You guys have given me such great advice about this girl before. HB9, we've been seeing each other for 4 months non-stop, we've been officially together for 1 month (which didn't change anything). Sex is extremely great (maybe she only wants my dick?), lots of PDA, she refers to us as a couple.

The thing is that my GF has tons of pics of her exBF on her facebook, even ones with hearts and all this shit. She uploaded 1 pic of me and 2 group pics of us (with friends around). So we don't seem like a couple at all. I didn't upload anything of her on my FB. But I'm really afraid that this issue goes deeper than just a few facebook pics. She was with her ex for 4 years (they broke up 6 months ago) but she says she doesn't meet him anyomore. Of course if I found out that they are secretly seeing each other I would dump her ass within minutes.

Me not facebook posting anyothing about her on FB has by now stopped her from uploading anyomre pics of me/us, I think. No new stuff for a month. But I don't wanna upload pictures of her as long as she has of pics of her ex (many). I never mentioned these pics of her ex to her but this bothers me a lot!

But again, I'm really afraid that this issue goes deeper than just a few facebook pics.

What should I do?
-'like' one of these pics of them?
-ask her why she still has these pictures on?
-me uploading an album titled "memories" with lovey-dovey pics of my ex GFs, all of them? (making it visible for her only however)
-anything else?

Some girls even set their pics with their BFs as profile pictures on FB! But not her! Should I add at least one picture of us on FB to make her add more? Non of us is listed as "in a relationship" btw.

Another thing. I can never make her freak out! She has such a strong inner game. Than freezouts are not as effective as they should be.

A rumour that I heard is that she never said "I love you" to her ex during 4 years. This may or may not be true.

Than another piece of info. She is such a selfish, ignorant girl somethimes! Today I had 2 very important test writings (school+work) which will have major effect on my future. Many of my friends called me to give support, but my GF didn't... She's often like this. She doesn't give a shit about me way too often. We talk or text almost every day, meet 2/3 days a week. And today is the first weekend for 3 months that we don't spend together. If I don't call her to arrange a meeteing that she won't either... She's on her period from today, but still... I don't wanna call her (lets call is a freezout) because she should be the one asking about my tests, but she does not. So we're not spending the weekend together because I did not arrange it. Crazy, huh? BTW, she has never flaked on me.

How do I handle this girl better? What am I doing wrong?

Please give me your honest advice, thank you!

_________________
"You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take."
Wayne Gretzky

Don't act like you're planning some sort of sting operation here. Just tell her it makes you a bit uncomfortable that she kept all of her pics of her ex and if she doesn't think it's a big deal, DROP IT.

If it bothers you that she's cold, it might just be her personality. If that's something you don't like, is it worth keeping her around? I'm not sure, but perhaps you're displaying some quite needy behavior that she finds to be a turn off. Always try to figure out if you're causing the problem before you bring it up to her in that type of situation. Use some critical thinking.

Other than that, I've not got much advice for you...keep us filled in, man.

My situation is pretty similar to yours. Here are a few things to consider:

1) Facebook should mean nothing to you. I doubt she even consciously realizes what she's doing with the pictures and stuff. Who cares anyway? You don't need Facebook to validate the fact that you're together. I'm not "in a relationship" on Facebook with my girl; we're both listed as single because we just don't give a fuck despite being completely monogamous. We have some pictures together, but none of which are our "default pictures". Who cares?

2) Some women just aren't that affectionate. Some are just really bad at being affectionate through texting or other forms of written communication. Others are bad at affection in general, but that's one thing you can change. Train her to be more affectionate. When she does something you like, come right out and tell her you appreciate it. If she gives you a kiss on the forehead, say "I love when you do that". If she asks how a test went, let her know you appreciate that she asked you about it. Always reward her good behavior. Eventually she'll mold into the way you want her to act, although it takes time and patience. With that said, there are a million other girls out there that don't need this kind of "training", so keep that in mind.

Question: who decided if you two would be in an exclusive relationship; you or her?

There's also this to consider: she was with the other guy for four years. They broke up six months ago, and you two have been together four. So, she had two months to be single? I'm not saying you two won't work out, but I've seen a lot of women get nostalgic after similar circumstances.

Trust your gut, man. If this makes you feel uncomfortable and you can't communicate that to her, it's definitely not something to ignore.

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

I have GF just like this! She`s wonderful and all but she doesn`t have the "uhmph!" when it comes to expressing affection.. Try reading an e-book called Train your Girlfriend by Matt Huston

I bought and read this book over the weekend and I am so glad you mentioned it in your post. It is worth the money.

But yeah I kind of have a similar situation (that I will post in more detail once I have enough posts to be able to start a new topic)

She isn't very affectionate, her FB status doesn't say we're in a relationship, she was married for about 4 years before and engaged a second time to someone else. She is quite guarded. We'll see if this changes.

You worded that last part perfectly. She's "guarded". She's protecting herself for reasons associated with her past. The question is, how do you get her to let her guard down a little? Does it really just take time, or is there something to accelerate the process?

Thanks for the reply man.

I think it's a little of both. Early on there was definitely some Beta behavior on my part which was stupid and didn't help the cause any. Lately though (in large part to the advice on this site) things have been better on my part.

