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Dude, she may be your future wife... OR she may be a chick you dated years ago... You don't know.
Seriously, I needed that.
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What you do know is this... She's got a friend, and he's a douche. If she doesn't want to fuck him - believe her or dump her! There is NO middle ground.
I believe her 100%.
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If you believe her, BE HIS FRIEND TOO! Make the effort. even if he's a total chump - BE THE BIGGER PERSON. You can use this guy as a tool to DHV yourself to her. Make NO comment about it other than encouragement and support.
Don't threaten, don't say you're going out with another girl, don't make it an issue - it's not an issue to HER. So, show her you're better than the average guy. You're supportive, CONFIDENT, and wanting to make him a part of your life as well - because if you do marry this chick - that dude WILL be part of your life anyways!!!
Diffuse this immediately.
I can take your advice and run with it. My boys have gotten me to a boiling point about the diffusing aspect -- Should I tell her she's staying with me the nights this dude is staying in her guest room? Should I stay over? Or just let them be the BFF duo I know they are.... and just say, "Ok guys have a good night." And just go off on my own. Makes me feel like a chump just thinking of this. But I'm not worried about them hooking up. It's more like principle/values. But what I'm hearing is it shows confidence just letting them catch up.