lines of "Babe you have 100% of my trust! I dont question a thing you do, but once that trust is gone its gone for ever!"

Except a guy who was ACTUALLY high-value would never say anything like that because he wouldn't give two shits who his girlfriend was hanging out with. Why? Because no matter who they are, he knows he is better, and if she doesn't realize that, she's not the right girl for him anyway.

How many times do I have to say this? TRYING TO CONTROL YOUR GIRLFRIEND WILL ONLY RESULT IN HER FEELING DISTRUSTED AND THEN BEHAVING DISTRUSTFULLY.

And besides that, just because you're dating a woman doesn't mean you own her or have any right to tell her what she can and can't do.

More on this here: cheating-male-best-friends-and-jealousy-vt48749.html

Your boy,
870

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I've told my gf we'd last if she didn't do either of two things

1. Don't cheat on me
2. Don't lie to me

Apart from them I don't give a shit what she does and our relationship is the best I've had, she knows that if she breaks either rule she's gone in seconds.

But if she wants to talk to her ex or whatever then fine,

It seems like with things like this people go to one extreme or the other or back and forth. It seems very difficult to grasp the balance point. But like almost everything in a health situation, balance is the key.

Of course boundaries are important. And of course flexibility is too. That balance is the sign of a healthy person. Think how you would assess someone who either had no boundaries or flipped out at every small challenge to their ego.

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