For instance, this past Friday night her and I went out for dinner and drinks and wound up meeting up with some of her friends. My GF also wound up getting pretty drunk. Both of these are steps in the right direction. Up to that point I had only met one of her friends (and her friend's husband). They have kids and don't really go out drinking so I guess she figured they were "safe" or whatever for me to meet.

And I think her comfort level wasn't there to the point where she was OK with me seeing her trashed. She was trashed to the point where she had to get up and puke right before we went to bed. So that meant no sex that night or the next morning since she was really hungover. She works three jobs so there are stretches where I won't see her for several days, which in turn has resulted in a couple instances of only having sex once in a week. Not nearly enough for me.

I'm not sure if this would qualify as negative behavior on her part though, something that I would need to punish with a lack of attention?

Any input much appreciated.

Thanks!

Seems like a good idea, I like this approach.
It's not like she's actively doing something against me but still.. Ok, she might not even realize this whole facebook thing. But I'm a kinda person who uses facebook more than she does and I always had girls listed as GF with a few pics and she knows that. She is not needy at all about this. She is not a needy girl in general.
Ok, I will work on this one. But if she texts me "I miss you", should I instantly reply "I miss you too" as a reward?
After 2 months of dating I asked her out (right after some crazy sex session), thinking that it would be just a formal thing. She said that she might wanna be my GF but wants to tell me the following day. She never mentioned it again for a month, me neigher. Than at a party 1 month ago I was kissing with her and a friend walked up to us and asked "hey, so you guys are a couple, huh?"... She said yes. Than she was telling me that she was just joking (WTF btw) when I asked her some time before and of course she wanted to be my GF.
True, and I do keep that in mind. Let's say, she STILL has feeling for her ex. But for some reason she is not getting back with him, not meeting him, and the chances for that are decreasing every single day. At least that's what I like to believe.


As for the weekend, she finally did call me on Sunday afternoon, saying that she wants to spend night with me adnd misses me. I told her that all my friends did show some support except for her, my GF. She was shocked because she thought it would bother me if she called me when I was stressed. But then she understood and "enlightened". She asked me why Iiii didn't call her, I told her that "I didn't wanna disturb you, see?". She totally understood and made it up for me really good at the end.



Ok, so here is what I'm planning to do: ask her
"Is there a reason why you have pictures of your ex on the net?"

But it's not just facebook btw, also 3 other social network sites that I'm not even registered :S So I cannot check them.

How do I train her to upload pictures of us? I don't wanna make her set her "in a realtionship" on these sites, she should do this on her own, but how?

_________________
"You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take."
Wayne Gretzky

I'm curious too about your question on the "I miss you" texts. I get those and have up to this point responding back with an I miss you too, followed by something like "let's hang out tomorrow" or something direct.

Is responding like this an acceptable reward?

[/b][/quote]
I'm curious too about your question on the "I miss you" texts. I get those and have up to this point responding back with an I miss you too, followed by something like "let's hang out tomorrow" or something direct.

Is responding like this an acceptable reward?[/quote]

Why don't you send her a smiley face? It could either be implied as "I miss you too", "I know", "I approve". It's ambiguous, but it's also positive.

_________________
"Let me ask you something. If the rule you followed brought you to this, of what use was the rule?"

A smiley face is good when you're too busy to text. When you want to flirt, ask her what do you miss the most? or tell her I bet you miss this (my dick/kisses on your neck/getting spanked...) the most. It doesn't always have to be sexual but a general rule of thumb in texting, don't sound like every other boring guy with their robotic replies. Make it positive and emotional

agreed

I recently suffered a lot of heartache from trying to act like someone i wasn't.

DO NOT PLAY GAMES!!! Be completely honest so you will not have anything to regret!! Don't think she doesn't know exactly how you feel. Tell her you want to have more sex, don't cry about it but let her know. The honesty will be appreciated more than you acting like you don't care that you're not getting laid. the games will be seen through completely. Don't be a pussy bitch doormat, but don't play the power struggle game. Sure, give her the power, tell her how you feel, have a good life outside of your relationship, chill with your friends, and treat her special, she is your girlfriend right. Treat her like your princess because she is. That way if she leaves you you can honestly say to yourself that you were honest and always treated her great. then you can sincerely say to yourself, fuck that bitch.

However when you're trying to be this fake alpha male figure that 99% of guys aren't, shes going to see thru it, and dump you for acting fake and weird. Then you're going to kick your own ass for not just being honest and straight up.

This is good advice, trust me, be yourself and be honest. that's what she liked in the beginning right??

yeah honesty is your best choice always! no need to be freak out at her just simply tell her it makes you feel uncomfortable and you would like it if she would take them down. If she questions you then ask her why she has a problem taking them down? is there any emotional connection to them? if she says yes then you should prob break things off with her for your own sake so you don't get hurt! and if she says no "which is more likely" then say alright then it shouldn't be an issue.

When she takes them down you should "reward her" and if she goes on a power trip and says no then say alright well I guess I have some thinking to do because you and I clearly are not on the same page when it comes to our relationship, then freeze her out.